Stories and Fantasies
April 11, 2021 at 7:11 pm #130131
Esthelle’s story- cont.
He pulled her to a wagon where many other young girls had been brought. That’s where she was placed, while many other guards continued to bring others.
Esthelle looked around, scanning a few of her wagon mates for recognition. She knew none.
One woman was quite pretty. She had dark hair and dark caramel-colored skin. Her black eyes were framed by long lashes. She seemed to be from the richer side of the city. Her clothes were of the brightest colors and the richest linens. She was seemingly perfect.
Another was the very magnitude of opposite. Although she looked like she had a fair living, she was quite plain. She had dirty blonde hair, which was pulled back and pinned up on her head. Wire-rimmed glasses shielded hazel eyes. Freckles were quite in abundance on her tanned skin.
Esthelle frowned and shifted slightly as the wagon she was in began to move. Her ears picked up a terrible sound. Crying. She looked over and saw a young girl of around fourteen clinging to a girl a few years older. They were sisters, and the younger was practically wailing.
Esthelle’s heart broke as she watched the pain. What was happening? Why were they being taken from their homes?
She looked back and saw that two more wagons were following the one she was in. Something was going to happen. She just didn’t know what.
"If your goal is purity in heart, be prepared to be thought very odd." -Elisabeth ElliottApril 11, 2021 at 7:26 pm #130135Skylarynn@skylarynn
@joelle-stone Yes, I did change the plot somewhat. Forgot to clarify that, sorry. And I do switch between Nadia and Ada a fair bit, but I make an effort to only pop into Nadia’s head (for reasons you’ll probably only learn at the very end of the story…). And Ada is mute, so Nadia is always the one who does the talking.
Now for a third installment:
Ada’s breath hitched in her throat and her eyes widened even more. She had ceased her lazy spiralled tracings on the stonework when they had first heard the shout; now her hands trembled on the cool granite wall. Her fearful face swivelled towards Nadia. There were frightened questions in her wide blue eyes.
Nadia, well-trained trouper that she was, maintained her composure and kept her voice steady. “Ada, prya,” she said slowly, softly. Her eyes were still fixed on the furthest bend of the old cobbled road. “We need go to the Keep.”
The younger girl nodded mutely. She rose slowly, keeping her balance easily on the old masonry of the ravine wall. Her cloak flapped in the wind down the mountain as the breeze picked up and tangled her long curls.
Her companion stood as well, adjusting her cerise shawl to better cover her shoulders. The wind had picked up. Though perhaps it isn’t wind, Nadia thought uneasily. Almost to confirm her fears a discordant rattle traveled down the metal net covering Ironstorm and shook the chains high above her.
The wyvern had reached the walls.
"Remember, you go nowhere by accident. Wherever you go, God is sending you." - Rev. Peter R. HaleApril 12, 2021 at 8:45 am #130315April 12, 2021 at 12:49 pm #130425Joelle Stone@joelle-stone
Ooh, both of those are good. Do you like the movies or the books better?
"For love is strong as death." -GodApril 12, 2021 at 1:08 pm #130436Mischievous Thwapling@mischievous-thwapling
To kinda echo what Joelle said earlier: How detailed of a critique do y’all want? Like.. concept? Or more of a grammatical/line-by-line type thingy?
If your dreams turn to dust... vacuum.
~Author UnknownApril 12, 2021 at 1:09 pm #130437Mischievous Thwapling@mischievous-thwapling
Perfectly understandable!! 😉 (about the only editing some thing)
If your dreams turn to dust... vacuum.
~Author UnknownApril 12, 2021 at 2:07 pm #130459
@mischievious-thwapling whatever you deem best, whatever you have the time to do, you don’t have to do me at all if you need
"If your goal is purity in heart, be prepared to be thought very odd." -Elisabeth ElliottApril 12, 2021 at 3:33 pm #130492Joelle Stone@joelle-stone
Honestly, as detailed as of a critique that you have time to give. Don’t feel pressured to get super deep, though. 🙂 *wonders if I even posted part 3* *goes and checks*
"For love is strong as death." -GodApril 12, 2021 at 5:07 pm #130520Skylarynn@skylarynnApril 12, 2021 at 7:47 pm #130578
well I like them both and like most movies that are from books, you can’t really call it the LOTR movie (i mean it is) because it’s totally different…If ya get wat i mean
"Courage is found in unlikely places." JRR TolkienApril 12, 2021 at 7:59 pm #130585Rebekah12@rebekah12
I am loving this more by the second. And wyverns?! *enter flashback of the wyverns I put in my WIP* I love wyverns lol xd
That. Is. Brilliant. Now I wanna go read the book of Esther.
Ummmm whatever kind you’re willing to do, I guess? Like I said before, I am completely clueless when it comes to editing and revising and stuff like that, so whatever you pick, I’m grateful for your time 😉
“Until such time as the world ends, we will act as though it intends to spin on.” -- Nick FuryApril 12, 2021 at 8:31 pm #130602
@anybody is this for posting stories you’re writing/written if so is it just for those who were on the other site? (I didn’t find out about it until it closed)
Btw my name is Tasha I just have always wanted to use Melancholic writer as a username because that is my personality type (Ik a geek am I😂😂)
"Courage is found in unlikely places." JRR TolkienApril 12, 2021 at 9:43 pm #130624Rebekah12@rebekah12
Yes, it is for posting stories you’re writing / have written. And as far as I’m aware, it’s for everyone; not just people from The Flabbit Room (aka the WFS’s young writer’s forum branch).
“Until such time as the world ends, we will act as though it intends to spin on.” -- Nick FuryApril 12, 2021 at 9:55 pm #130633
@rebekah12 Thanks, not all of what I’m allowing to occur in Esthelle’s story will come from the book of Esther, however notable things from the Bible story do happen along with a lot of other stuff. 😉
"If your goal is purity in heart, be prepared to be thought very odd." -Elisabeth ElliottApril 12, 2021 at 10:25 pm #130643
Esthelle’s story, cont.
They were taken to the palace. Esthelle couldn’t believe her eyes as they were herded into a secluded wing of the palace.
It was so extravagant. The marble floor and pillars that lined up the halls. Candles, tall ones, lit the way.
Esthelle glanced down, they were now walking on a carpet so lush and soft, a vibrant royal purple. She could feel it brushing against her sandals.
A large door opened, and they were led inside a room.
Another woman waited there. She wore a uniform. But it was different from Mrodi’s, Esthelle noted. Maroon with gold instead of light blue.
The woman was older, heavy-set, with dark eyes, and wavy hair pinned up. She scanned each of them with an intense interest through wire rimmed glasses.
“Good morning, ladies.” She finally said. Her voice was high pitched and nasally and Esthelle saw the perfect young woman from her wagon flinch.
“I am Heyga, and I will be overseeing your stay here in the palace.” She paused, “I assumed you have all heard about the former queen…”
Several of them nodded, Esthelle frowned.
“That is why you are here.” Heyga continued. “For twelve days you will be prepared to meet the king. He will choose one of you to be his queen. Do all of you understand?”
Most of them nodded again.
“We will have you all divided into groups of five. Each group will receive a room in which you will stay, and a set of servants to aid your preparations.”
Esthelle breathed a shaky breath.
Queen! One of them was to be the new queen! Esthelle immediately looked at the perfect young woman from her wagon. She was the most beautiful of all of them.
To Esthelle’s surprise the pretty one was looking back at her. She gave Esthelle a nod, which she returned.
Esthelle was assigned to group number two, and a servant brought her to the quarters where she would room with four others.
"If your goal is purity in heart, be prepared to be thought very odd." -Elisabeth Elliott
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