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Ku’Aya

My heart was in the pit of my stomach, my ears were burning, and my stomach was caught up in my throat. What was wrong with me? I can’t believe I actually asked him to marry me! I’d have squealed in embarrassment if it wouldn’t have made it worse.

“I can’t file houses!” Ehud hollered stiffly. From the jagged hair line, across from ear to ear, and down past his cute little Adam’s apple, Ehud was blushing something terrible, like a sunburn from hell.

What he said didn’t register. I was too preoccupied wondering if my blushing sunburn was redder than his.

“Oh, what you got there?” I said, turning my attention to the creature in his hand. Anything to change subjects. “Oh, that’s a harvestmen. Many people think it’s a spider, but it’s not. It is an arachnid, but see how it only has one body section, not two? That’s how you can tell. And while they can eat other insects, they are also scavengers, which means they can eat carrion or compost. Can we be friends?” I grimaced. Terrible cover up. What would he think of me? Hey marry me? Oh wait, let’s just put you in the friend corner. Smart, Ku. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

“Sure!” He cried, grinning sheepishly.

His grin melted through my anxiety. He… he was okay with being friends? Friends with ME? A dirty, bug-loving aelacrin? Green-skin and all?

“What’s Shaear eat? And what do you do if bugs eat other bugs and you like both bugs…??” he asked.

I laughed, still not quite believing it. Was he for real? Not a figment of my imagination? Had that horrible nightmare warped my mind? I wasn’t hallucinating was I? Pinching my arm, I gently rubbed the spot to alleviate the pain and held my arm nervously.

“Most of my bugs are scavengers. They will eat anything that has already died, which is kinda beautiful, if you think about it, because they use death to promote life. It’s always so connected.”

“Yeah…” he murmured.

“But for those who do eat other bugs, I make sure they go outside the hive to eat. And they are usually good with that. Insects are very territorial beings. They have no issues cannibalizing a foreign colony. Especially if it means protecting the hive or self-preservation. Are not most men the same?” I grimaced again. Stupid! As it was, people thought aelacrins loved their insects more than they did other people.

“Yeah…” He agreed, taking me by surprise. “It’s awful that men are like that…if we instinctively know that’s wrong, we don’t have any excuse for it. But everybody always comes up with an excuse to excuse hurting people as long as they don’t know them too well…That’s not how it should be.”

I held my breath. He understood! How can such a person exist? Oh please, don’t let me mess this up. If I hadn’t already. Surely he thought me weird, awkward, or… what did he think of me?

I fought the urge to run. I fought the urge to push him away. Five or six different lines of insults came to mind, but I fought them back. No, I wanted this to work. I thought back to the first time I’d met Abirami, well, the first time I’d met him in his regular form… I’d kicked him in his sensitive spot. To this day, I’ve never understood why he hadn’t given up on me but instead asked me to live with him as a fellow orphan. Abirami didn’t abandon me, but… would Ehud? I shook my head. Stupid. Wasn’t like we were going to ask him to join our family too…

Gah! Just what was I thinking?

“You know…being able to talk to someone and being listened to is like the bare minimum you have a right to as a person…you should expect it from everyone, not just special people in your life?”

Oh, I wasn’t listening. Was he lecturing me? Special people? What was he talking about?

“It’s like Shaear!” he said with a cute little jump.“He doesn’t need anybody to reproduce or to get everything he needs, but that means he’s free to love other bugs because he wants to, and that makes it real love…I think…”

Free? I needed people… I needed Abirami. I needed Semiramis… Did that mean I wasn’t free to love? Did that mean it wasn’t real love? Was Ehud free to love? He spoke so confidently about it…

“Do…. do-” This was so embarrassing, but should it be? It was just a question, and he’d been so kind so far… He said we could be friends… and it wasn’t like I actually wanted to marry him.

A wistful expression cross my face before I could stop it. Huh… well, not like I would be adverse against it…

Shaking my head again to clear it of the silly rubbish, I stammered again. “Do… no. Are… Have you ever had real love, Ehud?” I winced, subconsciously closed my eyes, and willfully hoped with every fiber that he understood what I meant.

 

@this-is-not-an-alien

It’s been a while. hehe. Hope this is good. 😉     Super embarrassing! Lol. But Ku is enamored that anyone would even be willing to be friends with her. Like a person dying from thirst, she’s been desiring a true like-minded friend… (not saying Ehud is truly like-minded in all or any respects. lol. Ku is a bit of an enigma, but just being accepted is a first for her, really. Abirami and her adopted family don’t count in her eyes.)