fb

Fantasy Writers

Villains’ Character Castle

Viewing 15 posts - 91 through 105 (of 108 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #133289
    Cathy
    @this-is-not-an-alien

    @rose-colored-fancy
    Aw thanks (she and Liorah would be scary together XD). Meira wasn’t even supposed to be in my story I just needed some random servant girl to pass on plot information and then she just started talking and talking and totally crushing on my MC who wasn’t even in that scene!!! (don’t ask, idk either)
    But I am worried her accent is just difficult enough to jerk out of the narration, can you tell me if it’s too much or gets to be @everyone?
    Also the moment Chantara’s looking through the dresses, so much character development there!
    (and I can’t wait to see how Aadipta reacts to everybody @kimlikesart <3 also I like your pic!)

    Connel smirked at what was left of the once-cake before skimming over the group. Four ladies, all of whom–except Meira–struck the bounty-hunter as incredibly dangerous beauties. He liked the false helplessness one of them had assumed, he had a thing for those sorts of girls because you never knew what went on in those pretty heads and he liked the mystery and the game. There were also three other men, one of whom was half-cat and looked as bored as Connel felt. He wondered if the man was a werecreature or an ability-born who had trouble shifting to normal.
    “What do you think, Tatira,” he murmured “should we…”
    He glanced over his shoulder where the draekonet usually curled, and then across the room, a sliver of fear creeping through him. Tatira was a rare species, perhaps the last of her kind, and she absorbed spells directed at him. Also, she was the closest thing to a friend he’d ever had.
    She was always wandering off, but Connel couldn’t find her anywhere in the hall. The first door he found he turned the knob but it hitched. Locked. Another door. Another. All locked.
    The bounty-hunter kept to the draekonet with a jealous passion. He’d had her since he was thirteen, since the day he poisoned a slave-driver with iselter.
    A little Pawn with pink hair skipped in front of him and stared up at Connel. A fury hit him like a shot, almost blinding, so he had to bite the urge to slap her out of the way. It wasn’t just a passion it was backed with an almost crazed fear that could’ve snapped him back to–
    “Hello,” she lisped “are you twying to open the door?”
    His hands clenched until his knuckles were white. He needed control of the situation, he couldn’t lose control, he had everything under control.
    The Pawn gently opened the door and smiled up at him.
    “Only Pawns can open doors,” she chirped “sometimes sevewal gotta open it.”
    She swung her hands clasped behind back with bouncing energy.

    Don't let the voices in your head drive you insane;only some of them can drive; most are underage

    #133293
    Skylarynn
    @skylarynn

    Karayan merely observed the actions of others for several minutes.  He took particular note of the young woman feigning weakness.  The others around the room were all dangerous, but they were rather open about it.  She’d likely prove deceitful and manipulative.  Best to avoid her.
    Casting his violet cat-eyes across the room again, Karayan noticed one of the men was becoming increasingly agitated and looking for something.  The vetala wondered what.
    Then he heard a quiet noise and turned to see a small reptile creeping out from the overhanging edge of a tablecloth beside him.
    “Hello there,” Karayan purred.  “And just what are you?”
    It looked to be some member of the dragon family, but it didn’t match any of the species.  It was certainly small enough to be a torisc, but it was featherless.  Thus it was also not a prepubescent raptor.  And all the others – wyverns, drakes, terragons, and true dragons – were much larger.  Was it a runt of some kind, perhaps?

    Þorunn kept a wary eye on the other players of the game as she conversed with her Pawns.  After several minutes of inquiries, she learned what it was that was supposed to keep her there.
    Kari, Þorunn’s younger sister.  That hadn’t been seen in fourteen years since she was left unattended and wandered off into the forest as a toddler.
    A black and bitter rage boiled in Þorunn’s gut.  Emotional manipulation was depraved, and even as cold and callous as Þorunn herself was, it was a low she would never stoop to.  If I ever meet this Castle Oaken Door in a mortal form, I will give it the taste of iron.


    @this-is-not-an-alien

    "Remember, you go nowhere by accident. Wherever you go, God is sending you." - Rev. Peter R. Hale

    #133301
    Rose
    @rose-colored-fancy

    @this-is-not-an-alien

    Aw thanks (she and Liorah would be scary together XD).

