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@graceabounds2129 I don’t think I’ve met you yet, so hi! I’ve been a bad girl and haven’t been on here much for the past couple weeks, so I figured I’d drop by for a critique. First off, I have to say that I love Amelie’s voice! It’s a bit stilted and falls more into the “telling” category before the break, but after the break you really seem to find your stride. You’ve done a great job showing the scene on the train through her eyes.

I think you could build tension between Amelie and Blaine by beefing up this scene with a bit of dialogue and description. Maybe he doesn’t immediately reach for her bag, but instead tries to strike up a conversation with her and it backfires on him. Honestly, I didn’t really get a negative perception of Amelie–she’s a likable little spitfire. But I do think she could slip into the standard dystopian heroine if you don’t continue developing her personality, on account of her distrust of strangers and her never having a home. I didn’t see enough of Blaine (the boy on the train, I assume) to develop an opinion of him. Same with the society. If you hadn’t mentioned that your story is a dystopian, I probably wouldn’t have guessed. I think a little more description would fix that, though. I’d definitely be interested in reading more of this story!