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ALSO @emily-waldorf I LOVE YOUR NEW PROFILE PICTURE!!!
Ravens are one of my favorite birds!
*laughs as one fey*
@calidris no. I’ve heard of the book, though. I think the version I use is the 3-act structure.
Quoth the raven, "Nevermore!"
https://silverpenstrokes.wordpress.com@calidris, lol thanks!!!!
Quoth the raven, "Nevermore!"
https://silverpenstrokes.wordpress.comAre you familiar with the poem,”the Raven”?
Quoth the raven, "Nevermore!"
https://silverpenstrokes.wordpress.comI know that poem! The new picture and quote are so perfect together.
We are called to be lights in the cosmos.
May your inkwells never run dry!I recently saw something about the Save the Cat method, but I don’t know much about it. The only one I’ve heard of is the 3-act.
That’s something I ought to do as well, but I think I’ll start by learning through experiments with Jade’s story. I have read about plot, but it’s never really “clicked.” Hopefully some hands on experience will help me 🙂
I don’t know about you, but I wish you good luck and good studies!
We are called to be lights in the cosmos.
May your inkwells never run dry!Here is the result of my brainstorm:
Characteristic moment, core emotional longing
Jade longing to become a ballerina and protect her family/friends. Probably only Rosemary, maybe Tray, are her worries at this point. She is thinking of this as she practices dance at home.
Inciting incident, brokenness
Haven enters EoP, something about how the Doctors are being forced to experiment on the Culled gets out, dad angry/decides to fight, Jade decides to stop him.
Obstacles, discovery & frustration
The friends gather as they typically do since Miriam first started their Bible study (Jade, Rosemary, Mara, Isaias, Victor, and Tray), introduce them: Rosemary probably is working on chemistry during this, Isaias is working on illustrating the Bible, Tray’s probably campaigning to Victor to get his dad to be environmentally friendly, and Jade knits and observes everything, occasionally adding her two cents or a snarky joke. Now is when the theme can be set up in their discussions. When the theme starts coming in, Jade will be drawn in more actively because it conflicts with her current worldview. Issue of Mara being abused, issue of Rosemary becoming a doctor, issue of Mr. Nightingale rebelling. Jade’s probably getting driven nuts trying to help all of them XD. Let’s see, what can she do? Perhaps encourage Mara to get good grades and Rosemary bad ones? Victor knows that Protectors get essentially brainwashed and all sorts of bad stuff, so he is encouraging Mara to forget pursuing the Protector thing even if that angers her dad. He’s so mad over her dad abusing her, though. Oh, I wonder if he could show a successful method of protection in contrast to Jade’s. That would be interesting and in character.
Then Jade logically lays all the issues of rebellion before her dad, but he’s adamant as I’ve already written in WIP. Everyone is honestly likely irritated that she’s trying to control their lives. Jade is so arrogant… This might be what plants unfriendly seeds between Jade and Mara.
In ballet, it’s been too easy for her. She’s a natural, yes, but she can’t be perfect. Perhaps the teacher fusses about how she does not do the classical walk right. Makes sense that Jade might overlook the importance of that. It’s a little thing that could ruin her chances.
Mr. Nightingale meanwhile takes chemistry lessons from Rosemary and acquires fertilizer from Isaias. Where in Benevola will he get gasoline? Sneaks out to a scrapyard and gets it from the piles of dead cars? I really doubt that the Benevolents would’ve just left fuel in them once confiscated, though.
Jade notices that, of course, and maybe brings the fertilizer back to Isaias, telling him to never sell her dad that again. However, this doesn’t prevent Mr. Nightingale from looking elsewhere. Plenty of farmers would give up that for fish. Perhaps Jade speaks out against rebellion. Ooh, that would get most of her friends mad. More proof that her current methods aren’t working.
Showing the Benevolents’ cruelty: this would be a good point to have that procession of elderly people to the Culled district & the humming lady for singing stones; Mara should accompany her for this. Maybe the church gets raided & burned, so that’s why it moved to the Baums’s house?
And what can Jade say about all that evil, hmm? At this point, going along with it would be wretched no matter her reason of protecting people.
Mr. Nightingale would get so mad at that; he’ll blow up the government building in retaliation.
Midpoint, realization
Teacher Finch threatens to remove Jade from the next semester if she doesn’t get the classical walk down pat. She’s beginning to realize that she’s relied too much on being a natural and that she’s been arrogant. Jade, Victor, & co. visit Mara in the hospital (she was close enough to the explosion to be burned). Mara figures out that Mr. Nightingale was responsible for Rael’s death and turns him in along with the other rebels she’s found. During the execution, Head Benevolent Emberson commends Mara. Her friends are utterly shocked and horrified.
