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Hey everyone!
I’m somewhat new to the forum, and I have a few questions for this book I’m planning.
A basic synopsis of what I’ve planned so far: United States Marine Corps soldier Jackson Barrett goes on a combat patrol with his squad, on which he and his squad members capture this one enemy captain. Info that he later releases in questioning soon gets Jackson and his squad sent on a mission to infiltrate and take out an enemy underground bunker. The mission goes well from the start, but after a soldier steps on a land mine on the way out, they are engaged and pinned down by hundreds of insurgents. Jackson soon finds a way out, but pretty quickly has to make choices that could cost him or the squad their lives.
The following are the questions I’ll start off with, if I have any more I’ll ask them:
(1) Are there any former/current USMC people on here who could give me advice? (Specifically, I don’t want to write a book that is nowhere near a real USMC mission, I want to try and get it as accurate as possible.)
(2) Plot lines. Man I’m terrible at those. (Like, how do I even plan one?) Any advice is greatly appreciated
(3)Does anyone know of a way to write a swearing marine (lets just admit it, marines will swear) and keep the book Christian?
(4) How can I write a pretty much cold blooded killer and keep it Christian?
(5) Has anyone here ever written modern military books and could give advice here?
any advice is greatly appreciated, thank you in advance. At some point here I’ll post character descriptions.
@ethan-leonard Hi! I think I can help give advice on a few of these points, but fair warning these are topics I love to talk about and I’m going to start rambling XD
First things first:
PRAY – I know that when you put your story, your writing and creative process into God’s hands, He’ll answer that prayer. He’s given us creativity and a passion for writing for a purpose, and if we surrender that to Him I don’t believe He’s going to let that go to waste. My own writing didn’t truly start to take off and develop until I gave it up to Him, which was honestly easier said than done. As I grew in my faith and started including Him more in that process, my characters, plot and theme have all really developed and become so much more deep and meaningful, and that’s all thanks to God and His work in my faith. I will say, be prepared because you don’t know where He’ll lead you – my writing has taken difficult turns, but if anything that’s helped me to include Him even more and just lean on Him and trust that he’ll use it to convey the messages that He wants it to (because there’s some things I’m writing about now that I just wouldn’t even dare to write on my own.)
Ok so to answer some of your questions:
2. I know some people tend to be more plot driven than character driven, but even in plot driven stories, you need great characters. For example, LotR is very plot driven imo, but it’s characters are still interesting and well rounded. You can have a story with the best plot ever, but if it’s characters are stereotypical, flat, or uninteresting, the plot will fall through. On the flip side, you can have a story with an incredibly basic plot, but if the characters are really good, the story will be rich and engaging. Now, personally, I’m more character oriented, so a lot of my plot tends to be driven by my characters and what makes them tick. But I’ve found that my plot has become richer as my characters have grown – especially as I’ve started to nail down their interactions with other characters.
So, with your soldier, really start digging into his core values, his fears, wants, needs, etc. Does he have family back home? Does he have a wife or girlfriend? Are there any particular soldiers in his squad that he really likes or dislikes – say, if he has a friend he dearly loves, he might want to save him or her over the other soldiers…but would that be right to do? Does he value life? If so, whose life does he value more – his, or his soldiers? Does he struggle with fear? Hate? If you’re wanting to really explore faith in this story, then is he a believer at this point, and if not, what does he need to lose in order to be driven to Christ (this could be a lie he believes in, or something he’s placed his trust in, maybe even something physical like a possession, weapon, etc.) These values and relationships are going to be driving his decisions throughout the story, and they might start cluing you into more emotionally powerful and meaningful plot points.
Because that’s one thing – sometimes I’m tempted to go the “easy” way when it comes to plotting, but often times it’s the hard, emotionally devastating, disturbing plot points that really get your point across.
3. Yeah, that’s a tough one. I will say, I think it’s not so much a question of keeping a book “‘Christian” as it is trying to glorify God through your writing. So I doubt you can glorify God through including actual swear words, but I think you can describe the actions without actually saying the words – “she swore viciously” “He cursed under his breath,” etc.
