Re-post of new OC, looking for critiques!

Forums Fiction Characters Re-post of new OC, looking for critiques!

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      Hey y’all!

      So, I have been on story embers for a while now, but I have been very much inactive as of late. However, thanks to the Corona virus, I am back!

      I posted this on another part of the forum, but after some looking around I found this part, and decided it was more suitable for the content I have.

      (Also, there was a whole fiasco of me not being patient for the story embers website to load. I may have clicked the “submit” button one too many times, and posted this on the other part of the art forum a dozen times. Thanks to @josiah for the help on deleting them.)

      I have included a picture of him so as to visualize him better, so I hope that is helpful.

      So, if you are interested, please review my OC down below, so had to help me develop his character more. I also have a backstory if y’all can help me on that, please do. Or at least just just me know what you think about it. Thank you for your time. 🙂

      Name: Radcliffe Packard

      Gender: Male

      Species: Human

      Age: 28

      Appearance: Tall, about 6’7. Always wears gloves. Dark brown eyes and hair. Hair is perfect unless he’s kicking someone’s butt. Which he does. Frequently.

      Class: Rouge

      Mental state: Schizophrenic and extremely OCD, has to be precise in many ways of life. Doesn’t mind getting dirty or messed up as long as he can fix it.

      Personality: Doesn’t like opening up to people, tends to be secluded and a loner. Has a short attention span and does not like crowds. Is easily embarrassed, and hates being made fun of.

      Companion: He has a pet viper named Dante that never bites him and is extremely protective of him. Radcliffe confides in Dante often.

      Skills: Master of sword fighting and hand to hand combat. Also a very good cook. Surprisingly strong and quick for his size.

      Backstory: PLEASE READ!!!

      Radcliffe Packard was born in a small village called Taernsby. Because of his mental problems, he was ridiculed and an outcast from the people of the village, even from his family. His many personalities plagued him, and when he got nervous, or under pressure, they surfaced more.

      One personality in particular was judgmental, and he would hurt himself because of this personality (aka cut himself). So, to this day he still carries scars.

      When he was 15 he ran away; not being able to take the cruelty any more, and lived on his own, trying to combat his schizophrenia. He then became a wanderer who traveled town to town on his own.

      Because of his OCD however, he had the ability of deduction, and was able to notice things normal creatures would not. He also has a photographic memory, a blessing and a curse.

      He did work as a locksmith for a year when he was 18, on and off in a large city, so he could keep to himself; now he has that skill as well.

      He was kinda known as the city crazy guy, so he was shunned there as well. Which made his anxiety even worse. Most of the time he was being made fun of, so he tried keeping to himself.

      During his job he was out to go find a quiet place, so he could avoid people, when he tripped and ran into 3 high ranking city officials. They were really harsh to him because he crashed into them. He got nervous and flustered, so his personality came out and he was irrational. They made fun of him and pushed him around. One of his personalities was violent and took over, so he exploded and killed two of them, and injured the other one. He ran away and hid in the city for a couple of days.

      Wanted for murder, he’s on the run. He always carries the guilt with him, even though they were cruel to him.

      One day while in the woods, he fell into a hole, and there was a viper in there. The viper did not bite him, and became his closest companion, and the only creature who would put up with him.

      His current occupation is traveling across the country, trying to avoid life, and fight his many personalities. As he’s grown older, it’s a little easier for him to control his schizophrenia, even though when he gets agitated or upset, it comes out stronger.

      He occasionally does fighting tournaments and earns money that way, because he doesn’t have to speak when he fights.

      Currently he travels. Not sure how he fits in the story yet.


      So, with all that being said, this is my newest character! Any questions or comments, please leave them down below and I will reply to them as soon as possible.

      ISTP. Check out my art instagram @smudge_viel Fueled by my family, friends, and lots of tea.


        I just wanna know why the viper was all cool with some random guy falling into a hole with it


          @phoenix well, it’s in a fantasy world, so I guess the snake just connected with him. He needed a friend, so I though, why not a protective viper? But, I understand your question, I mean if I was a viper and a human fell down and bothered me, I may not be so friendly. 😉

          ISTP. Check out my art instagram @smudge_viel Fueled by my family, friends, and lots of tea.

          Emberynus The Dragonslayer


          Awesome character!! I love it! Just my type! 🙂 tragic backstory and everything 😉

          Sleep doesn't help if it's your soul that's tired.


            @emberynus-the-dragonslayer thank you so much! Ah yes, tragic backstories. XD

            ISTP. Check out my art instagram @smudge_viel Fueled by my family, friends, and lots of tea.

            Emberynus The Dragonslayer


            I use them all the time. Probably a little too much to be realistic! LOL XD

            Sleep doesn't help if it's your soul that's tired.

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