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@calidris @emily-waldorf
I took your suggestion and made a spot where we may plot and scheme of plotting. I look forward to discussing this!
We are called to be lights in the cosmos.
May your inkwells never run dry!Huh, tag didn’t work. I’ll try again
We are called to be lights in the cosmos.
May your inkwells never run dry!@e-n-leonard thank you! Do you want to start off by describing our plots and listing a few issues we need resolved?
This…could take a while XD
*laughs as one fey*
@e-n-leonard thank you! Do you want to start off by describing our plots and listing a few issues we need resolved? This…could take a while XD
XD yes. I’ll start typing mine up.
We are called to be lights in the cosmos.
May your inkwells never run dry!Aiee. The Plot. Here goes!
I am currently in the middle of changing a bunch of stuff, so this will be extra muddled 😁😬🫣
Let’s see… Jade wants to be a ballerina, and the world goes off the deep end, America gets nuked and whatnot. The Haven rises. Her dad is mad about what he sees going on. Mara’s family prefers to suck up to the big baddies, but Mara herself doesn’t really care to. She’s becoming a Protector only to please them. However, the Head Benevolent’s son, Victor, who is a friend of hers, wants to keep her from doing this because he knows things about the process of becoming a Protector that she doesn’t. He also loves Mara. Jade’s trying to find joy and peace in the middle of all the crazy (theme! I love themes!) while she pursues becoming a ballerina despite the crazy. Jade’s dad is trying to sabotage the Benevolents, and Jade’s trying to stop him because she’s convinced he’s going to get himself killed. Jade blames herself for her cousin Airu’s suicide, so she is especially invested in preventing any more deaths in the family. Jade’s dad blows up a government building that has Mara’s dad and little brother Rael in it. Jade is far from happy about this. So is Mara, who searches out the perpetrator and turns him in. Thus, Jade’s dad gets executed. Jade and her mother are devastated. Isaias helps Jade to recover, but her mom falls into depression. Mara finds out that revenge didn’t actually accomplish anything. She also is having major guilt and anger issues. Meanwhile Rosemary is trying to avoid being made a Doctor on the Day of Destiny, but she’s too smart to escape notice. When that Day comes, Jade does achieve her dream, but Rosemary’s boyfriend Tray gets Culled, and Rosemary ends up becoming a Doctor, which is BAD in this society for a compassionate person. I think Victor might end up marrying Mara in an attempt to protect her from ending up as a Protector. I know she does end up as a Benevolent though. Jade has to leave on a ballet performance tour to celebrate Benevola’s union with the global government that I’m currently calling Earth of Peace. She does the performance and finds out the terrible things that will result of joining the Earth of Peace. When she gets back, Isaias…informs her of dreadful things I won’t say here…(Suspense™️)… There will be hope despite the dark ending, though!
And Victor might be demanding a sequel narrating his struggle to redeem Mara 😭
Wow. 😳 That was a long mess. Anyway, I hear things about plot points and plot structure, but when I look at my stories I’m like, “things…just happen….” I also seem to be going way too fast. I’m at roughly 25,000 words but Jade’s already had her dark night of the soul. I also honestly have no idea what happens between her dad’s execution and the Day of Destiny other than trying to deal with grief and pull her mom out of depression.
We are called to be lights in the cosmos.
May your inkwells never run dry!@E-N-Leonard Is the nuking of America and the rising of the Haven back story, or is it in the book? Also, who is a main character? I’m guessing Mara and Jade are the two MCs, no?
What I’m going to do, is get my outline template out and plug your story into it, where it fits, and then we can talk about it–What you need to add or cut or change. Does that sound OK?
Quoth the raven, "Nevermore!"
https://silverpenstrokes.wordpress.comThat is backstory, yes. And Jade is the main (protagonist) character. Mara is the antagonist.
That sounds great! Thank you so much for your offer of help!
We are called to be lights in the cosmos.
