@naiya-dyaniActive 1 month, 3 weeks ago
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October 10, 2021 at 8:28 pm #142681
I had been kind of wavering on my end; I’m about to start classes for my conservatory, and I’m also working and balancing other life stuff. I’m not sure I’ll have much time to commit, and I’ll probably only keep having less. So… I think what I might do is find a way to pull my characters out organically. I don’t want to just drop them immediately, especially since they’re tightly intertwined with @dakota right now, and I hate to leave this group completely. So I may plot with you guys, see how to wrap up the storyline with my characters fairly “quickly”, and figure out how to get them out of the world somehow. XD Should get interesting. But that’s where I’m at.
Hearts are like matter--they can be beaten down, torn, and burned, but they cannot be destroyed.July 3, 2021 at 4:37 pm #135598
@ericawordsmith whoops, forgot to tag you XD I had a few snippets of advice for writing scripts up there lol
Hearts are like matter--they can be beaten down, torn, and burned, but they cannot be destroyed.July 3, 2021 at 4:29 pm #135594
*shows up with Starbucks two weeks late* Heh, what’s up
Ok so I am NOT an expert at this by any means, but I recently wrote a screenplay for my music teacher, so I have the experience of one (1) script? I’ll do my best here XD
The biggest thing I learned was that in anything visual like screenplays or theater, since you have only dialogue to work with in the way of words, you really have to make actions speak louder than words more than ever. And you have to make what words you do have count. Let me see if I can find a few ways I made this happen in my newbie script. . .
Ok so my screenplay was about a girl in a Christian school trying to figure out what to do in the conflict surrounding a new Muslim student in her school. Here are a few things I did to attempt to show instead of tell in the story:
- I make use of the setting to convey information, in my case to make it obvious that it’s a Christian school–indicated in brackets that the walls are decorated with crosses, Bible verses, etc. It’s mentioned a few lines down as a natural part of conversation, but it makes it clear from the get-go.
- I made sure to add any body language directions for the actors in brackets to make it clear what the character is feeling that the dialogue alone might not indicate.
- I hinted at one or two things that the fullness of was revealed later. E.g., the main character, Brianna, had a big issue with the school the year before because some girls accused her falsely of selling or owning drugs (which one it is is never stated). This isn’t brought up until this line closer to the end (spoken by a girl who is harassing Amara, the Muslim student): “If you can’t even handle pork, you really don’t want to mess with her. She has. . . special chemicals in her backpack.” This is elaborated on more a little further down as Brianna is arguing with her friend over the situation, and the friend says “You can’t compare this to the whole drug thing last year. That was a complete setup, and they were trying to get you in trouble with the school.”Another instance of this was a suggestion of my teacher’s, involving this exchange between Brianna and her friend Sophia:
SOPHIA: They’re not messing with her that much, and besides–she doesn’t believe in Jesus, Brianna.
BRIANNA: [pauses] Neither does your brother.
SOPHIA: [stiffens] That’s different.
BRIANNA: It’s really not. [takes a deep breath with an air of decision] I can’t leave her with those two on her own. Just go to the theater without me.
It conveys a pivotal issue in just a few words, and less is more in scripts (or at least screenplays. I’m just giving what I learned from writing a single screenplay lol XD).
Finally, in characterizing Amara, I used solely visuals to indicate part of her loneliness at school. Throughout the screenplay, she’s seen with a sketchbook, and when it’s first shown, she’s sketching herself with a friend with undefined features. This shows without words that she’s desperate for a friend. At the end of the story, after Brianna stands up to the bullies and extends her friendship, Amara adds a defining feature of Brianna’s appearance (such as a distinctive hairstyle or piece of jewelry) to her sketch.
NOW, all this is my limited experience with a single screenplay that I wrote in the form of a theatre script (I left all the fancy camera notes and whatever to my teacher who actually knows how to do this stuff XD). But I hope some of that helped!
