Character Castle 2.0
January 6, 2021 at 9:13 pm #123530Cathy@this-is-not-an-alien
I LOVE your explanation of Ehud! It suits him so well! It’s really cool that you write characters with ADHD and autism! I love reading about them, (when I can find them, they’re really rare in fiction, for some reason??) but I haven’t written any yet. Hmm, I should actually just get over myself and do the research. *mental gears start turning*
I do MBTI tests for my characters too! I’m kind of fascinated by the Myer-Briggs types. I have an ENFP-t in my story too! She’s the most adorable character and one of the favorites of all my beta readers. I think she’s amazing and I love writing her. XD
Liorah is an ESFP-t, in case you were wondering.
Oh thanks! I just really geek with that type of psychology. Waking Rose has a character (well a couple but focuses on one) with PTSD; Fish and Simba from Lion King has that too, Doc Martin is a movie about a doctor with autism and Monk is about a detective with OCD but it’s not quite as accurate as it could be but I’ve never read/watched anything about a character with bipolar disorder (although Anakin expresses several of the symptoms especially as he gets closer to becoming Vader), or any character with schizophrenia, or Down Syndrome (no, I take that back there was a girl in Deerslayer), several characters from the Percy Jackson series are ADHD and dyslectic but I feel like he just said they were ADHD and didn’t really go through with that 🙁 . If you have any particular disorder you wanna research I can try to help if ya want 🙂 It is pretty sad that I can rarely find that in fiction especially fantasy and even when they do it’s usually inaccurate and shallow.
Oh I have such a hard time finding a well-rounded ENFP-t character where can I read about your’s?!
Don't let the voices in your head drive you insane;only some of them can drive; most are underageJanuary 6, 2021 at 11:14 pm #123536Rusted Knight@rusted-knight
Allen leaned back. The cold stone was somewhat soothing after the battle. Now he could rest. While he could anyway. The castle was sure to pull a trick on them. Everyone was feeling the same without speaking it. But if they did, the castle might hear and accelerate its plans. Morale was at rock bottom.
Scratching his head, Allen thought. Anything to change the mood would help. Then he remembered something. Once he had spoken with a illusion bard who had been most kind in explaining his trade. Allen could make illusions but could he merge their use with the story he told?
“Well now Rilyn. I believe it is time for me to uphold my side of the bargain. Let me see. Back home there is a legend of a wily copperhead that caused quite some trouble for my great grandfather’s generation. Many warriors tried to kill the beast, few returned to tell of its viciousness.”
Allen watched a glowing cloud begin to shift color and form becoming a snake.
“The great viper began its story when it found an abandoned rabbit warren. Traveling those tunnels, the beast found that it had a marvelous fortress. How it came to see fey as food remains unknown but it did. Finding us relatively weak, it would travel out and attack merchants, taking them and sometimes what they carried with it. Following that trail, the first of the challengers found the viper’s lair. By now the snake had grown use to the tunnels. Those who dared to enter the warren often never returned. Those who did were poisoned and wounded.”
The cloud had become more detailed now. Foggy forms of warriors fought a single snake that traded blows with them. The snake held the advantage.
“Even the army had trouble with the viper. Content to have the food come to it, the snake became accustom to battle. Surviving fight after fight it began to predict attacks, to see through tactics. Then one day, a band of strangers appeared. Who they were or how they heard of the snake was never discovered. What is know is that they bore the crest of a ouroboroan salamander.”
“Entering the viper’s lair, they vanished for a week. Many began to fear that they too had died, more victims of the serpent. But on the eighth day, all members of that band returned to the surface with the viper’s head. Freed from the terror the beast, the locals including my great grandfather threw a celebration for the heroes. After that, the mysterious band once more took to the road. Some say that they had others to help. Others say that they were locals who did not wish to be honored as heroes. My great grandfather believed that they merely felt that it was their duty to help us. With their job done, they had no reason to stay.”
Allen let the illusion hover for a bit before it dissolved. Hopefully he had raised everyone’s spirits a little.
The Devil saw me with my head down and got excited. Then I said AmenJanuary 7, 2021 at 10:51 am #123539
If you have any particular disorder you wanna research I can try to help if ya want It is pretty sad that I can rarely find that in fiction especially fantasy and even when they do it’s usually inaccurate and shallow.
Thank you so much! I’ll totally remember that! I don’t have anything particular in mind so far. Actually, Liorah has some PTSD in the second book. (She doesn’t have it in the castle, because it’s before the events of book one.) If you (or anyone else, actually 😉) have any tips about that, I’d really appreciate them! During my research, I found a really helpful website with a whole series about disabilities and disorders. They’re interviews with people who have the conditions, so the information is firsthand and accurate. Here’s the article on PTSD, but there are articles on blindness, deafness, epilepsy, and a ton more!
Interestingly enough, it seems “the Hunger Games” is actually quite an accurate portrayal of PTSD?
Oh I have such a hard time finding a well-rounded ENFP-t character where can I read about yours?!
