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These are just my thoughts, take them if they’re helpful.
In this situation, I don’t think suicide really “atones” for anything. Not the way she might think, not when you break it down. If she does kill herself, the only thing it’s doing is erasing the possibility of her hurting anyone else. But it doesn’t change or “make up for” anything she’s done in the past. She can only do that herself, if she is still alive. Suicide is “the easy way out” the people who were hurt by her actions aren’t going to be unhurt.
And maybe she can’t help them living either. But she can do other things. Try to help others, others who may not receive help if not for her, vulnerable people, people who may be struggling with the same issues she had and probably still is to some extent. Some of the most powerful help people can give is when someone has been through the same thing and come out of it, and can encourage their fellows in what actually worked and helped for them. At least in my experience.
It is an interesting question to ponder. I have a character who’s in a similar situation, except for the setting. Because of her personality, she swore she wouldn’t destroy herself, but would use the abilities that she had to save people who would otherwise be left to die, instead of hurting anyone or taking her own life. She had not found Grace at the point in which she made that resolution, but it was something that worked for her until she did. It’s still an idea of somehow “repaying” for her crimes, instead of finding Grace that covers, but it was the thing that kept her alive to that point.
And it sounds like the contrast you’re working with here is guilt vs. Grace. It’s definitely a struggle, but finding that Grace should be a thing she can cling to, even when the darkness seems oppressive. (Please note I’m not trying to say she shouldn’t ever feel suicidal again because Grace covers all. Depression and suicide is something even believers can still struggle with, and I’ve had personal experience with that. But it is something that can be clung to, through the difficulty.)
Also, as far as a happy ending goes, it depends on how you define that. If the character is at peace with their punishment, even that can be a happy ending of sorts. (Spoilers, but see Crime and Punishment for proof of that.) It depends on how you do it, but it is possible to be happy, even with an ending that is the main character being punished for their pre-Grace past.
Not sure if any of that is helpful, but hopefully there’s something in there you can use.
I got Apprentice Writer, which I find kinda funny because I got one of the higher scores possible from the SE quiz. Realistically I’m probably somewhere in between.
Since I ended up with the week off from work I’ve been gutting my room and working on rearranging the furniture. Haven’t written in a week, which is as long as it’s been since I’ve been to work. Since my boss allows me to write during times at work when I’m just waiting for my next assignment, I’ve gotten into the unfortunate habit of not writing at home as much as I should. I should probably get back into doing that, since I don’t know when I’ll have work again.
@katthewriter Maybe a couple. Depends on the definition of “cute” 😛
@phoenix Ah, that makes sense. I tend to automatically recoil a little when someone mentions characters with depression, just because it does seem so romanticized in popular fiction now, which hurts the issue. But portraying it well could be helpful, if it was done right.
@sarah-inkdragon Jumping off what you said about depressed love interests, having that seems to perpetuate the thought that “love can fix me” which is incredibly not true and very harmful in and of itself. It’s annoying and unfortunate, and needs to change.@katthewriter Thanks! It’s a complicated mess to write for a lot of reasons, but hopefully maybe by draft 25 it’ll make sense. 😛
@phoenix I think we live in an achievement oriented culture as it is, and that doesn’t help with anything, but especially things like writing. I hope you find something that works for you.
How long have you been dealing with this? What the others said is definitely good advice, but honestly, sometimes your brain just might need a break. It’s okay to give yourself a week of no writing at all, don’t even think about it. Then come back after the week, and work on the habits and such that the others mentioned.
And no matter what, forgive yourself if you’re not as “productive” as you want to be. Beating yourself up for not doing “as much as you could” isn’t going to make anything better, and it could be stifling if it goes on for too long. Know that it’s okay, and make yourself move on.
All of my stories pretty much go for years without titles… What kind of information do you want/need?
I don’t have much to add, beyond what others have already said. Pretty much everything already mentioned are all things I wouldn’t mind seeing more of.
The only one I can think of on top of that is characters in wheelchairs. I’ve ended up with two paraplegic characters so far, just from having a random idea of “I want to see an x style story with a character in a wheelchair” so I’m giving it a shot myself. It would be really neat to have more stories, especially in those genres (fantasy quest and spy thriller) with similarly impaired characters.
@phoenix
It’s interesting you mentioned depression. Maybe it comes from not honestly reading a whole lot of Christian fiction, but sometimes I feel like depression can be overused. Or at least that it’s becoming a vogue trope right now, specifically in a lot of YA novels. Maybe I just know of a few popular ones, so it’s skewing my perception.
It’s also calling me out… I can’t seem to make a main character who doesn’t have some form of depression. It’s a problem.
Thanks for the link! I’ll have to read a story or two sometime.
I have not actually written anything I’d call horror yet, although I have some ideas. I could see how that’d be difficult though. I think with other stories I’ve gotten the advice of focusing more on what the characters are feeling, rather than what they’re seeing. And that drives the emotion of a story more than just the violence of the scene anyway. I’d imagine horror would have a similar trend.
Only one I can think of that hasn’t been mentioned yet is The King Sword by Micah Cooley. It’s one of the only “Christian” fantasy I’ve enjoyed.
I also really liked Broken Arrow by Azaria Durant. It’s not explicitly christian, but I know the author is, so for whatever that’s worth.
If you read the Circle (trilogy) Series, do not read Green. Just don’t do it.
Just a warning That Hideous Strength gets very weird. And very much unlike the other two books.
Those all sound really neat.
I’m trying to figure out how to describe it. XD It’s basically a sort of “life is worth living/anti suicide” message with a road trip aesthetic. If that makes any sense.
I actually haven’t read much horror either, besides classic horror. Frankenstein and Dracula are both good, and there’s a super short second vampire novel called Carmilla that was interesting. I think the only modern horror I’ve read was a book called Prodigal Son which is part of a Frankenstein retelling series sort of thing by a guy named Dean Koontz. It’s the first thing I found that was actually unsettling at times, but I did enjoy it. (There are some content warnings if anyone decides to look into it.)
That sounds super interesting.
I’d be willing to help toss around ideas. I’m not great at it I don’t think, but I have noticed some things in the book I mentioned above so I have some half formulated ideas anyway.
@phoenix
Hey, welcome!