- This reply was modified 5 months ago by Naiya Dyani.
- This reply was modified 5 months ago by Naiya Dyani.
- This reply was modified 5 months ago by Naiya Dyani.
Hearts are like matter--they can be beaten down, torn, and burned, but they cannot be destroyed.June 17, 2021 at 12:53 pm #134816
Hey! I was sure I’d posted this but somehow it didn’t register. . .?
I’d be willing to do a sketch or two for people! I’m not as good as some people on here but I can draw stuff lol. Here’s a sample of my art:
Hearts are like matter--they can be beaten down, torn, and burned, but they cannot be destroyed.May 12, 2021 at 9:11 pm #133911
oh, and do you think there’s a chance the person would go into shock? XD
Hearts are like matter--they can be beaten down, torn, and burned, but they cannot be destroyed.May 12, 2021 at 8:38 pm #133905
@the-inkspiller Hey, uhhhhhhh, question. . . how likely is it that a fall from 25 feet, with the person landing on one leg, would break the femur of that leg? what all do you think would get broken? how long do you think it would take for it to heal. . .?
(thanks, and good luck on your nursing exams if you haven’t finished them yet!!)
Hearts are like matter--they can be beaten down, torn, and burned, but they cannot be destroyed.May 12, 2021 at 12:37 pm #133873March 4, 2021 at 2:06 pm #125691
@deeprun You meanie, Kiet’s pain is all because of YOU. YOU started this. Don’t complain when he doesn’t want to come to your house anymore.
@anne_the_noob14 I’m sorry, I am, Kiet can come hang out with you for a while
Hearts are like matter--they can be beaten down, torn, and burned, but they cannot be destroyed.March 3, 2021 at 11:36 pm #125675
*kicks awkwardly at the ground* So I haven’t been around here a ton lately so I don’t know if you’re still on here much. . . but if you are, I kinda need to know a very specific thing about eye lacerations? It’s ok if you don’t have time. XD But if you do just let me know lol
Hearts are like matter--they can be beaten down, torn, and burned, but they cannot be destroyed.March 3, 2021 at 5:53 pm #125654
And here’s Kedori’s! Gosh I love these two cinnamon rolls
^the drawing’s one I made of him at 10 with his mom, btw
Hearts are like matter--they can be beaten down, torn, and burned, but they cannot be destroyed.March 3, 2021 at 5:50 pm #125653
Oh yeah, I might as well put up the collages I’ve made for Kiet and Kedori. They’re not nearly as awesome-looking as Dakota’s, but they do the trick lol. FYI, they’ll have some symbolism that has to do with my book, so. If you see something a bit odd, that’s why XD
This one’s Kiet’s:
^@chalice did the awesome portraiture in it a;sldgkh
Guess I never really brought up in the story yet that he’s kind of a martial arts master. Huh.
Hearts are like matter--they can be beaten down, torn, and burned, but they cannot be destroyed.March 3, 2021 at 5:41 pm #125652
Hearts are like matter--they can be beaten down, torn, and burned, but they cannot be destroyed.March 1, 2021 at 4:53 pm #125539
Next Kiet/Megyn/Kedori part:
The drab granite walls of the hospital rose out of the drifts of dirty snow ahead. Megyn shivered as another gust of wind drove its fingers through her clothing. She pressed her lips together as she glanced back at Kedori.
The wind stirred in his hair as his eyes met hers. He bit his lip, as though to keep it from quivering. Slowly he lifted his hands. Is Kiet doing alright?
She glanced at the limp form in Anthyr’s arms, then slipped her hand under the coat that covered him. Taking his wrist in her fingertips, she felt his pulse as she laid a hand on his forehead. Cold and fever stained his cheeks a deep red, making his pale lips look even whiter. Sweat had started to freeze in streaks across his forehead. And his pulse raced through his veins, frantic with his heart’s battle to keep up with the infection.
