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Fantasy Writers

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Viewing 15 posts - 376 through 390 (of 418 total)
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  • #148605
    Joelle Stone
    @joelle-stone

    @crazywriter,

    Heh, me too!! It’s really nice to have other eyes to catch those. 😛

    https://thepeninspired.wordpress.com

    #148789
    Joelle Stone
    @joelle-stone

    @crazywriter,

    Here we go again! I’ve set aside Tuesdays for editing/critiquing, so I should be able to get through your chapters a lot faster than before. 🙂

    ***

    Hours later, Abner was riding southeast, Breanon’s hooves pounding the cobbled road. A group of ten cavalry officers rode behind him, all seasoned veterans with grim faces. Cold air blew in Abner’s face, and driving the smell of the marshy plains to his nostrils. (Love this paragraph – your description is perfectly meshed with the action. Wonderfully done!)

    Hours passed, (you used this to start your last paragraph – maybe mix it up?) and he was relieved when he finally saw the torches of the camp. He slowed Breanon, and they descended a small plateau by way of a winding path. Most of the soldiers were asleep, but the sentries immediately recognized the king’s standard and stood at attention, saluting as they rode past.

    Abner was led to the officer’s stables, where he dismounted and left Breanon in the hands of a servant.

    Major Maguire, one of his father’s trusted military leaders, showed Abner to a tent, where he gladly laid down and restedto rest.

    Sleep eluded him however, so soon enough, he was up again, and found himself working on a letter to Lorraine. He finished it, folded it, and tucked it away beneath his pillow. He went outside, sitting by a fire with some soldiers who he quickly told to be at ease. The dark of the night was waning, and the morning silence was broken by the gentle singing of the birds, and the groaning of the trees. The sun lazily rose above the mountains far to the east (with a lazy ease/like a lazy glowing orange/some kind of simile, metaphor, or other phrase that conveys a bit of description and your “lazy”), and soon the sky went from sullen gray to a light orange.

    As he watched the sunrise, he felt a tap on his back. It was an aide of Major Maguire’s, alerting the king of an imminent meeting of the officers, which he was required to attend. [delete indent to mesh this paragraph and the next together] He led Abner through a maze of tents and fires until they finally arrived at a tent distinguished by a large [delete extra space between “large” and “red”] red and gold flag; the standard of Arhon. (Again, love the names!! They definitely lend a Tolkien-esque air to your story. ;))

    Inside the tent,About seven officers stood around a large table inside that was covered with sprawling maps. Major Maguire turned and called the room to attention at the arrival of the king.

    After the formalities, Abner came to the table, and looked at the maps they had been inspecting.

    “Gentlemen, give me the details.”

    The officers obliged and Abner was filled in.

    “Sire, our camp numbers 500 strong. We are positioned 20 miles north of the Barrow River, and 30 more miles to Ensteyr. If we press hard we can make it there early tomorrow morning. However, we’ll have some difficulty crossing the river as there are only two bridges, positioned ten miles apart, and they can only fit two horsemen abreast.”

    Abner chewed his lip and mulled the information over, but before he could respond, Major Maguire spoke.

    “We have also received reports of the situation at Ensteyr. They have sent us a letter, message and have told telling us of the desperate nature of the siege. Food supply is scarce, and the garrison has dwindled to less than 200, while they estimate the enemy force to be of at least 1,000. They don’t expect to last more than a few days.”

    Abner swallowed, and he stroked his chin slowly, gazing at the map of the surrounding area. [delete indent to mesh paragraphs] An idea popped into his head, and he mapped it in his mind, checking if indeed it could work.

    Then, “Major Maguire, give me fifty of your fastest riders, and one other officer. We shall take the west bridge,” –he tapped his finger on a point on the map– “while you shall lead the remaining troops over the east bridge. Since we have less numbers and baggage, my fifty will arrive sooner and perhaps be able to hold the enemy until the rest of you arrive.” (Smart. *nods approvingly with MM*)

    Major Maguire nodded approvingly. “Understood, my liege. I shall assemble the men immediately.”

    He exited the tent, and Abner dismissed the meeting. He then walked back to his tent, and fastened his sword belt around his waist. He found the letter he had left under his pillow, and tucked it under his plate armor. He then walked out of the tent, to be met by a young, blonde-headed man, wearing the uniform of an officer. Abner recognized him as one of the men in the Command Tent, and suspected this was to be his requested lieutenant.

    “Your Highness, Lieutenant North at your service.”