    LOL, that would be hilarious XD *Visualizes Liorah and Meira together. It’s chaos. Absolute anarchy and they’re having the time of their lives. Stuff is on fire. * Umm… I take no responsibility for whatever fires Liorah started. XD

    Meira wasn’t even supposed to be in my story I just needed some random servant girl to pass on plot information and then she just started talking and talking and totally crushing on my MC who wasn’t even in that scene!!! (don’t ask, idk either)

    LOL, that happens sometimes XD It’s hilarious when that does happen, and I’ve gotten some really cool characters from that! One of my characters, Abidan, was intended to be a once-off messenger, but he kept popping up over and over, and now he has a major role as an ally and a foil for multiple people.

    But I am worried her accent is just difficult enough to jerk out of the narration, can you tell me if it’s too much or gets to be @everyone?

    Okay, I’ll try to answer this one!

    I like her accent, it’s original and really suits her. It really gives off the right feeling and tone. The words just sound fun.

    But you do have to limit it, especially in the beginning. Accents, slang, and foreign words are easily overdone. Less is more, and I do think you were using it a bit too much in that first sentence she spoke to Chantara. I was kinda confused, and it kind of jerked me out for a second.

    If it was your intention to make her sound really foreign and unfamiliar, that’s a choice and it works, but I did have trouble understanding her, though I could guess it through context. In the rest of the writing, you did it much more subtly and it worked really well!

    But, you can also remember that your reader will learn what the words mean, and then you have a bit more creative freedom. This also ties into the comfort of your character. If they’re with strangers, they might speak more formally, but they may slip into slang as they get more comfortable.

    If anyone else has any input on this, I’d love to hear it, since this is something I really struggle with too! I have a tendency to underuse fictional words, I think. I have names for stuff, but I just end up describing it because I’m afraid it’s too hard to understand.

    Also the moment Chantara’s looking through the dresses, so much character development there!

    Thank you so much! I actually really loved that moment, even though it was kind of spontaneous.

    I can honestly say, I pity Chantara more than any other character, even the ‘good guys’. I feel immensely sorry for her because she’s in such an awful, horrible situation and she doesn’t even realize it. It’s kind of hard to show here, but the situation with the Servane Siya is awful for her, but she’s gotten so used to it that she barely notices.

    I know she’s a villain, and I do try to give her as much agency as possible, but I can’t help feeling so sorry for her. She is evil, and she did actively choose evil, more than once, but it could have been so different. I guess that’s what makes it so heartbreaking.

    In that way, she’s a pretty interesting foil for Aydin. He’s actually one of my favorite characters and– Actually, I need to stop there because I’m on the verge of spoilers XD

    @everyone

    Okay, y’all, I had an idea!

    I think it could spark more interactions (And give Aadipta a start on getting to know the others) if we give them a smaller lower-stakes task that they have to work on.

    I was thinking, maybe the castle can make an announcement that they have to compete/complete a task/ something like that to get a reward. Maybe something like a bag with a few tools/weapons they can use. It’s a bit lower stakes but it’ll get them to cooperate, interact, and compete. We could even get them working in groups if that works better?

    What do y’all think? Any ideas?

    "Stories are light. Light is precious in a world so dark." The Tale of Despereaux

    #133302
    Erynne
    @erynne

    Hey y’all! Sorry, life got a little full so I wasn’t on very much, but everything should be calming downn a little bit so I’ll be on again. Would someone mind giving me a quick rundown on what’s going on? Thanks! 🙂

    "There are no mistakes, only happy accidents."
    -Bob Ross

    #133337
    Rose
    @rose-colored-fancy

    @erynne

    Hi Erynne!

    Here’s what I think is going on, as far as I can tell!

    Chantara, my character, got introduced and dropped into the castle. She was mad about it for a bit then went about her business emotionally manipulating everyone. She’s still working on that!

    Karayan is casually observing everyone and found Connel’s dragon thingy.

    Þorunn is seething at the castle and talking to her pawns.

    Connel found his way to a door and got it open, not sure where it leads to.

    Meira demolished a cake and dragged Chantara around for a bit, then went back to the cake. I think she’s pretty focused there.

    Grimme had a fight with the castle, stomped off and got cleaned up, criticized… basically everything, especially the cooking, and is now trying to poison Chantara, or at least, she thinks so.

    Aadipta found his way to the castle and found the great hall, but he hasn’t interacted with any of the others yet.

    Chantara and Aadipta are new, their profiles are on the previous page.

    Hope that was enough! Can’t wait to ‘meet’ your villain! (@everyone tell me if I forgot something!)