Slowly, she lifted her hand from his forehead. A broken sigh blew a wisp of frost into the wind as she turned her face to Kedori’s anxious eyes. He’s not doing well, she signed back.
Tears dropped from his eyelashes onto his rosy cheeks. His lips trembled as he sidled up next to her.
Without a word, she wrapped her arm around him. “We’re almost there,” she whispered into his hair as she rested his head on her shoulder.
“This is the place,” she said as they approached.
Anthyr looked down at her, a question written on his face while something else burned in his eyes. “The hospital? Looks like an abandoned warehouse to me.”
“It was, until Dr. Benson bought it.” Giving Kedori one last squeeze, she stepped ahead as she reached for the door handle. “It was the cheapest building of size he could get.” She yanked it open against the tug of the wind and waved her hand inside. “This way, quickly.”
Anthyr hurried through the door, Kedori at his heels. Megyn pushed the door shut, then scooted past Anthyr. “This way,” she called over her shoulder as she darted ahead down the hall.
She cast quick glances at the other patients as she hurried past them. Most of them were sleeping; a few watched her pass with questioning faces. They seem okay, for the moment, she thought as she stopped by one of the few empty beds. I’ll check on them after I settle Kiet in.
Shedding her tan suede to just the black tee underneath, she swished up her ponytail as Anthyr’s boots pounded on the floor behind her. “Where do I lay him, Miss?”
“Just a moment,” she replied as she stepped to the bed. Quickly, she pulled back the yellowed sheet, smoothed out the mattress underneath, and shook up the limp pillow. Slipping her hand underneath it, she turned to Anthyr. “Lay him down. Carefully.”
As he lowered Kiet down, the boy groaned. His face twisted with pain as he tried to roll on his side.
“Shh, it’s okay.” Megyn soothed, laying a hand on his forehead a moment as she slipped her hand out from beneath his head. With swift fingers, she loosened his clothing and removed his shoes.
Something banged against the bed frame as she bent over to lay his shoes on the floor. She glanced down at her waist, a puzzled frown furrowing her mouth. The handcuffs swung from her belt, bumping her leg with every pass.
It felt like someone stepped on her soul as she unhooked them. It feels–so wrong somehow, to bind him, when he’s fighting for his life. And I’m called to be a person who heals, not one who chains, her heart protested as she took Kiet’s wrist in her hand. Kedori was watching, staring at her, she could feel it. He won’t understand. She thought, biting her lip. I have to do this, but–
Anthyr’s shadow darkened the bed as he stepped to her side. “I’ll take care of that, Miss Megyn.”
She looked at him. The smallest smile lifted her lips in relief she handed him the handcuffs. “Thank you.”
Steel clinked as he took Kiet’s wrist in his hands and stepped around her. She turned to Kedori. The look on his face shot a dart of pain through her heart as she signed, The Warden told me we have to secure him, so that he doesn’t run. I’m sorry.
Anthyr cuffed Kiet’s wrist to the bedpost as she sat down by the boy’s leg. As she slid up the pant leg, he stepped to her side. “Here’s the key, Miss Megyn,” he said, holding it out. “In case you need to remove them temporarily for medical purposes.”
She nodded, glancing up briefly. “Thank you, Anthyr. You can lay it on the stand over there.”
He set it down and returned to her side. “Is–that all, Miss Megyn?”
Megyn lifted her head as she unwound the first length of bandage from Kiet’s leg. Anthyr stood beside her, looking down into her eyes. Though inquiry was written on his face, something like regret dimmed his gaze.
“Yes,” she nodded. “Thank you so much for your help.”
“You’re welcome, Miss Megyn.” He ducked his head in a quick nod and slowly turned to leave. She pressed her lips together as, for a moment, she watched him go. Perhaps the guards aren’t all as calloused as they seem, she thought as she turned her attention back to Kiet’s leg.
