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Abirami

As I watched the screen, a strange sensation came over me, and my mind was transported into the time and place on the screen. My senses, my mind reliving all that had transpired.

Just as it closed around me, I prayed, Oh good and gracious Maker, please tell me Ku didn’t experience all that again! Not like this….

Not really wanting to exert the energy or the effort, I forced myself to consider my surroundings, and my eyes slowly fluttered open. Dim light filtered into my vision and slowly revealed forms and shapes in the darkness.

Rough, knotted walls of dirt surrounded me, curved into a near perfect oval with the ceiling and floor. Looking down the cavern, a small light illuminated the back of the cave where two people stood. One was a tall, bald man with small slits on the side of his face for ears, and whose ashen skin was almost as dark as the shadows that flitted across the cave. The other was a slim, slightly shorter female with light skin, long, straight, dark hair, and whose pointed ears stretched up toward the ceiling. 

It was Semiramis, the woman who had taken care of me ever since my father died, and Galchobhar… the man we had saved from the Dhiaga’s prison… the man who had fought with my father during the great war. But at the time, my memory had been lost. I couldn’t recognize anyone. Not even those that I loved as my adopted family.

Now wide awake, I warily watched the two as they spoke in hushed whispers in the back. The light came from a candle atop a pile of crates leaning up against the back wall. I slowly sat up and felt a fabric shift against my skin. Looking down, there was a robe-like garment loosely fitted around my torso and wrapped around my arms. It felt inhibiting, and I did not like it. Was it there to impede my movements? 

Suddenly, a ray of glistening light emanated from behind me, and I sprang up in surprise. My movements were silent, yet I crouched upon the cot that I had been laying on, one hand grasping the edge while the other held back toward my chest, ready to strike. 

The light shifted and danced upon the cave floor as shadows moved across it. Looking further down the cave, I saw movement, as if a large object was being dragged away from the entrance. The light solidified and grew as the white ground, trees, and a sliver of blue sky was revealed beyond the cave opening. 

A young boy with cyan wings flew into the cave with a pair of limp rabbits hanging from a rope around his shoulder.

Setti!

His wings fluttered quickly as he entered, as if he was struggling to stay aloft, and it sent drifts of snow and dirt into the air preceding him. 

The fine cloud of dust and snow brushed past me and filtered into my eyes, causing them to emanate discomfort. Letting my dislike for it known, I felt a vibration in my throat as a low growl escaped my lips. 

No. Don’t…

The boy’s wings stopped, and he fell to the ground as he stared in my direction. Two young girls entered after the boy, talking over each other in alarmingly loud and fast paces.

Oh, Menna and Ku’Aya!

One had greenish-blue feathers braided back from the top of her head, down her shoulders, and blending into the feathers that covered her upper arms. The other was a short, trim girl with green skin, a mohawk, and ears that stuck out the side of her face like half-blossomed tulips. Their voices were indiscernible to me and sounded more like loud screeching than actual words. Behind the two girls, another followed; a taller man who resembled the slim lady, save a nest of leaves and branches that seemed to grow from atop his head.

Malcuno. The man who had fallen in love with Semiramis.

But I failed to pay much attention to them, for the young boy had recovered from his amazement and was leaping toward me at rapid speeds with his arms stretched out.

“Abirami!” the boy cried.

No! Don’t… don’t come any closer!

I knew not what he wanted, but I feared the dust and discomfort I had felt and wished the boy to keep his distance. My growl intensified. When he did not slow or stop his advance, I reacted instinctively. Before I knew what I had done, my hand lashed out, and the boy fell to the ground.

NO!!

His hand rose to his cheek where I had scratched him, blood slowly seeping between his fingers. A look of horror and surprise mingled upon his face as his eyes slowly filled with water. 

I backed up on the cot, staring unblinking at him. My hind leg hit the back wall, and I leaned back against it, raising my hands to defend myself should the boy or any others attempt to approach or strike back. 

My eyes began to sting again, but I refused to blink as I stared at the boy, willing him to leave me alone. 

As water began falling down the boy’s face, he scrambled to his feet and ran away from me toward the slim woman in the back of the room. 

I had not noticed, but they were all staring at me. The slim woman had her hand over her mouth and water was falling from one of her eyes as well. 

Looking back and forth between the three in the back of the cavern to the three at the entrance, no one moved, but all of them stared at me. I was trapped. What did they want from me? 