Well… you can’t read about her anywhere, right now XD I’m not happy with the first draft, so I’m rewriting it. She’s Liorah’s best friend, so it’s interesting to contrast the two.
"Stories are light. Light is precious in a world so dark." The Tale of DespereauxJanuary 7, 2021 at 11:35 am #123540
Loved your post!
I listened as the small man wove a tale of snakes, battles, and people small enough to enter the warren of a rabbit. The glowing clouds of smoke drew the story in the air, making it come alive in all its vivid details of bravery and peril.
When it was over, I breathed a sigh. I had gotten so caught up in the story that I’d almost forgotten about the grim situation. It was a smart idea. Perhaps I could help.
I sifted through the stories I knew, searching for one that could be told without too much context. The story of my great-grandfather’s coronation was funny but too short. The stories of the war in his time were too dreary and hard to understand. I finally settled on one of the stories my friend Sahar had told. It was a legend of the Kezbes and Nebatan, and though sad, it was pretty and memorable.
“Thank you, that was interesting. I know a myth of a Kezbe girl and the king of the Nebatan if you’d like to hear it?”
Nobody objected, so I continued. I tried to keep my voice even. I remembered how Sahar would tell the story, her voice rising to the greatest joy and falling to deepest sorrow as she got swept up into the highs and lows.
“Once there was a girl, of the tribe of the Kezbes. She was the most beautiful of all, with eyes as pale as seafoam and hair as dark as the night sky. Her name was Soraya. The king of the Nebatan heard of her beauty and traveled to the southern mountains to meet her and see if the rumors of her loveliness proved true.”
This was usually the part where Sahar would jump up and start acting the parts, tossing her dark curls and fluttering her eyelashes as the beautiful Soraya and drawing herself up to her full height as the king. I smiled.
“The king was enchanted by her beauty and kindness. He asked her to be his queen, for he had fallen in love with her. Soraya agreed and they were married not long after. He built her a beautiful palace, nestled in the woods, where she could hear the waves crash on the shore and hear the birds sing.”
I paused, imagining the palace. It was said that it was still somewhere, deep in the woods, though the tale had supposedly happened two hundred years ago.
“The king and his queen were very happy for a while, but unrest was brewing among the Nebatan. There were wealthy nobles who spread rumors of scandals the king had supposedly committed. He swore they were not true, but the hearts of the people turned against him, though Queen Soraya was spared of suspicion, for she was kind to everyone and gave freely of her riches.”
I bit my lip. This was the part I didn’t like. Sahar claimed she didn’t like it either, but I knew she enjoyed telling it, even though she felt sorry for the king and queen.
“One day, the nobles and a great crowd of the people attacked the palace. The king was murdered by his general, who was envious of his position, and the palace was destroyed. The colored panes of glass were shattered, the furnishings broken and looted. Only the queen was spared, for nobody would harm her. The queen wept among the ruins of her home and on the grave of her husband, for she had loved him deeply.”
I paused to let the tragedy of the betrayal have its full effect.
“It is said that flowers grew from the queen’s tears. The clusters of flowers drip like frosty tears, and though their smell is sweet, the bitterness of her tears is lethal to any who touch the flower. The flowers were named Soraya’s Tears, after the beautiful queen.”
I let out a breath, then continued, in a less dramatic voice.
“I have no idea how much of that is true, stories get twisted over time. But, there was a revolution among the Nebatan two hundred years ago, and many Kezbes do have pale eyes and dark hair.”
"Stories are light. Light is precious in a world so dark." The Tale of DespereauxJanuary 7, 2021 at 11:57 am #123542Mischievous Thwapling@mischievous-thwaplingJanuary 7, 2021 at 1:31 pm #123548
I’m also intruding, but an article on blindness and deafness? Hm… Must check this out. 😉
I love the legends going on here!
"Lacho calad! Drego morn!"January 7, 2021 at 1:41 pm #123553
You’re not intruding at all!
I was wondering if you don’t mind, what are the most important things I shouldn’t get wrong? I’m really sorry if this is intruding or offensive in any way, I’m afraid to misrepresent it. It’s totally fine if you’d rather not answer 😉
No problem! I’m actually planning blind and deaf characters too and the articles helped me a lot! There’s a YouTuber someone on SE recommended. She’s blind and makes videos on how blindness affects her daily life. It’s really interesting and helpful, and it showed me a lot of things I might miss. Her name is Molly Burke, and here’s a video that was really interesting.
“Every way being blind makes my life different” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zE9U7zuLDFI
Hope this helps!
I love the legends going on here!
Thank you! I’ve actually been planning that one for a while since the ruined palace is a minor plot point in the second book. It was fun to write it out!
"Stories are light. Light is precious in a world so dark." The Tale of DespereauxJanuary 7, 2021 at 9:06 pm #123563
“I have no idea how much of that is true, stories get twisted over time. But, there was a revolution among the Nebatan two hundred years ago, and many Kezbes do have pale eyes and dark hair,” Princess Liorah finished, her dramatic voice switched to her normal one.