Kedori crowded against her shoulder as Anthyr’s heavy footsteps dimmed into the background. After unwrapping the last length of the bandage, she bent over the wound. A red swelling surrounded the wound site. It had started to spread through his flesh, staining the skin up his leg with a scarlet flush. This isn’t good.
She snatched up her backpack from the floor. Laying it on the little table by the bed, she pulled out the canteen with one hand as the other dove into another pocket. As she tugged out a piece of cloth, she twisted the cap off the canteen. Quickly dousing the cloth, she washed the leg, then dropped the used cloth into a bin.
Her mind raced as she dug another cloth from her bag. I should have Matt examine him. He’ll know the best course of action to take. She bit her lip as she bathed Kiet’s face. Father, please – guide our hands, our words. He’s so sick and miserable, inside and out. And–I just–hurt for him and Kedori. Her eyes turned to the deaf boy as she laid the cloth on Kiet’s forehead. Comfort him. Give me the words to say.
She lifted a hand to sign. Stay here with him. I need to go get the doctor. I will be right back.
As he nodded, she stepped back out into the hall, drawing the curtain closed behind her with a hollow swish. She sped down the aisle at a swift jog.
Where is he? she wondered as she scanned the area. He could be anywhere. He works so hard–
Relief washed over as she turned. The doctor stepped out from behind a canvas curtain, wiping blood from his hands with a cloth. As he caught sight of her face, his eyes darkened with concern. “What’s wrong?”
“There’s a patient you need to examine right away.” She looked him in the eye. “The Sparrow suspect I asked you about yesterday.”
He cast the bloody cloth into a bin. “Let’s go.”
Hearts are like matter--they can be beaten down, torn, and burned, but they cannot be destroyed.February 24, 2021 at 3:34 pm #125248
Next Kedori/Kiet/Megyn part!
Their footsteps echoed in the hall, hollow and haunting. Megyn glanced around as they passed the same cells, the same prisoner’s faces. Some stared at her with the same dead-while-alive expression. Others stared at the walls or at their bound hands, not even raising their heads as they passed by.
All save one. A young boy–maybe eight years old–staggered to his feet as she approached his cell. The chain between his ankles clanked on the stone as he stumbled to the door.
Her heart twinged with pity as he reached a skinny hand through the bars and lifted dark, hollow eyes, framed with thick lashes, to hers. Their plea was silent, yet louder than thunder of charging horses.
A tear rolled down her face as she turned away. Her chest ached with each step she walked past his cell. I have to pass you this time, she thought as she bit her lip. A tremor raced over her as her eyes flamed with fierce determination. But I won’t always.
It seemed to take years to walk to Kiet’s cell, despite the fact that they both hurried with their longest strides. As they passed Cell 860, a frightening uneasiness settled over her. That all-too-familiar intuition that something was wrong. Very wrong.
Please–no. She stepped faster, almost running past the remaining ten cells. Only once did she look back. Her eyes watched Kedori as he lengthened his own strides to keep up with her. His breath wisped in the air like smoke. He studied her with eyes full of anxiety. What’s the matter? they begged to know.
Her heart thudded against her ribs as she stopped in front of Cell 870. “Kiet?” She called, her voice low. Her eyes searched for him in the darkness beyond the bars.”I’m here.”
A quiet groan echoed within the cell. Her eyes widened as they found him in the shadows. “Kiet!” she gasped as she dug the key from her pocket. Her heart thudded faster as she stuck it in the lock, twisted it and then shoved her shoulder against the door. As it slid back with a creak, she rushed over to kneel beside him. “Kiet, can you hear me?”
He moaned. Groggily, he lifted his head, his eyes wandering around his cell. She caught her breath as his eyes, glazed like glass marbles, met hers. Crimson stains flushed his cheeks. Air shuddered in his lungs with each shallow breath he took.
“Oh no!” she murmured.
Kedori touched her shoulder as she laid a hand on Kiet’s forehead. She turned just in time to see a tear roll down his face. Is he– His hand shook before he finished the sentence.
