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Romance… *nervous cough*

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  • #44269
    Buddy J.
    @wordsmith

    @wordsmith

    To add on to what I said about what I would do with a stomach ache/cramp, I can’t even say what I would do for sure, because I don’t know everything. If it were me I would be able to react to what I was feeling. But because it’s you I can’t react. And I’m not saying give me more information… I don;t think that would be wise. What I am saying is that you have the great freedom to research.

    Published author, reader of many books, Student in writing, and Lumenite!

    #44332
    Sarah Inkdragon
    @sarah-inkdragon

    @anne-of-lothlorien

    Wow, 9 pages long. This is quite the topic. But now that I’m here, I’m going to give my 2-cents worth.

    First off, I love romance. Not physical, constant kissing romance(ugh!), or cheesy, won’t even attempt to own up to the fact that you like each other romance, but good romance.

    I’m not even going to brush love triangles, because that topic can take up 50 pages of forum space.

    I’m also going to say, yes, I have a “boyfriend”. Honestly, he’s more of a fellow-mischief-maker-dude-friend-where-there-happens-to-be-a-mutual-like-for-each-other. Yeah. And he’s a great dude, the kind of guy who still says “yes ma’am” “yes sir” to everyone and doesn’t try to get physical more than a yearly swing dance. So yeah. That’s awesome.

    But due to that fact, I can say I have a slight amount of experience in the field. So I’m going to rant about it for a moment.

    First off–make it realistic. People do not suddenly kiss because they feel like it. Just doesn’t happen for normal people. Toddlers, maybe, but not normal teens. Especially Christian teens. I’m going to tell you right now that my boyfriend and I have been “together-ish” for almost a year and a half now and we’ve held hands like–three times. Twice was during a barn dance, so that doesn’t really even count.

    So basically, what I’m trying to say, is that normal people who fall in love don’t just suddenly start wanting to hold hands and hang out all. The. Time. Like, I like my boyfriend and all, but we still have our own lives, and we’re perfectly fine not seeing each other every day, or even every week or month. I went nearly all summer without seeing him this year, and I’m still alive!

    *applause*

    Yeah.

    Also, don’t make it some overly complex where the girl/guy takes offense at everything. Just… don’t. Please, for the sake of all sane in this world, don’t. It’s terribly droll and irritating to see a girl get angry and not speak to her boyfriend for a week just because he helped another girl with her car. Or a guy get angry and break up with his girlfriend because she may have laughed at a joke he didn’t say.

    Sure, jealousy is normal in such situations, but not a full-blown temper tantrum. Not unless you’re trying to make all teens look like immature brats who only care about themselves, food, and dating. Not a great impression.

    And you mentioned it before, that there will be no kissing. Great. That’s awesome. But make sure you’re not going to perfect on us. No, I don’t mean that you should ever write something you’re uncomfortable with just to make something more interesting. What I mean is… don’t try and make your characters perfect to portray a “good” relationship. Have them disagree(not a temper tantrum–disagree). Argue. Fight. Have them forgive each other, and move on. Don’t have them never fight, because a “perfect” couple supposedly never does. Everyone fights. Everyone.

    There’s my 2-cents. Hope you enjoyed it, and good luck! 😉

    "A hard heart is no infallible protection against a soft head."

    - C. S. Lewis

    #44342
    Buddy J.
    @wordsmith

    @sarah-inkdragon

    No worries! I am laughing over here… Because most of those nine pages were only a very small subtopic on romance (really not even that… more like a slightly related topic.), and most of those pages don’t even answer her question… So your two cents are very helpful… at least to me.

    Thank you!

    • This reply was modified 3 years ago by Buddy J..

    Published author, reader of many books, Student in writing, and Lumenite!

    #44346
    Sarah Inkdragon
    @sarah-inkdragon

    @wordsmith

    XD! Yeah, things tend to go off topic around here sometimes… 😉

    "A hard heart is no infallible protection against a soft head."

    - C. S. Lewis

    #44467
    The Inkspiller
    @the-inkspiller

    @Anne-of-lothlorien
    Well, this is already a saga for the ages, but since I have a certain special someone on my mind all the time, I thought I’d contribute my perspective on what love looks like from the perspective of a half-baked young adult.

    On the one hand, @sarah-inkdragon, experiences like hers are very much real, no doubt at all. But there are also romantic relationships where the pair are that couple – y’know, the one where they can’t stop making eyes at each other and make disgusting kisses in public. At least, that’s how it can look on the surface. My girlfriend and I are used to long-distance, but we certainly don’t like it that way – we dream of the day that we can put rings on each other’s fingers and stop keeping our distance. And even though we’re incredibly silly and physically affectionate on the surface, we also deal with serious matters with appropriate seriousness. For all of our external silliness, both of us are bound together by a mutual desire to be ever-purer in Christ, to grow closer to one another by growing closer to Him who saved each of us.

