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Alrighty y’all, I’ve had several questions and thoughts piling up, and I thought I might as well put them all in one post. So here we go.
Replacements for look: I’m not referring to the context ‘he looked at the barn,’ I’m referring to the phrase ‘he gave her a flat look.’ Any replacement for that come to mind? I feel like a use it a lot. Stare is an obvious one, but in most contexts that doesn’t work.
Thoughts on ‘said’ replacements: In a lot of books I’ve been reading recently, the authors have replaced said with so many different words that I start to get irritated. It is especially annoying when they replace nearly every said with something like ‘offered’ or ‘asserted’ or ‘replied’ or ‘noted’ or ‘commented.’ I personally try to do this rarely, and I never used any of the words listed above. I used things such as ‘growled’ ‘roared’ or ‘hissed,’ but seeing that ‘said’ is usually invisible to the reader, I prefer that in most cases. What are y’all’s thoughts?
Facial Features: To what extent to y’all usually describe facial features? Any tips for doing so?
Parents: When having a character refer to their parent in introspection, do you use ‘his father’ or the father’s actually name? I tend to use both.
She said vs said she: I much prefer the former (the latter sounds like passive voice to me for some reason), but it also has a unique sound and sometimes I do like it. I noticed that older writing uses the latter much more often than newer writings, but what are y’all’s thoughts? Some of my cousins say they like a mix of both.
He gave a tight smile vs he smiled tightly: I tend to use the former due to the fact that I avoid adverbs, but which do y’all prefer? Does the former sound strange?
Chapter Names: Are these a thing of the past? I personally don’t use them, but I was just curious.
Inches, feet, meters, etc.. in medieval fiction: Do y’all use these terms in fantasy or use the more medieval sounding ‘pace’ or ‘span?’
Voice Description: I have a habit of describing voice a lot (telling, I know), but just saying ‘said’ instead of ‘he said in a rough voice’ doesn’t carry the intended purpose. Thoughts?
Direct (italicized with I’s and me’s) vs indirect thought: I was recently watching a lecture by an incredibly famous author, and he says that he likes to use direct/italicized thought that used I’s and me’s to not only make sure the reader is grounded in the introspection, but also to add flavor. I tend to not use it, but now I’m uncertain. Thoughts?
@Anyone and everyone else
Replacements for look: I’m not referring to the context ‘he looked at the barn,’ I’m referring to the phrase ‘he gave her a flat look.’ Any replacement for that come to mind? I feel like a use it a lot. Stare is an obvious one, but in most contexts that doesn’t work.
“Expression.” “Gaze” might work in some situations.
Thoughts on ‘said’ replacements
I agree with you. “Said” is invisible and thus usually better. More creative speech descriptors lose their impact if they’re used as more than spice. Generally, if you want to convey more emotion alongside dialogue, you can do so through an action tag of some sort and not have to use a speech tag at all.
Parents: When having a character refer to their parent in introspection, do you use ‘his father’ or the father’s actually name? I tend to use both.
It depends. I tend to use both, but in the book I’m publishing I ended up cutting out references to the MC’s father by name because I was already using a created word for “father” and it confused readers to have multiple unfamiliar names to refer to him by. So now he’s just always referred to as “Alachi” or “her alachi.”
He gave a tight smile vs he smiled tightly: I tend to use the former due to the fact that I avoid adverbs, but which do y’all prefer? Does the former sound strange?
I think I use both, but the former is probably the more common of the two. I think I prefer the former for the same reason you mentioned. But I think both work; it’s just a matter of preference and situation.
Chapter Names: Are these a thing of the past? I personally don’t use them, but I was just curious.
I enjoy them when I’m reading; I don’t have the leftover creativity/brainpower to write them, most of the time. ;P
Inches, feet, meters, etc.. in medieval fiction: Do y’all use these terms in fantasy or use the more medieval sounding ‘pace’ or ‘span?’
I use the familiar terms. I honestly hadn’t thought of them sounding modern, even though I suppose you’re right about that.
Voice Description: I have a habit of describing voice a lot (telling, I know), but just saying ‘said’ instead of ‘he said in a rough voice’ doesn’t carry the intended purpose. Thoughts?