    “Pleased to meet you, Lieutenant. Why don’t you show me to your command.”

    The lieutenant obliged, and led him to a quadrant of the camp, where a group of dirty, sweat-stained men were tacking up horses, and strapping on boots. (I don’t know why I loved that sentence so much, but it’s awesome. XD) Many looked groggy from waking at the reveille which Abner had missed while in the Command Tent.

    Abner nodded and turned to Lieutenant North. “Have them ready in ten minutes. I’ll address and then we’ll be on our way.”

    With a swift nod, North carried out the task, and Abner watched him get the rag-tag band into a semblance of formation.

    A young servant whom Abner had dispatched to the stables led Breanon to the young king. Abner mounted and rode to the front of the formation beside North. All eyes fixed on Abner, waiting expectantly  for the king’s address. A brief wave of nervousness rose in his gut, before he pushed it down, and spoke.

    “Gentlemen, I am King Abner.” Silence. Not even a horse nickered. “I will be leading your detail away from the main camp, to the west crossing of the Barrow River.” Abner paused for effect, “Gentlemen, we are the vanguard of this army. We will be the first to arrive at Ensteyr, and we will be responsible for the defense of it until reinforcements arrive. Speed is crucial, so we must make haste toward the fort. We will not stop until we get there.” Abner looked at the men, and saw only determined eyes, faces set like flint toward their king. Inwardly, he was touched by the dedication of these men, so intent on rescuing their fellow countrymen. (Yas! *pumps fist*)

    “Lieutenant North, you may lead us out.,” Abner concluded, and with that, they rode southwest, a hot sun beating down on their shining armor/something like that.

    https://thepeninspired.wordpress.com

    #149007
    Emily Waldorf
    @emily-waldorf

    Hello folks! and by that I mean @joelle-stone and @crazywriter, since Denali is gone for Lent and I can’t see that anyone else is very active here:

    How’s writing? How’s life?

    Don't cry for me, for I go where music is born ~J.S. Bach

    #149009
    Crazywriter
    @crazywriter

    @emily-waldorf

    Im doing well! All that’s been of consequence recently is a rolled ankle and rainy skies.

    There is a family in our church, and the husband had a brain tumor that by medical evaluation was incurable. However there’s a holistic experimental treating facility in Scottsdale AZ that they went too, and it really was an act of God, who preserved him, tho he was close to death many times on the journey. Before the trip, he couldn’t move or speak, or even hold up his head. Now he’s walking with assistance. We serve a powerful God!!

    Yeah, Denali really killed us there. Come in Denali! XD JK JK

    How are y’all?

    #149011
    Rebekah12
    @rebekah12

    *waves* Hello, Emily. And Crazywriter. And Joelle. And…. whoever else happens to be reading this. XD

    My writing’s going good! I’m reading through K. M. Weiland’s Outlining Your Novel book (and get to plot through my current story premise as soon as I’m done with it), I’m working on a fantasy novella/novelette thing which is a lot of fun, and since YWW’s Sprint Competition just started that means that (theoretically) I get to use the time spent writing this week’s school-related essay is going to count towards points for my team. (: So YAY!

    And after months of being on an emotional roller coaster, I finally decided to step forward in church and ask the church leadership to pray for me, and just as soon as they did, the roller coaster shut off. Like… IMMEDIATELY. So I’m super upbeat and happy and can’t stop smiling and can actually think clearly and do stuff for the first time in a while, and that feels really, really good. 😀 🎉

    Hwæt! Wē Gār-Dena in geār-dagum, pēod-cyninga, prym gefrūnon, hū õā æpelingas ellen fremedon!

    #149012
    Emily Waldorf
    @emily-waldorf

    @crazywriter Oh, wow! Yes, we certainly do serve a great God! I’m so happy for that family. Uh-oh, though: a twisted ankle. 🙁 (is there a difference between rolled and twisted?) How’d that happen?

     

    Hi Rebekah! I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure. 🙂 Nice to meet you. Fantasy is cool, do you have traditional or non-traditional creatures, or both, or…what? (Ig I should have asked first if you were writing high or low fantasy, but from your profile and quote, I’d guess high). Outlining/plotting is fun! I just started a new plotting adventure today. I’m on a series of fairy tale rewrites with role reversals (so prince=princess and vica versa).

    In life news I’m studying Hamlet so…FUN! I basically get to spend hours on my favorite play, and read/listen to a bunch of people who I disagree with and rant at the ceiling unceasingly.

