September 26, 2019 at 3:16 pm #97723
Anne of Lothlorien
@mariposa “Chief Shortbeard sat regally on his exercise ball…” may be one of the funniest things I’ve read in a long time. I can literally picture it perfectly. This is awesome, my friend.
Who’s the dark haired girl with the dagger?
@karthmin It’s the baker in her that typed ‘Shortbread’. Honestly, I was reading it as ‘shortbread’ anyways. 😀
I'm short, I like words, and I love people.
No, I didn't draw my profile pic.September 27, 2019 at 12:04 pm #97756
@mariposa I think this is one of my favorite installments yet! Loved every bit–especially Nebraska’s, “I always knew I would die getting fired!” And Martin’s, “You’ll have a warm departure.” XD Also, the end, when Storm handcuffed Pennsylvania–I’m pretty sure I understood that reference! XD
"How did I escape? With difficulty. How did I plan this moment? With pleasure."September 28, 2019 at 10:18 am #97783
Nebraska covered his face. “I always knew I was going to die getting fired!”
Martin patted Nebraska’s shoulder. “You’ll have a warm departure.”
OMIGOODNESS. This was for sure one of my favorite parts yet! I will never get over the image in my head of Shortbeard on an exercise ball. XD The games were just hilarious!
@anne-of-lothlorien I know, me too. In my head Im always saying Shortbread.
"No matter how much it hurts, how dark it gets, or how hard you fall, you are never out of the fight."October 2, 2019 at 6:47 pm #98007
@karthmin Seriously, it’s worth writing this story just for a response like that. 😂
I may or may not grant your petition… 😉
@evelyn You’re too epic not to be in the story. 😉🤗 And my apologies for making you blonde. 😜 I’ve only seen a black-and-white picture of you, I think, and your hair looked blondish in the photo. Oh well. 😅
My inner baker. Yep, that must be it. 😉
@jessi-rae Storm has actually handcuffed Josiah in real life (and we has a video to prove it).
@ashira *bows* Thank you! The exercise ball idea was a stroke of genius, I think. 😂October 3, 2019 at 9:09 am #98047
@mariposa Ooh, a video? I want to see that! I’ve seen a picture from Realm Makers, but I so want to see that video! 😀
"How did I escape? With difficulty. How did I plan this moment? With pleasure."October 3, 2019 at 1:22 pm #98058
@mariposa Ah that makes sense. No problem. We can just pretend I was a vain, self-conscious character and was wearing a blonde wig… 😆 😉October 12, 2019 at 3:34 pm #98677November 7, 2019 at 8:14 pm #100296
Hello, raiders! I know I keep apologizing for writing delayed installments, but I won’t have to anymore because…
THIS IS THE GRAND FINALE OF RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARC! 😮
I hope you enjoy the ending as much as the beginning, and that it keeps you laughing until I write the third one. 😉
RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARC: LEGEND OF THE FORBIDDEN BURAL GROUNDS PART 7
“You can’t lock me up! This is my story!” Pennsylvania beat his fists against the bars of the jail cell.
“So you think.” Storm scraped a match on her boot and lit her pipe; purple smoke ascended from it.
“Yeah, everyone knows it’s all about me.” Nebraska puffed out his chest.
“Then we probably don’t have any readers,” Pennsylvania retorted. He turned to Storm. “I’ve never assaulted you. You have no grounds to keep us here against our will.”
“You called me lame!” she shot back, blowing purple smoke into his face.
Pennsylvania coughed. “That was an insult, not an assault.”
“Doesn’t make much difference to me.” Storm walked away as Edna glared at Pennsylvania for his impudence. “Besides, I happen to know that you two are the long-lost ringleaders of the Double Space Gang.”
Pennsylvania and Nebraska gasped. How could she have found out? Oh, yeah, duh, she knows everything.
“That was a long time ago…and I’ve reformed!”
“Tell that to the judge.” Storm handed Edna the key to the jail cell, and she swallowed it.
Pennsylvania moaned. Either they would be burned alive by one of Shortbeard’s flaming arrows, or imprisoned for life. He sat down on the bed, which was harder than Storm’s thick head. He studied her. It wasn’t like her to be so darn unagreeable. In fact, it wasn’t like her to take up smoking either. As long as he could remember, she’d never touched a match unless she planned on igniting an argument.
Pennsylvania shrugged, turning to the next jail cell, where Hopeless, Inkless, Jessie James, and B. J. walked about aimlessly.
“How’d she catch you?” he asked Hopeless.
“She done tricked us, that’s what she did!” B. J. bellowed, kicking the bars like a karate master.
Hopeless trotted closer. “That Posie and Four-Ears turned out to be secret agents. They fed us some brain-fog poison, and Storm and that rodent leapt on us before we knew what was happening. Then Gracie the Kid turned soft and joined their side.”
“Traitor,” Inkless muttered.
“After that, Storm tied us up while she went and captured the arc.”
“WHAT?!” Pennsylvania and Nebraska yelled. Pennsylvania frowned at Storm. “You were there at the Indian encampment, and you didn’t help us escape?”
Storm poured herself a cup of coffee. “I thought you two were strong, independent men who don’t need no woman.”