I think that “cussed” sounds harsher, than “swore” or “cursed” tbh, so that might be helpful to keep in mind
4. I guess it depends on what you mean by “cold blooded killer.” I’m assuming you’re referring to the MC? So, does your MC enjoy killing people? Does he hate his enemies and enjoy seeing them dead? That’s obviously sinful and horrible, but that doesn’t mean that he can’t be redeemed! Has he become numb to killing because of the horrors he’s seen? Does he not like killing, but knows it’s something he must do to protect his squad? I think those are reasonable and to be expected in war. I guess it depends on how you portray it. I think the main thing to watch out for is portraying the act of killing as “cool.” You can portray sin or horrible events without glorifying them, and I think that’s one of the differences between secular and God-glorifying fiction. Even if your MC is in the wrong, you can show through the narrative the effects his actions have , and show the damage they cause both to him and others. I think it’s also important to show the weight of all this death he’s surrounded by. Taking a life isn’t a small matter, even in war, and so your MC will be probably be really suffering throughout this ordeal. He might start becoming numb to it, but that doesn’t mean it’ll never affect him – there’s a reason so many soldiers come home with PTSD. I think you’ve got some really interesting opportunities to explore some incredibly sticky situations here, and I would pray about how to portray them! It’s not the presence of dark situations that’s the problem, but rather your motive for including them, their place in the story, and the message they help portray.
Hope this helps!
*laughs as one fey*
Will do! That is an excellent idea I’ve never really heard of.
Interesting point…I’ve never thought about it that way.
Yeah that’s what I was thinking of doing. Thanks for the tip!
Yes, I’m referring to the MC…and kinda the rest of the squad, but yeah mainly the MC. As for what he is…I was thinking really kinda along the lines of Navy SEAL Chris Kyle: Kills because his enemy is trying to kill him or his fellow soldiers. Not because he loves it, but because he has to.
Yes it did, thank you !
Sorry I’m a little late to the discussion.
I wrote a short piece lately about a female sergeant and I ran into some of the same questions you are asking.
First, there is a Christian author, Ronnie Kendig, who writes action-packed military thriller type books. If you want a good read and want to see how another Christian handles military life-style, I’d check her out. XD
Second, I think the most important thing for the swearing + violence is to set up your Main Character as someone your readers will really like and someone who really does have good intentions. My character Jenn struggles with who she feels she “is” (tough female sergeant in a masculine environment) with the desire to be wanted, and loved and have real friendships. Because you understand what’s going on inside her, the swearing and “tough” attitude isn’t such an issue. There is a Christian guy in her squad who she makes fun of mercilessly, but my readers still like Jenn because they realize that she doesn’t know what real Christianity (real love) is and so she’s going to react wrong until she learns what’s right. Does that make sense? XD
For the swearing, I think something that helped me was to remember that a character doesn’t have to swear to have the right “vibe.” I use what Caladris said (‘She swore’ and ‘He cursed’) but I also like being creative with it. Sometimes a character doesn’t need to swear to make their point. For example, in the first Captain America movie the officers call the soldiers “ladies” in an insulting way, which I think that stays true to military style also. Sarcasm helps a lot. XD
The other thing I was going to say was I think writing a “cold-blooded killer” is all about how you come across. One thing would be, kind of like you said, to focus on your MC’s buddies more than the enemy. Keep the focus on the life he’s saving and not the life he’s taking. Of course, you may want to bring the weight of killing humans in battle into the story, but as long as the MC works through it the reader is usually fine. I believe that as Christians we should be the first to promote peace and the first to value life, but war is going to happen. David was a man after God’s own heart but also a pretty awesome warrior.
I don’t know, this is just my lil three cents. XD Best of luck with the story, I know it’ll be great.
"If I'm gonna break, I'll break like the dawn." -Nightbirde
Nah you’re good lol
Ok thank you, I’ll definitely look him up.
Yeah I’d agree there. That is what I was thinking of doing , stuff like ‘He swore viciously’
Yeah…the MC is not a cold blooded killer, but one of his Squadmates (who is an important figure) is. Jackson is more like ‘I do it because I have to’
btw here is a very long basic synopsis (actually…it’s more in-depth than basic…)
BEGINNING:
Jackson Barrett and his squad are in Blackhawk helicopters, on their way to an enemy position. As they land, they move in on an apparently empty house. Jackson leads two fire teams in, while Corporal Miles leads the sniper team. Jackson and his fire team clear the house, and capture a man as he tries to run away in an armored truck. Getting back to the helicopters as more insurgents arrive, they leave with their prize.
THE INTERROGATION
Jackson, Miles, and Steven Beck interrogate Abd al-Aziz at their base. He refuses to cooperate, even with bribes. When Steven gets rough on him, Miles gets him to back off, but that was all that was needed for him to reveal that there was a massive underground bunker filled with hundreds of soldiers, supplies, weapons, ammunition, and prisons, complete with prisoners. Miles, Jackson, and Steven instantly take this info to intelligence.
