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Where do I go from here?
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Hello!
I haven’t been on SE for quite awhile, but after taking a creative writing class this past semester I thought I’d jump in again.
Soooo, this was a random scene knocking around in my mind that I couldn’t get rid of and I thought I’d post and see if y’all had any suggestions for it, or for where it could go because literally this is all I’ve got so far. I think I’m envisioning it to be a short story (since I’m a beginner writer with next to no experience yet) but I can’t think of a good plot. Or purpose.
——–
The tall buildings faded into a snapshot-perfect background, and her line of sight snapped into place. Her finger pressed gently against the trigger but paused when the wind picked up. The barrel of her rifle was cool against her jaw. She opened her hand and cooled her fingers in the breeze. She inhaled the concrete air and surveyed the buildings around her, exhaling as the wind ruffled her short hair.
The murmur of the crowded sidewalk below swelled, and she glanced at her watch. Four minutes twenty seconds until show time. She looked down her barrel again, framing her target in the center of her scope. The wind died and she squeezed. She didn’t wait to see if he fell. She knelt by her case and disassembled her rifle. A glance at her watch told her she had three minutes forty-eight seconds. Her mind ticked off the seconds as she nestled each part in its place and imagined the scurry a mile away.
Her target’s security detail would have their building locked down by now and establishing an investigation perimeter, probably a two-mile radius. The police would be here soon. Two minutes nineteen seconds. She padded down the stairs in her socks, shoes in hand, case on her back. Seventh floor, sixth floor, fifth floor, and she slipped her shoes on. One minute twenty-two seconds. She flew down the hall and burst into the green room. Two others just leaving for the back hall. Judy and Diane.
“Liz! I thought you wouldn’t get here in time!” Diane’s blue eyes were wide.
Judy rolled her eyes. “You’ll learn this about Liz, Diane. She gets here early but no one ever sees her until show time.”
Liz grinned and set her case in an empty place. “I get more done that way. Never liked just hanging out with everyone else with nothing to do.”
Diane’s brow wrinkled. “To each their own, I suppose.”
They left and Liz opened her case. Thirty-two seconds. She smiled as she lifted out the contents of the case. No one would guess she had parts of a high-powered rifle hidden beneath her violin. She straightened the collar of her black suit and slid her case into an open locker. Twenty-four seconds. She clicked out to the back hall, onto to the stage, and slid into her seat.
Jake winked at her. “Cutting it kinda close, aren’t you, Liz?”
She smiled broadly at her stand partner and rested her violin on her collarbone.
“Me? Never.”
Ten seconds til show time. She played a few warmups before Maestro Erikson walked onstage. He surveyed the crowd and bowed deeply. The orchestra tuned, and with an encouraging smile, he lifted his baton.
"Mine eyes are ever toward the LORD" (Ps. 25:15a).
Writer for TheeGeneration
*applause*
First of all, I love this. (One reason being that I’m a violinist) So cool. Great job!
Now for suggestions… Maybe just ask yourself some questions. Who is Liz? Does she work for herself? Is she a paid assassin? The member of a secret society? An undercover agent? Who is the man she shot? How does killing people make her feel? Is she remorseless or does she feel guilty? The list goes on… See if any conflict emerges from the questions you ask yourself. Then you could center your short story around that conflict. Hope that gives you a few ideas! 🙂
a flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it.
it just blooms.OOOooooooo ok so I really love this?? That was really good!! 😀 😀
As far as suggestions go, I agree with what Claire already said about the different questions you could ask yourself. And reading through it again, Judy hit me as someone who could be pivotal, if you wanted her to be. She seems like she could know things. 🙂
Great job!! 😀
“Enough! Be quiet! I can’t hear myself think! I can’t hear my teeth chatter!"
@claire-h Great suggestions! Thank you! I’m also a violinist, so that’s where that comes from…. 😉
@anne_the_noob14 I hadn’t thought about Judy as being pivotal, but I like that idea. Thanks so much!"Mine eyes are ever toward the LORD" (Ps. 25:15a).
Writer for TheeGeneration
You’re welcome! 😀
“Enough! Be quiet! I can’t hear myself think! I can’t hear my teeth chatter!"
@vic This was really cool! I enjoyed your vivid writing style. I also thought it was cool how she’s an assassin and a violinist.
Here’s a thought I had for a direction that you <i>could</i> take this: maybe Liz is a an assassin whose boss gives her assignments and she kills people without really knowing them. Then she ends up killing someone she’s close to (who could’ve been in disguise, somehow) -like maybe Judy or Jake?
(Maybe let me know if you use this, because if you don’t, I might write a similar story showing the destruction of not valuing human life, with different characters and so forth -no violinists, so it probably wouldn’t be as cool as what you’ve got going on). 🙂
Anyways, there are tons of directions you can take this story and I bet whatever you do will be awesome.
Good job on your story!
