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I wrote this way too late, so it’s not quite as detailed as I wanted towards the end 🙁

As far as content, nothing is mentioned, but it is kind of a continuation for Kit’s first regret, so do keep that in mind 🙂

Valencia:

I’m back at the party, squeezed in a semi circle of people, tuning out the drone of conversation welling around me.  It’s not like I actually enjoy talking them, and I’m pretty sure the feeling is mutual.  I just don’t want people to know I don’t have anyone who really wants to talk to me.  I don’t want them to think I’m lonely.

I turn towards Evangeline, tuning into her animated discussion with Callahan.  I tug my lips in a plastic smile, nodding along in fabricated interest.  It’s not like I know either of them well at all, and to be honest I don’t really care too much about whatever they’re talking about.  I just want someone to talk to though, and I’m fine with talking about whatever they’re interested in as long as I can join.

Eva’s eyes flicker towards me as I join, then lock back back onto Callahan.  I shift awkwardly, shoulders tense.  It feels like I’m intruding on a private conversation here, but they’re only talking about maids and Callahan’s new chauffeur.  I glance back and forth between them, shrinking back as Callahan reaches in front of me to touch her arm.

My eyes wander past, scanning the back of the room for someone, anyone I know who might be free to chat for a few minutes.  I want to leave these two alone, but where would I go?  If I walk away now, I’ll be stranded with no one to talk to, in full view of everyone.  My eyes lock on a green sofa pushed against the wall – it’s empty, and sheltered from the hectic socializing surrounding me.  Eva’s gaze flickers back at me as I peel away, making a beeline for the sofa.  I cross my arms as I sit down, melting back into the plush cushions.  It’s quieter here, but I can still overhear a sea of muddled conversations all around me.  It kind of hurts, seeing all these people having fun socializing over fun, trivial topics.  I think people maybe don’t realize that I’d like to talk about these things too, if they’d only let me in.

Still, I’m glad this seat at least was available.  I guess it’s way better to be lonely in private than lonely in front of all the people who never gave me a chance.

I stiffen as my roaming gaze suddenly catches an eye way in the back, on the opposite side of the room. 

Kit Goldenseal.

He’s sitting on a couch at the far end of the room, shoulders drooping, hands crossed on his knees.  He looks so small, shrinking back against the couch, eyes darting around the crowd.

I think Kit wanted to be lonely in private too.

It somehow feels wrong seeing him so alone.  He should be in the middle of one of those giant conversations right now, but I have a feeling he’s not going to have much luck breaking in.  Part of me wishes I could walk over and comfort him somehow, but what could I possibly do?

I know exactly why they’re ignoring him, and I wish I didn’t.  But that doesn’t really change anything about him.  It doesn’t change the fact that Kit is – was popular and well liked, and I am not.  It doesn’t change the fact that I have to fight tooth and nail for crumbs of attention whenever Kit shows up – I always feel strangled by his presence, like a plant choking between weeds.  It doesn’t change the fact that my parents wouldn’t want me talking to him anyways – he is a Goldenseal, after all.

It makes me sad seeing him so lonely, though.  His eyes flicker over at at me again, and the faintest hint of a smile passes over his lips.

I flinch as Eva sits beside me, a plate of cookies in hand.  “Want one?”  I smile nervously as I pluck one from her plate.  I don’t know why she goes back and forth like this – so cool and uninterested while with Callahan, but kind and opening now that we’re alone. 

The chocolate crumbles in my mouth as I absently take a bite, dusting my dry tongue like sawdust.  Kit turns away as soon as he sees Eva.  I wonder if he’s the one who feels like an intruder now, or maybe he just feels too ashamed to face her.

I don’t know why, but Kit didn’t look as nervous when he was looking at me.  It’s almost like he thought I was safe, like he thought I wouldn’t push him away like everyone else.  I guess he’s kind of right.  I mean, just knowing this doesn’t really change anything about him.  Like I said, he’s still the exact same person as he was before I knew any of this.

“Why are you looking at Kit?”  Eva looks at me curiously, but there’s just a hint of frost on her voice.

“It’s not fair for them to treat him like that,”

She shrugs. “If you care so much, why don’t you go talk to him?” I pull back into the soft cushions.

I can’t.

There’s no way I can just walk up to a person like Kit and strike a conversation.  Maybe if I was like Eva, or Callahan, or even Kit himself…maybe then I could do it, but I’m not like them at all.  My place has always been in the shadows, not the spotlight.

