@h-jones Oh, wow. I love the sway of this piece, so chilling. Yes, I think you did capture the mysterious feel.
Also, I read the line “worm into dreams” and at first I shuddered, because that word “worm” is so expressive and kind of creepy. I wasn’t sure if I like it at first, but after reading the poem through a second time, I think adds so much to the mood. And the ending is very well done – leaves me wanting more.
One thing that bothered me the tiniest bit was the first set of lines, 1-4.
The moon is high,
the sea is deep;
you say goodnight and
drift to sleep.
You have this beautiful sentence here, but line three has an extra syllable, whereas line four loses one. When I read it, “and” just seems like it should be tagged onto the beginning of the fourth line instead of at the end of the third. But that’s just a nitpickle. I think the mood is very well done and so lovely. I’d love to see more from you ^.^
Elen síla lúmenn' omentielvo