I really enjoyed reading your story! I love your writing style. The suspense and mystery of the story and the way you wrote it kept me “on the edge of my seat” 🙂
I think it is so awesome how so many people on SE play the violin. I do to. I enjoy playing it. Another reason why I love this story, because I can relate to just a little part of it 🙂
I liked the questions that @claire-h suggested. I think I should start thinking like that more in my writing 🙂
Thanks guys!
MEL
Life is short, smile while you still have teeth!
I really enjoyed reading your story! I love your writing style. The suspense and mystery of the story and the way you wrote it kept me “on the edge of my seat” 🙂
I think it is so awesome how so many people on SE play the violin. I do to. I enjoy playing it. Another reason why I love this story, because I can relate to just a little part of it 🙂
I liked the questions that @claire-h suggested. I think I should start thinking like that more in my writing 🙂
Thanks guys!
MEL
Life is short, smile while you still have teeth!
Also, you mentioned how you had the scene in your head but didn’t really have a plot or purpose. My story I am working on right now kinda has the same issues. I had a really awesome (sorta lol) first scene and I got that all written and I also have some other cool parts that I can’t wait to write later on in the book but transitioning is difficult… I kinda am stumped right now with continuing after my first scene… We’ll see. I still have a little bit of planning to do.
MEL
Life is short, smile while you still have teeth!
@sam-m @emberynus-the-dragonslayer @melodyjoy @claire-h @anne_the_noob14 @joshuapior
Sam, you just go right ahead and write your story. Don’t worry about where I take mine!! 😉 That being said, here’s the next part. There’s some clarity about theme and purpose now, but it’s still more of an as-I-go project. ☺️
—————
Liz stared at herself in her bathroom mirror. She wondered what other people saw when they looked into her eyes. Eyes were important. Dirk always said they were the windows to the soul, that people could tell who you were just by making eye contact. Pretty sure that’s not true in my case, she thought. You have taught me well, my friend.
She pushed her hair back with a band and washed her face slowly. The water felt good against her skin. Refreshing. She threw the towel into the waiting laundry basket and began brushing her teeth, running through her to-do list in her mind.
Practice her new chamber orchestra piece: the Shostakovich Chamber Symphony. She’d heard it a million times but never played it. She was excited for this upcoming tour. She and her friends, making music for the world. Bringing a bit of happiness into miserable lives. It was important, especially now, and especially when those lives were their own.
Check on the bees and tend her flower garden. It’d be nice to do those first, but she needed to get in some kind of accomplishment before relaxing.
Check in on the Viper database and update her status as available. That last one was optional, but she never really thought twice about it. It was just what she did. Dirk knew her itinerary and was careful in assigning targets to her. This last assignment was risky, really, using her real-life job instead of a fabricated cover and having to remain within the investigation radius. It worked well, though, better than she had imagined. It wouldn’t happen again for a while, she knew. Dirk would make sure that no suspicion would arise from assassinations and the orchestra’s performances coinciding too often.
Liz stared at the face in the mirror. It was pretty, her friends said. Young and innocent. She smiled at it, and it smiled back. She was glad it was happy. People don’t really notice happy people. They just sort of blend in, like being happy is normal. Funny how people don’t realize happiness is really just a forced emotion, Liz thought as she exited her little washroom.
She got out her violin and laid it on the living room rug. She heard Mrs. Donavan’s voice screeching in her mind never to do that, but it wasn’t like she was at a music school with a million other kids bouncing around to Tigger’s song anymore.
Weird, she thought, How I never imagined how my life would turn out. She stared at the satin-lined interior of her case. It was a clever design, one Dirk had made. She didn’t know exactly how, but it fooled airport scanners and x-rays, revealing only the violin and not the gun. Sure, it was a little heavier and bulkier, but that was the benefit of being a musician. People expect you to be weird about your instrument and how you protect it during travel. Dirk always said one of the best ways to detract attention was to attract attention in a completely different way and for a completely different reason. Her violin made that possible.
"Mine eyes are ever toward the LORD" (Ps. 25:15a).
Writer for TheeGeneration
Awesome part!! I love your writing style. The description is so good! Looking forward to more parts 😉
Sold souls and dead promises
@vic Thanks, Vic. 🙂 I enjoyed this section and I’m looking forward to seeing how the story continues. I’d love to find out the backstory of how Liz became an assassin and learn more about Dirk! 🙂
Nice!! I love it!
Random thing: She’s a beekeeper?! 😀 My mom has kept bees for about 9 years? Give or take? So anyways I always find it cool to come across characters and “real” people alike who at least have some correct knowledge of bees 🙂
“Enough! Be quiet! I can’t hear myself think! I can’t hear my teeth chatter!"
You have a wonderful way of expressing things with your words. I really enjoyed reading the new portion! Great job! I especially liked the part about detracting attention by attracting it in a totally different way. Super cool. 👍 😀
a flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it.
it just blooms.
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