Mystery/Suspense/Thriller Writers

Where do I go from here?

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • #112858
    Vic
    @vic

      Hello!

      I haven’t been on SE for quite awhile, but after taking a creative writing class this past semester I thought I’d jump in again.

      Soooo, this was a random scene knocking around in my mind that I couldn’t get rid of and I thought I’d post and see if y’all had any suggestions for it, or for where it could go because literally this is all I’ve got so far. I think I’m envisioning it to be a short story (since I’m a beginner writer with next to no experience yet) but I can’t think of a good plot. Or purpose.

      ——–

      The tall buildings faded into a snapshot-perfect background, and her line of sight snapped into place. Her finger pressed gently against the trigger but paused when the wind picked up. The barrel of her rifle was cool against her jaw. She opened her hand and cooled her fingers in the breeze. She inhaled the concrete air and surveyed the buildings around her, exhaling as the wind ruffled her short hair.

      The murmur of the crowded sidewalk below swelled, and she glanced at her watch. Four minutes twenty seconds until show time. She looked down her barrel again, framing her target in the center of her scope. The wind died and she squeezed. She didn’t wait to see if he fell. She knelt by her case and disassembled her rifle. A glance at her watch told her she had three minutes forty-eight seconds. Her mind ticked off the seconds as she nestled each part in its place and imagined the scurry a mile away.

      Her target’s security detail would have their building locked down by now and establishing an investigation perimeter, probably a two-mile radius. The police would be here soon. Two minutes nineteen seconds. She padded down the stairs in her socks, shoes in hand, case on her back. Seventh floor, sixth floor, fifth floor, and she slipped her shoes on. One minute twenty-two seconds. She flew down the hall and burst into the green room. Two others just leaving for the back hall. Judy and Diane.

      “Liz! I thought you wouldn’t get here in time!” Diane’s blue eyes were wide.

      Judy rolled her eyes. “You’ll learn this about Liz, Diane. She gets here early but no one ever sees her until show time.”

      Liz grinned and set her case in an empty place. “I get more done that way. Never liked just hanging out with everyone else with nothing to do.”

      Diane’s brow wrinkled. “To each their own, I suppose.”

      They left and Liz opened her case. Thirty-two seconds. She smiled as she lifted out the contents of the case. No one would guess she had parts of a high-powered rifle hidden beneath her violin. She straightened the collar of her black suit and slid her case into an open locker. Twenty-four seconds. She clicked out to the back hall, onto to the stage, and slid into her seat.

      Jake winked at her. “Cutting it kinda close, aren’t you, Liz?”

      She smiled broadly at her stand partner and rested her violin on her collarbone.

      “Me? Never.”

      Ten seconds til show time. She played a few warmups before Maestro Erikson walked onstage. He surveyed the crowd and bowed deeply. The orchestra tuned, and with an encouraging smile, he lifted his baton.

      "Mine eyes are ever toward the LORD" (Ps. 25:15a).

      Writer for TheeGeneration

      #112890
      Claire
      @claire-h

        *applause*

        First of all, I love this. (One reason being that I’m a violinist) So cool. Great job!

        Now for suggestions… Maybe just ask yourself some questions. Who is Liz? Does she work for herself? Is she a paid assassin? The member of a secret society? An undercover agent? Who is the man she shot? How does killing people make her feel? Is she remorseless or does she feel guilty? The list goes on… See if any conflict emerges from the questions you ask yourself. Then you could center your short story around that conflict. Hope that gives you a few ideas! 🙂

        • This reply was modified 6 days, 12 hours ago by Claire.

        📚Visit many good books, but live in the Bible.
        -Charles Spurgeon

        #113121
        Livi Ryddle
        @anne_the_noob14

        @vic

        OOOooooooo ok so I really love this?? That was really good!! 😀 😀

        As far as suggestions go, I agree with what Claire already said about the different questions you could ask yourself. And reading through it again, Judy hit me as someone who could be pivotal, if you wanted her to be. She seems like she could know things. 🙂

        Great job!! 😀

        May the road rise to meet you,
        A smile always greet you,
        May our friendship be always true and strong

        #113447
        Vic
        @vic

          @claire-h Great suggestions! Thank you! I’m also a violinist, so that’s where that comes from…. 😉

          @anne_the_noob14 I hadn’t thought about Judy as being pivotal, but I like that idea. Thanks so much!

          "Mine eyes are ever toward the LORD" (Ps. 25:15a).

          Writer for TheeGeneration

          #113568
          Livi Ryddle
          @anne_the_noob14

          @vic

          You’re welcome! 😀

          May the road rise to meet you,
          A smile always greet you,
          May our friendship be always true and strong

          #113620
          Sam M
          @sam-m

          @vic This was really cool! I enjoyed your vivid writing style. I also thought it was cool how she’s an assassin and a violinist.

          Here’s a thought I had for a direction that you <i>could</i> take this: maybe Liz is a an assassin whose boss gives her assignments and she kills people without really knowing them. Then she ends up killing someone she’s close to (who could’ve been in disguise, somehow) -like maybe Judy or Jake?

          (Maybe let me know if you use this, because if you don’t, I might write a similar story showing the destruction of not valuing human life, with different characters and so forth -no violinists, so it probably wouldn’t be as cool as what you’ve got going on). 🙂

          Anyways, there are tons of directions you can take this story and I bet whatever you do will be awesome.

          Good job on your story!

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