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Totally! Just let me know!
"Write the vision, and make it plain on tablets, that he may run who reads it."
Habakkuk 2:2@naiya-dyani Thanks for tagging me! Unfortunately, I can’t write much right now. I won’t be able to for probably at least a couple more weeks to a month.
"Hey. Spit that out."
*ignores him and swallows frog*
_____
"This is the way."@eden-anderson @emgc @r-m-archer @catwing @tinuviel @nuetrobolt
Anyone out there want to word war?
"Write the vision, and make it plain on tablets, that he may run who reads it."
Habakkuk 2:2@hope-mcclellan I finally did it! I have made a minefield out of the Google doc, in true Naiya fashion. XP
Before you go check out my suggestions, I do want to let you know–I love your story, your style, all of it. I seriously can’t wait to read more (and, I have to admit, I’m really curious about Cillian). The number of edits isn’t at all a reflection on how good your writing or your story is! I just tend to pick at any crevice that presents itself. 😛 I know I kind of said that already, but I just wanted to reiterate before you went and saw the havoc I wreaked. 😅
Hearts are like matter--they can be beaten down, torn, and burned, but they cannot be destroyed.
Wow thank you so so much!! You have a ton of good notes on there! I was so excited to see so many notes, just on one chapter. I loved seeing how you were able to tweak it to make it better. And I really appreciate the encouragement, too. 🙂 Seriously, thank you so much.
And sorry for all the typos in there. 😛 I write all my stuff by hand then copy it to the computer plus I type fast, so its a sure recipe for typos.
So what did you gather from Sidon? What do you think of him? What sort of “vibe” is he giving?
"Write the vision, and make it plain on tablets, that he may run who reads it."
Habakkuk 2:2@hope-mcclellan *skids in looking distressed* I am SO SORRY for not responding to this sooner!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was a question I needed to think about a little before answering but then I kept forgetting until, over two weeks later, I remembered I was supposed to answer it. . .
*cri*
*sighs* Well, no longer. Here I go.
Sidon struck me as the sort of character I was supposed to have a background distrust of. As in, the main tipoffs I was given were Asmund’s spelled-out doubts (and the stigma surrounding black snakes). On his own, he didn’t strike me as particularly concerning or threatening (other than the fact that he seemed a little too willing to help four random kids on their journey. Like, surely he must have been on his way somewhere when he met them, right? If so, then why did he suddenly change his plans just to help them?).
Of course, the hunting part at the end, depending on where you’re coming from, gives some insights into his character. Like, I personally am not a big fan of hunting in general (often my favorite characters in my writing have a very hard time hunting when they need to), so Sidon’s attitude towards it sort of makes me not like him. Sort of. Because I know several great people who enjoy hunting, and that doesn’t tempt me into dissing their whole character or anything. However, if a reader is a hunter, this may or may not mean anything to them.
So yeah, there are my general thoughts. If you have any further questions or if any part of that confuses you, definitely let me know! And I’ll try to get back to you faster this time. . . 😖
Hearts are like matter--they can be beaten down, torn, and burned, but they cannot be destroyed.
No problem!!! Thank you so much for your opinion. Seriously, just this last post told me SO MUCH about what I need to tweak in that chapter. I needed the opinion of someone who doesn’t know my story, because…
Sidon is my most prevalent bad guy. The “shortcut” he leads them to is actually a death trap. And he shows up a couple more times throughout their travels. Asmund is incredibly intuitive, so he does pick up on the Holy Spirit telling him that something is wrong with Sidon, but he is the wrong POV to have for this chapter, because I am trying to establish some trust with Sidon before he betrays them all. (mwah hah hah!!) I also had some vague idea that the shortcut was on the way to business he had elsewhere, but I think I should voice that based on what you’re saying. I’m hoping to tie in the hunting scene into later development, but maybe I should find a way to make the conversation more nonchalant, and less DUN DUN DUHHHNNN!!! ;P
So the fact that you felt you were supposed to be distrusting of Sidon tells me that I did give away too many hints like I feared. But all this actually really excites me for how I may be able to pull out more of the potential. 😀 Thank you SOOOOO much!!
"Write the vision, and make it plain on tablets, that he may run who reads it."
Habakkuk 2:2@hope-mcclellan Sure thing! 😉
Hydra or Firn might be good POVs; they seem a little more trusting. Cillian seems to be a pretty wary person (I think you said something about that in your description of him), so he might not be the best one. Although he did seem a little too willing to trust a random guy for his personality. . .
But maybe that’s just me! *shrugs* And if you’ve already decided on someone else, feel free to ignore everything I just said! 😉
Hearts are like matter--they can be beaten down, torn, and burned, but they cannot be destroyed.
I think Hydra or Firn would be a much better POV for this chapter. Sorry it has taken me so long to respond. 😥 Your input has been super helpful!
"Write the vision, and make it plain on tablets, that he may run who reads it."
Habakkuk 2:2@hope-mcclellan No problem! Hey, if you’re going to be around for a while, I’m going to be getting some writing done. Do you want to word war?
Hearts are like matter--they can be beaten down, torn, and burned, but they cannot be destroyed.
Ugg, well the answer is yes, I want to word war, but I can’t right now, and don’t see myself having the chance anytime soon. :/ I might be able to later this afternoon when I’m on break, but I don’t know exactly when. Since I’m a nanny quiet time is whenever it works out best. 😂
"Write the vision, and make it plain on tablets, that he may run who reads it."
Habakkuk 2:2@hope-mcclellan XD I get ya! Ok, well, I might be around later, depending on how the rest of my school goes.
Hearts are like matter--they can be beaten down, torn, and burned, but they cannot be destroyed.
Heya, I know this may be a stretch, but any chance you might be free in the next hour (maybe less) for a word war? Work today did not provide much chance for writing, and I want to hit at least 200 words before bed.
"Write the vision, and make it plain on tablets, that he may run who reads it."
Habakkuk 2:2@eden-anderson @anne_the_noob14 @emgc @r-m-archer @catwing @tinuviel @nuetrobolt
Any of you guys up for a word war within the next hour or so before I go to bed?
"Write the vision, and make it plain on tablets, that he may run who reads it."
Habakkuk 2:2@hope-mcclellan . . . don’t suppose you’re still around? XD
Hearts are like matter--they can be beaten down, torn, and burned, but they cannot be destroyed.
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