This is where I would use a stronger speech tag or else imply the tone through the character’s body language. (E.g. if your character is being rough with a prop or another character while they’re talking, the reader is likely to imagine that their voice is also rough. Although it can also be fun to flip that around and emphasize the mismatch between a character’s actions and their voice, for instance if they’re throwing something across the room but their voice is terrifyingly controlled… But I digress. XD)
Direct (italicized with I’s and me’s) vs indirect thought: I was recently watching a lecture by an incredibly famous author, and he says that he likes to use direct/italicized thought that used I’s and me’s to not only make sure the reader is grounded in the introspection, but also to add flavor. I tend to not use it, but now I’m uncertain. Thoughts?
I go either way with this one, too. It depends on which flows better with the scene, the character, the overall tone of the book… Sometimes you want to get right into a character’s head; sometimes you want to keep some distance and show their thoughts indirectly. I don’t think either option is right or wrong; they just suit different situations.
Speculative fiction author. Mythology nerd. Worldbuilding enthusiast. Singer. Fan of classic literature.
Wow, Noah, you disappear for forever just to give us [writers 👍🏻] an existential crisis… (may or may not be the words of @this-is-not-an-alien )
Replacements for look:
Glare, gaze, glance, gawk, peer, peek,
Thoughts on ‘said’ replacements: In a lot of books I’ve been reading recently, the authors have replaced said with so many different words that I start to get irritated. It is especially annoying when they replace nearly every said with something like ‘offered’ or ‘asserted’ or ‘replied’ or ‘noted’ or ‘commented.’ I personally try to do this rarely, and I never used any of the words listed above. I used things such as ‘growled’ ‘roared’ or ‘hissed,’ but seeing that ‘said’ is usually invisible to the reader, I prefer that in most cases. What are y’all’s thoughts?
I agree! I have also found that people don’t appreciate it when you use the word “spoketh” so don’t do that.
Facial Features: To what extent to y’all usually describe facial features? Any tips for doing so?
Ok, I actually have a legit and somewhat smart sounding answer for this. I personally don’t think you can have too much, but you can have too much at once. As long as it’s not an information overload at one time thing, I don’t see any issues. To start out with, I would just cover the basics and anything important (hair color, eye color, important features such as a scar, etc.) then as the story goes on throw in other stuff.
Parents: When having a character refer to their parent in introspection, do you use ‘his father’ or the father’s actually name? I tend to use both.
Same.
She said vs said she: I much prefer the former (the latter sounds like passive voice to me for some reason), but it also has a unique sound and sometimes I do like it. I noticed that older writing uses the latter much more often than newer writings, but what are y’all’s thoughts? Some of my cousins say they like a mix of both.
In my opinion, I think it would depend on the style of the book. If you have more of a classy or historical book, I think said she is the better choice whereas she said seems to fit better with contemporary books. I think this is more of the writer’s preference though, and yeah, both is great!
He gave a tight smile vs he smiled tightly: I tend to use the former due to the fact that I avoid adverbs, but which do y’all prefer? Does the former sound strange?
No, I think it sounds better
Chapter Names: Are these a thing of the past? I personally don’t use them, but I was just curious.
No, I use them. Maybe it’s because you’re “normal”
Inches, feet, meters, etc.. in medieval fiction: Do y’all use these terms in fantasy or use the more medieval sounding ‘pace’ or ‘span?’
Again, this is writers’ preference. If you want to have this in your medieval world, that’s your decision. To answer your question though, I don’t think they sound very medieval.
Voice Description: I have a habit of describing voice a lot (telling, I know), but just saying ‘said’ instead of ‘he said in a rough voice’ doesn’t carry the intended purpose. Thoughts?
Yeahhh… That does sound better but don’t overdo it.
Direct (italicized with I’s and me’s) vs indirect thought: I was recently watching a lecture by an incredibly famous author, and he says that he likes to use direct/italicized thought that used I’s and me’s to not only make sure the reader is grounded in the introspection, but also to add flavor. I tend to not use it, but now I’m uncertain. Thoughts?
Yeah, I do. It does add flavor in my opinion.
Hope this helps! Good to see you back!
Be weird. Be random. Be who you are. Because you ever know who would love the person you hide.
Wow.
That’s a lot. I’ll probably only leave thoughts on a couple of these. 😉
Replacements for look:
“glance” “stare” (like you mentioned) “gaze” “met his/her eyes” “look” is fine too in some cases “expression”, not even using the word look but instead doing something like, “with blankness clouding his eyes” etc.
Thoughts on ‘said’ replacements:
OH YES ALWAYS NOT USING THE WORD SAID AND REPLACING IT WITH OTHER WORDS DRIVE ME BONKERS!!!!! Like, “said” is pretty much invisible – and so is asked. And you don’t even have to use dialogue tags, instead you can replace them with action tags if necessary. Like COME ON PEOPLE.
