October 4, 2019 at 12:29 am #98123
Vim and Vigour
When walking on along the shore
You stop and sight a thickly hall
That, lights a’shine, is loud and long
And ever bright, the windows strong;
They sprout the wing and sing to fly
Into the wind and off the sea
That crisp and thick, is sheltered not
And plastered wick, the beach is hot.
Then walking up and to the door
It opens and he steps the inn.
Lights a’shine within the ‘liers
That iron-cast are white with tears.
Round the room the tables spread
And thickly laid with buttered bread.
Then not to mention ‘ll other such
Aliments that when the mutter
Would, last, escape the mouth – the tender
And finally to pass the bender
Unto the irons, so hot with fire
That whence ere on the evening’s bar
Had long been taken upon the roar-
The red, the yellow, not blue, but black
The fire swallowed all in the sack
For there had been the laiden rack,
And that so full of mood that air
Could not escape nor come back in.
Then up the table a man a’soars
And shouts aloud for all to hear,
“Ahoy! Ye lads! And hearken me!
I think I spy a new lad here!
Come now on and have a drop
Tis nothing more than cider throp!”
True to his word, the drink was well
And many did he swallow there.
For sweet but sharp was cider and
The mugs were shaped the barrel hand
So as to look as if the load
Was larger than it would appear.
But naught was he to be induced
Unto the table where laiden few
T’was covered far too largely for
His stomache to hold out and all.
The laughter, song, and merriment was
Of vim and vigour, for many o’ them
Were wide a’belt and strong the arm
The beard was, to, a kindly hue.
So not were they the drunken few
For cider was the token brew.
And apple, plum, and peach there too
Did water down the richest food
For there the cook was jovial
And wide, she too, her husband so.
Now, they had cooked many a year
Within that merry sea-side build
And family were all there to
Be happily and there be wed
The young man who in far the start
Had only sought to take apart
The threads that had entwined his mind
And there also within his heart.
For courage did he need and so
He happened out upon the stow’
And there courage he did acquire
And after he arranged and dire
The need did he and so he knelt
In front of his ‘loved damsel
And propose and finally the pearl
Did say the yes and after few
Short months they were united in
That burly place, that welcomed them
And all the years, did far they see
It fit to occupy that space
And in the end they rested long
Within the back, that merry throng.
I wrote this some time ago and left it to the dust of my documents.October 5, 2019 at 6:15 pm #98269October 6, 2019 at 12:58 pm #98316EricaWordsmith@ericawordsmith
*Sighs* I am sorry… I have multiple tags that I haven’t responded to, but here I am, I read the poem.
It was lovely! I love the word choices and the way it tells a story. I really love nautical/ocean anything, so this definitely was enjoyable to me. I honestly don’t know how to critique poetry as I’m still such a novice pretending to pick up the poet’s pen… But I can tell you that it was lovely.
Tek an ohta! Tek an cala!October 6, 2019 at 9:55 pm #98343
@w-o-holmes First of all, thank you for not forgetting me. 😉
Second of all, like Erica said, lovely! However, I am afraid critique on poetry is not my strong point, especially with all the different styles and techniques and goals and visions that people have. *sighs* I wish I could help more…October 6, 2019 at 10:00 pm #98345
Life is like a river. You sweep into a pool that you stay in for a time then are washed away again.
Thank you! Yea, me too! My family loves going to the beach; Fort Bragg on the Pacific coast. We do the same things every time. We just love it.
A funny tale: this year before I went to the beach, I said that I was going to write at least five poems on or about the ocean and its many sands. Guess what? I wrote them all before (this one above being one of them) then when I got there, I sat back and relaxed. I think I only wrote about four lines. XD
Hey, all I expect when I say something about critique is either your general thoughts, or/and deeper critiques. So y’all did fine! Thanks for commenting! 🙂
Thanks!October 7, 2019 at 2:20 pm #98371October 7, 2019 at 2:21 pm #98372
(And no, before you ask, I don’t work at Chick-fil-a 😆 )October 8, 2019 at 10:50 am #98435Emberynus The Dragonslayer@emberynus-the-dragonslayer
@w-o-holmes WOW. I love your style!! You carry the story so well!
Sleep doesn't help if it's your soul that's tired.October 9, 2019 at 11:30 am #98489Dakota@dakota
@w-o-holmes Yes, I love the vividness of the style! Good work.
Your word I have hidden in my heart,
That I might not sin against You.October 11, 2019 at 3:46 pm #98582The Writing Gremlin@banana-peacock-warrior
@w-o-holmes: I loved this poem! I’ll admit that this isn’t my own typical style I write in but I WILL say that it flowed super nicely. All the lines matched up really well and as an admiring poetry reader I was able to do so very easily. Plus, your word choice was beautiful! Nice work! 👍🏻
“When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.”
Psalm 94:19 April 11, 2020 at 5:58 pm #110087Emma Huckabee (Emma Starr)@emma-starr
@w-o-holmes I’m a little late to the discussion, but I want to say that I love this poem! I think the word choice is especially good. When reading it, it just feels good in your mouth, if that makes sense. The physical aesthetic of it rolls off the tongue well.
Spreading God's love until I can see seven billion smiles. 🙂 https://sevenbillionsmiles.home.blog
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.