The Baums have the remaining Nightingales over for tea and the discussion goes as written. Isaias brings up the theme, and Jade decides to try out the new mindset. Also decides she didn’t do enough to help her dad and needs to do more in future.
False victory, joy
New mindset works when Jade starts to worry about her mom (though God gave her a very forcible reminder!). Jade the proud actually apologizes to Finch and works harder at her weak spots. This results in her becoming the prima ballerina. She’s overall a happier person. Instead of pushing Rosemary and Tray to change who they are for their “safety,” she talks about their qualities in front of the teachers in a way that would help her friends. Relations between Mara and her old friends are now strained, and only Victor talks to her much because he loves her & thinks her dad’s ways badly influenced her. He still wants to protect her at least for the sake of redeeming her. Meanwhile, Mara is suspicious that Tray helped the rebels as a part of his environmentalist aims. Jade is actively pulling her mom out of depression, unlike in backstory with Airu.
Low point, defeat
Rosemary gets made a Doctor: the first blow. Mara tips off the Benevolents, so Tray is Culled on the Day of Destiny: the second blow. By the time Jade is made a ballerina, she hardly has the heart to be celebratory. Victor had arranged things beforehand to have the Benevolents make Mara a Benevolent instead of a Protector, which is unheard-of in the relatively short history of the Haven. As another layer of protection, he also marries her despite their youth. Jade now has to leave for the Peaceful Union Ballet Tour.
Climax, sacrifice
She must give up something. Maybe her obsession w/ protecting everyone? Control? She’s going to have some time for thought on the flights around the world. She might realize she’s not big enough to protect everyone. The rest of the theme could set her up well for this, surrendering to God and putting trust in Him, casting cares on Him & such.
At the final performance, she will come face to face with the utterly evil one ruling the EoP. That could be a good set up for stage fright, but instead she conquers this by what she learned from the theme and dances for God in defiance to him.
Being around all these elites, she inevitably picks up some information on the horrors they have planned now that the whole earth is under their control. Jade’s resolutions would be tested by this knowledge, and I’m sure she’s desperate to tell the church back home. Honestly, though, Miriam probably already knows and has told them.
When she does get home, she instantly knows things are amiss.
Resolution, satisfaction
Isaias tells her about all the terrible things that happened in her absence, and Jade tells him all she saw and learned. They’re probably going to pray. Then Jade’s “So I dance to the song of the stones and the sky.” mirroring the beginning and the final performance, wrapping up theme and proving she’s gotten it.
This is raw material, so if anything is confusing or you see anything that weakens the plot, feel free to point it out 🙂
We are called to be lights in the cosmos.
May your inkwells never run dry!@E-N-leonard Whahahahahha! Good work! I really love the sacrifice you came up with for Jade. I can sense that it’s still rough, but I think you have the foundation for a good story here. Give me a while to mull over and pray about it and I’ll get back to you with more specifics. 🙂
Quoth the raven, "Nevermore!"
https://silverpenstrokes.wordpress.comThanks, and it is definitely rough! I’m going to go do the same 🙂
We are called to be lights in the cosmos.
May your inkwells never run dry!@emily-waldorf @e-n-leonard the Save the Cat method is kind of an expansion of the three act plot structure that gives you very clear “beats” or plot points that occur in a certain order at certain times. I really like that it’s extremely structured, but also very flexible! I found that after I read about it and really thought about it, I realized that the plot points had to be based off of the most emotionally engaging routes, not the most logical or convenient routes (logical outcomes are still very important, but if that’s all you’ve got, the plot can start to feel…stale? In my opinion.)
Basically…I had to create some more targeted character flaws/emotional pain, which I’ve been working on. So far, it’s starting to make more sense (although I have very, very little plot figured out.) It’s…kind of a tough process, but the characters are starting to feel more real!
@emily-waldorf I’ve heard of the poem, but I’m not super familiar with Poe’s work (a bit too dark for my tastes.) I just really like bird-watching XDWe had ravens back in Washington! I just moved to the East last week, and they’re not as common here :’) They liked to fly around our property (0ften as pairs,) and I’d frequently hear them croaking XD It was really cool knowing they were around, and they looked like they were having fun!
Also, scientists are pretty sure that ravens mate for life, and they go through routines (like flight displays and preening each other) to strengthen their bonds! They’re also INCREDIBLY intelligent
They’re one of my favorite birds, along with vultures and owls 🙂
@e-n-leonard I really like what you’ve got so far! I do have a question: Is Benevola Haven small? Why can’t people live in or escape to the rest of the (former) US?Also I’m already sad that Tray got culled 🙁 Maybe it’s because I also have an environmentalist streak XD
*laughs as one fey*
@calidris that sounds like a good method! I’m so glad it works for you. I think it will be tough for the first while, but maybe with practice it will get easier. ? You’re going through “Saves the Cat, Writes a Novel,” right?
