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Hey everybody, this is my hub topic for Beta Sun critiques.  I’ll probably be either updating this tab or linking to new topics as I have more things I want to share.

Here’s the synopsis/book trailer:

No one on the Beta colony still believes those old stories about earth, but when a satellite goes haywire and sends back images of a world no one has seen before, all beliefs are questioned.  If earth finds Betas before they are ready, there will be war.

Currently, Beta Sun sits at about 95,000 words but I’m about to cut out a POV Character that wasn’t working and was ultimately unnecessary so that should trim it back to about 60,000.  I’ve been working on Beta Sun since NaNo 2015, which makes it my longest writing project ever.  By… a long shot.  I’m shooting to have it done by OYAN SW (mid June) but that’s admittedly very ambitious.  We shall see.

Anyway, here is the link to the first excerpt I want to share.  It’s the first scene from one of the POV characters, Sally Perkins.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1vsKH3AqGYhuvq1foWO6IMqYGFtH5sYCpuTQetdPC5t4/edit?usp=sharing

You should be able to drop comments either directly on that document or in the comments below.

Specifically, I’d like you to answer these questions AFTER you read the excerpt.  (Don’t read the questions before bc I don’t want you paying extra close attention to things.)

How old is Sally?

Where does she work?  Describe her office.

What is her problem right now?

Thanks!