Facial Features:
I’m actually working on this a lot in my writing. I want to use more facial features to show emotion rather than telling it (I tend to tell it and am working on that).
Chapter Names:
Mm, I think it depends on your genre and how long your story is. I’ve noticed that longer stories (LOTR excluded XD) don’t use chapter names, while shorter ones (about 20 chapters) tend to use them. *shrugs* I think it depends on personal preference.
Voice Description:
Oof, yes, same problem here. XD Maybe add more action tags, or facial expressions to get readers to imagine it? Or vary the structure of your sentences (i.e. instead of “he said in a rough voice”, “in a rough voice, he said” or “his voice was rough as he said” etc.) to make it less noticeable)? Not sure. XD
I think Imma leave of there. Thx for the tag!!
Okay, I’m going to attempt to keep it short. (Ha, I have never once kept anything short but it’s worth trying.)
Replacements for look: I’m referring to the phrase ‘he gave her a flat look.’ Any replacement for that come to mind?
You can replace with a description of change in facial expression, like “he raised his eyebrows” or “he gave her a false smile”. Otherwise, “his expression was flat” works too! Glare is always a brilliant word too. I rather overuse it.
Thoughts on ‘said’ replacements: It is especially annoying when they replace nearly every said with something like ‘offered’ or ‘asserted’ or ‘replied’ or ‘noted’ or ‘commented.’ What are y’all’s thoughts?
Yes and no XD Said is invisible and it should be the majority of your writing, but those words specifically (offered, noted, and commented) denote that a character is adding to another character’s thoughts. I use them sparingly.
Facial Features: To what extent to y’all usually describe facial features? Any tips for doing so?
Connect them to personality, or at least, connect the way they’re described to personality. Pick a general characteristic like sharp, or angry, or crumpled, and connect the description to that.
Here are two examples from my writing that get my point across!
Her dark eyes drooped in amusement. Something about Athena had always been intriguing. Perhaps it was the arch of her nose, her crooked smile, or the way she always peered out at the world through those big glasses, with a kind of distant amusement, as though she knew everything about it and had been there when the gears were first placed in the earth to make it pirouette.
It connects the description to an emotion, or the general feel you want the character to have. In this case, it was knowing.
Another one:
The girl grinned. Everything about her was sharp and mocking, even her two long black braids.
It doesn’t tell you a lot, but it gets a part of her personality across and implies what she looks like.
Parents: When having a character refer to their parent in introspection, do you use ‘his father’ or the father’s actually name? I tend to use both.
This kind of depends. If a character is relatively close to their parents, they usually just call them Father/Mother or some substitute in narration. I mostly just do this because I never think of my parents by their first names.
However, one exception is when characters are very distant from their parents. I have a character who is disowned by his (abusive) father and they have an all-around terrible relationship. He usually refers to him by his first name, to the point that he’ll sometimes start and then correct himself. (E.g “My– I mean [Name]”) I find it creates distance between them.
She said vs said she: I much prefer the former (the latter sounds like passive voice to me for some reason), but it also has a unique sound and sometimes I do like it. I noticed that older writing uses the latter much more often than newer writings, but what are y’all’s thoughts?
I’ve never really seen the latter, I don’t really like the sound of it, it sounds like a mistake. I don’t think I’ll use it, but I’d get used to reading it.
He gave a tight smile vs he smiled tightly: I tend to use the former due to the fact that I avoid adverbs, but which do y’all prefer? Does the former sound strange?
I much prefer the former, but the latter is an option too. It’s the concise vs. adverbs issue. Both are options.
Chapter Names: Are these a thing of the past? I personally don’t use them, but I was just curious.
I love reading them but haven’t used them (yet). Mysterious Benedict Society does this in a really fun way, it’s one of my favorite parts of the books. I love when they’re a bit imaginitive or open to interpretation as to how they connect to the chapter.
Inches, feet, meters, etc.. in medieval fiction: Do y’all use these terms in fantasy or use the more medieval sounding ‘pace’ or ‘span?’
I have the issue that I use the Metric system irl but Imperial…. sounds better. I don’t know why, it just does. Inches sounds better than centimeters.
(Y’all’s measurements are wild though. Twelve inches in a foot? Three feet in a yard? 5280 feet in a mile? Where are those random numbers coming from??? We just use 10, 100 and 1000. Don’t get me started on Fahrenheit.)
Anyway, I almost always do ‘paces’ etc. I just prefer the way it sounds plus it dodges that issue. Metric/imperial often bothers me in historical writing, but not terribly so.
