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Taylor Clogston replied to the topic Anyone up for cheking out a (very) short story? in the forum General Writing Discussions 7 years, 9 months ago
@libby It’s not so much that particular ones bothered me so much as adverbs are really tricky to use in general. I think it was… maybe Dan Wells? on Writing Excuses said adverbs are an inherently lossy format. You’re relying on your reader to have a mental shorthand for whatever you’re saying. The tradeoff for less powerful language is saving time.
Like, say you need Tim to walk away in a really angry manner. You could spend the most time and effort and actually describe him stiffening his upper arms and shoulders, making his whole face cold and saying things under his breath and tensing up his jaw and just doing all the little things someone does when they’re ticked off at someone and just need to leave.
But that takes a lot of words and a lot of pace. The rest of the scene also has to exist around that bit, and if you spend a ton of time on this bit and not as much on all the other bits you’re pointing to the reader that it’s really important that Tim’s angry and walking away. That could very well be what you need.
But maybe the important part is how Julie turns to Bob after and says “Wow, what a baby! He just can’t take a joke.” And this sends Bob introspecting as he realizes Julie is showing a pattern of being condescending to other people, just like that Christmas party…
So in this circumstance we want to use only a bit of pace to show Tim’s angry departure. We can say something like “stormed out,” or we can say “walked angrily.” I personally don’t think there’s actually much difference between these, and in fact while prevailing wisdom says you should generally use “strong verbs” in lieu of adverbs or be verbs, I think the sound and precision of the words used are more important.
Like, “whispered” and “murmured” are two completely different things, but often you’ll get advice to use either to replace “said quietly.” Use “whisper” if they’re actually whispering. Use “murmur” if they’re actually murmuring. “Said quietly” has a nice little sound all its own that I happen to like.
Long, tired ramble short, use words that sound nice and actually portray what you mean and what the scene needs. In my humble opinion.
@parker I can only speak for myself, but I definitely justify my own adverbs (and other questionable style choices) more than I do in the work of others. I have a hundred reasons why it’s okay for this character to be confusing here, and none of them are probably good reasons. I sure know I’d not accept any of them from another writer.