    Don't cry for me, for I go where music is born ~J.S. Bach

    #149013
    Crazywriter
    @crazywriter

    @emily-Waldorf

    So mine wasn’t just the twisting your ankle going down the stairs that goes away after a half hour. It was during a football exercise and it rolled outwards an popped. It’s dramatically better than it should be, a testament (again) to Gods Grace, but I’m still wearing an ankle brace and it still is tender.

    I’ve been reading a book called the Mystery of Sanctification by Walter Marshall, which is excellent, and I highly recommend. Also I’m reading through the Narnia series with my mom. It’s awesome!

    #149014
    Emily Waldorf
    @emily-waldorf

    @crazywriter

    Eesh, ugly. Sorry about that! I’m glad you’re feeling better. So is a rolled ankle between a twist and a sprain? (Sorry again, though not sorry: I never grew out of curiosity. :P) Oooh, let’s talk about God’s grace: my brother was in a car accident which probably should have killed him, and 6 months later was completely well and able to return to work. :)) I hope I don’t forget about that soon. Isn’t it amazing in a horrible way, how quickly we forget?

     

    Ok. Don’t believe I’ve heard of Walter Marshall. Is he a Puritan or modern theologian? Hey, no kidding! I just finished the Chronicles of Narnia! Where are you at? And do you have a favorite book?

     

    Ig that’s a lot of questions…

     

    Don't cry for me, for I go where music is born ~J.S. Bach

    #149015
    Crazywriter
    @crazywriter

    @emily-waldorf

    It was technically a high ankle sprain, and that’s why we thought it would be so much worse cause there usually pretty bad.

    He’s a Puritan, but a modern guy put the book into modern English.

    The last battle. By far. Not a reflection on the others being bad, which by no means they are, but the last battle is just SO good

    #149016
    Emily Waldorf
    @emily-waldorf

    @crazywriter

    OK, well, all the more reason to be glad you’re doing well.

    Ah, yes! That’s good; I’m glad people do that.

    Huh. I’ve never heard someone say that. It is an amazingly written book! Do you like the writing, the story, the allegory, all of it? I have trouble choosing. I might have to go with The Magician’s Nephew or the Horse and His Boy. But the Silver Chair is a close contender, too!

    Don't cry for me, for I go where music is born ~J.S. Bach

    #149018
    Crazywriter
    @crazywriter

    @emily-waldorf

    For me it’s how Lewis ties them all together at the end. It’s a beautiful picture of a valiant end, while still correctly portraying the sovereignty of the lion over it all, and his power of Tash. Perhaps it awakens in me longing for the culmination of all Christians battles, and the final sight of our king.

    #149019
    Joelle Stone
    @joelle-stone

    @rebekah-doose,

    My writing’s going good! I’m reading through K. M. Weiland’s Outlining Your Novel book (and get to plot through my current story premise as soon as I’m done with it), I’m working on a fantasy novella/novelette thing which is a lot of fun, and since YWW’s Sprint Competition just started that means that (theoretically) I get to use the time spent writing this week’s school-related essay is going to count towards points for my team. (: So YAY!

    *realizes I’m going to have to work double-time this week to be able to keep up with both you and Thwapling (assuming she participates) if I want to keep Amber up and winning XD*

    And after months of being on an emotional roller coaster, I finally decided to step forward in church and ask the church leadership to pray for me, and just as soon as they did, the roller coaster shut off. Like… IMMEDIATELY. So I’m super upbeat and happy and can’t stop smiling and can actually think clearly and do stuff for the first time in a while, and that feels really, really good. 😀 🎉

    Woah, really? COOL BEANS!!!!

    https://thepeninspired.wordpress.com

    #149031
    Linyang Zhang
    @devastate-lasting

    *descends in a cloud of black feathers and smoke*

    *sees it’s page 26 of the thread*

    *decides it’s probably too late to barge into the convo*

    "I set a melody upon the scenery I saw outside my window;
    It's beginning in my spacy world."
    - TK

    #149032
    Joelle Stone
    @joelle-stone

    @devastate-lasting,

    JOIN THE CONVO

    https://thepeninspired.wordpress.com

    #149033
    Linyang Zhang
    @devastate-lasting

    @joelle-stone *aggressively waves*

    Ah, yes, another habitually resurfacing on the Story Embers forum after 7 months. How art thou?

    "I set a melody upon the scenery I saw outside my window;
    It's beginning in my spacy world."
    - TK

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