Activity

@mckinley
Sorry I didn’t get to this before Friday! But you have nothing to worry about having someone else see it. It’s a very good story. I left a bunch of comments, but they are all very minor things that just need clarifying details. The story is good, and I liked that she learned to trust in herself.
To answer your questions, yes, I do like it and aside from a couple sentences it does make sense.
I think this is especially fascinating as a prelude to a novel, if you end up writing it. Especially because there were such strong hints about something more between her dad and Alun. So very cool.
My only big complaint would be the action scenes themselves don’t feel very active. Ember just smiles and thinks it’s all going to be ok. We don’t get any real grasp of her being scared, or her feelings, and that makes it hard to be in suspense over the raid and fight with Alun. If you could weave in some tension and fear on her part I think you’d have something great here. And like my one comment said, clearing up what age she is may solve that problem completely.