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@lin Okay, sorry for the delay in getting back to you! School and such. 😉

So I printed out your poem the other day (hope you don’t mind) to mark up the meter as I usually do when working on second/third draft. However our printer wasn’t working this morning so I couldn’t scan it once I was done. 😛

As you would have seen in the picture though a forward-dash (“/”) signifies a stressed syllable and the macron sort of symbol (basically a “u”) signifies an unstressed syllable. And finally, in the left margin I wrote the syllable count for each line. I only had time to go through the first two verses though.

For the most part you stuck perfectly to iambic meter! (unstress, stress.) Out of the first two verses, I only found one instance that it did not:

It carried him for hours on hours

This one breaks up the meter a bit. It’s stress, unstress, unstress, stress, unstress. (HOU-rs on HOU-rs.) If you want to be strict with your meter, I’d change this line. Not only that the syllable count for that one is ten. Your verse before was 8/6/8/6 and this verse is 10/6/8/6. Like I said though, it really depends on whether you want to be strict with a certain consistent pattern.

One other note: in the second to last verse, it reads “I feels as if I soar.” Grammatically be “I feel” for the same reason you use “I swim” instead of “I swims” the line before and “I soar” instead of “I soars.” 🙂

Well I realize that this isn’t very helpful, and I’m really sorry about that. 😛 I wish I had time to go through the whole poem. I hope you understand!