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    calidris replied to the topic Character Castle 2.0 in the forum Fantasy Writers 3 years, 8 months ago

    HA! I can so see Kit doing that!! *Ehud would tell Kit he’s pretty it would be hilarious*

    Honestly…has anyone ever told him?

    I think Kit would either get smug and annoying about it or tear up XD

    Actually it’s pretty much canon that little elderly women tell him he’s handsome and charming because he’s very polite towards them…so they get to see the nice version of him and then Val gets stuck with the smug aftermath XD

    I’ve seen my mom wrestle once a month to get her insurance to cover costs for pain medication and I don’t want to be dependent on anything the government can take away on a whim fr.

    You know what, that’s honestly a really great point (and I’m so sorry your mom is going through that!)  I guess for me, I’d rather feel productive at least some of the time than never, but that’s a really valid concern (that, plus all of the side effects.)

    Actually I have an outstanding GPA and I’m that annoying student ALWAYS answers the teacher’s questions, whether or not I know the right answer which actually gets you a lot of extra brownie points for looking sparkly-eyed and interested.

    That was me too!  I remember being told that I had to not answer as much…which didn’t make sense to me because what if I knew the answer and no-one else did?  I also had really good grades, except I remember once in 7th grade I got a D in an English course because I worked really hard on a huge assignment and then forgot to turn it in :’)

    while jiggling my leg and looking at the people around me

    I HAVE THAT EXACT SAME STIM

    And this is how ADHD works I do classes, doodle on my notepad during classes, scroll Pinterest, catch myself, try to make notes, feel like I already know most of this stuff I just need to be attentive for the assignments

    Honestly you’re pretty much just describing my whole school experience.  I never realized this was an ADHD thing but it makes sense!

    And typically, people with ADHD, ARE super friendly and enthusiastic conversationalists with an unconventional sense of humor and inquisitive puppy eyes that look so earnest everybody’s just like “that person is the soul of honesty and sincerity; their faces would never allow them to lie”

    So…Kit XD

    if we vibe well with someone we are going to overshare it’s just inevitable

    Yeah…I’ve learned to stop doing that so much as time goes on but I used to have a real issue with that 🙁

    Which…IDK this might be oversharing too XD

    Oh and the more nervous we are the less inhibitors we have so like you know how tipsy people get more and more free with themselves and less concerned with consequences – well that’s what happens when we get overstimulated we get “high” on happy chemical we’re deficient in but NTs have normally. Which is how I can absolutely sing in front of a large crowd if I’m overstimulated enough but can’t even chat with someone at home if I feel the slightest apprehension (and by “slightest” of course I mean “THEY HATE ME I DON’T’ KNOW WHY BUT THEY HATE ME THE WHOLE STORE HATES ME BECAUSE I STUBBED MY TOE AND DIDN’T YELP IN PAIN SO I MUST BE A SNOB!!!!!!!!!!!”)

    That’s really interesting!  When I get really overstimulated, I just shut down completely because of the stress.  It’s even worse when I feel like I have to mask, and I can’t stim to release the stress (like in a lot of social situations.)

    Emotions are INTENSE or nothing at all. There is no in between.

    Y e p :’)

    Love at first sight? That would be ADHD “I recognize your vibes I love your vibes and now I am high on fuzzies, overstimmed whenever I’m around you and feel the need to get your attention constantly and make you feel fuzzies-high so you’ll reciprocate the slightest measure of affection that’ll instantly shoot us off to the moon with warm fuzzies.” ADHD bonding tends to look like SUPER INTENSE hovering around you/trying to see how much you’ll endure our presence and trying to adapt our behavior to that and constantly trying to do something to keep us on your mind because our brains work like – completely forget everything exists – so we’d be like “If I don’t bond every time we meet until we have a genuine connection they’ll completely forget we ever existed” In a fairly healthy ADHD relationship, this means ADHDer will be intensely sensitive to all your interests and needs and test for boundaries constantly and be VERY responsive to any boundary communicated (although we might forget and stammer apologies the first ten times or so) and will also share a lot of feelings and sensations immediately on their mind, and over time become comfortable/”safe” enough with friend to develop a much deeper connection with a lot less anxiety and clinginess.