“Fever,” she whispered with articulate lips as she wrapped her other arm around Kiet’s sweaty form. “Infection.”
“Kiet. . .” She sighed as she lowered her hand from his flushed forehead. “I’m so sorry.” Her first-responder composure kicked in as she hugged him and laid his head on her shoulder. But as she turned her face against his sweat-soaked hair, her heart smote her.
Definitely a 100-plus degree fever. How could he have gotten infected so fast? It looked bad yesterday, but not that close to a major infection. You cleaned it; what did you do to him? What are you going to do with him now?
He groaned, stirring restlessly in her arms. “Shh . .. it’s okay,” she soothed in a calm, yet sorrowful voice. Her lips tried to quiver as she smoothed out his sweaty hair. “Shh.”
“Bena. . . ?” he mumbled. He tried to lift his head.
Bena? Megyn wondered as she laid his head back down on her shoulder. Who is Bena? Something inside her wrenched her soul into a knot as her mind whispered, Maybe someone from his past. Someone he misses . . . you understand.
Pain shot through her heart. “It’s not Bena, “she murmured close to his ear. “It’s Megyn Harris, the FRMS agent from yesterday. I’m here.” She hugged him closer as she rubbed his back. “You’re gonna be okay.” With a deep breath, she raised her face to the ceiling. Her lips formed the words, Help him.
He groaned again as she slipped the key from her pocket. It glinted in the low light as she gripped it in her hand. Would it. . .
It has to.
Her chin lifted. She unwrapped one arm from around Kiet while she moved the other to around his waist. As she supported him away from her, she prodded the lock on the chain binding him to the wall with it. A spark of delight flashed in her eyes as the lock dropped open.
As she dropped the key to the floor, Kedori’s hands lifted the chain free from the wall. It crashed to the floor as he let it fall and wrapped his arms around Kiet.
Kiet flinched. A shudder shook him as he groaned in protest.
“Shh, it’s okay,” Megyn soothed. She twined an arm around Kedori for a moment as she whispered, “You’re okay.”
Quickly, she shoved the key into the lock holding the chain linking his wrists. After a moment of jerking it back and forth, the chain sagged loose as the lock sprang open. Yes!
The key clinked to the floor as she supported Kiet with both arms. Kedori threw his arms around him as she lowered him to the floor. She cradled his head in her hand while she rested it on the floor.
Both her hands flew to her coat. One slipped off her backpack while the other swiftly pulled open the zipper. Shedding the coat, she folded it together into a rough rectangle. Laying it on the floor beside her knee, she lifted his head with both hands and rested it on the makeshift pillow.
As soon as her hand released his head, she sprang to her feet. Kedori, she signed as he knelt beside Kiet, stay here with him. Use the canteen of water and a scrap of bandage from my pack to bathe his face.
An almost frightened expression crossed his face as his hands sprang into action. Where are you going?
To get the Tower Warden. I’ll be back. With that, she turned to the door, grabbing the key from the floor at the same time. One hand shoved it into her pocket as she shot out of the door and dashed down the hall.
“Oh, Jesus,” she prayed in a panting whisper, “please keep him safe.”
Kedori poured water over the bit of cloth with shaking hands and placed it on his friend’s burning forehead. A vague memory flickered through his mind–moans, pain, and feverish eyelids of his own. Was this what that was like for those saving his life, each moment filled with the fear of things turning south?
He ducked his head, struggling to keep his breathing steady. Kiet, he thought, you were the first real friend I ever had. You’re the only person here I truly know. Please–you can’t die. Not now.
Squeezing out the now-warm cloth and dribbling fresh water onto it, he let a jumbled prayer slip from his hands.
I already had to lose my mother, he thought. Please, tell me I don’t have to lose you, too!
Hearts are like matter--they can be beaten down, torn, and burned, but they cannot be destroyed.February 19, 2021 at 10:43 am #124970