     

    "Stories are light. Light is precious in a world so dark." The Tale of Despereaux

    #133340
    Erynne
    @erynne

    @rose-colored-fancy

    Thank you so much Rose!! BTW, I love that picture of Chantara!!

    I’ll just pick up where Dominic left off…

    Dominic had still not touched the food on his plate. The strange cake lover had left but she was now back with another plate of cake. She gobbled on the different varieties and he scowled at her for lack of manners.

    He finally rose from the black table with white chairs, leaving his plate behind. He slowly walked around the room having no destination. Finally he stopped and eyeballed a Pawn carrying a tray of food. The tall Pawn noticed. “May I help you sir?” The Pawn had an accent with a baby-like ring in it.

    “I need to get out of here. I don’t even know what I’m doing here.”

    “Sorry, no. The Contestants aren’t allowed to leave here.”

    “Contestants?”

    “Sure, sure. Everyone you see here that isn’t a Pawn like myself is, is a Contestant. ‘Tis like a game really.”

    The only way out is to play my game. Do you accept?  The words rang in Dominic’s mind. He remembered them clearly. They were the last words he heard before woke in this place.

    “What do I do then?”

    “Help yourself to some food. Good food.” the Pawn nodded.

    “I don’t want food!” he yelled and everyone around turned to him for a moment. He cleared his throat and whispered to the Pawn “I want to win.”

    “Sure, sure. They all want to win, but only one may.”

    “I will be that one. Do you know what I need to do?”

    “Sure, sure. You have to get out of here first.”

    “You said I couldn’t get out of here.”

    “No, then. I said you weren’t allowed to. I never said you couldn’t.”

    Dominic grinned evilly and scratched the back of his head. Not deep in thought or in confusion- he just had an itch.

    “Will you help me?”

    “Sure, sure.”

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 3 days ago by Erynne.

    "There are no mistakes, only happy accidents."
    -Bob Ross

    #133464
    Cathy
    @this-is-not-an-alien

    LOL, that would be hilarious XD *Visualizes Liorah and Meira together. It’s chaos. Absolute anarchy and they’re having the time of their lives. Stuff is on fire. * Umm… I take no responsibility for whatever fires Liorah started. XD

    LOL that’s even funnier when you know Meira’s crush has pyrokinesis XD. Nope no responsibility for all those fires or any damage, that’s not my character uh-uh, nope, idk who that is (:

    One of my characters, Abidan, was intended to be a once-off messenger, but he kept popping up over and over, and now he has a major role as an ally and a foil for multiple people.

    That is so awesome, I love it when it all comes together!

    Accents, slang, and foreign words are easily overdone. Less is more, and I do think you were using it a bit too much in that first sentence she spoke to Chantara. I was kinda confused, and it kind of jerked me out for a second. If it was your intention to make her sound really foreign and unfamiliar, that’s a choice and it works, but I did have trouble understanding her, though I could guess it through context. In the rest of the writing, you did it much more subtly and it worked really well! But, you can also remember that your reader will learn what the words mean, and then you have a bit more creative freedom. This also ties into the comfort of your character. If they’re with strangers, they might speak more formally, but they may slip into slang as they get more comfortable.

    Thank you so much! That’s great advice, especially acclimating the readers to her slang, I didn’t think of it before but yea it would be more likely to someone with a heavy accent to talk a little more formally at the beginning. Thanks again, I’ll definitely apply that to my writing! <3

    I can honestly say, I pity Chantara more than any other character, even the ‘good guys’. I feel immensely sorry for her because she’s in such an awful, horrible situation and she doesn’t even realize it. It’s kind of hard to show here, but the situation with the Servane Siya is awful for her, but she’s gotten so used to it that she barely notices.

    Ikr! She’s not just one-dimensional and that’s what makes her so fun to read about!

    I think it could spark more interactions (And give Aadipta a start on getting to know the others) if we give them a smaller lower-stakes task that they have to work on. I was thinking, maybe the castle can make an announcement that they have to compete/complete a task/ something like that to get a reward. Maybe something like a bag with a few tools/weapons they can use. It’s a bit lower stakes but it’ll get them to cooperate, interact, and compete. We could even get them working in groups if that works better? What do y’all think? Any ideas?