One day, word comes down the chain that a raid is being planned on this bunker. Miles brings word that their squad had been picked to lead the assault. The squad meets this with mixed reactions. Jackson takes it as another mission, Steven is enthusiastic about getting another shot at the enemy, with the remainder ranging from happy to eh about it.
The squad begins rehearsals for the attack. The plan is to enter the bunker through a maintenance hatch, proceed directly to the prisons, free all the prisoners and get them to safety. Then Jackson will lead a fire team to the magazine, and rig the whole thing with explosives. Before setting it off, they will provide a distraction as another squad captures the main command center. There, they will capture personnel and as much info as possible. Then all squads will pull out and the magazine will be detonated, which should destroy the place. Then all squads will fall back to the rendezvous point, where the helicopters will pick them up.
The day before the mission begins, Miles and Jackson chat about this mission. Jackson expresses doubts that they will survive this, but Miles reminds him that they are Marines. Jackson counters that they are, but even the best can die. Miles reminds him that they are doing this to stop things like this from happening back home. Jackson agrees, and the two go and join the rest in prepping for the mission.
THE MISSION
At 0400, four squads take off in four Chinook helicopters and escorted by two Apache helicopters. They arrive at the drop off and disembark with no problems. Two of the squads proceed to an overlook, where they will provide cover fire if need be and communications back to base, while Miles’ squad and the second squad proceed to the maintenance hatch. They infiltrate the city with no problems, avoiding encounters with insurgents and civilians. Pretty soon they reach the maintenance hatch. The squads slowly enter, with Miles and Jackson’s fire team entering first. Once they are inside, they proceed to the prisons. They avoid encounters all along the way, and pretty soon they reach the prisons. They break down the door to the guard room. In there, there are three insurgents lounging in the room. A quick fight ensues, with Jackson and his men getting the upper hand really quickly. Once they are subdued, they take the keys and free the prisoners in the cells. They then imprison the guards they captured, and proceed back to the maintenance hatch.
Meanwhile, the other squad proceeds to the command center. When they reach the storage cabinet where they will wait for the signal, they hide in there. Soon an insurgent comes in, with the squad instantly taking him out. A soldier who comes in a bit later is also taken out, but he manages to alert several others nearby. They proceed to investigate, and are hunted down one by one in the storage hold. Suddenly they are contacted by Miles who alerts them that they have planted the explosives without problem and are ready in position to create the diversion. They instantly respond, and start towards the command center.
Miles, meanwhile, leads his squad towards the main hanger for the vehicles. When they reach the hanger, they proceed to sneak among the trucks and plant explosives among them. Then they sneak back towards a firing position they had picked. A flash-bang ( a grenade that releases a bright flash of light with a small amount of explosive power) is set off, drawing insurgents. Steven then detonates all the explosives, which draws more. Jackson and his squad are soon engaged in a firefight with nearly 150 insurgents. When the other squad radios that they are ready, they start pulling out. Once they are out of the maintenance hatch, they wait till the other squad joins them. Then they proceed to the rendezvous point. Along the way, Daniel steps on a land mine. Dying in Miles’ arms, the explosion alerts hundreds of insurgents to their position. In the ensuing firefight, the squads rush into an abandoned building, where they set up positions. As they battle, Miles is shot by a sniper. As he dies, he transfers command of the mission to Jackson. Jackson decides that they need to get out, and quickly. Fortunately, the insurgents fall back slightly to resupply, and Jackson and Edward Faulkner head up to the roof to find a way out. Seeing one, they begin planning a way of escape. As they begin prepping to move, the insurgents come back in force. Almost instantly, they nail several of the Marines. Jackson begins leading the retreat, and Steven sacrifices himself to not only cover them on their way out, but he also sets off the explosives, destroying the enemy bunker.
Once clear of the building, they rush off and the building explodes from a mortar attack. Flak from the mortars kills another Marine and injures another. Running, Jackson leads the squads to the safety of a nearby building. There, they instantly take positions and wait. But no insurgents showed up….until one of the snipers from the other squad with them reveals himself after nailing an insurgent. Then hundreds of insurgents pour onto their position. In the ensuing gun battle, Jackson realizes that the insurgents haven’t completely surrounded them. Directing the squads to leave, Jackson remains to draw off the insurgents’ fire. He fights them off for quite a while, when suddenly several insurgents blast through the door. Jackson engages them in hand-to-hand combat, killing all but one. The last on knocks Jackson down to the ground, but right before he can kill Jackson, Edward come back and kills him. He then helps Jackson leave the building.
