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JennytheFaun replied to the topic Grab Your Knapsacks and to Arms! in the forum Announcements 7 years, 4 months ago
Thanks for writing this, @kjames0813!
Overall it’s great! I agree with @kari-karast that the ending feels incomplete. I don’t know where the word count is, but maybe at the end the POV could switch to Jacob and show how he feels sad but ultimately triumphant about refusing to help Matt? And maybe that could show that the whole town gets damaged by the fire?
This is fine tuning and I don’t know if you’ll have time to tinker with it or not, but around the place where Matt and Jacob met there was some telling as opposed to showing, and a couple times the same or similar words were used close together. But that’s me being picky, so if you don’t have time to change those small things it’s fine.
Anyway, thanks again! Overall I loved it and I loved how so many different ideas came together to make this story!












