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Princess Opal

Forums Poetry Poetry Discussions Princess Opal

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  • #61908
    Andrew Schmidt
    @andrew

    Here is a poem of mine. Criticism is allowed… so that I can make it better. It is a little odd and weird, but I wanted to have it that way. It’s almost like a little story, but put in a poem. But anyway, here it goes; Princess Opal:

     

    Once in the lands of Vellanarge

    In the deep sands containing rubies so large,

    Came a pale stranger to little Princess Opal, who said,

    “Would you be so kind to give me a bed?”

    But the young princess, stiff with anger,

    Shrugged him off, and that was how she handled her anger!

    Then came along a golden deer, who nuzzled her castle wall and said,

    “Will you let me in, for I have no magical mushrooms so red?”

    But Princess Opal, all the same, shrugged the creature off.

    “Beings these days, they never go off.”

    And after her complaint, just then,

    Came a fiery hen,

    Who said, “Will you let me in?”

    But Princess Opal did anything but let her in.

    Icy snakes, treasury beings, deceitful beggars, plant monsters, rainbow foxes,

    She did not let in, and instead threw upon them metal, boiling boxes.

    “Go away! Leave me alone!” she cried.

    “It was just yesterday that black wolves resulted in the many who died!”

    Then came another, not a delicate peacock or a monstrous lion,

    But a pure white unicorn, from the Rock of Xion.

    Tears spattered Princess Opal’s pale face.

    Pushing back a couple strands of ginger hair, she then made an excited pace.

    He had come. Her dream. The unicorn.

    Her green eyes filled with wonder at the creature’s sparkling horn.

    She had done her job well,

    Not letting any others in as well.

    For her unicorn had returned.

    And not a single wrong creature that plagued her had had her face turned.

     


    @dakota
    @e-b-rauland @scribbles @jenwriter17 @the-fledgling-artist @nuetrobolt @wordsmith @evelyn

     

    "Muhahaha!"- Unknown Villain

    #61938
    The Fledgling Artist
    @the-fledgling-artist

    This is cool @andrew 🙂 The only thing I noticed is when you did this part. “But Princess Opal did anything but let her in.” Maybe I’m wrong here, but to me this says that she didn’t do anything except let her in. Maybe instead of saying it that way you could say something like “But princess Opal did nothing to let her in”. Just a suggestion. ^-^

    Have a nice day! *vanishes*

    "Though I'm not yet who I will be, I'm no longer who I was."

    #62061
    Andrew Schmidt
    @andrew

    @the-fledgling-artist, thank you! 🙂

    Yeah, I’ll make sure I change that line sometime.

    Oh, and I like your new profile picture. Is that a raccoon? It could be, but tell me if I’m wrong.

    "Muhahaha!"- Unknown Villain

    #62083
    The Fledgling Artist
    @the-fledgling-artist

    @andrew Thanks! Actually I’m not really sure what it is xD It does kinda look like a purple raccoon though!

    "Though I'm not yet who I will be, I'm no longer who I was."

    #62220
    Andrew Schmidt
    @andrew

    @the-fledgling-artist, okay. Are you planning on using it for story inspiration or something sometime…?

    "Muhahaha!"- Unknown Villain

    #63552
    Dakota
    @dakota

    @andrew I think it is good. Keep writing! 🙂

    Psalm 119:11
    Your word I have hidden in my heart,
    That I might not sin against You.

    #63555
    The Fledgling Artist
    @the-fledgling-artist

    @andrew Oh, I’m not sure. 😀 I just drew it for fun haha. Who knows though. I might use it in a story someday. 😉 Have you made up any cool creatures recently?

    "Though I'm not yet who I will be, I'm no longer who I was."

    #63628
    Andrew Schmidt
    @andrew

    @Dakota, thank you!


    @the-fledgling-artist
    , okay. I am planning to write a little book full of multiple little mystical animal stories…

    "Muhahaha!"- Unknown Villain

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