    Ooh ooh I know! Like Among Us! Everybody has to complete tasks but every so often the Castle tells one of them to sabotage and kill everybody! Ya’know…for the kids XD.
    Let’s have them have to chase a goose that has three magical properties but nobody knows what they are and the character have to guess. (Actually I know what they are and my sister knows what they are but the character have to find out! XD). Then after that somebody else has a puzzle they know the answer to but the characters have to figure out!

    No wait…that’s not lowering the stakes…😂 Never mind!

     

    “Hello there,” A vampiric, feline man purred, “And just what are you?”
    Tatira curled onto the tablecloth, her thin fuzzy tail whipping behind her green sequin scales, tiny horns peeking between the stripe of fur along her diamond forehead down her back. She blinked harshly at him like a possessed black cat and gave a low hissing purr, sniffing the vetala’s hand and blinking again, her eyes shifting color with a popping sound as her lids opened and closed.
    Suddenly she leapt on man, coiling on his shoulder, her hot breath like wet poison air on his neck.

    Don't let the voices in your head drive you insane;only some of them can drive; most are underage

    #133473
    Kimmi
    @kimlikesart

    Aadipta slowly moved from the door, hugging the wall. His face was serious as he looked over everyone present. Different emotions touched him for different beings, different thoughts. This was going to be a game. His jaw crossed a bit, and clenched. His eyes glancing over the food then, the floor, the ceiling… A massive fixture hung from the roof… Aadipta’s chest tightened, brows lifting a bit. Stunning. And quite ingenious. But his eyes were back on the people. Ears listening.

    A frustrated man was nearby, a girl- A girl with pink hair? Wh– Aadipta cleared his throat, brows furrowing. Pawns… Pawns could only open doors? Since I opened those doors… maybe I already am a Pawn? Hm.

    He stays on that wall. Listening, watching. A strange girl. A very strange girl, who was loud, and clumsy pranced around. A shy woman behind her. Longing touched his chest as he stared at the small woman. Then he looked away, thumb running over the hilt of a his dagger but a second before it dropped to his side.

    The two women broke from each other. More moving about. More…

    No one knew where they were. But did anyone have a plan of how to get what they needed, and leave? 

    Aadipta rolled his shoulders a few times, standing to his full height, forming a plan. He had the sudden urge to yell and call everyone to meet, as he did with his servants and slaves. Get everything in order. This- this was chaos. And he couldn’t stand chaos.

    Aadipta walked determinedly to the strange girl. The one who’d flounced about yelling to anyone who’d listen, just a bit before. She could be used, if only temporarily, to get people’s attention.


    @this-is-not-an-alien

    Jominkreesa

    Passion = A Willingness To Suffer

    #133476
    Rose
    @rose-colored-fancy

    @erynne

    BTW, I love that picture of Chantara!!

    Aww, thank you so much, Erynne!


    @this-is-not-an-alien

    Thank you so much! That’s great advice, especially acclimating the readers to her slang, I didn’t think of it before but yea it would be more likely to someone with a heavy accent to talk a little more formally at the beginning. Thanks again, I’ll definitely apply that to my writing! <3

    You’re so welcome, I’m glad I could help!

    Ikr! She’s not just one-dimensional and that’s what makes her so fun to read about!

    Thank you! I’m glad that comes across! Yeah, she kind of got more fascinating than I intended XD

    Let’s have them have to chase a goose that has three magical properties but nobody knows what they are and the character have to guess. (Actually I know what they are and my sister knows what they are but the character have to find out! XD). Then after that somebody else has a puzzle they know the answer to but the characters have to figure out!

    No wait…that’s not lowering the stakes…  Never mind!

    Oh my goodness, a literal wild goose chase! Perfect! Nothing is as good as a goose for wreaking general havoc! That sounds like so much fun! Will you get us started, Cathy? Ooh, Chantara is going to hate this! *Bounces gleefully*

    "Stories are light. Light is precious in a world so dark." The Tale of Despereaux