    We are lovers, sure; we definitely want to get married – but before we were lovers, we were best friends.

    So that’s another type of relationship. 😛

    Hope that helped.

    Non nobis Domine, sed nomini, Tuo da gloriam.

    #44482
    Sarah Inkdragon
    @sarah-inkdragon

    @the-inkspiller @anne-of-lothlorien

    Yes, and it depends on personality as well. My boyfriend and I(dare I say it) are *slightly* more mature than most teens(I hope), being both Christian, homeschooled teens. We both have our futures thought about and careers that we want, which happen(surprise!) to be in the same area: horses, ranching, and the country life. Plus, we both work full time and he(he just turned 19 last month, I’ll be 16 in two and a half weeks) travels around the area to work as well. So that limits our time as well. But we were friends long before we were a couple. We’ve known each other for almost five years now, after all.

    I guess what the whole point of my rant above was that romance doesn’t happen overnight. Maybe kids like to decide to go out with a guy or girl then get together and break up a week later, but real, actual, “I want to marry you” romance does not happen quickly. At least not for most people.

    Basically, make sure you make your couple become friends before they think about dating or anything like that. Like Inkspiller mentioned, friends before fiance. You can’t love someone you don’t know enough to marry them.

    Also, a lot of what I put in above was to warn you away from getting into the physical aspect of dating to much. Don’t just make your characters(and I doubt you’ll do this) decide to go out just because both of them think the other is good-looking. That doesn’t mean you have to write a re-telling of the Hunchback of Notre Dame, it just means that you shouldn’t make it based on purely physical attraction, at least not after they get to know each other. Sure, they may think straight off that, “oh, he/she’s cute”, that’s normal. Everyone thinks someone is cute at one point in their life. But after they get to know each other, make sure you don’t keep it at just physical attraction.

    Get my meaning? Basically, friends before fiance. Kapeesh? Good. And @the-inkspiller if you’ve got any advice to add to that, be my guest. You are more experienced in this matter than probably 98% of ST put together. 😉

    "A hard heart is no infallible protection against a soft head."

    - C. S. Lewis

    #44715
    Anne of Lothlorien
    @anne-of-lothlorien

    @wordsmith  –

    Yeah, I was joking. Being small is actually very fun sometimes… you can get on smaller rides, smaller places, and you have no problem walking under trees when your whole other company is ughing and swatting branches. It’s good you have the height, cause as much as I complain, I probably wouldn’t use it for much…

    I have never met another boy that thinks things out as much as you… That’s great. Soli de Gloria!

    Okay, actually I forgot something about the games. I don’t play games with guys that would include bodily contact, like if we play football at church, it’s always two hand touch, or flags, never tackling if it’s a mixed group. So yes, ‘easing up’ on girls is appropriate in a form, we just really like it to not be patronizing or extreme.

    Being treated inappropriately is, yes, scary. Unfortunately I’ve never been around a tree when it’s happened. If worse came to worse, I always carry a pocket knife. (Which is why I hate the laws in Chicago about not carrying knives – I’m more likely to get in trouble there than my little home town, and I’m not allowed anything but my fists to defend myself! But that’s a whole ‘nother topic.) It is frightening to a level, but it’s almost makes me angry more. I unfortunately have a strong temper. While God is helping me learn to control it, there are times when I would love nothing more than to drive my fist into those guys faces. Of course, that would not be wise, but still… that is also why I want to take some self-defense classes soon.

    I have done some research… one thing I’ve seen that seems to work for most people is apple cider vinegar, but I can’t stand that stuff, even the smell, so I’ve never had the courage to try.

     


    @sarah-inkdragon
      –

    Thank you so much for the advice!

    Yeah, one of the reasons I can’t stand most romances that are put out today is because there is so much drama!!! Oh, I hate him oh I love him he doesn’t like me I like him he made me mad we’re not together oh we made up and we’re together oh no he’s not right for me… Just decide, people!!!

    I actually do have at least one argument I’ve planned out in the book already, cause I know that, sadly from personal experience, even people you love you still argue with. I actually heard it described once… “I may not like them all the time, but I love them all the time.”

    And I want to say that it’s great you and your… boyfriend, if that’s the word you use, if not, excuse me, have what I call ‘clean’ relationship. I think if we had more of those, break-ups, and ultimately divorce wouldn’t happen so much. God-centered relationships are very sadly not becoming important anymore. Which also a reason I have decided to put in the romance, because I get so frustrated at romance in books now, so I want to put out something to counter it.

