Activity

Hmmm…so you’re hinting that Kirin might die at the end?

Instead of ‘Kirin was one of those who was given violence.’ or maybe right after, how about one of my favorite lines to use: ‘Kirin never really wanted to *fiill in the blank*. But how/what/why…..’

So it sort of adds more mystery and gives readers some more suspense and looking forward to and sort of like recap.

And it also is a good transition right into deep 3rd POV.

Wait, now that I reread it, I think that the line I gave you would work after a space/line/break thing. Keep the original sentence.

Another one that could probably work would be ‘And that’s how Kirin found himself…’ to jump right into the action. Or, *line/paragraph break* ‘Kirin wondered how he had got here, *insert more descrptive stuff if optional*’

But if you want to keep the dark tone of the book, choose whichever one sounds the darkest, to which you can add the darkest stuff.

But only if you wanted to.

(ooh, an alternate ending? Fascinating.)