Mystery/Suspense/Thriller Writers

Where do I go from here?

Viewing 13 posts - 16 through 28 (of 28 total)
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  • #114071
    Vic
    @vic

      @anne_the_noob14 I have no knowledge about beekeeping, lol! Notice I don’t explain anything about what she needs to do… 😆 I just wanted to include details about her “normal” life. Though, I have no idea if she could actually do legit beekeeping with a travel itinerary… do you have to take care of them every day, or can you kinda leave them to themselves for a while if you know what you’re doing? (which I obviously don’t… 🙄)

      "Mine eyes are ever toward the LORD" (Ps. 25:15a).

      Writer for TheeGeneration

      #114073
      Vic
      @vic

        @sam-m @emberynus-the-dragonslayer @melodyjoy @claire-h@anne_the_noob14 @joshuapior

        Let me know what you think. Still don’t know exactly how this is gonna end. 😏 Next scene is under construction and will be up soonish. Maybe by tomorrow but I’m working so it might be Monday.

        ———-

        Her doorbell rang and Liz jumped. Calm down! she scolded herself as she got to her feet. Not the police, they’d pound. Not Dirk, he never visited any of his agents’ homes. Maybe her neighbor asking if she had any honey for sale yet, or Jake wanting to practice with her. She opened the door and raised her eyebrows.

        “Diane?”

        “Hi, Liz.” The youngest player in the orchestra shifted nervously. “Jake gave me your address. He said you wouldn’t mind if I stopped by?”

        “No, not at all!” Liz smiled broadly at the skinny kid. She was so tiny, Liz wondered how she could get such an amazing sound out of her viola. The thing was bigger than she was. “What can I do for you?”

        “Well, I was wondering if you’d be willing to practice the new piece with me? I know it’s kind of strange since I’m on a different part, but…well, I’ve found it really helps me to know how I fit in with the others.”

        I was really hoping for some alone time, Liz thought, but it’d be good to open up to Diane, especially since she’s new. She’s gotta get to know good ol’ friendly Liz. 

        She kept that smile in place and opened the door for her visitor. “Oh, I would love to! Come on in!”

        Diane hunched her shoulders a little, retreating into herself like a scared child as she entered Liz’s living room.

        She waved towards the carpeted floor. “Sorry about the violin on the floor. I was just taking it out to practice. Wasn’t expecting anyone to stop by!”

        Diane’s eyes widened. “Oh, I’m sorry, I can leave…”

        Liz moved her case to the sofa and set her violin in it. “Hey, don’t worry about it, hon! I love having visitors! You go ahead and get your viola ready. I’ve gotta get a chair for you from the back room. You need a stand?”

        “No, I have my own.”

        “Great. Be right back.”

        “Sure, thanks,” Diane’s voice was so soft Liz could barely hear it as she left the living room.

        When she got back, Diane had her viola out and was staring at the pictures up on her wall. “Is this your family, Liz?”

        Liz opened the folding chair. “Yes.”

        “Do they live here in Manitoba?”

        “No, they’ve passed on.”

        Diane’s face crumbled. “Oh, I’m so sorry.”

        Liz smiled gently. “It’s okay. I was sixteen. Time heals all, they say.”

        “You lost them all at once?”

        Liz picked up her violin and arranged her music on her stand. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “We got caught in a terrorist attack. It was only by God’s grace I survived.”

        Diane’s face registered shock. “You were there too?”

        “Yes, I was there too.” Liz shifted in her chair and smiled half-heartedly. “Look, Diane, as much as I don’t mind talking about it…”

        Diane straightened quickly. “Oh…oh, yes. That’s fine. Sorry.”

        Liz smiled tenderly at the girl. “That’s ok. Let’s do this, eh?”

        She grinned. “Yes, let’s!”

        "Mine eyes are ever toward the LORD" (Ps. 25:15a).

        Writer for TheeGeneration

        #114074
        Mel
        @melodyjoy

          @vic

          Hello! I really enjoyed reading the second portion of your story!!! Great job!

          One thing I enjoy when reading your story is that even though you are writing in 3rd person, I almost feel like it is written in 1st because you help readers picture her and know what she is thinking and going through.

          MEL

          Life is short, smile while you still have teeth!

