[Crazywriter]

Hi! I’d like y’all to critique this piece of poetry for me.

 

Jesus, my only friend and savior

Loved me ‘ere I knew His grace

In my blind and selfish pride

I ran from Your embrace

 

Jesus my only friend and savior,

Bought a sinner with His life

For the joy set before You,

Glory worth the sacrifice

 

Jesus my only friend and savior
When all other friends will flee

He who to death pursued you

Will not now abandon thee

 

Jesus my only friend and savior

King until my dying breath

Surely You will never leave me

Bring to glory, me from death

[K. A. Grey]

@crazywriter This is beautiful! The cadence is really good. Sometimes rhymed poems sound really forced and choppy, but this reads very naturally with a good rhythm that isn’t distracting. The only critique I would have is the last line, but I’d be being nitpicky.  The sentence structure is switched around to fit the rhyme, so it sounds a teeny bit awkward, but the meaning can still be understood. Overall, great job!

P.S. it sounds like it could be a song or something, just curious do you ever set your poems to music?

 

[Crazywriter]

<p style=”text-align: left;”>@k-a-grey</p>
Thank you! I’ll have to check that last verse out. I see what you mean. Thanks! I haven’t put a ton of poems to music, but I have done it before. I would love to do that with this one!

[Miller]

Hi…!

So poems are very new to me. I have this poem that isn’t sitting right with me word wise. It doesn’t sound like a poem to me. Now I know nothing about poems, so any advice you could give would be oh so helpful.

Thank you for your time.

The Scar

A lush forest is blemished by this coulee

A imprudent child is at the bottom of it

That child cowering in the coulee

Too petrified to call for aid

Like a worried mother, You came

You knew the dangers, yet You still came

Scarred hands pulled that frightened child close

Those same hands carried that child out

And those hands took the pain, the death, and the sin

[Author]

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