A Critique Request
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If anyone is willing to critique this poem, I would really appreciate it. I’ve never had a critique done before, so I have no clue if I’m doing horribly or well. Thanks in advance!
Wayfarer in Wilderness
I am a Wayfarer in Wilderness,
Yet I have a Guide.
I know what it is
To walk barefoot in the snow
At midnight
And there dance
In the silent forest
By the light of a frosty moon.
I know what it is
To walk hours in the night
Through desert
And there feel
The gentle, cool night-wind
All smelling of juniper.
I know what it is
To know the dawn comes
By birdsong
Though my eyes
See no hint of sun
Within the star-pierced darkness.
I know what it is
To leap down mountainsides,
Laughing, free,
Speaking the tongue
Of the trees and the rivers.
I am a
Dancing,
Walking,
Knowing,
Laughing
Wayfarer in Wilderness.
I know what it is
To have traveled so many miles
And left behind
So many people
I’ve forgotten the meaning of “friend.”
I know what it is
To hear whispers in the night:
My Savior,
Teaching me
The sacred meaning
Of that fair word again.
I know what it is
To treasure
All the quiet
Whispers of the road ahead
And its hopes and joys and fears.
I know what it is
For strangers to remind me
That people
Can be kind and joyous
As well as blind and cruel.
I am a
Forgetting,
Learning,
Hoping,
Remembering
Wayfarer in Wilderness.
I know what it is
To wish my pack were lighter,
And yet know
As the sun grows hotter
I will want that precious water.
I know what it is
To stare into shadow,
Clutching promises,
Defying darkness,
With my every trembling breath.
I know what it is
To let go
For a second and fail,
Yet lean on my Staff and draw my Sword
And charge into the fray again.
I know what it is
To never walk alone
Through whatever
Snow, desert, mountains, or shadows
My Companion leads me through.
I am a
Wishing,
Fighting,
Trying,
Trusting
Wayfarer in Wilderness.
When you dance in the snow,
When you walk through the night,
When you travel afar,
When you struggle to fight,
Trust your Guide.
He is a
Loving,
Teaching,
Saving,
Cleansing
Guide in every Wilderness.We are called to be lights in the cosmos.
May your inkwells never run dry!Fair warning, I’m not at all a poet, I’ve never written poetry.
However, I loved this! It gets a clear message across, I love the format with a repeating pattern!
Without darkness, there is no light. If there was no nighttime, would the stars be as bright?
@e-n-leonard Hey there, fellow poet! Nice to meet you!
This is beautiful!! Nice use of repetition. My only critique might be to split it up into stanzas to make each “I am a …” stand out, and perhaps combine some lines instead of fragmenting it to make it easier to read. But splitting up lines can also add more emphasis too, so it’s up to you. I love the message!
Thank you both so much! I use repetition/refrain often for songs, but lately I’ve started using it in regular poetry. I was concerned that repetition would bore people.
It’s nice to meet you as well, K. A. Grey, and thanks for the stanza tip. I did fragment the lines for emphasis, but that is a good point on readability.
We are called to be lights in the cosmos.
May your inkwells never run dry!
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