Wow. Riure was loving this. Hearing legends she’d never heard before was a delightfully unique experience. As a girl who loved stories and counted on them to feed her imagination, she’d always been on the lookout for new ones.
Silence yawned, but it was a peaceful one, not in the least tense.
“Well, I could tell some legends of my people,” Riure offered after a moment. “I do enjoy tale spinning, although I’m not very good at it; especially describing things to sightlings. (The article on blindness, @rose-colored-fancy, used that word and I love it!)”
“Go ahead!” Ehud encouraged enthusiastically.
“Alright. Let me think of one… Ooh, I’ve got it! It’s kind of long though, so if you get bored, stop me.” Riure chucked nervously.
“When Kening made the world, he named it Esbo, that is, it is good. He loved his creation with all of his heart.
“In many things of nature Kening placed powers. There were powers in plants and animals, mountains and the lakes, air and earth. They worked their magic and kept Esbo ticking.
“Of course, Esbo needed times and seasons. So Kening created the five Seasons, which took the shape of winds. Because the Seasons were unruly, with minds of their own, he also created five Guardians to keep watch over the Seasons. There was one rule: let the Seasons run loose over Esbo for 90 days each, no more, no less. When one returns, another is set free. This was the Guardians’ only duty.
“After Kening left for his home, the Guardians did as they were told. The first Season, Hivern, was set free for 90 days according to plan. After he returned, Prima, the second Season, was loosed. After the fifth season had completed his rounds, the first year of Esbo was complete.
“The Guardians quickly tired of their jobs, however, and began to speculate what it would be like to be in charge of another Season, or, even better, all five. They began to argue amongst themselves as to which Guardian was greater or had the best Season. Thus disaster struck Esbo.” Riure paused, gathering her next words.
“Euria, the rainy Season, was not called home after her 90 days were over. Instead she ran 120 days before finally returning to her Guardian, wondering what had gone awry.
“120 days of rain hadn’t done Esbo any good, however.” Riure hadn’t even realized that she was on her feet, gesturing and pacing as the story took its hold on her. “Floods had covered nearly every surface imaginable. Half-man creatures, animals, and mankind were nearly wiped out. Plants were pretty much obliterated. All was chaos.
“When Euria returned to her Guardian, he didn’t alert the next Guardian that it was her Season’s turn. Instead Hivern, the first and most proud Season, took over.
“He swept across Esbo like a plague, freezing the leftovers of Euria’s recently-abated floods. more of Esbo’s inhabitants died in the cold, and it was then that mankind discovered a mystical force.
“Two of the Seasons, who loved color and warmth, were attracted to it and entered Esbo along with Hivern simply so they could get a better look at this thing the mankind called fire. They ignored Hivern’s orders to get out and let him work his mischief, instead choosing to declare themselves free from anyone’s rule but their own.
“Seeing all the fun her fellow Seasons were having, Euria returned to Esbo, bringing with her more fierce storms and rain that doused the fires. The only Season that remained behind, waiting for her Guardian to tell her what to do, was Prima, the second Season, known as the Season of New Life. She waited patiently for her Guardian to tell her what to do, and he noticed her dedication.
“Thus Prima’s Guardian sent her into Esbo to bring back all the Seasons but that of heat while he attempted to bring the other Guardians to reason before all Esbo was destroyed by the frequent floods, blizzards, droughts, and other calamities.
Riure paused. This part wasn’t so awesome. “Prima did as she was told, entering Esbo to gather her kin back to their Guardians. But along the way she couldn’t resist bringing up little shoots out of the earth in an attempt to make her presence known to the inhabitants of the world. Her Guardian had told her not to act as she normally would had it been her turn to run, but Prima did have a bit of rebellion in her.
“No matter how hard she tried, though, her little plants were either drown, froze, or fried to a crisp by the other Seasons, who managed to avoid her all the while. Prima grew discouraged.
“Roughly 300 years after Esbo had been created, Prima finally caught up to her kin. They were holding a gathering of the Seasons to try and decide who among them should rule. The male Seasons, Hivern and Tardor – Tardor is the fifth Season, by the way, the one of color – erm, both the male Seasons thought they should be in charge, and the other two female Seasons were divided in their allegiances. Prima was the deciding vote.
“When she relayed her message from her Guardian, however, Prima was mocked.
“‘She has come to betray us!’ Tardor accused.
“‘She shall not bring news of our gathering back to the Guardians,’ Hivern decreed.
“‘She could just join us,’ Euria suggested.
“‘Yes, join us Prima,’ Estiu, the season of heat, coerced.” Riure paused, proud of the voices she’d just done. Silence had settled over those gathered, and she couldn’t tell if they were trying to sort everything out or if they were bored, waiting for her to finish.
“Anyway, long story short, Prima refused. Her kin became angry, and leapt at her, and Prima was destroyed.