          #114076
          Mel
          @melodyjoy

            @vic

            AND I just read your 3rd portion! **Thumbs up**

            I liked how you portray Diane’s character and personality. You do a great job of showing how she is really shy and quiet/reserved 🙂

            Is this going to be a long book-type story, or is it going to be a short story? Just wondering’ (cause I love your work so far! 🙂

            MEL

            Life is short, smile while you still have teeth!

            #114088
            Emberynus The Dragonslayer
            @emberynus-the-dragonslayer

            @vic

            Cool and cooler! Keep up the good work! I really love Diane!! She’s so sweet!

            Sleep doesn't help if it's your soul that's tired.

            #114104
            Claire
            @claire-h

              @vic

              I love how you are developing both Liz and Diane’s personalities… And ooh, now I’m curious about Liz’s backstory. 😉

              📚Visit many good books, but live in the Bible.
              -Charles Spurgeon

              #114116
              Vic
              @vic

                @melodyjoy Right now it’s a short story, but it could turn into something longer. We’ll see! I’m getting more excited about it as I work on it more!


                @claire-h
                I’m curious about her backstory too… 😁

                "Mine eyes are ever toward the LORD" (Ps. 25:15a).

                Writer for TheeGeneration

                #114358
                Vic
                @vic

                  @sam-m @emberynus-the-dragonslayer @melodyjoy @claire-h @anne_the_noob14 @joshuapior

                  Next part! Enjoy!

                  ———-

                  Thud, thud, whack. The heavy bag spun away from her and she wiped the sweat off her forehead with the back of her hand. She bounced on her toes and continued. Jab, cross, squat. Breathe, release, repeat. Kick, punch, kick, punch. The bag spun and she clenched her jaw.

                  “A bit out of practice, huh?” The swarthy figure offered her a water bottle.

                  Liz gulped the water and panted for air.

                  “Need a sparring partner?”

                  She shook her head and took off her gloves.

                  “Calling it quits already? You just got here.”

                  “Just needed to clear my head, Dirk.”

                  “Bad memories?”

                  “Something like that.”

                  “Liz, if you need a break…”

                  She shoved her gloves into her gym bag. “This worked just fine.”

                  He nodded. “Steve and I’ll be at the range tomorrow. You want to join us?”

                  She flung the bag over her shoulder. “Probably not. I’ll get my practice in. Whenever I get my next assignment.”

                  His eyes narrowed. “Liz, are you okay?”

                  “Look, Dirk. I signed up for this. We make the world a safer place, remember?”

                  Dirk raised his eyebrows. “Quoting the book back to me, huh? Maybe I should make you an instructor.”

                  “No thanks.” Liz relaxed and grinned. “I’m not that good.”

                  “Hey, you didn’t do so bad,” Dirk moved around the punching bag, sizing it up. “You’re just, you know, a girl.”

                  He threw a punch and a satisfying snap echoed through the empty gym. “Your hand-to-hand might not be the best, but your shooting sure is. You’ve got a clear eye and a steady hand, Liz. And a calm mind, when it comes down to you against the problem. That’s the most important.”

                  Liz smirked. “Yeah, yeah. Thanks, Boss. Hey, I’ll take a rain check on the sparring. Maybe next week.”

                  Dirk’s fist drove into the bag. “Yep. I’ll be here.”

                  "Mine eyes are ever toward the LORD" (Ps. 25:15a).

                  Writer for TheeGeneration

                  #114359
                  Emberynus The Dragonslayer
                  @emberynus-the-dragonslayer

                  @vic

                  Awesome work!!! I’m more intrigued by this story all the time! I’ve been waiting for this! Keep writing!

                  Sleep doesn't help if it's your soul that's tired.