    Friends before fiancé… that’s pretty good! But it is surprising too, how it can sometime work out a little differently. My great-grandparents were married after only having seen each other a couple times before. Like, in their lives. And yet they were married for many happy years and left a Godly legacy. A friend of mine at church is getting married in November. On the wedding day, she’ll have known him for only six months. If God makes it clear, I guess He makes it clear. 😀

     


    @the-inkspiller
      –

    First off, congratulations!!! <3 So happy you’ve found a special someone!

    I do know that couple, and while I have decided not to make Felicity and Clay be that couple, especially since the story ends before they would even start dating officially, there are times when that couple is just cute. Except when their kissing holds up the queue line for the roller coaster. Seriously. I was in line for a roller coaster and it wasn’t moving because a couple was kissing and not walking. *rolls eyes*

    Thank you for the ‘other type’ example! Your experience is really appreciated, especially since I wasn’t expecting much first-hand.

    I'm short, I like words, and I love people.
    No, I didn't draw my profile pic.

    #44717
    Anne of Lothlorien
    @anne-of-lothlorien

    Okay, so I said I would come back with what I’d gleaned from the etiquette book, just for conversation, and I had it written out in a doc, but apparnatly it didn’t save. So… I’ll have to write it out again and come back with it next week.

    But I do remember this which I wanted to add.

    In the book they give many examples of the everyday things a guy does for a girl. He holds her arm across a busy street or dangerous road, down steep hills, to assist her in seeking shelter from a downpour. If they come to a puddle, he steps over first and helps her. He assists her into the car, then gets out first and helps her out. He does not sit until she’s seated. He gives up a seat on the bus for her. And I really wish we did more of that today! I mean, now that we don’t, it may be seen as weird to hold a girl’s arms across a busy street, but it’s just basic politeness! It used to be done all the time, even between total strangers!

    And another line in the book pointed out the good reception manners receive. Which is so true.

    When a guy is polite, it makes a girl feel good. Boys, you may think we don’t notice it, we really, really do. And we appreciate it. A lot. It makes us feel like true ladies, like the special creations God made us to be.

    When a guy is inappropriate or rude, it does not make me feel special. It makes me feel like an object, a thing that a guy could look at or treat however he wants. Which is why chivalry and just plain politeness is so, so, so I cannot express how so much appreciated by myself.

    Speaking of which, I have actually just started seeing more random instances of boys being gentlemanly ever since we started this thread… funny how that works, huh? 😀

    I was coming out of the Dollar General and crossing the lot to the car. Three boys on skateboards came up in my path, and I stopped, and two of them blew past, but the last in line screeched his to a halt, and motioned for me to pass. And simple and seemingly meaningless as it is, it was a sign that he recognized true manners, and that was great.

    I'm short, I like words, and I love people.
    No, I didn't draw my profile pic.

    #44726
    Buddy J.
    @wordsmith

    @anne-of-lothlorien

    And I would reply the same… Being tall is very helpful, and I can’t imagine life otherwise. 🙂

    Also… When I talk about being more gentle with girls in games that involve physical contact, I’m not referring to the extreme of football. In that case I wouldn’t play against a girl unless it was tag or something like that (and I don’t think most guys would). Even in a game like tag. With a guy I might not care how fast I’m running, and just smash into them not worrying (too much). With a girl I will be far more careful, trying not to smash into them, I will try to only tag her.

    And I haven’t met guys that talk about this stuff… But I’m also not in places where this kind of conversation is brought up. I’m sure there are more.

    Yes… I can understand your wish to take ’em on. And I think it would be wise for many girls to carry a knife, which I really hate to say (because of what is says about our world). And Chicago has one of the highest crime rates in the US doesn’t it? Yeah… That is scary.

    Apple cider vinegar is great in salad dressing, btw!

    And I so wish those were things practiced in our culture still. Here’s one to add on to that list… When walking down the sidewalk, he is on the side closer to the road. This is for two reasons. For one back when people threw their waste out the window, it would go farther and land on him instead of her. Second he is the shield for her, form the road.

    And yes! It makes me so happy to see that kind of thing. Even when I’m with my mom, I’m gonna stay with her. And when someone stops to let us past, he is not only honoring my mom, but me as her protector. Also, he might get flack from his friends for that. So that makes me happy 🙂

    Published author, reader of many books, Student in writing, and Lumenite!