“What the Seasons did not expect was that they, too, along with Prima would come to an end. When the Seasons in their wind shape merged, they created the devastating and fully obedient storm Ekaitz, mighty above all others. The rebellious pieces of them dropped to the ground and disappeared.
“Meanwhile, the Guardians had refused to listen to Prima’s Guardian. When Ekaitz returned to them, huge and obedient to the point where it had no will of its own, they changed their minds.
“Esbo was a wreck from having all five Seasons in it at once. Ekatiz on its way back to the Guardians had ruined much as well. Only a sliver of mankind, half-man creatures, and animals remained.
“The Guardians didn’t know what to do. So they did the only thing they could think of. They sent for Kening.
“When he returned to Esbo and saw the disaster wrecked upon it, so great was his wrath and sorrow that all wished they could turn into pieces of dust and float away. His perfect world, Esbo, had been destroyed.
“What is more is that those rebellious pieces of Ekaitz had begun their own mischief. Remember those?” Murmurs cycled through the group. “Yeah. Well, they are the mighty powers of Ice, Fire, and Water. They stirred up all other powers to run free, and those powers left their given places to do as they wished.
“Kening entered into Esbo proper on the back of Ekaitz.” Riure’s voice rose with passion. Kening was her king and friend, and he was most certainly her favorite character. “The clouds rolled under his feet, and lightning flashed from his eyes as thunder issued from his mouth. His eyes were that of a fiery furnace, glowing with fierce wrath.
“Mankind cowered in their homes as the earth quaked. Half-man creatures hid themselves in the deep places of the earth as animals scurried for cover. Kening’s power and majesty was so great none dared look upon his return.
“‘Come,’ Kening called in a voice deep as the roaring lakes. ‘Come! Bend your wills or be broken.’
“Lighted mists raced to him from all sides of Esbo. Each took the form of a human and threw themselves, cowering in pure terror, before his feet. These were the powers that had followed the Seasons’ rebellious pieces, Ice, Fire, and Water. They were sorry.” Riure’s voice cracked. She cleared her throat and went on.
“When their leaders, the rebellious powers, came before Kening’s mighty wrath, they quaked so much that they split into three separate pieces each, and they were all the more vulnerable and repentant for it.
“No one knows what Kening told the powers that day. But we do know that he gave the powers into the keep of a man he raised up to become the first Bestower. The Bestower’s job was to keep the powers in check and bestow them upon mankind or half-man creatures once they had fully submitted.
“Kening made several promises that day. One, that he would send someone to save Esbo. That person, I believe, was Kening’s own son, Adanyi. But that’s quite another story. The second promise was that there would always be a Bestower to control the powers until the end of time. Third, the rebellious powers would not be bestowed until evil had the upper hand in Esbo and Kening brought nine people to counter it. (BTW, this is the basic idea of my current series.) That day he also renamed Esbo, for it had changed. Now, it is known as VaSerBo, it was good, and that is where I come from.”
Her legs were shaking now with the realization that she’d just stood up in front of a lot of people, half of whom she hardly knew and the other half of whom she didn’t know at all, to tell a very long and probably very boring story. She quickly dropped to the floor, pulled Sadiq’s head onto her lap, and concentrated on running her fingers through her dog’s hair. Her cheeks flamed. That had been a very, very bad idea.
Go ahead, anyone! If you read through that entire legend, I applaud thee as much as I can before my hands fall off. If you did read through it though, can you give me some honest critique? It was a simplified (but not necessarily shorter) version of one I put into my WIP, and I’ve had to redo it a lot of times for confusion and boredom reasons. So honestly let me know! 😀
"Lacho calad! Drego morn!"January 10, 2021 at 3:06 pm #123649
I love the story! I read through the whole thing and I’ll try to reread it and give you some critique soon. It’s amazing though, and I love how you used something like the flood and an ice age!
"Stories are light. Light is precious in a world so dark." The Tale of DespereauxJanuary 11, 2021 at 7:32 pm #123714Cathy@this-is-not-an-alien
Some of the group had begun telling stories and that was good for morale. Rosario listened partway but she enjoyed the sound of warming talk more than the actual stories and her mind had plenty to occupy it; food and water rations were scarce to none-existent, most of the group were injured which would likely attract more predators, and Ehud had been rather quiet for a bit and that was beginning to scare her. Scanning the scene she caught him hugging–why should that surprise her–a practical stranger. Poor sot, he looked somewhere between stunned out of thought and ready to murder this audacious idiota.
“Ehud, carino, stop, you’re way too old for that.” She smirked at the victim of his spontaneous affection before Ehud released him and ducked between his shoulders sheepishly. Steering him along by his hood, Rosario dropped Ehud beside the blind girl and sat down herself. Liorah was in the middle of a tragedy which probably would have made Ehud cry if he’d heard the whole thing. She finished and Riure offered to tell a story.
“Go ahead!” Ehud encouraged and Rosario grabbed him before he could overenthusiastically push her into the spotlight.
