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@sarah-inkdragon, I am finally getting back to you on critiquing this. It’s still in view only, so I couldn’t highlight anything. If you were to change it, I could go back and do that. Anyways, let me get started.

Flow~ I think the way it flowed was good. The way and order the details came were entertaining to me. Like, at first it’s like, “Oh, dear, why is this guy named Kirin fighting all these big men? Is he a gladiator?”, then, “Oh, he just did that… and then he smirked! I like him.”, then, “Ha! You bullies are no competition for this adorable tiny man.”, then, “No! He was a slave! How dare they!” and then you start to wonder why he’s a slave and all that. It’s very good. The only thing that I would suggest, possibly, would be to make it a little more… damaging? More visible to the reader maybe. It all kinda depends on how Kirin sees the world, though, too. I think that maybe some more descriptions would be nice. Like, maybe make it sound like this arena is a horrible, smelly, dirty place where dozens of people are ready to fight their way onto this team. A place where there is a lot of death, without making it too dark. Maybe he’s intimidated my some of these things. Or maybe he isn’t afraid of any of these things, but he notices that a little kid is or something. I don’t know. I really like the story of it all, but I think it could be a lot more impactful if you used a little more description. That could be awesome.

Prose~ *notices comment about not having very many descriptions, but to bare with you* Oh, and here I was telling you to describe more. Sorry. I guess you already see that you need that. I think it was interesting. I think, because it’s a chapter, you could make it a little longer, but I’m not sure if I should give out that advicce sense I am being told that I should shorten mine. But, I think you could lengthen this (maybe with some descriptions) and it wouldn’t be too long. As for boring, great, or average. I will vote great. It seems intriguing. I like this slave. I think I would be more interested though, if I knew more about him. Maybe you could add some little details that makes your reader really want to find out more about this character. Like, he’s interesting, but he doesn’t really, like, smile and say, “There are so many things about me that you still have to figure out. You really have no idea of who I am, do you?” And what’s with the, never stoop that low again? Tell me! That was mysterious. I think it might be a little better, though, if you focused on that I little bit more. If you want you readers to be wondering about it, that is.

Character~ I already love Kirin! I think I would like him more, however, if I got to see a little bit more into his innermost thoughts. I love how you made him this little, Steve Rodgers kinda guy, but then he can fight all these big men.(Sorry for the Captain America reference. I’m a fan. ;)) Maybe you could hint a little on how he knows how to do all that stuff. I think if we could learn about him a little more in chapter one, we would be more intrigued and eager for chapter two.

Does any of that help? Also, I had a suggestion. Have you ever read the Ilyon Chronicles by Jaye L. Knight? Because, at the beginning of all those books that have a list of name and their pronunciations. It might just be me, but I am not 100% sure how I should pronounce Kirin. It would be helpful if you had the pronunciations, if you have a lot of names that can be hard for people to say.  But, that might just be me.

Anyways, that’s all I have to say. If you’ll change the doc so that I can comment on it, then I will highlight some of my favorite things. XD