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Synopsizes for short stories

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  • #43095
    Daeus Lamb
    @daeus-lamb

    Hey friends!

    I recently came to the conclusion that I really needed to include synopsizes on my landing page.

    This is mainly for those of you who have read my short stories, but if you haven’t and you like editing synopsizes, feel free to join in.

    The one I have written so far is forΒ The Dairy of Nameless. I hope to write one forΒ The Golden Ziggurat either today or tomorrow. Here goes:

    He is the extraneous side character dumped into a novel without a point. His author hates him. Or so it seems.
    He is the average American with a beautiful life, cracked and tearing at the seams. As he clings to it, it slips through his fingers, one precious moment at a time.
    Perhaps it will make sense one day. Perhaps there is meaning here that he just can’t see.
    But he may never know.
    He is the nameless one and his days are few.

    Not sure who’s read my stories, but here goes. @kate @karthmin @ethryndal @catwing @audrey-caylin @sam @sierra

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    #43096
    R.M. Archer
    @r-m-archer

    I believe it’s “synopses.”

    I’d remove the “without a point” in the first sentence; it’s redundant with “extraneous.” I might also tweak the beginning of the second paragraph to say “He’s an average American…” and I don’t think you need the comma after “As he clings to it.”

    I really like the last line, though, and I like the overall idea of what you have. πŸ™‚ (The Diary of Nameless was my favorite part of your book.)

    Fantasy/dystopian/sci-fi author. Mythology nerd. ENFP. Singer.

    #43101
    Daeus Lamb
    @daeus-lamb

    Okay folks, I got TGZ done too. πŸ™‚

    Ziggurats are bloody things.
    Enamored with Aztec culture and a girl named Cassy, Adrian can only blame himself when the two combine to form a shocking image in his mind. Torn between love and jealousy, he must decide the fate of his fiancΓ©e and former best friend.
    He has always been the good guy — he only wants a happy relationship.
    But the golden ziggurat is calling to him.
    With his soul on the line, Adrian must make a decision.

    πŸ˜€
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    #43102
    Daeus Lamb
    @daeus-lamb

    @r-m-archer Hmm. *strokes beard* Thanks.

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    #43182

    @Daeus-lamb I love the one for TDoN. TGZ is well-structured, but a bit drastic. ‘Shocking image’ could mean all kinds of things and might make more conservative readers reluctant to pick it up. It almost sounds like it has the makings of a horror story. πŸ˜›

    INFP-A. If you can't be brilliant, odd will do.

    #43247
    Martin Detwiler
    @karthmin

    My editing style is a bit invasive, so I’ll just drop a few notes and then rewrite them as I would do it and let you figure out what you like. πŸ˜‰

    The Diary of Nameless:

    I’m heavily shortening the synopsis because it’s not a very long story. Novels deserve a little longer blurb, but short stories are usually good with a couple sentences.

    Also, by saying right out that he’s the side character in a novel, I think you steal that neat moment of realization away from the reader (when they actually read the story), so I am going to leave that out.

    “He’s living the American dream, with a beautiful life that is cracked and breaking at the seams. But as he clings to each moment of his life, it slips away without a trace.

    Perhaps it will make sense one day. Perhaps there is meaning in all of this that he just can’t see…

    But he may never know.

    For he is nameless and his days are few.”

    As for TGZ:

    I agree with Kate that “shocking image” doesn’t do justice to the tone of the story and gives off a strange vibe.

    I started rewriting this one and halfway thru, realized that I was making an INCREDIBLE horror story synopsis, so I don’t think I can really help with this one. πŸ˜•

    I would try to write a second and possibly third synopsis that both approach the story from different angles – and then come back to this one and maybe mix and match the three of them with elements you like from each.

    myths don't die

    #43263
    Sarah Baran
    @ethryndal

    @Daeus-Lamb Basically, I agree with @Karthmin about the first one. Too long for a short story, and the first sentence gives too much away. (Not to mention it feels a little clunky.) I liked his edits on it.