    #44730
    Anne of Lothlorien
    @anne-of-lothlorien

    @wordsmith

    Most of the girls I know carry knives. And yes, Chicago is considered one of the most dangerous cities in America. And I live under three hours away from it. Yippee. But it seriously is a cool place, and fun to visit if you’re with a group. I think it’d be downright scary by myself. Ha ha, just thought of something that demonstrates that guys are really and truly meant to be the protectors and girls know this… last time we were there I really wanted to go down these steps that led to an underground street, but I and the other two girls I was with weren’t going to without a boy. It was dark and secluded. We recognized our need for a protector and chose not to place ourselves in a potentially dangerous situation without a guy to help us if we needed it. So now I just want to go back with a guy sometime, cause it looked really cool down there.

    Oh, yes, the street side too. I remember that from a movie where a ‘tom-boy’ fell in love and she walked out with her beau onto the sidewalk, taking the street side. He slowed and gestured very politely for her to take the other side, then continued walking with him on the street side.

    Okay, and I know that we’ve had a lot of chivalry stories going around, but I just have to post one more because it might be my favorite ever, and it’s not even about me. @evelyn @ericawordsmith you might enjoy this.

    I was walking down the street and I saw this couple coming the opposite way down the sidewalk on the other side of the road. They moved along kind of funny, so I tried to watch without being rude. But when they got closer I saw what was actually going on, and it was sooo sweet!!!

    The young woman, maybe twenty, was wearing a metal brace from her knee down, and I think she couldn’t extend her leg all the way properly, which made her have a huge limp. Her arm was slipped through the arm of the young man beside her… older, probably twenty-five, and he was acting as her crutch. She would hop forward once, he’d take a step and lift her forward again. She almost fell once, and he just grabbed both her hands and held her up until she got her footing. Then she gave him a kiss. But it was so adorable to see them walking down the street like this, with the girl not using crutches but her boyfriend/husband (I didn’t know which) being willing to be them for her!

    I'm short, I like words, and I love people.
    No, I didn't draw my profile pic.

    #44732
    Buddy J.
    @wordsmith

    @anne-of-lothlorien

    Ooo! I hope you get to do that sometime!

    And it’s good to hear that movies still portray this to a certain degree, even if the movie was made a long time ago.

    And that is a very sweet story! Honestly, being someone’s crutch is one of my favorite jobs. I don’t know why exactly, I just enjoy it.

    And I also just realized that I tagged myself at the very top of this page 🤣… yeah… I have no idea why… I probably meant to tag you and or @anne-of-lothlorien

    Published author, reader of many books, Student in writing, and Lumenite!

    #44734
    Buddy J.
    @wordsmith

    I’ve never been to Chicago. What do you like about it?

     

    Published author, reader of many books, Student in writing, and Lumenite!

    #44737
    Anne of Lothlorien
    @anne-of-lothlorien

    @wordsmith Um, you wrote “you or anneoflothlorien”… I am Anne of Lothlorien? Are you tired? 😀

    The movie was made in 1953. It’s a leetle gushy, (it’s a musical as well) but it’s still fun to watch.

    I could have used a crutch one time at the lake… I smashed my ankle against a bolt that was three inches in diameter, so I couldn’t swim back or walk on the dock back. My girlfriends tried helping me, but I’m bigger than two of them, so it didn’t turn out well. I looked rather pitiful. 😀 But I don’t think anyone else thought we needed help, because I was laughing. If you know me well enough, you know that’s actually bad, because that means it’s super bad pain and I’m getting hysterical.

    Chicago is really neat because 1. ALL THE STUFFS TO DO!!! I mean, there are soooo many things! We visited the Oriental Institute, (which is actually about the Middle East, because when the museum was made, that was still called the orient.) we wandered around the shops and had deep-dish pizza, saw a couple architectural structures, like the Bean. Seriously, a giant metal bean. You can stand under it. It’s cool, trust me. Plus we went to the skating ribbon, which was like a long winding stream of frozen water, not a rink.

    2. People watching –  As a writer I do this a bunch, (who doesn’t) and just sitting for fifteen minutes on a bench and watching people gave me so many ideas and character inspirations!

    I’d like to go back at least once because last year my experience was a little ruined because I got a migraine at night from the wind and low temperature, plus I hurt my foot skating. I actually injure myself a lot. I’m not the most graceful person in the world. 🙂

    So it’s a really cool place and you can do a lot there without paying much if you’re willing to walk.

    I'm short, I like words, and I love people.
    No, I didn't draw my profile pic.

    #44779
    Evelyn
    @evelyn

    @anne-of-lothlorien That is an adorable story. <3

    Thanks for sharing. 🙂

    #44789
    Anne of Lothlorien
    @anne-of-lothlorien

    @evelyn – You’re welcome. I have a whole folder where I keep stories of things I see around written down.

    I'm short, I like words, and I love people.
    No, I didn't draw my profile pic.

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