“Alright. Let me think of one…ooh, I’ve got it! It’s kind of long though, so if you get bored, stop me.” The story was incredibly interesting and engaging to Ehud; and Ehud’s barely suppressed commentary was more than amusing to Rosario.
“You had one job Guardians!” Ehud blurted in almost a whisper somewhere in the middle and Rosario had to shush him. When the Guardians got tired of their jobs he kept asking why they didn’t just ask to switch Seasons or something. By the time all the Seasons were out Ehud was completely mesmerized, she could almost hear him trying to solve the problem of all the Guardians wanting fun but needing to be more rigid. Once Prima was sent he was fidgeting nervously and the Season dying was too much for him.
“But that’s not fai-!” Rosario clapped a hand over his mouth to keep him from interrupting. If Ehud hadn’t been so adorable through the story Rosario might have appreciated the gravity of the tale. But as it was by the time Riure reached the end she was grinning as she watched Ehud completely dive into the narrative and overreact to everything. This was one of the things she found irresistibly cute about him.
“But what about Prima’s Guardian? How could they kill Prima? Did Kening bring her back?” He rattled off breathlessly and Rosario snickered yanking him back down by the arm. “If…Esbo’s VaSerBo now does it get back to Esbo when Kening fixes everything?”
“Give her a rest, idiota, it’ll take all night for her to explain it all to you.” She hastily turned to Riure before she could offer an explanation. “Don’t get him started, Riureita. What about you tell us a story, carino?” The ending “ita” meant “little” and was a Spanish term of endearment.
Rosario thoroughly enjoyed Ehud’s storytelling, in fact she found his storytelling more entertaining that his story more often than not. In response to the idea Ehud buried his red face into her shoulder and shook his head vigorously.
“You tell it! Tell them about the Lost Maranteluvia Tribe!” In his excitement he shook her a little and winced grabbing his injured side which he’d forgotten about. Rosario lets out a breath.
“That one again?” she said, amused “you’re obsessed, idiota.”
“Tell it, tell it!” He pleaded almost jumping up and down with excitement. Rosario rolled her eyes.
“It’s an old fable–yes yes, stop tugging my arm,” She peeled Ehud off her somewhat “Legend has it that there was once a small sect of people with unusual powers after they genetically adapted to an abnormal environment.–”
“Yeah and they got laser-powers too!” Ehud interjected throwing his arms out and nearly hitting his friend in the process.
“Excuse me who’s telling this story?” Rosario caught his arm and jerks it out of her face, quirking an eyebrow at him. He ducked and gave a dumb grin.
“–an abnormal environment,” she continued “which has never been found–”
“But schematic skyland archeologists found imprints of the fabled metals that have enough bio-electric pulses that with enough concentration the people exposed to it changed DNA structure and…” He glanced down, abruptly noticing he had jumped up and was in the middle of gesticulating exuberantly while Rosario stared up at him with a bemused expression.
“Uh…heheh…” Mechanically, he stuffed one hand in his pocket while raking the other through his hand his whole face turning scarlet. Smirking, Rosario leaned back a little and crossed her arms wordlessly baiting him to continue. Dropping cross-legged to the floor he furtively poked her arm to get her to resume but she shook her head and waved him to the center of the group.
“Um…the end?” In response, Rosario gives a longsuffering sigh.
“And what happened to the Maranteluvia Tribe, idiota?”
“It disappeared. Poof!” He blurted in a dramatically soft voice snapping his hands apart demonstratively. “Nobody knows what happened to it. But some say they left on purpose to avoid being experimented on by a power-hungry government. I’m gonna find ‘em when I build my ship!”
“Ehud. It’s a conspiracy theory.” Rosario was enjoying this way too much by now.
“Yeah, yeah. Come on! It’s really cool!” He burst throwing his hands up. She merely shook her head still smirking.
“Tell them about the Seekers, yes?”
“Ok, so a group of scientists sailed through the skies in search of the Lost Tribe” This, of course, got its own sound effects as he pretended his hand was flying schooner whooshing through the windy air. “They sailed for–”
“Fifty-two episodes illegally downloaded off the halo-net.” Rosario finished sweetly. Ehud jumped and whirled around.
“Hey, who’s telling this!” he exclaimed and Rosario gave a snorting laugh.
“Yes, si, lo siento.”
“But weirder and weirder stuff happened like the engine rusting for no reason and the sonar going crazy so it was like a ghost ship! And then they just vanished like that!” He clapped his hands together and toppled over theatrically. Rosario nodded mock-seriously.
“And they came out with no episode fifty-three.” She added affecting a haunted tone. Letting out a breath she stood preparing to leave the story-telling circle. “My work here is done. Ahi nos vemos. And don’t stay up too long, everyone needs to be as rested as possible before we leave.”
“Oh yeah,” His words were interrupted with a long yawn and he rubbed his eyes as he got up and rubbed the stinging gashes he’d forgotten about until he landed on top of them. Sleepily he hugged Riure before chasing after Rosario who found a corner mostly hidden where she could’ve seen both the entrance and the unexplored tunnelway ahead with enough light.