May your inkwells never run dry!Here you go! I’m not totally happy with this, but I don’t feel like I can go any further without checking back with you.
Characteristic Moment–Emotional core: longing (What is the MC’s idea of the good life. Show us who that character is at the core.)
Jade, longing to become a ballerina, and keep those she loves from harm.
Inciting Incident–EC: brokenness (Show us how the world is broken. How the MC is broken. This should at least have begun by the end of the first chapter.)
Something should happen. The Haven decides to enter the Earth of Peace, perhaps? Which makes her dad decide to fight against them.
Obstacles–EC: discovery and frustration (This is the main body of the first half of your story. Show the MC discovering things, and how she is becoming frustrated with the way she is going about her goals).
Her father fighting with the Benevolents. Here is a good time to set things up. Show the different aspects of the world in preparation for later. Show us how bad the Benevolents are, and what the cost is of disobeying them. Show us why Rosemary becoming a doctor is bad. Introduce characters. You don’t want any characters introduced in the second half of the book, if you can at all help it. (Unless you’re Tolkien, which you might be, but I don’t know that yet.)
Show her developing relationship with Tray (?)
Show the tension between her and Mara
Set up Rosemary, Isaias, Mara, Victor, and Tray’s characters. And Jade’s father’s.
IDK what it’s like in your story, but in the synopsis you gave me, Jade isn’t very active. Honestly, there was more about Mara than Jade—which is fine, but you need to give Jade more of an active role. In your synopsis, things just happen and Jade reacts. Even when her father dies, Isaias is the one who is being active.
Jade exploring different ways to protect her father, Rosemary, and Tray. I would have her father almost get himself killed, and she be able to save him somehow, either by intervening with the Benevolents somehow, or by keeping him from doing whatever it is. Maybe she hangs around and cuts the fuse on his bombs.
Also, how is she pushing hard to become a ballerina? What difficulties, tensions, discoveries/frustrations is she finding there?
Midpoint–EC: realization (This is where your MC sees herself, the world, and all her previous goals/actions in a new light and has a goal-shift. That doesn’t mean that she gets a whole new set of values, it just means that she discovers that she was pursuing her goals the wrong way, and now decides on the right course of action.)
Father is executed. There is supposed to be a plot twist here. I’m afraid I’m terrible at plot twists, but when reading your plot thing, I expected all of it. You need to have somebody be a traitor, or all the people she thought were good are actually bad, or *presto* time travel—JK—oooh, hey! What if she thought Mara was a friend?????
I don’t know how Jade would shift her goals, b/c I don’t know enough about her yet. Obviously, her goal is to be a ballerina and keep her friends from getting hurt, but how she was doing that before and how she plans to do that after the midpoint is a mystery to me. If it is to you, too, then maybe we can figure out a way together, but I don’t want my fingers too much in your story. 🙂
False Victory–EC: Joy (Your MC starts to act on those new goals. And is winning!)
However Jade decides to change her mode of approach for helping Tray and Rosemary. Also, was she trying the wrong way to become a ballerina? How does her approach for that goal change? Here is when she achieves that goal. Everything seems to have stabilized. Rosemary is not going to become a Doctor, Tray is safe (Or was Tray never un-safe? Maybe his getting Culled is a total shock to Jade. That’s also a good move).
Victory marries Mara, trying to keep her safe.
Jade begins her ballet tour? (You said all this happened on the Day, so maybe she can’t begin her ballet tour yet).
Low Point–EC: defeat (Everything the character has worked for crashes down around them, and their greatest fear comes upon them)
Rosemary is made Doctor, Tray is Culled, and…this should all somehow be Mara’s fault. Jade is forced to leave in the midst of all of this, to do her ballet tour—just when Rosemary, her mother, and Isaias need her most. (I have no idea where Isaias is in all of this. Friend of Jade’s? Boyfriend of Rosemary’s? Dance partner?) Ask yourself, what is Jade’s greatest fear?
