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@jared-williams

 

I’ve actually got a lot of flack for having the three kids there in that scene. I am thinking of rewriting that whole scene so either there are no kids, or perhaps keep the teenager and the kid but trim it down a lot… not sure. Any suggestions there would be greatly appreciated!

Trimming it down would help, I think.

 

but I think you are on to something there… she destroyed many men’s lives in her sordid past, so when she was saved from that life style, she feels like any failure to save a life is like failing to make up for it and brings back thoughts of her worthlessness and feels she would have to name herself a murderer, I guess. I have to think deeper on that…. it would be good addition to the tension…

Yes! Definitely work that in. It would nicely display her thought process, “Lie,” and reasoning while forming a realistic tension.

 

Hanniumm’s temper triggering bad memories… that is a good thought… unfortunately, red district and that lifestyle isn’t typically traumatic due to anger issues… If Hanniumm had attempted at any time to reach out and touch Aefflaed for any reason, I could definitely see it triggering her, but for the most part, Aefflaed is the one reaching out to touch Hanniumm – to treat him. She was saved and taught/trained by a doctor, so doctoring is her ‘safe zone’ so to speak. That’s why she can feign strength while doctoring Hanniumm, even though she is secretly insecure.

Ok. I wasn’t sure if it would or not since I didn’t know if the punishments she spoke of were a result of a master with a temper.

 

With the essence backfire thing, the first mention of curse was just that, to let the reader know that curses are real in this world. That story is actually not connected to Cairbre at all.

Oh, ok. I didn’t realize it wasn’t connected to Cairbre.

 

hmm… erratic in a bad way? I want him to be enigmatic and a bit mysterious to the end… but perhaps it’s not as easily seen, but you may note… his wrath always shows up whenever Aefflaed or Hanniumm put themselves down…. “if I survive the coming battle…” “I don’t deserve…” etc.      The king is another favorite of mine, if only cause of his great wisdom….any advice that would make his character better, I’d love to hear!

Yes, unfortunately, as in an untrustworthy erratic way, even though he angered for good reasons. Working in more of a certain steadiness and patience to his interactions with them may help give him a more fatherly, trustworthy aura.

 

what type of goal?

Just something she must accomplish over the course of the battle (other than staying alive). It means that the battle will be filtered through relevance to the character’s goal, thereby, its impact on the character. While I like big picture stuff, I have noticed that story tends to be more impactful when focused on the specific, hitting closer to home, so to speak.

 

bingo! yep. it didn’t effect her cause she has no essence to trigger it. Now, it still effected her, but it didn’t kill her cause it triggers death upon essence use, like the first curse that was used on the king’s troops. Plus, she would be contagious, meaning anyone who touched her would be cursed as well, which is why the blessing was necessary…. (this curse/counter curse is actually why Abirami is mixed-blood but is still able to have the abilities of a full blooded Aygiff, while normally a mixed blood would have an extremely weak essence… ie. only able to transform into only one animal at most… an important background fact for Abirami’s book series)

Yay! Then that part of the story is awesome. Good job!

 

and… the ending is a great segway to the Abirami book series =) called Adventures of the Last Aygiff.

The Last Aygiff? 🧐 Was there another genocide?!

 

lol.  In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps…. no? wink wink)

XD oh, yes!

It was a privilege to beta read Aefflaed’s Weakness. I’m sure there are great things ahead in your writing journey!