WIP In Need of Critiques: The Clefs

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  • #96849
    The Writing Gremlin
    @banana-peacock-warrior

      Hi, Story Embers people! So, I love critiques and I currently have a WIP that is in the editing stage if there’s anyone out there who loves critiquing! This is a Google Docs thingy and I’ll add more as I edit along. I hope you like it, so far!

      The Clefs

      “When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.”
      ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭94:19‬ ‭

      #96858
      Veraza Winterknight
      @kari-karast

      Oooooooooh.

      *really really wants to*

      *but is already alphaing too many things*

      *and is really bad at critiquing*

      Um. Maybe on another draft or something? Or just when it gets published 😉

      "You can dance with my henchman."

      #96880
      The Writing Gremlin
      @banana-peacock-warrior

        @kari-karast: s’all good. 😉

        And BTW, if anyone else is interested, I’m going to put down the premise/plot here so that you don’t have to really open it up and skim the whole thing or anything to figure it out beforehand.

        Also, The Clefs is a fantasy.

        THE CLEFS:
         Cadenza is the greatest dancer on Harmony Island, the most beautiful of all the keymatines, and her unique sound gives her the prominent name of Middle C. Having risen to the very top of society in both the Treble and Bass tribes, she basks in constant praise from her fellow dancers and can only imagine what it will be like once she comes of age and will be considered old enough to dance with the adults. However, when a feud arises between the tribes on her behalf, Cadenza’s fame is put in sudden jeopardy and she wonders if she can ever bring things back to the way they were… before her reputation is ruined in the process.

        “When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.”
        ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭94:19‬ ‭

        #97419
        Emberynus The Dragonslayer
        @emberynus-the-dragonslayer

        @banana-peacock-warrior

        *Stares in open-mouthed shock* I CAN’T BELIEVE I didn’t see this till now!

        I’ll definitely read it for you. What kind of critiquing are you looking for and where should I post my critiques?

        You can't live for long living for nothing- Hector Griffin

        #97710
        The Writing Gremlin
        @banana-peacock-warrior

          @emberynus-the-dragonslayer:

          Hi! (Sorry, I’ve been on vacation in Georgia for the past 2 weeks so I’ve been long gone seeing as the first week I was at a camp where no media was allowed and the next week was so busy [and my computer died so much] that I couldn’t get on SE. 🙁 )

          I’d love it if you would post the critiques right on Google Docs so I can fix it then and there. 😉 Thanks!

          “When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.”
          ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭94:19‬ ‭

          #97721
          Kayla Skywriter
          @kayla-skywriter

          @banana-peacock-warrior

          Hey, I’d love to help, but I’ve never critiqued anything before. So I’m just going to read it, and if I see anything that sticks out to me I’ll make a comment. Okay?

          How we chose to fight is just as important as what we fight for

          #97724
          The Writing Gremlin
          @banana-peacock-warrior

            @kayla-skywriter: That sounds good to me! Thanks!

            “When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.”
            ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭94:19‬ ‭

            #97729
            Emberynus The Dragonslayer
            @emberynus-the-dragonslayer

            @banana-peacock-warrior

            Aww! it’s alright! I’ll definitely read it and post my critiques

            You can't live for long living for nothing- Hector Griffin

            #97731
            Emberynus The Dragonslayer
            @emberynus-the-dragonslayer

            @banana-peacock-warrior

            hey. When I go in there it says I need permission to access the doc. I requested permission. It says I will receive an email when my request is approved

            You can't live for long living for nothing- Hector Griffin

            #97759
            The Writing Gremlin
            @banana-peacock-warrior

              @emberynus-the-dragonslayer: Hm… I don’t know… sharing Google Docs stuff is new to me… I really just copied and pasted the link…

              “When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.”
              ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭94:19‬ ‭

              #97761
              The Writing Gremlin
              @banana-peacock-warrior

                @emberynus-the-dragonslayer: Maybe try this? It’s a new link…

                https://docs.google.com/document/d/1FFcyaYQnsEFikEhY5RxkydD6I9CPohinanXU0GKnTks/edit?usp=sharing

                “When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.”
                ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭94:19‬ ‭

                #97765
                Emberynus The Dragonslayer
                @emberynus-the-dragonslayer

                @banana-peacock-warrior

                Alrighty👍 that one looks like it might work. I’ll have to check on the computer later. I’m on my mom’s phone right now and it’s a little slow.

                 

                P.S. Your buddy is waiting for you in the would your character rather thread!! Lol 😛

                You can't live for long living for nothing- Hector Griffin

                #102416
                Kayla Skywriter
                @kayla-skywriter

                @banana-peacock-warrior

                Okay, I finished it. Sorry that it took so long for me to do that, I kept losing this thread.

                As for thoughts I had on the Clefs, I’m not sure. I enjoyed it, but I don’t know how to suggest improvements.

                The biggest thing that stuck out to me was the end. Is the story finished, or did you just stop? I just felt like the ending was a bit sudden. Do with that what you will, I just wanted to let you know that I didn’t forget you.

                How we chose to fight is just as important as what we fight for

                #102453
                The Writing Gremlin
                @banana-peacock-warrior

                  @kayla-skywriter:

                  Hi!! Sorry, I haven’t been on here in a LONG TIME; and it’s because I have been so caught up in schoolwork the past few months that I don’t have any time to write. Like, zero. 🙁 It’s quite sad. But this is embarrassing… that doc you’re looking at is… *laughs softly with a bright blush* part of the story… at the time when I’d posted this, I’d figured that I would be able to get through editing the rest of my chapters by the time you’d read the first 6! That document is missing… 18-19 more chapters? 😬🥴😅

                  Yeah, I’ve still got 2 character arcs to finish, an island to save, lights (that you don’t know about yet) to dish out, and some epic scenes to display in those coming chapters.

                  Idk if you would like to read the rest of those (unedited), wait until I have time to edit them as I add, or just stop there. 🤷‍♀️ Preference?

                  Thanks for reading!!

                  “When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.”
                  ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭94:19‬ ‭

                  #102491
                  Kayla Skywriter
                  @kayla-skywriter

                  @banana-peacock-warrior

                  I’d be happy to read them if you want me to, but I’m very busy for the next month, so it might be better to wait.

                  How we chose to fight is just as important as what we fight for

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