Ravens are rare here. We have one pair that has a nest in a water tower here, and sometimes you can see them far off, circling the water tower. Hope your move went okay and you’re adjusting well! I love bald eagles. And when I think of falconry, I love falcons and hawks, but not unless I’m dreaming of hawking/falconry. 🙂
Quoth the raven, "Nevermore!"
https://silverpenstrokes.wordpress.com(I’ve heard that ravens are rare, I should say. I don’t know for sure. Also, I don’t read Poe’s work much, either. Just that one).
Quoth the raven, "Nevermore!"
https://silverpenstrokes.wordpress.comI’m so sorry I took so long! I completely understand if you’ve moved on and don’t want this anymore, but for the sake of promise-keeping I’m going to answer anyway. 🙂
So, this is more of a writing tip than a structuring tip, but make sure that you show the characters and theme developing instead of just showing it. I could see a potential temptation to have them sitting and chatting during bible study, and again when Jade is laying out the problems involved in rebellion–long conversations tend to bore readers. I think your idea of how to introduce characters is really good, though!
Could Mr. Nightingale get natural gas? Idk how you’d store/transport it, but it does burn.
False victory, joy New mindset works when Jade starts to worry about her mom (though God gave her a very forcible reminder!). Jade the proud actually apologizes to Finch and works harder at her weak spots. This results in her becoming the prima ballerina. She’s overall a happier person. Instead of pushing Rosemary and Tray to change who they are for their “safety,” she talks about their qualities in front of the teachers in a way that would help her friends.
I’m not totally sure what her new mindset is, but this is going really well! (You don’t need to tell me what it is unless you want to.)
Relations between Mara and her old friends are now strained,
I feel like it would be downright shattered between Jade and Mara, after what Mara did to Jade’s dad. That could even set up some good things for the next book. If you build Jade’s feelings into hatred for Mara, that could serve as a subplot/undercurrent for the rest of this book, and be brought to a head and resolved in the next book! (I’m getting excited and writing your story for you, lol).
She must give up something. Maybe her obsession w/ protecting everyone? Control?
Control is a good one. I don’t how fearful of a character you’ve made her, but she could give up her fear. Or, conversely, she could actually and finally give up her pride here. But I prefer control. I think that’s a really cohesive sacrifice.
That could be a good set up for stage fright, but instead she conquers this by what she learned from the theme and dances for God in defiance to him.
Ooh, ooh! If fear is a character trait, this is a fabulous moment and could be what the entire book is working toward. Now, when she is scared for herself as well as all her friends, she gives it up once and for all…or something. (Fear is my default character flaw, as it is something I struggle with a lot.) If you decide to go with pride or control for what she sacrifices, I would advise that you have her actually give it up in a real, physical way. (Such as at this performance, the way I was talking about her giving up fear.) If there is some way that dancing for the big baddie can be a chance for her to overcome pride or release control, then make the most of it. That way we see the quieter, mental resolve/sacrifice in the plane, and the real test of her resolve and her sacrifice acted out. (Hope this is making sense!).
Isaias tells her about all
nit-picky writing advice again, but make sure this isn’t an information dump. I imagine it would be fairly easy for Jade to see those horrible things, their effects, aftermath, or destruction, as well as have Isaias tell her.
Sorry again this is so late. Let me know if you need anything else–what you’ve got here is really good! Good luck and happy writing!
Quoth the raven, "Nevermore!"
https://silverpenstrokes.wordpress.comI really like what you’ve got so far! I do have a question: Is Benevola Haven small? Why can’t people live in or escape to the rest of the (former) US? Also I’m already sad that Tray got culled 🙁 Maybe it’s because I also have an environmentalist streak XD
Yes, Benevola Haven is pretty small, and the Benevolents take extreme measures to keep everyone inside (think iron curtain), supposedly for “safety” because the rest of the US is in an utter mess of chaos. Isaias is one of the only people who regularly sneaks out of the Haven bc he’s a little crazy in a good way 😂 “Whaddya mean I can’t go hiking? I want to draw a tree!” XD Tray honest probably accompanies him.
As for Tray…I sometimes cry over my story ideas when I get them…😢…especially Ríadné but that’s getting off topic XD
We are called to be lights in the cosmos.
May your inkwells never run dry!Thanks a LOT for all of the advice! I’m going to save it and go mess around with my outline/ideas 🙂
We are called to be lights in the cosmos.
May your inkwells never run dry!
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