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@w-o-holmes These are very personal opinions…PLEASE take with a bucketload of salt and of course, do what you like!

“Nor take that wherewith was not mine.” (Wherewith seems a little out of place. I actually haven’t heard it used I modern poetry, so I may just be unaware of the meaning. Possibly find a synonym?)

“Unto the fiery gates of bliss.” (I don’t know if I like the use of the word bliss here…it’s a little sweet and sappy?)

I really like this poem the more I read it. You have AWESOME word choice and imagery. Have you submitted a poem to be published o SE or anywhere else?