    #133508
    Cathy
    @this-is-not-an-alien

    Meira had decided she’d had enough cake and started trying to shake clumps of frosting out of her infuriatingly long, drapsy hair (if the clumps were big enough she ate them). As Chantara’s presence had reminded her, she had to find either an escape or a mission to complete. So Meira ripped half the tablecloth off the table and converted it into a sack to carry supplies in.
    “Let see-Oi, live well!” She said whirling to somebody whose purposeful steps vibrated toward her, instinctively taking an extra second to remember to correct greeting for humans, which was a (clumsy) bow instead of a salute. Something about the stranger’s presence seemed demanding of proper conduct, like her foster father, so that half of her felt the urge to rebel before he even said a word and the other half was terrified of breathing wrong around him.
    “You lost too, mate? I know nothing what happened with this, you just blinkin’ blink and you wake right here, am I right?” Meira said with a friendly grin, determined to ignore the feeling of being judged as she dumped various breads and non-perishable foods onto the tablecloth-sack, just as the battered cake visibly sagged on its chopped weight. Flustered, she watched her busy hands turn a little transparent and tried to will her body into not doing that equivalent to human blushing. “Anyso, where you from?”
    Before he could answer a goose hurtled across the table, knocking into the cake. Meira screamed and made to catch the falling goodness but it somehow stayed erect. Breathing a sigh of relief she snatched up her spear as the goose splattered across the tables.
    “What the what?!” she blurted and the creature honked away. “It’s jampering away!”
    Meira leap on the table and before she threw herself and the spear at the feathered animal. And missed. A door opened up at the end of the hall and the goose dashed right through it before the door closed and it disappeared.
    “Oi,” Meira rubbed the side of her head quizzically “you blokes seen that right?”
    The cake finally gave way, and flopped to the ground behind her. A metallic voice crackled through the walls.
    “This goose has three magical properties; the first group to guess two or more of its properties will receive a clue to finding what was taken.” In her mind’s eye she could see her father, her real father, somewhere out there. “The guild-leaders will be divided into two groups; Chantara, Connel, Karayan and Þorunn will be the first group and Grimme, Aadipta, Meira and Dominic are the second group.”
    Two doors opened up on either side of the room.
    “In either direction you go you will both have an equal chance of finding it. Good luck. Your first clue will be within the doors.”
    With that there was silence for a long time, although the Pawn danced to some elegant, teetering tune. Meira blankly rubbed her fingers over her knuckles before whipping her spear onto her shoulders and blinking.
    “Anyfolk know what a goose is most ‘specially?”

    Don't let the voices in your head drive you insane;only some of them can drive; most are underage

    #133516
    Skylarynn
    @skylarynn

    Suddenly she leapt on man, coiling on his shoulder, her hot breath like wet poison air on his neck.
    Karayan sighed in mild exasperation.  “Darling, there is no need for such actions.  I’d never lay a hand on you, you’re being unreasonable.”
    The creature made a soft growling noise.
    “No, I am not lying,” the vetala retorted, sounding somewhat affronted.  “Not everyone is out to get you, my dear.  You can’t just attack every person you come across, that is a very poor way to make friends.”
    _________________________________________________________________

    “In either direction you go you will both have an equal chance of finding it. Good luck. Your first clue will be within the doors.”
    Þorunn’s eyes darkened at the announcement.  Her Pawns had left the room for various purposes so she was alone for the moment; a bout of anger seized her and she hurled a glass at the opposite wall, shattering it and scattering shards across the room.
    Startled, one of her Pawns reentered the room.  “Madam, what was that?”
    “Frustration,” Þorunn said bluntly.  “This castle irks me.”
    The Pawn chuckled lightly.  “Oh, throwing a temper tantrum anytime the castle challenges you will do you no good,” she said chidingly.  “You’ll never win that way.”
    “Yes, thank you,” the shieldmaiden murmured curtly.  Behind her back, out of view of the irritating Pawn, she crushed another glass with her hand and selected a large piece.  “I truly had no idea.”  As she spoke the shard of glass sailed through the air, narrowly missing the Pawn’s eye and instead cutting a furrow just above her ear.
    Reflexively, the Pawn covered the cut with her hand.  Terror crossed her features as her fingers came away warm and wet.  “M-madam, what-?”
    “Never patronize me again,” Þorunn told her flatly.  The shieldmaiden turned sharply on her heel and burst into the main hall to find whoever Chantara and Connel were.  She did not look forward to working with the overgrown catty troll called Karayan.


    @this-is-not-an-alien
    @rose-colored-fancy

    "Remember, you go nowhere by accident. Wherever you go, God is sending you." - Rev. Peter R. Hale

    #133524
    Rose
    @rose-colored-fancy

    Chantara

    Before Grimme could reply, a flapping, squawking, ball of feathers hurtled through the room, plunging through the cake and startling Meira. Pandemonium ensued. I watched with amusement, without contributing to the chaos.

    An unfamiliar man had joined the table, I gave him a quick, keen look, then pretended I hadn’t noticed him. He didn’t look particularly dangerous, but you never could tell.