“He speaks for himself.” Nebraska pointed to Pennsylvania.
Pennsylvania gripped the bars so tight that his fists turned as red as Storm’s pen. How could she do this to them? If only…
Wait. Storm was drinking coffee. She hated coffee. He glanced at her knapsack. The arc peeked out of it and rested on barren ground. Since this was the negative arc, what if it turned everything evil? Then that meant Storm…
Pennsylvania covered his face. Storm had become a villain!
A commotion outside ripped the silence apart like a writer tears up paper.
“They’re here!” someone screamed.
Flaming arrows zoomed past the windows. Storm darted outside.
“Please! Let us out!” he pleaded to Edna, but she wouldn’t listen. Since Storm had become evil, it was only logical that her piguirrel had too.
Pennsylvania thought for a moment, then dug some cashews out of his pocket and flung them at Edna, which made her sneeze the keys out. Pennsylvania promptly unlocked the cell and burst outside. People ran to and fro like crazy writers. Buildings lit up the streets as they were consumed in flames.
“We must stop them!” Pennsylvania signaled to Cinders, Morrow, Martin, Savannah, Grabber, and Gracie the Kid. They fled from him. Everyone seemed to be running away from him. They all must have suffered from the arc’s effects too. Pennsylvania whirled around as Shortbeard stormed the streets. He’d have to face him alone.
Pennsylvania stepped forward. “Call off your braves, unless you’re not man enough to fight me man to man.”
Chief Shortbeard raised a hand and all of his braves froze. He eased off his stallion. “Choose your weapon.”
Pennsylvania pulled out a small purple pen.
Chief Shortbeard laughed. “You fight me with that? Raspberrian weapon much better.” He pulled a typewriter out from underneath his arm, then took his place.
Shortbeard nodded, releasing a war cry and charging after him, his typewriter raised high. Just as he was about to crash it down on Pennsylvania’s head, Pennsylvania jabbed him in the side with the point of his pen.
Shortbeard winced in pain, but nevertheless, he whacked Pennsylvania real good on the noggin. Pain shot through his head more terrible than his worst case of writer’s block. Shortbeard was about to hit him again. Pennsylvania scrambled up, squirting ink right in Shortbeard’s eyes.
Shortbeard stumbled back, which allowed Pennsylvania to grab his arm. “Your arc is killing your land, blinding your sense of right and wrong, and—”
“You lie!” Shortbeard rammed the typewriter into Pennsylvania’s stomach.
Pennsylvania nearly collapsed, grasping his abdomen. “No! I swear! Why do you think all the plants are dried up and the towns nearby abandoned?”
Shortbeard narrowed his eyes and thrust the typewriter at Pennsylvania’s back, then at his head again. Pennsylvania could barely walk. One more blow and he’d be a dead man. Shortbeard raised the typewriter and aimed for him. Pennsylvania closed his eyes and said his last prayer. When he opened his eyes, he expected to be in heaven, but instead he saw a typewriter on the ground with a piece of shortbread sitting next to it.
“What the..?” Pennsylvania picked it up.
“Someone made a typo!” Storm interrupted as Pennsylvania tried to determine whether eating it would be cannibalism or not. In less than a second, the typo was corrected and Shortbeard was back to his usual evil self.
Pennsylvania had one last resort. He pulled out a piece of paper and scribbled a super short, short story on it and shoved it in Shortbeard’s face. Reading it, Shortbeard crumbled, sobbing. Pennsylvania knew only a story could move the Indian’s heart.
“My people! My people! How could I have down this to you?”
Martin came up and patted him on the shoulder. “There. There. You can’t help it if you’re one hard cookie.”
Shortbeard sobbed louder. Pennsylvania rushed into the sheriff’s office and grabbed the arc. He then pulled out the flat arc that was in his pocket and joined them together. They glowed. Storm stomped in and Pennsylvania readied himself. He wouldn’t be arrested again.
Storm grinned. “Good job, partner.”
The negative arc’s spell was broken.
The next week, grass sprung up out of the soil and creativity was discovered again in the mines. Writers from every country poured in, filling the streets with the sound of tapping keys and scratching pens.
Pennsylvania raised his glass of root beer. “To Snark Valley!”
The townsfolk cheered. Posie brought out a huge, thirty-layer cake with raspberry decorations and a mini replica of the statue the town had erected in Pennsylvania’s honor. Storm cut the first slice, her medal for valor shining on her vest. The rest of the bunch, Grabber, Martin, Morrow, Savannah, Cinders, and even Gracie the Kid, received a magic pen that would ensure they’d never have writer’s block again.
Nebraska, however, was to receive a very special gift. The mayor of Snark Valley led him outside to a covered stall. He yanked the cover loose and everyone gasped.
“Not more llamas!” Nebraska moaned.November 7, 2019 at 9:56 pm #100302
@mariposa That was so great! XD XD XD My favorite part has to have been when Shortbeard became shortbread. XD
"How did I escape? With difficulty. How did I plan this moment? With pleasure."November 8, 2019 at 5:02 pm #100376
Shortbread becoming shortbeard was hilarious.
I'm Throne Warden of Emberia or Nuetrobolt. I write with my tiny dragon, Vip.
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