    This makes perfect sense for Kit!  I’ve known for a while that Val is most certainly a huge hyperfixation for him, but I wasn’t really sure how to portray that without making him seem creepy and obsessive or making the situation unfair to either of them.  This is a fantastic explanation, and I’ll definitely keep this in mind while writing that dynamic!

    Buuuuut, ADHD people are especially prone to getting into abusive relationships and here’s why; Boundaries don’t entirely make sense at first, and we often don’t respect our own boundaries. An ADHDer can very easily be so overwhelmed with warm fuzzies that they’ll completely forget their own boundaries and just go along with whatever person-they-want-to-be-friends with says until they stop being so overstimulated and think “what did I just get myself into I need to say no next time but I didn’t establish that boundary and I don’t know ‘socially acceptable’ boundaries are coz I’m always accidentally crossing personal/social boundaries.” And then as I said before – brain forgets anything outside of hyperfixation while hyperfixation lasts – so if the other person does the normal emotional manipulation thing and comes back, apologizes and makes us feel good and like this was a bonding thing, ADHDer are more likely to get hooked on the ups and downs of emotions like a stimuli-junkie. Plus not having a good reference/grasp on what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like is fairly common with ADHDers too.

    Yeah, this has happened to me too.  I’m not sure how much of it is ADHD and how much of it is the whole “autistic missing social cues” thing, though.  For me, this usually tended to look like being the “backup friend.”  As I’ve grown and matured (and as God provided me with good, solid Christian friends,) I’ve started making conscious efforts to recognize this behavior and not give in to the emotional pressure to stay.  Personally, consciously recognizing what’s happening makes it a lot easier for me to make the rational decision!

    REJECTION SENSITIVITY!!!!!!!!!! ADHDers have INTENSE EMOTIONS and read subtext with such a nuance and sensitivity that we get completely overwhelmed and freak out. If someone looks at us too long we be like “THE WHOLE STORE HATES ME THEY HATE ME!!!!!!!!”

    I never realized this was an ADHD thing until this year!  It really makes sense, but it’s kind of embarrassing ngl.  It’s really good to know that there’s other people who have the same issue, because it makes it feel way less isolating

    Or that time you were talking about “running away” (surely we all had that phase, right??) but just for fun but your friend was younger than you and actually believed it…Or when you give overly-specific examples that make people a little concerned…😉

    Idk if this is an ADHD thing, but I tend to use hyperboles and I keep forgetting that not everyone thinks that way, and they might actually believe the literal words (which wasn’t what I intended because I thought they would understand what I meant.)

    Also speaking of masking, I noticed that I often sound way more “ADHD” when I reply to your posts on SE, and I’m assuming it’s related XD

    We do not “get” the concept of “it takes a moment to get from one room to another and back again so yes we will walk away while you’re talking genuinely thinking that the sound waves will travel with you and you’ll be back in a split-second before the other person has said another word. Orrrr replying to a text from Rose on Pinterest at the same time Mom is telling you how to cook the spicy chicken casserole thinking it’ll take such a split split second you won’t miss a word and then “…so start at 3:15.” And you’re like 0.0; “sooo I prehead the oven at 3.15?” very blankly and she sighs and rolls her eyes.

    Oh my my goodness YES!!!  I have such a horrible issue with time – I tend to be late because I always assume I have way more time than I actually do, and I always underestimate the time it takes to get ready to go ;’)

    Thank you so much for taking the time to type this all up!  It’s really helpful, plus it’s interesting seeing how many of the symptoms I have, and how they interact with the autistic traits I have XD

    And don’t worry about the post!  I mean, thanks for blacking it out, but also I totally understand forgetting and accidentally overlooking it XD

    @mamaauthoress It’s going to take a little while to type everything up, so I’ll work on it tomorrow!  Would you like to write a description of the characters you’re dropping in?

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