    “This goose has three magical properties; the first group to guess two or more of its properties will receive a clue to finding what was taken.”

    I sat more upright and narrowed my eyes. My friends, and Aydin. Would the castle follow through? At least I would get a clue, and participation didn’t seem optional.

    “The guild-leaders will be divided into two groups; Chantara, Connel, Karayan, and Þorunn will be the first group and Grimme, Aadipta, Meira, and Dominic are the second group.”

    An even split. I tried to assess if I was in the stronger or weaker group. It wasn’t hard to figure out names by judging their reaction. Not everyone was here, though. Nobody reacted to the first few names, so they must be elsewhere.

    Grimme was the girl next to me, and she was dangerous and wily, doubtless. Aadipta seemed to be the new man. I hadn’t seen what he could do yet. Meira was entirely incapable and probably couldn’t hit a house if she was standing inside. (Do not underestimate her. Remember your scars.) Dominic was an older man with gray hair, who didn’t seem too dangerous either.

    Two doors opened up on either side of the room.

    “Whichever direction you go, you will both have an equal chance of finding it. Good luck. Your first clue will be within the doors.”

    I let out a long breath and got to my feet smoothly. Now it had really started. I wandered toward the middle of the room and stood waiting for the others in my group to arrive.

    Meira whirled her spear onto her shoulder, almost knocking herself off balance.
    “Anyfolk know what a goose is most ‘specially?” She asked.

    I still had some trouble understanding her odd dialect.

    “I’m pretty sure it’s a bird,” I said, innocently. I had to be careful not to overdo the feigned foolishness, but it could be effective. Anyway, it sounded like a joke.

    The sharp shatter of glass made me stiffen. A door on the other end of the room slammed open and a pawn hurried through, clutching at the side of her face. Scarlet blood seeped through her fingers.

    A girl stormed out after her. Shards of glass sparkled on the ground behind her. The hair in the back of my neck stood up straight. She had harmed a pawn. There was nothing to be gained from harming one of them and a wrinkle formed between my brows. That was cruel, but even more than that, it was pointless.

    She was in my group, and I had already decided to dislike her. Not that I’d ever show it until she found one of my knives in her back. I straightened my expression and smiled, shyly. The feline creature came after her, a small, lizard-like creature curled around its shoulders. He was speaking to it quietly, but I still found him unsettling.

    While I stood waiting for them, I raked through my hair, sweeping it up, off my shoulders. I twisted it up and fumbled for a hairpin. I surreptitiously checked if the knives on my back were still hidden. I would be able to reach them easier now my hair was out of the way.

    I tried to look friendly and tried not to show how much effort that cost me.

    __________


    @skylarynn
    @this-is-not-an-alien

     

     

    "Stories are light. Light is precious in a world so dark." The Tale of Despereaux

    #133567
    Catholic Creed
    @hannahrenner

    FINALS! ARE! OVER!

    Smeagol is free!

    (Until next semester.)

    ~#~#~

    Grimme smirked as the assassin avoided the food.  In the meantime, she enjoyed it.

    Chantara either lacked some… observation abilities or had a food trauma.

    She was no Charlie…

    “Never judge an assassin by their first reaction.”

    Grimme set her jaw, brushing off the ancient memory with a tiny shrug and an unexpected thought.

    Would etherberry extract – or etherberry products in general – be poisonous to Chantara?  There were a few people who died to it.  But, some people died to peanuts.

    She let the thought slide past.

    “Thank-you.  I’m sure the recipe is excellent.”  Chantara examined the cookie.

    “Ah, vague sarcasm.  How I have missed you.”

    She missed Charlie.  The real Charlie who’s silky-sweet voice promised a sudden, unfortunate accident.

    Grimme took the opportunity to listen to her intuition and shove half the plate of cookies into her secret pocket.

    And now she was taking pointers from the glass-girl.  Perfect.

    “What flavor is it?”

    Grimme blinked.  It was obvious?

    “I’m Chantara, and I’m a Kezbe.”

    Right.  Timeline mix-up.  This was now.  That was … several hundred years ago.  This was the Choosing.  That was …

    And then pandemonium struck in the form of that blasted goose!

    Grimme grit her teeth, ignoring the echoing explanation.

    “The guild-leaders will be divided into two groups; Chantara, Connel, Karayan and Þorunn will be the first group and Grimme, Aadipta, Meira and Dominic are the second group.”