                  #114366
                  Livi Ryddle
                  @anne_the_noob14

                  @vic *grins* She could totally keep bees with a busy travel schedule. I’ll try not to go into a ton of unwanted explanations, but basically if she can find time twice a month (preferable more like four times a month) to check on them and stuff, she’s good. That changes a bit in the winter and spring (all times of year, really), and then later in the summer if she’s gonna extract honey, but I think if she has three to five hives, she should be able to fit that in. 🙂

                  I really like these next parts!! I can’t wait for the next one! 😀

                  “We make the world a safer place” … Interesting…

                  "Reck not."
                  ~Sir Nicholas Beauvallet

                  #115281
                  Vic
                  @vic

                    @sam-m @emberynus-the-dragonslayer @melodyjoy @claire-h @anne_the_noob14 @joshuapior

                    Finally…! Part 4 (end of Part 3 included for a little refresher 😉) Hoping to wrap this one up soonish. We’ll see. There’s potential for a longer version someday, but probably not what I’ll be focusing on. I just want to give this a satisfying finish. The next part will probably be a flashback to let you know kind of what happened between part 3 and part 4.

                    ***

                    “Look, Dirk. I signed up for this. We make the world a safer place, remember?”

                    Dirk raised his eyebrows. “Quoting the book back to me, huh? Maybe I should make you an instructor.”

                    “No thanks.” Liz grinned. “I’m not that good.”

                    “Hey, you didn’t do so bad,” Dirk moved around the punching bag, sizing it up. “You’re just, you know, a girl.”

                    He threw a punch and a satisfying snap echoed through the empty gym. “Your hand-to-hand might not be the best, but your shooting sure is. You’ve got a clear eye and a steady hand, Liz. And a calm mind, when it comes down to you against the problem. That’s the most important.”

                    Liz smirked. “Yeah, yeah. Thanks, Boss. I’ll take a rain check on the sparring. Maybe next week.”

                    Dirk’s fist drove into the bag. “Yep. I’ll be here.”

                    ***

                    She remembered his words later, when he was there and she wasn’t, as she ducked under a flying fist and swung her high heel at the face of a black-clad assailant. She heard a curse and kicked him before he had a chance to recover. Thanks, Dirk. He always said that in order to even the odds, she had to fight dirty. There’s no time to be fair when you’re fighting for your life, especially against a fully armed tac team.

                    She saw her clutch underneath the table. She rammed her elbow into another man’s throat and dove for it. Pain seared through her chest as she hit the concrete floor, and for a moment she couldn’t breathe. Then she had her gun out, and twisted onto her back.

                    She made three straight shots, instinctive and desperate, and froze, panting, her gun trained on the last man standing.

                    Target acquired. 

                    He stared at her, and she stared back. Blood trickled over the traces of a beard, and he looked dazed. He swayed slightly, blinking slowly and shaking his head as if trying to clear it.

                    I probably don’t look much better. 

                    “Thank you.” His voice was soft, with a twinge of an accent of some kind.

                    “Thank you?” She softened her grip on her gun, starting to point the barrel up towards the ceiling.

                    He moved closer, and she stiffened, fixing her gunsights on his head. His brow furrowed and he stopped, raising his hands slightly.

                    “You’re hurt.”

                    She could hear the concern in his voice.

                    “So are you.”

                    “I can help.”

                    Pull the trigger, Liz! 

                    “Please. You have helped me. Let me help you.”

                    His eyes are bluer than the picture in his dossier. Like… 

                    “Vince…” her whisper reverberated against the concrete walls of the warehouse.

                    He tilted his head. “My name is Vytas, remember?”

                    “Vytas, right.” She started to shiver, and he came closer. Her finger tightened on the trigger. “Stop… moving!”

                    Vytas froze, his eyes haunted. “Liz, I’m so sorry. This is all my fault. I should never have gotten you involved.”

                    • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 5 days ago by Vic.

                    "Mine eyes are ever toward the LORD" (Ps. 25:15a).

                    Writer for TheeGeneration

                    #115297
                    Emberynus The Dragonslayer
                    @emberynus-the-dragonslayer

                    @vic

                    Another awesome part!! Looking forwards to reading more!! 🙂 🙂

                    Sleep doesn't help if it's your soul that's tired.

                    #115302
                    Ella
                    @writergirl101

                      @vic

                      Ok, wait wait wait.  What is happening?!  I need more!! 🙏🙏😃  You can’t just stop there…😁

                      Great job, btw!  I love reading these.  It’s such a cool idea and you managed to pull it off without adding any gore/language.  Two thumbs up!!👍👍

                      When something goes wrong in your life, just yell, "Plot twist!" and keep going. 😎🍰

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