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@donna-darling

Woah! I laughed! I cried! I trembled in my boots!

That was honestly terrifying. In my opinion your descriptions were incredibly effective at inspiring fear…you really have to finish this so I’ll be able to sleep again. 🙂 I have to admit that the story felt extremely dark at times, especially in the intro to the second part. If there’s a way to make that section a little less dark without losing the effect, it might be worth it. Maybe I only feel that way because I’m unusually sensitive?

I thought the characters were super. I thought I knew what to expect from Mr. Mortality… But I was completely wrong! And Michael was much more than the typical kid-who-stumbles-upon-an-adventure, so watching him develop so quickly was very fun. I won’t talk about the not-witch because I’m too scared of her. XD

At the beginning of Part 1 there was some telling as opposed to showing, which kind of fits with the style and the prologue-like situation, so I’m trying to decide if the beginning would be more effective as “showing” or not. Maybe some other Knaplings will have opinions on that.

My favorite thing about this story is that, even though it’s probably considered in the Horror genre, it didn’t leave me without hope. The sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek humor (which left me in stitches) kept the fear from feeling oppressive, and even more importantly, there are clearly good supernatural forces at work as well as bad. I mean, “Heaven” is a very vague superstition at this point, but I get the idea that that will develop with the story. Now I reeaally want to see good triumph over evil in Michael’s world…

And I sure hope I don’t run into a raven anytime soon.