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@evelyn WOW.

*tries to put thoughts in words*

This was a really well-written story. There were parts where I felt slightly confused as to what was happening (mostly during the first half of the story when I was getting used to how you write) but I think you really did well with upping the tension. You can tell how much the father loves his daughter, and I it was great how you really let us know the personality of the daughter through his memories. Rose truly felt like a real character with a personality to me, and that was conveyed through just a few words. *slow applause* Also, can I say how much I loved the ending? And the big word. Those were awesome.

If there’s any main problem with it, I would say that the conversation between him and the healer felt slightly too long to me. It was well-written, but there are small words and phrases here and there that you could cut out to make it quicker and to the point. The quicker you want the scene to progress, the fewer words you use. I find that this is almost the same when you want tension in the scene; use fewer words, and make them sharper, more to the point. There are definitely times you should drag things out, but I think this scene should kind of flow with a sharper edge if that makes sense?? 😂

Well, I’m rambling by now and repeating the same thing, so I probably should just finish this. 😛