They rejoin with the squads, and begin a pull-out from the city. They are almost to the hills when an insurgent spots them, and he alerts others to the Marines’ positions. As insurgents follow them, shooting, Jackson calls in an air strike. They reach the hill where they will rendezvous with the helicopter. Then they engage in a fierce gunfight. When it seems that Jackson and his squads are about to die, an A-10 squadron comes in low and attacks the insurgents. Soon the helicopters arrive, but as they load onto them an insurgent trains a missile at them. Noticing it, Jackson starts yelling shooting at him. He then dives at the insurgent, tackling him as he launches the missile. The missile goes wide, and Jackson engages in a fist fight. It seems like the insurgent is about to kill Jackson when the rest of his fire team arrives, who finish the insurgent off. They then board the helicopter and take off.
THE END
Jackson and his platoon are standing in a large tent. There they are awarded for their bravery and heroics. Jackson himself is awarded a Silver Star for Valor in Combat. The members who died are commemorated, and Jackson is promoted to Platoon Leader. (Lieutenant).
If you have anything you’d suggest to add or would suggest to take out, please, let me know.
Ok so a few things!
1. I like where you’re going with the other Marines! I think right now I’m especially interested by Steven. I’m assuming he’s the “cold blooded killer” guy? I’m interested to know more of his background. I wonder what caused him to adopt this mindset! Has he been fighting for longer than the others, and maybe has become jaded and hardened by battle? Maybe he witnessed some truly horrific crimes caused by the insurgents, and ceases to see their humanity. Has he bought into propaganda or a sort of mob mentality that paints the enemy as somehow less than human? One thing that I’m curious about is if this causes issues within the squad. Jackson strikes me as a much more caring and compassionate person, and he seems to be more cautious when it comes to risk taking (like when he’s talking with Miles and expressing his doubts that he’ll survive.) Do you think that this might cause some tension? I’m really interested in his decision to sacrifice himself too. To me, it seems like he doesn’t seem to take death very seriously, or maybe doesn’t value life in general (even his own), which makes me wonder what his religious views are, or lack thereof. Also, this attitude towards life/death might cause him to push for riskier tactics!
I think Steven is interesting to me because he’s very clearly in the wrong sometimes. I think I personally tend to be drawn to messy characters, and I find them really fun to write. So for example, Kit (from the character castle) is probably my favorite character from my own project. I like writing Kit because he’s frankly kind of messed up and honestly REALLY annoying, but he’s trying so hard to get it right. I just can’t help but sympathize with him! And I’ve noticed that a lot in other media – the most fun and interesting characters are often the ones with very obvious flaws. So keep developing Steven, and consider what other flaws the rest of the marines have!
On that note, I think right now I have a hard time relating to Jackson because he seems like the perfect/ideal soldier. He’s compassionate, smart, and very competent, but he feels a little bit unrealistic because as far as I can see, he never falters.
I think you should consider letting him make a few mistakes every once in a while! That would not only make him feel more “real,” but also add emotional stakes, since any mistakes he makes could cause him to start losing his squads respect (it could be kind of interesting if he’s kind of “competing” in this sense – another person might have ideas that sound really appealing, but that Jackson knows could be disastrous in the long run.) Also consider, people tend to be less rational under high stress, so that could also cause some issues!
2. What’s the time period and location of this story? I’m assuming this is somewhere in the Middle East – are they fighting a terrorist organization? If so, I think it would be really helpful to nail a specific time and location, and start researching it. For example, researching the culture of the specific country would be really helpful, researching naming conventions in the country, etc.
3. One thing I’m a little bit confused about is how his squad is able to take out so many insurgents. Now, tbf I’m not very knowledgeable about military tactics and fighting, so you know a lot more than I do XD However, just from the perspective of an average reader, this sounds a little bit unrealistic. It makes me not fear the insurgents as much, because they seem to be easily killed and therefore not as much of a threat (which makes me not as emotionally engaged when the squad starts dying off). Also, when you have that much killing going on with low stakes, they can start to feel more like faceless robots than other humans that these characters have to kill.
One suggestion I have would be to gradually raise the stakes as the plot progresses. As the story progresses, have the fights get harder, the characters more desperate, and the deaths more shocking (I don’t mean pure shock value, but more of a deep emotional impact.) Maybe as the insurgents get desperate, they start sending out young, inexperienced, scared fighters. Steven might not have an issue with killing them, but I think it might weigh heavily on Jackson. Maybe the fighting puts some rescued prisoners in danger, or maybe some of the prisoners are locals, whose families could be harmed by the insurgents if they dare aid their rescuers. Start ramping up the stress too, so even if the insurgents aren’t getting stronger, the characters minds are getting more fragile. I think things like this will make your story more gripping and exciting as it progresses!
