Activity

7.       Masking

Ok this might be an obscure example but if anybody’s seen Leverage, ya know the grifter

She aspires to acting but literally cannot act except over-the-top drama-queen staging unless she is pulling off a heist/swindle. It’s hilarious because she’s a fantastic actor but only in heat of the moment fool a bunch of corrupt corporate criminals that she’s the ambassador of a company in Nigeria that’ll buy their planes so she can frame them for taking bribes after they let patients die by not providing insurance.

This is how masking works for ADHDers. We are fantastic actors!! Whennn it comes to providing random strangers the impressions we want them to get and don’t expect to meet them very often after that.

This means we can sound and act very intelligent but only for a certain period of time. It’s not that we aren’t intelligent and mature, but we’re really clumsy too and we think in such a different way that basic things are difficult to us and complex things are easy!

For instance, when Mom asks me to get something for her it’s total and un-abatable inner panic, and I end up getting the wrong thing and sounding really stupid but conversely when I went to review my resume with a professional (free service provided by my school) she was absolutely aglow with how articulate and intelligent I sounded. And it’s really confusing and hard to figure out what is a mask and what is not because I am both!! I am intelligent and focused and I am ditzy and flighty, it confuses everyone too, I’m always getting comments like “I thought she was so sweet and reserved until ______ and she’s both and I can’t reconcile”

And this is one of the biggest coping mechanisms ADHD people roll with when they just can’t figure out those very basic instructions you’re giving: act like you’re joking when you ask for clarification. Pretend you’re teasing them, laugh when they make fun of you for playing dumb because you want to be helpful and you want to do what they’re asking but you know if you ask for more clarification on how to do the most basic activities like grabbing a “black case out of the closet” (THERE WERE TWO BLACK CASES BY THE WAY IT WAS NOT MY FAULT!?!?!?) then people will get frustrated and not think you capable and not trust you anymore.

So it’s just easier to pretend you were trying to make them laugh than to having to tell them you’re stupid which is the only thing they’ll hear if you ask for more clarification.

It’s also very hard to STOP masking because we are really good mimics as a rule and have such vivid imaginations it’s hard to discern what parts of you are authentic and what’s just part of the mask.