Don't let the voices in your head drive you insane;only some of them can drive; most are underageJanuary 12, 2021 at 8:23 pm #123765Wingiby Iggiby@wingiby-iggiby
Ok, I’m back after just about forever!!!!! 😀
That was an awesome explanation and really helped explain why Ehud does things the way he does! You really know your characters personally! 😀
Also, your guess got several things right! 😛 How did you make it? 😀
And I love Ehud’s enthusiasm for storytelling!!!
I’m so glad you got some good answers!! I’ll check Hakan out, and I love his name, btw 😀
And yeah, a HUG, of all things!? I love these characters. 😉
I did read the entire thing, and that was awesome! Like, awesome! I’ll give what critique I can, and I hope it helps 😉 I love how you are weaving in creation’s downfall and its need for salvation, btw.
“What is more is that those rebellious pieces of Ekaitz had begun their own mischief. Remember those? Yeah. Well, they are the mighty powers of Ice, Fire, and Water. They stirred up all other powers to run free, and those powers left their given places to do as they wished.
Here you say that the rebellious pieces are the powers of Ice, Fire, and Water, and they stirred up the other powers (oh, and it might help to mention in more detail these other powers, like what they are and what they do — they sound interesting and I want to know more — but I don’t know if that would make it more confusing 🙂 ). But here you say:
“Lighted mists raced to him from all sides of Esbo. Each took the form of a human and threw themselves, cowering in pure terror, before his feet. These were the powers that had followed the Seasons’ rebellious pieces, Ice, Fire, and Water. They were sorry.”
“When their leaders, the rebellious powers, came before Kening’s mighty wrath, they quaked so much that they split into three separate pieces each, and they were all the more vulnerable and repentant for it.”
So, now it says that the rebellious pieces were controlling the powers of Ice, Fire, and Water, and were not actually those powers. 😉 Also, I don’t know if I just missed this, but what happened to the Guardians after Kening came?
I hope that helps in some way or other! 😀
I have never really thought (or read) about characters struggling with these things, and it is very interesting! I think I should look more into it, because it would go very well with my story and greatly enhance it. When I have come across characters that have to overcome things like a physical or mental ailment, I have always loved them. 😀 Also, just ‘cause this is interesting and pertains to the conversation: the Obi-Wan Kenobi series they are making will be dealing with PTSD! I sure hope they get it right 😉
The boy stares up at me, as if he is trying to read my mind. I expect him to walk away and leave me in peace, but, suddenly, he flings himself into me and wraps his skinny arms around my waist without any warning at all.
I stumble backward, shifting onto my bad leg, and it crumples under the weight. I just catch myself against the wall. Pain like a hot iron is shooting up my calf to my chest to my head, and so I gasp, at the same time forcing the boy’s arms away and shoving him back as I try to regain control of………………me? I lean against the wall and glare at him, and I can feel my eyes spark.
No one has ever embraced me like that for years. I haven’t even shaken anyone’s hand. It felt painful, more so than my leg. It hurt.
At that moment the girl — his sister? — calls out, “Ehud, carino, stop, you’re way too old for that.”
She is smirking at me for some reason, and I feel a flare of anger. I can’t help but notice that I am the oldest person here, and she is but a child. I can see why Kiark let her have a piece of his colorful mind.
“Rosario sent me to collect any supplies that might be rationed out among the group.”
I turn my head to look at the girl with the bow, Gwen. She is standing over Kiark and glances down at him in pity. Here is one who knows her role and plays it well. I fumble in my pockets and draw out several small packages. Energy rations. Living in a cave for years and trying to avoid as much contact with the outside world as possible forces one to conserve. I hold them out to her and then slowly lower myself to the floor, hoping she’ll get the cue and go. I need to recuperate.
My leg is throbbing slightly, but has calmed down and only hurts if I twist it at a certain angle. That boy had better not try to apologize and kiss me next. Suddenly, I hear a voice and look up to see a tiny — very tiny — man with wings sitting against the opposite wall. A hazy cloud is in front of him, and as I watch, it materializes into a snake eating several little people. He tells the story that goes with it, but I am not listening….
He is like a silver-being! But they were just fables…..though they may have some truth to them. Perhaps he is a figment of this world. What type of magic is he using? It must be controlled by his mind; he is not gesticulating…..interesting…..
I lapse into a pondering silence and don’t realize the silver-being is no longer talking. The Princess is instead, and I listen to see if I will learn anything. But it is just a fairy-tale. Then the curly headed girl starts talking, and Ehud jumps and down, interrupting her. I don’t think that even if there is a point to the tale that I will be able to hear it.
I shift position on the stony, lumpy ground and glance at Kiark. His mouth has opened a bit, and he is drooling, so his muscles have relaxed and at least he’s not stiff. I reach over and feel his pulse, and my heart gives a little leap. It’s pretty much normal for all I can tell. But still, I can’t help thinking:
Either he’ll sleep it out, or he won’t wake up.
