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@jennythefaun
I…I love that.
I’ve got a soft spot for Victorian London, so that grabbed me right away.
The details, the word building, the prose…very good. Excellent.
I’m reading this on my phone, so I’m not sure how over the word count we are, but I think there are little things that could be trimmed rather than big chunks. I think cutting a word here or there, maybe a sentence would really tighten everything up, and not rob any of the great story or description you’ve got here.
I think there needs to be some mention of Noss’ surprise when the girl barges in. It shocked me, but the paragraph there felt generic, and almost out of Noss’ thoughts. Just a little something about him flinching or spinning to look I think would do the trick. I think it would also be good to show the detective stoop or pause at the shop door. It doesn’t have to specify he looked through the keyhole, but just something so it adds up when he reveals he could see through it.