    Perfect.”

    She was going to murder that goose.  And then Castle.  Maybe a few more people.

    A Pawn slid beside her: the butler raising an elegant eyebrow.  “A missive for you.” He held out a silver tray, the white paper streaked with bold black lines.

    Grimme pulled it open: it was in an origami fold she taught Charlie.

    Play my game.  Mislead my tools. Make nice.

    Entertain me.

    Grimme smiled serenely.  “Thank-you, Jonas was it?”

    He nodded.  “Very good ma’am.”

    “Hm, I can be.” She bit into the cookie.  “How do you feel about leaving a message for your mistress?”

    When life knocks you down, wait 'til it passes over you and then attack it from behind.

    #133626
    Erynne
    @erynne

    “Show me where to go. I’ll do what I must.”

    “Right this way Dominic.” the Pawn led on without him, but he quickly caught up.

    “You know my name?”

    “Yeah. yeah. All the Pawns know everything about all the Contestants. Only some of us show that though.”

    “I see…”

    “I know who you are, why you’re here, how you got here. I even know what you’re after. What your goal is.”

    Dominic stayed quiet and let the Pawn lead on. It stopped at the table where the cake sat. Without any surprise, Dominic noticed the girl who had been gobbling down the cake. She seemed to be defending the cake. Dominic scoffed. “You just led me in a circle. I was just over here!” He yelled at the Pawn, but still used a whispery voice so no one else – especially the strange cake girl- would hear.

    “Sure, sure.” the Pawn answered. “I never said I would get you out of here. I just told you some information that you hadn’t known already.”

    Dominic slapped his forehead in frustration.

    “Aw now, just stand here for a moment then. You’ll get a solution one way or another.” and at that the Pawn was gone.

    He heard talk from a table close to him. Immediately he recognized the strange cake girl. Not wanting to bring attention to himself, but wanting to hear their discussion he stayed close, but pretended not to mind them.  All he heard was something about a goose- he assumed the conversation was useless to eavesdrop on when he heard this- but then he heard something that caught his attention: “The guild-leaders will be divided into two groups; Chantara, Connel, Karayan, and Þorunn will be the first group and Grimme, Aadipta, Meira, and Dominic are the second group.”

    He didn’t know where he came from or who had said it, nor did he care. He did realize that a few persons from the table had noticed him and the shocked expression on his face. At that point two large doors opened on either side of the room. From more talk he learned that he was supposed to choose a door. Everyone was.

    This is clearly what the Pawn had been referring to. He knew exactly which door he would take too. Whichever one less people decided to choose.

    "There are no mistakes, only happy accidents."
    -Bob Ross

    #133628
    Cathy
    @this-is-not-an-alien

    @skylarynn
    I officially love Karayan! His whole attitude to this entire Castle is so funny Alessio would love him.

    “Darling, there is no need for such actions. I’d never lay a hand on you, you’re being unreasonable.”
    Connel halted at the familiar growl from a corner in the room. He turned, grasping the hilt of his sword as the feline vampire talked to his draekonet. A hot dizzying anger knifed like a stake through his chest, but he hated losing control of his own emotions, he wasn’t going to snap. With a carefully easy breath, he slid back to his casually indifferent air.
    “No, I am not lying,” It–he was saying “Not everyone is out to get you, my dear. You can’t just attack every person you come across, that is a very poor way to make friends.”
    “Maybe she doesn’t need to make friends,” Connel said and with a slight gesture convinces Tatira to scamper off the vampire. Strange, he never could tell what Tatira was going to do she just did whatever she wanted. Connel regards the new person suspiciously.
    “She doesn’t like strangers.”
    A sudden crack of glass made the bounty-hunter look up as a Pawn stumbled away from some feral lady, blood peeling down her eyebrow. Connel didn’t mind the spectacle too much but he saw an opportunity and stepped between them with a graceful smile.
    “If you don’t mind the intrusion, miss, can I be of assistance?” Connel asked the woman who seemed to expect attention, at the same time shielding the Pawn. It’d be nice to get both of them on his side, but he’d settle for a Pawn who’s willing spill secrets to a listening ear. Winning the more powerful one would be ideal though.
    “I’m sure whatever she did she deserved to be punished,” he said easily “but she really is too insignificant to know better.”