Climax–EC: sacrifice (The character sacrifices something. It doesn’t have to be permanent, but it does have to be important. I believe there is supposed to be a second plot twist here.)
OK. Jade needs to sacrifice something. Because of the SuspenseTM, I don’t know everything that’s going on here, and I also don’t know Jade very well. Does she quit being a ballerina? (Is that even possible in this world?) this is where she gives up, really or seemingly, all she has been working for—to the end that it actually accomplishes what she has been working for.
Resolution–EC: satisfaction (Show us how the character has changed from the beginning. Leave the reader satisfied)
This does work with a story like yours with a dark or sad ending. (You know how satisfying A Tale of Two Cities was. Or, better, Hamlet, if you’ve ever read that play.)
Just make sure the dawn of the ending makes people want to read the sequel.
Okay! suggestions from what I know of the story (they could all be things you’ve thought of, and I just don’t know):
I think it would be cool if Victor was a second MC. Or, you could have Mara be a second MC, even though she is a villain—either way, if you decide to go for that, they need to figure into the outline more.
You need a sacrifice for Jade.
Jade needs to be a little more active in the driving of the plot. I sort of did this when suggesting that she snuff out her dad’s fuses or whatever, but she needs to be actually helping her friends—especially after her dad dies. Hey! That could be part of her post-midpoint goals. She decides trying to prevent their harm isn’t enough, she needs to ACTUALLY prevent it. IDK. Food for thought.
Also, have you ever watched either Top Gun: Maverick or Avengers: Infinity War? Because I plugged Top Gun into my outline template and your story reminds me vaguely of Infinity War.
Quoth the raven, "Nevermore!"
https://silverpenstrokes.wordpress.comP.S. last time I helped someone, they had to ask the same question three times before I understood and gave the right answer. Just FYI. 😀
Quoth the raven, "Nevermore!"
https://silverpenstrokes.wordpress.comHere are some things a MC can lose:
Life
Dreams
Relationship
Object
Sin habit
Reputation/social standing
Story goal
Quoth the raven, "Nevermore!"
https://silverpenstrokes.wordpress.comThank you so much! This is so helpful! Jade being inactive is part of what’s been driving me crazy with this story. And yes, Jade thought Mara was a friend, and so did everyone else. Sorry I failed to mention this.
As for who Isaias is…that’s complicated. He’s a friend of all theirs, who generally spreads insight or chaos wherever needed, but I have a sneaking suspicion he’s in love with Jade. Because both Jade and I are somewhat allergic to romance, I really don’t want that to end up as anything major. The others are more than enough of that subplot for my taste. Anyway, Isaias’s family’s home is kind of a “safe place” for everyone.
As for the Suspense™️, let’s see what I can say without spoilers…um, pretty much anything bad that could happen in Jade’s absence did. And Isaias had to bring her all the bad news, effectively delivering the last blow of failure. Oh, and yes, it’s not possible in this world for anyone to quit their career. It’s a do-it-until-you-physically-can’t-and-then-you-die system.
All of these little questions you’re asking are great. I’m going to go do a brainstorm and write-up with them, and then I’ll report back what I’ve figured out.
I’ve never watched either of those, but now I’m kind of curious about what’s similar. 🤔
We are called to be lights in the cosmos.
May your inkwells never run dry!@e-n-leonard @emily-waldorf Sorry I haven’t been active here! So…after yet another major plot overhaul, my friends finally convinced me to seriously study plot structure…and so here I am…back at square one…with very little plot to show you guys :’)
*laughs as one fey*
@calidris I have a bunch of notes from a plot structure seminar, if that would help. I’m sure you have plenty of excellent resources, though!
Quoth the raven, "Nevermore!"
https://silverpenstrokes.wordpress.com@emily-waldorf are you familiar with the Save the Cat method? That’s the one I’m using right now, and so far it’s really helping!
I’ll still stay in the thread though – maybe once I start nailing the plot down, I’ll have something to tell you guys XD
*laughs as one fey*
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