Darn it, Wylo. He’ll wake up.
So, do we want to do our character’s greatest fears? If we want to wait, that’s totally fine, and I’ll have Kiark wake up. If we want to do it now, he’ll just experience the fear in his dream. If we don’t want to do it at all, I am A-OK, especially if it means I get to read more of y’all’s folk-lore! *grabs two-gallons of ice-cream, five chocolate bars, a fluffy blanket, several pillows, an I-pod for music to go along with tone of the story, and “Go Hero!” and “Die Villain!” signs to hand out*
I light the arrow, pull the bow,
Shoot that fire right through my soul.January 13, 2021 at 1:41 pm #123778
Wow. Thanks for your feedback! It’s very helpful. For most of your questions, I can only say that it’s a simplified version. The real version has more details and much more flowery language. However, for this one:
So, now it says that the rebellious pieces were controlling the powers of Ice, Fire, and Water, and were not actually those powers. Also, I don’t know if I just missed this, but what happened to the Guardians after Kening came?
So, the rebellious pieces are Ice, Fire, and Water. Riure was saying that the leaders were the rebellious pieces there. 🙂 As for the Guardians and Kening, I cut out a part about them for condensing purposes. 😉
My deepest thanks for your feedback! This is one of the hardest parts of my book.
(Also, I loved the part about bringing pillows and ice cream and blankets and, funniest of all, “Go Hero” and “Die Villain” signs. You made my day. XD)
LOL!! Rosairo and Ehud’s story telling is absolutely PERFECT for their characters! XD
"Lacho calad! Drego morn!"January 13, 2021 at 4:15 pm #123789Jasmine@jasmine
I know at some point we where going to have are characters see their worst fears. I was thinking maybe they could dream them. I know someone already mentioned their character doing that but maybe all the characters could? If no one likes that idea I’m fine with doing it some other way.
Wylo looked over at Gwendolyn and held out a few packets of some sort. “Thank you,” she said taking the packets. She turned and walked over to Rosario who was sitting against the stone wall. “Here,” she said, setting the packets down beside Rosario. “Let me know when it’s my shift.”
Gwendolyn walked of to a corner of the cave and sat down. Some where telling tales. She was not familiar with any of them, but they reminded her of the storys her mother used to tell her when she was little. She smiled at the memory and let herself relax. She realized she was exhausted from confusion and battle. Her body cried out for rest but her mind wanted to help more. What more could she do? She would be taking a shift whenever Rosario told her and she didn’t want to fall asleep during it. She sighed and let her eyes droop shut.
I AM afraid. I'm glad that I am. That tells me I need to be brave. ~W.M.January 13, 2021 at 6:14 pm #123797Mischievous Thwapling@mischievous-thwapling
I was wondering if you don’t mind, what are the most important things I shouldn’t get wrong? I’m really sorry if this is intruding or offensive in any way, I’m afraid to misrepresent it. It’s totally fine if you’d rather not answer
You’re completely fine!! I can totally help you however I can! Is there anything specific you have in mind when you ask that?
Wingiby!! *bowls you over with a hug*
Ooooh! *takes “Die Villain!” sign and playfully whacks Konyar with it.*Konyar grabs another “Go Hero!” sign, and a lightsaber-like fight ensues with the signs. *Makes mistake of whacking Rilyn with the sign, and she turns into dragon forms, grabs the sign, and snaps it in half with a raised brow. *Gets message and scampers off to eat candy and ice cream with Wingiby*
Hmmm… Good point. I’d nearly forgotten about the worst fear thing. I agree with @jasmine that’d it probably work well if they all had their worst fears in their dreams, but I’m good with whatever!!
If your dreams turn to dust... vacuum.
~Author UnknownJanuary 14, 2021 at 3:06 pm #123821
I’ll check Hakan out, and I love his name, btw
Thank you! It’s actually a joke since it’s Turkish for ‘king’. Yes, I named him king King. I thought that was funny XD
*grabs two-gallons of ice-cream, five chocolate bars, a fluffy blanket, several pillows, an I-pod for music to go along with tone of the story, and “Go Hero!” and “Die Villain!” signs to hand out*
That’s awesome! XD *Sits down beside you and grabs a spoon for the ice-cream*
That was amazing! I love the way they told the story! I have this perfectly sharp image of Rosario literally dragging Ehud around by his hood. It’s the cutest thing! I’m ‘shipping’ them so much! XD
Liorah was in the middle of a tragedy which probably would have made Ehud cry if he’d heard the whole thing.
Aww! That’s so cute!
“And they came out with no episode fifty-three.”
That really made me laugh! They’re the cutest!
Is there anything specific you have in mind when you ask that?
Thank you so much! I’ll answer this on the other topic!
I know at some point we where going to have are characters see their worst fears. I was thinking maybe they could dream them. I know someone already mentioned their character doing that but maybe all the characters could? If no one likes that idea I’m fine with doing it some other way.