    As previously stated about TGZ, it’s a leeeetle dramatic and extreme.

    INTJ ➸ https://thesarcasticelf.wordpress.com/

    #43289
    Samuel
    @samuel

    TGZ was dramatic and extreme period. Didn’t the guy build a ziggurat on his deck and worship it or something? Was a great story though.

    No one reads these anyway

    #43444
    Anne of Lothlorien
    @anne-of-lothlorien

    @daeus-lambΒ  Β Great mostly, but I’d probably shorten them both. For TDoN, I would take out the part that he is not the MC; that kinda gives away a cool part of the story. For TGZ, I agree with others that ‘shocking image’ is probably not the best phrase to use, because it may suggest something horror or even sexual. Unfortunately, even though I don’t think it’s good, I have no suggestion as of now as to make it better. Sorry. I’ll come back if I think of a suggestion.

    I'm short, I like words, and I love people.
    No, I didn't draw my profile pic.

    #43493
    Daeus Lamb
    @daeus-lamb

    Well, glad I asked for help! πŸ˜€


    @karthmin
    You’re revision was excellent. I might just go with it, but for whatever reason “with a beautiful life” just didn’t seem to flow 100% for me. I tried reworking it and came up with an alternate version which may or may not be any better.

    He’s living the American dream. His life is beautiful, cracked, and breaking at the seams and as he clings to each moment it slips away from him.
    Perhaps his troubles are manageable. Perhaps there is meaning in all of this that he just can’t see…
    But he may never know
    He is nameless and his days are few.

    Adrian is not who he always thought himself.
    Given the chance to realize his deepest desire, Adrian finds that the unthinkable is now inviting. Faced with the fate of hisΒ fiancΓ©e and former best friend, he ought to choose love over jealousy.
    Clear choices, however, aren’t always easy as pie. There is also the issue golden ziggurat lurking in his mind…
    As time marches on, the inner man will come forth. Amid catastrophes, the golden ziggurat will show its true colors.


    @r-m-archer
    @anne-of-lothlorien @samuel @kate @ethryndal

    Thoughts?

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by Daeus Lamb.

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    #43495
    Anne of Lothlorien
    @anne-of-lothlorien

    Um, @daeus-lamb, I’m a little confused about TGZ one. TDoN is good. thumbs up.

    But you have two synopsis, synopsises, synopsi, however it is, posted in your most recent on for TGZ. The first one is the one we said was weird. The second one is better, but this sentence, “There is also the issue golden ziggurat lurking in his mind…” doesn’t make sense. I think you left out some words.

    I'm short, I like words, and I love people.
    No, I didn't draw my profile pic.

    #43499
    Daeus Lamb
    @daeus-lamb

    @anne-of-lothlorien Ooops! I removed the first TGZ one. It wasn’t supposed to be there.

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    #43770
    Daeus Lamb
    @daeus-lamb

    @wordsmith @elizabethΒ @morreafirebird @brandon-miller @jane-maree

    Any other takers?

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    #43777

    @Daeus-lamb augh! I’m so sorry, I meant to post here and forgot. *headdesk* I like the redone TGZ, except now the presence of the ziggurat seems random and odd because we have nothing to tie it to. Maybe just take that symbolism out and let the story’s title explain itself as the reader goes along?

    INFP-A. If you can't be brilliant, odd will do.

    #43780
    Daeus Lamb
    @daeus-lamb

    @kate True, true. I do like the last line though. Any chance this could work?

    Adrian is not who he always thought himself.
    Given the chance to realize his deepest desire, Adrian finds that the unthinkable is now inviting. Faced with the fate of hisΒ fiancΓ©e and former best friend, he ought to choose love over jealousy.
    Clear choices, however, aren’t always easy. To add to the turmoil, his fascination with Aztec culture is giving him strange ideas.
    As time marches on, the inner man will come forth. Amid catastrophes, the golden ziggurat will show its true colors.

     

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