What could I possibly talk about with him?  I’m sure all of my interests and stories would all seem so incredibly dull and boring to a person like him.  I don’t really seem to be fun company anyways, and that’s the one thing Kit’s always seemed to love no matter the situation – fun and stimulating conversations with fun and stimulating people.

A movement across the room suddenly catches my eye.  Kit locks my gaze across the room, eyes searching for something in mine.  I feel like he wants something from me, like he’s beckoning me to walk over to him…but I’m not going to risk it.  I still can’t think of a worse mistake – humiliating myself over a social misstep in front of Kit of all people.

I avert my gaze and turn away.

“Valencia Page, forgotten daughter of a divided house, divulge your deepest regret.” I lift my trembling hands to my knees as the restraints fall to the ground.  I can’t stand – I can’t expose myself like that in front of all these people…

“Kit,”

I squeeze my knees, forcing myself to meet his softened gaze.

I’m so sorry Kit.

“So at the party last year…when…you know…Alastor…”

I can still hear the feigned innocence glazed over his voice like sugar on arsenic, eyes wide with false shock and horror.

“But I thought everyone knew!”

That disclosure was nothing short of malicious, but Alastor had somehow managed to escape the wreckage of Kit’s social life unscathed.

I wonder if Cecil told Alastor himself, or if maybe Alastor heard it from someone else, who heard it from…

I grit my teeth and shove the thought aside.

“I still remember seeing you sitting alone, and I thought maybe you wanted me to come talk to you.  I wanted to Kit, I really did…but I just…I just couldn’t.  I just couldn’t make myself do it.”  I stare down at my nails, trying to avoid his gaze. “If it makes you feel any better, it wasn’t because of anything Alastor said.”  The words sound hollow and empty, but I had to clarify that – I can’t let him believe I’d rejected him for that too.

Kit shrugs.  “To be honest, I’d forgotten all about that.”

My shoulders relax as a wave of relief washes over me.  “See, I don’t even care about that anymore because now I get to sit and talk with you every other day.” He shoots me a teasing grin.  “And you seem to enjoy sitting and talking with me too, right?”  I smile, a warm flush spreading over my cheeks like wildfire.

“Most of the time, yeah.”

I’d sorely misjudged Kit in the past, to be honest.  I do enjoy spending time with him, and I’d probably try to do it more often if he weren’t…

You know.

He’s just kind of obnoxious, that’s all.

The screen suddenly flashes red.

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My blood runs cold.

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What could this possibly be?

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The screen flashes, then grows dim.

I’m suddenly in a courtyard, drawing my heavy wool coat around my shoulders.  The air is cool and crisp, littered with tiny red leaves floating from the trees above.  I hear shoes clicking

“STOP!” I whip around to my left, where the screen hung just a minute before. “I’ll tell them, ok?”  The misty flashback starts to disintegrate around me, and I can see the shadowy forms of the circle of fellow captives.

I grit my teeth.  “Last fall, Kit asked me out to the Winter Gala and I turned him down because I was scared.  I was scared of being abandoned, I guess.  I was scared he was going to get bored of me and start ignoring me halfway through.  You know when you end up third wheeling with a bunch of friends?  That’s exactly what I was afraid of happening – being pushed to the side and watching everyone else having fun without me,” I falter as my voice suddenly cracks.

“So I decided to go with friends instead…but that’s exactly what ended up happening anyways.  It could’ve been special…or maybe not, who knows.  I guess my worst regret is that I never even tried, and so I’ll never know what I missed.”

All of a sudden, I’m back in my seat.  The screen flashes green in front of me, but I barely register it through the numbing mist in my head.

“I sure seem to pop up a lot in your deepest regrets Val,” Kit murmurs.  I glance over at him warily. “Honestly?  Not quite sure how I should feel about that one.”  He grins back at me mischievously. “I’m glad you’re thinking of me though,”

“Oh shut up Kit,” I hiss. “I didn’t bug you about yours, ok?  So can you please not bother me about mine?”

“Sorry Val,” Kit whispers.  I stare down at my shoes, face burning.  “But just remember – ” I glance up at him wearily. “I can take you out dancing anytime you like.”  A sly smile parts his lips.  “Just keep that in mind, ok?”

I smile back. “Ok.”