    Don't let the voices in your head drive you insane;only some of them can drive; most are underage

Viewing 15 posts - 91 through 105 (of 108 total)
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
Story Embers

Enroll in Our Seven-Day Mindset Challenge Course

Enter your email to begin taking the course. We'll send you a link to begin the mindset course along with emails to help you grow in your writing craft!

You've joined the course! Check your email to watch the first video.

Plotting Is Hard

That’s why we created a worksheet that will help you make sure your story hits all the right plot beats.

 

Sign up below to learn how to ace story structure.

Congratulations! Redirecting you to the plot sheet in one moment...

Stop Using Meaningless Character Questionnaires

Knowing your character's favorite ice cream flavor won't help you write engaging protagonists.

 

Our questionnaire is different. Use it to discover your character's core fears, longings, hopes, and needs.

Congratulations! Redirecting you to the character questionnaire in one moment...

Enjoying This Article? Get the Full Series!

 You can download the entire Tricky Subjects for Christian Storytellers series in e-book form for free!

 Learn how to wisely handle subjects like violence, language, and sex as a writer.

Congratulations! Redirecting you to the eBook in one moment...

Worldbuild Smarter, Not Harder

 Some worldbuilding questionnaires force you to answer as many questions as possible about your world.

 

Ours doesn’t. Answer targeted questions that reveal what’s actually important about your world.

Congratulations! Redirecting you to the worldbuilding questionnaire in one moment...

Take Your Style to the Next Level

Take Your Style to the Next Level

The written word matters to God.

 

Does it matter to you?

 

Learn how to develop an eloquent, practical, and personal style by downloading our free e-book.

Congratulations! Redirecting you to the eBook in one moment...

Every Year, Thousands of Writers Give Up

Every Year, Thousands of Writers Give Up

 Don’t be the next.

 

We understand how exhausting writing can be, so download our free e-book and find inspiration to press on!

Congratulations! Redirecting you to the eBook in one moment...

Don't Be That Kind of Christian Writer

Want to impact the world for Christ with your writing—without being preachy or cliched?

 

Learn how to avoid common pitfalls and craft powerful themes by downloading our free worksheet!

Congratulations! Redirecting you to the theme worksheet in one moment...

So You Have Clichés in Your Novel...

Thankfully, we’re here to help!

 

Enter your email below, and we’ll send you a simple process for smashing clichés.

Congratulations! Redirecting you to the cliche worksheet in one moment...

Sign Up for Updates

Enter your email to receive updates on the Engaging Plots Summit, along with emails to help you grow in your writing craft!

You have successfully subscribed for updates!

Does Christian Fiction Need to Be Clean?

Our Tricky Subjects for Christian Storytellers e-book examines how to depict sensitive topics like violence, language, and sex with realism and wisdom. Sign up to download it for free!

Congratulations! Redirecting you to the eBook in one moment...

Poetry Isn't Just for Poets

Poetry Isn't Just for Poets

It can also help novelists write better stories!

Get our Harnessing the Power of Poetry e-book to learn how techniques used by skilled poets can enrich your storytelling.

Congratulations! Redirecting you to the eBook in one moment...

Enjoying This Article? Get the Full Series!

Enjoying This Article? Get the Full Series!

You can download the entire Harnessing the Power of Poetry series in e-book form for free!

Learn what surprising insights and techniques novelists can glean from poets.

Congratulations! Redirecting you to the eBook in one moment...

Uncover the Secret to Relatable Characters

Uncover the Secret to Relatable Characters

Learning how to help readers connect with your story's characters doesn't need to be a mystery.

Get our Evoking Reader Empathy e-book to discover how successful authors build empathy.

Congratulations! Redirecting you to the eBook in one moment...

Stop Using Meaningless Character Questionnaires

Stop Using Meaningless Character Questionnaires

Knowing your character's favorite ice cream flavor won't help you write engaging protagonists.

 

Our questionnaire is different. Use it to discover your character's core fears, longings, hopes, and needs.

 

 

Congratulations! Redirecting you to the character questionnaire in one moment...

Plotting Is Hard

Plotting Is Hard

That’s why we created a worksheet that will help you make sure your story hits all the right plot beats.

 

Sign up below to learn how to ace story structure.

Congratulations! Redirecting you to the plot sheet in one moment...

Learn What the Bible Says about Engaging Plots

Learn What the Bible Says about Engaging Plots

Enter your email to get your guide, along with other resources to help you grow in your writing craft!

You have successfully subscribed for updates!

Pin It on Pinterest