Anyways, this was a very long response and maybe a little bit of a ramble. This is just my two cents! Hope this is a good start 🙂
*laughs as one fey*
Yes, Steven is the cold-blooded-killer guy of the squad. I’m thinking that for why he acts like that is maybe his brother was killed, or he’s just cold hearted, or something similar. As for his sacrifice, he was trying to finish the mission. He knew that the squad needed to get out, but that the mission had to be finished as well. And he wanted to get one last shot at the insurgents.
I can understand what you’re seeing with Jackson. Yes, he is caring and compassionate, that’s why I was considering adding a scene where after they hole up in that second building, he breaks down and starts crying after seeing all the members that they’ve lost. And it could be that that drove him to sacrifice himself to save the others…even though he does get saved….
Yes, this is in the Middle East. I was thinking Afghanistan. Time would be maybe 2010, 2011…not 2012, because that’s the year that Osama bin Laden was taken out…but then I realize that it could be remnants of Bin Laden’s forces…we’ll see.
The answer here is simple. They are Marines. They’ll each carry about 7-10 30 round magazines, which..say all of the members carry an M27 IAR and 8 30 round mags…that’s a total of 3120 rounds for the thirteen man squad, with 240 rounds per man. But, they can also carry a pistol, boot knife, some marines might carry a missile launcher, or a…the list goes on. Bottom line, they have the capacity to do in some 1,000 enemy combatants with some room for missing shots. (I promise I won’t bore you on this topic unless you ask for more info) But then…something to keep in mind is that the insurgents have similar weapons too…AK-47s, Grenades, machine guns…list goes on. I’ll stop here 😆
I do agree with the raising the stakes part. That does sound like a good idea…🤔
Thank gig for your input! I’d to have more please let me know!
(Yes, I did consider going into the Air Force. So I did my research)
Sorry that I’m so late!
I know a guy who was in the Army, and he strongly encourages you to do a lot of research, which you seem to already be doing (I wish you the best of luck!)
From my own experience with this guy, on your question about language and cold-blooded killers:
- You can avoid cursing, but soldiers will insult and roast each other often, as well as have a sense of dark humor and get up to a bunch of ridiculous pranks. Soldiers do curse, but i think that you can, if unavoidable, do something i see in Charles Dickens’s books, where a character will sometimes say something along the lines of “By G–” over actually saying the Lord’s name in vain and that kind of thing. It’s discreet enough that younger readers don’t know and older readers understand but will not be disturbed. (but I’d recommend use this rarely)
- I don’t know what themes you are trying to express in your story, but i would say that in regards to cold-blooded killers, soldiers can be:
- All about the violence, happy to kill the enemy
- Feel nothing either way because they’re desensitized
- Saddened they have to take lives, but it’s not going to mess them up, and they understand they have no choice
- Soldiers won’t be too upset or disturbed by killing, as their training revolves around a lot of desensitizing and reenacting the scenarios they may end up in, as well as seeing photos and watching videos of real-life injuries and deaths sustained in war. Before they even are deployed, they have to be prepared to:
- see their best freinds die in front of them in greusome ways and still keep going without panicking
- willingly let a freind die if it’ll cost the lives of everyone else to try and save them. (great example of this in the movie Master and Commander)
- be quick and decisive, as well as brutal, for their survival and for their freind’s survival.
- Kill at a moment’s notice.
- This dosen’t mean a soldier can still care and have a conscience about those that die, but it means he will be VERY familiar with death before he’s even done with training, so it will not bother him in the same way it might a civilian.
- A group of soldiers will share a really close bond with each other, they form a tight-knit community and work as one. if you aren’t working with your friends (sleeping on the job purposely) you may end up getting chased by a guy in a gasmask wielding a shovel after waking up with pinecones on you in a pattern. but they take care of each other, and help support each other like a large gaggle of brothers, regardless of their different walks of life. I’m certain you know this, but soldiers mess with each other so much it’s hilarious.
- Further on Dark humor: Soldiers use sarcastic/dark humor, a lot. It’s partly a coping mechanism because of the horrors they go through. You don’t have to include it a lot, but it does happen.
I really hope this help you!
We crazy people are the normal ones.
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