Liorah: No, that’s far from brilliant! What’s wrong with you?! I know you’re enjoying this.
Me: What, me? Why would you ever think that?
Liorah: *Leafs through the manuscript of the second book then hurls it at me* This is why! We’ve done this ‘worst-fears-dream-thing’ three times already! THREE!
Me: *Crosses arms* Not my fault, that’s just how you work. If you’d face your fears instead of pretending they don’t exist, you wouldn’t have nightmares about them. Also, could you get some more concrete fears? How am I supposed to write dreams about your complicated psychological messes? Fear of heights or even something like fear of sheep would be easier! Come on!
Liorah: *Waves dismissively* Not my problem. Figure it out. Now excuse me, I have a nightmare to get through. For the hundredth time! *Stomps off*
Me: *Shouting after her* You have a wounded leg! You can’t stomp!
Liorah: I can do whatever I like and you can’t stop me!
Ahem. Well, let’s get on with it! This is going to be a lot harder than the other ones because it’s before the somewhat traumatic events of book 1.
Liorah: Goodness knows, you didn’t have trouble with the first THREE dreams.
Ehud and the other girl had a lively discussion of a story I understood only half of. The fatigue was catching up to me and I could barely keep my eyes open. Finally, they drooped shut and I fell asleep.
The center area of the camp was crowded, even more so than usual. Some sort of event must be going on. I pushed my way through the crowd until I could see what was going on. A shock went through me. It was Gavril’s coronation! Now? It wasn’t for three months! Why hadn’t anyone told me?
I recognized Mother and Uncle Emet in the front. I pushed toward them and tapped Mother on the shoulder. She ignored me. I nudged her again.
“Why didn’t anyone tell me about this?”
She made no response, she didn’t even look at me. I frowned. Usually, she would at least acknowledge me, if only to criticize my behavior. What was going on? Where was Gavril? I needed to find Gavril. He would listen to me. He always had.
I saw him on the opposite side of the clearing, facing away from me. He wore the sword passed down through our father, grandfather, and great-grandfather instead of his old one. It must be the coronation. But why hadn’t I known about it?
He turned around, surprise and displeasure written all over his face.
“What are you doing here?”
My smile faded.
“It’s your coronation, and I’m the princess, I’m supposed to be here.”
He wrinkled his nose in disgust.
“You? You’re not. You’re nothing like the princess.”
“You idiot!” I said, finally losing my temper with him. “Are you blind, or just stupid?”
He drew a step closer, towering over me. I felt smaller than I had in a long time.
“How dare you? You’re not a princess, and you’re not my sister. You’re nothing!”
I took a step backward, bewilderment and betrayal striving for the upper hand. Gavril, of all people, shouting at me? Furious at me? What had I done to deserve this?
“What’s going on?” The voice made shivers run up and down my spine. It was a sweeter, higher version of my voice. But I hadn’t said anything!
I spun around and froze, nausea rising into my throat.
It was me. And it wasn’t me.
The girl had the same auburn hair, but hers was glossy and unfaded by the sun, perfectly styled into an elaborate bun. I twisted my braid around my wrist, almost repulsed at how frayed the braid was. Her clothing was elaborate and flawlessly neat, the pale colors soft and feminine. I glanced down. My pants and blouse were dusty and practical, set off by a bright red scarf I loved, but which looked garish in comparison to the girl’s soft blues and greens. The girl floated over to Gavril, every movement flawlessly graceful. She didn’t even move like me. She was lovely, and nothing like me. Yet, she was me. Something about her seemed familiar.
She took Gavril’s hand and gave him a sweet, shy smile. I snorted, flustered, and unsure of how to respond.
“Come on Li’ah,” Gavril said, his tone familiar again.
I took a step forward but a glare from Gavril forced me to stumble back, embarrassed.
Mother had appeared beside Gavril and Not-me. She lay a hand on the girl’s shoulder affectionately. She didn’t do that with me.
At that moment, I knew who the girl was. She was who they wanted me to be. She was shy, sweet, and tactful, never got angry, never had an opinion, and probably had a laugh like a thousand silver bells or some such rubbish.
She was who I should be, and never could.
I retreated, hurt and afraid. They didn’t want me, they wanted her, the perfect version of me. Somehow, as I turned around, I caught a glimpse of the hem of my cloak. No. NO.
I lifted it with trembling fingers. It was torn a few centimeters above the hem. A tribeless. I was a tribeless, the lowest of the low. That was what Gavril had meant. I was nothing, and they didn’t want me.
I tried to get up, tried to get away from the clearing, away from that girl, but a shot of pain cut through my leg, and reality rushed back at me. I wasn’t there. It wasn’t real. I was in the cave. It wasn’t real.
That was fun! Somewhat traumatizing for Liorah, but still fun! I had no idea I was going to write that, but I’m proud of it. It really catches all her fears, and helped me pinpoint them more!
"Stories are light. Light is precious in a world so dark." The Tale of Despereaux
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