A few of them began saying, “Abirami.” I searched their faces for the meaning of the word but could find none. 

Then a fourth figure appeared near the cave entrance.

My breath caught. It was Puabi.

The sunlight gleamed off her skin and seemed to blind me if I looked directly at her, so I shielded my eyes. As soon as the shadow of the cave entrance encompassed her, the glimmer faded and I could see she was beautiful with long black hair, golden skin, and blazing orange eyes. I could not help but stare into those eyes. I had never seen such a vivid color. It seemed to lighten the cave itself. 

An animal trotted up next to her on four legs. Its long snout and pointed ears directed its attention toward me, and its tail began to wag. Then it barked and began to run toward me as the golden-skinned female screamed, “Abirami,” and followed close behind the wolf. 

I backed up further as all these new and strange occurrences overwhelmed me. My breathing became ragged and I felt further imprisoned. I had to escape. Inside, I was panicking, but I could not reveal this to those in the cave. I snarled and growled as I backed up, retreating from their advances.

No. Don’t.

The girl stopped running, tilting her head to the side in surprise. The wolf stopped as well, staring intently into my eyes, then suddenly bent low to the ground, its tail between its legs, and began to growl back at me. 

I bared my teeth and the hair at the back of my neck bristled. I wondered if I was like this wolf. It growled, and I growled, not like the taller people in the cavern who seemed to use words I knew not their meaning. 

Staring at the wolf, I considered its shape and size, wondering if it compared to my own. The golden-skinned one ran up to the wolf and hugged it, laying her head down on its back. “No, Accalia. It’s Abirami. Our Abirami.” 

The wolf whined, looking back toward the person holding onto her, and I saw my chance. Feeling a heat surge through my body, I leapt from the cot, the garb falling away behind me, and I ran on all fours toward the exit. Perhaps I was like the wolf. I looked down my snout as I raced toward the cavern’s exit, my breathing paced and even.

No. Don’t run!

I felt I could run forever like this. But then I saw the three still standing there and could see no way around them. 

I looked up at the free sky behind them. If only I could fly like that boy, I could escape from this place and the dangers therein, whatever they may be. I had no desire to stay to find out. 

I instinctually focused upon my desire, and a burning sensation in my sides brought about a strange confidence. Feeling I could simply jump over them, I leapt up and beat at the air with the wings that had grown from my side. I knew not how it occurred, but I wasn’t about to question what would allow me to escape. I flew over the heads of the three, who stared up at me in amazement, and out the cave into the wide open space beyond.

Don’t go!

Tall mountains surrounded me on all sides, and I still felt trapped somehow, even here out in the open. I glanced behind me as the cave entrance grew smaller and smaller. The members of the cave came out and stared up at me, and I heard their voices on the wind repeating that strange refrain, “Abirami,” but its meaning was lost to me, and I flew on.

Tears rolled down my cheeks as my chin rested upon Ku’s mohawk. She was watching too now, and she seemed to have gained some semblance of calm.

To my surprise, the image didn’t stop. It continued to show me flying through the mountain valleys and running through the hills. And my first kill – a rabbit, which I ate raw, licking the bones clean after.

Sent shivers down my spine. At least I had been in wolf form at the time.

But why hadn’t it stopped? I thought my deepest regret was injuring Setti and leaving my family behind. If it wasn’t that, then what was it?

The images showed them all my barbarity as I ran havoc in the port town until I was chased away. But then I continued to be hunted, until I began hunting back… until I killed those who were hunting me…

Oh, yeah… I’d forgotten.

But then it continued. On and on, until Ulhas found me. His face entered the screen and his hand reached out, then nothing. The images disappeared. Ulhas. The man who stopped it. The man who saved me. The man who brought me back to myself.

I get it. My deepest regret… was losing myself – allowing my essence to take over my consciousness. For it led to everything that followed. My own foolish decision. I had been warned that the essence-boosting pills I had taken were dangerous, but I had paid them no heed. It was all my fault.

That was my deepest regret.

Ku looked up at me with tears in her eyes.

“Now what?” she asked.

Pondering that for a second, I looked down and smiled at her.

“Has anything really changed?” I asked.

She looked down. “Well, everyone know now. You know.”

I nodded. “But did that really change anything?”

She looked up at me and squinted. “No?”

I shook my head. “No.”