Voice Description: I have a habit of describing voice a lot (telling, I know), but just saying ‘said’ instead of ‘he said in a rough voice’ doesn’t carry the intended purpose. Thoughts?
I do this a lot too. E.g. “His voice cracked” “My voice was higher than I’d intended.”
It does describe some things that you can’t get across otherwise. I like using it.
Direct (italicized with I’s and me’s) vs indirect thought: I was recently watching a lecture by an incredibly famous author, and he says that he likes to use direct/italicized thought that used I’s and me’s to not only make sure the reader is grounded in the introspection, but also to add flavor. I tend to not use it, but now I’m uncertain. Thoughts?
We’ve had this conversation before and I haven’t changed my mind XD I don’t like it. In first person it doesn’t make sense and in third person it’s jarring.
But I don’t particularly mind reading it, as long as it’s consistent.
Without darkness, there is no light. If there was no nighttime, would the stars be as bright?
Thanks for the response Archer!
I agree with you. “Said” is invisible and thus usually better. More creative speech descriptors lose their impact if they’re used as more than spice. Generally, if you want to convey more emotion alongside dialogue, you can do so through an action tag of some sort and not have to use a speech tag at all.
Agreed. I do try to mix in beats where I can, but that can be messy too. People seem to nod or roll their eyes a lot more in stories than in real life. xD
It depends. I tend to use both, but in the book I’m publishing I ended up cutting out references to the MC’s father by name because I was already using a created word for “father” and it confused readers to have multiple unfamiliar names to refer to him by. So now he’s just always referred to as “Alachi” or “her alachi.”
That makes sense in your situation. The reason I use both is to remind the reader of the father’s name–not the most realistic, but somewhat necessary. I’ve read popular fantasy series where the son was on close terms with the father and still referred to him by name in introspection, so it looks like we’re not alone here.
I enjoy them when I’m reading; I don’t have the leftover creativity/brainpower to write them, most of the time. ;P
I feel ya. 🙂 If I was ever to use them it would be as a thesis for the chapter, but I prefer no name I think.
Although it can also be fun to flip that around and emphasize the mismatch between a character’s actions and their voice, for instance if they’re throwing something across the room but their voice is terrifyingly controlled…
I love that point! Creating that sense of juxtaposition is great.
I go either way with this one, too. It depends on which flows better with the scene, the character, the overall tone of the book… Sometimes you want to get right into a character’s head; sometimes you want to keep some distance and show their thoughts indirectly. I don’t think either option is right or wrong; they just suit different situations.
And…I’m as torn as ever. xD I’m probably going to go ahead and not use italicized thought in my current series (I didn’t in book 1), but we’ll see what future betas and editors say.
Wow, Noah, you disappear for forever just to give us [writers 👍🏻] an existential crisis…
You’re existence is now safe. 🙂
I have also found that people don’t appreciate it when you use the word “spoketh” so don’t do that.
Ha! I love it. xD I shall endeavor to remember that advice.
As long as it’s not an information overload at one time thing, I don’t see any issues. To start out with, I would just cover the basics and anything important (hair color, eye color, important features such as a scar, etc.) then as the story goes on throw in other stuff.
I do the same, but I tend to go no further than hair color, length, and style; the overall shape of the face (I especially mention this if the person is sharp featured, strong jawed, defined/high cheekbones, etc..), other things like scars or makeup, and finally (my personal favorite and the easiest to write and show the person’s expression) the emotion in their eyes or in their face. In other word, I don’t usually describe ears, nose, mouths, brows, etc… (I will occasionally say bushy or elegant eyebrows, full or thin lips, or sharp nose, but rarely).
Wow.
That’s a lot. I’ll probably only leave thoughts on a couple of these.
Never let it be said that I did things in halves. 😉
OH YES ALWAYS NOT USING THE WORD SAID AND REPLACING IT WITH OTHER WORDS DRIVE ME BONKERS!!!!! Like, “said” is pretty much invisible – and so is asked. And you don’t even have to use dialogue tags, instead you can replace them with action tags if necessary. Like COME ON PEOPLE.
Amen. It gets exasperating.
I’m actually working on this a lot in my writing. I want to use more facial features to show emotion rather than telling it (I tend to tell it and am working on that).
Same. When studying other authors’ writing, I found that most describe facial features very little–unless they are particularly striking or repugnant. I tend to write like this as well, and leave the rest up to the imagination of the reader, but I am still looking to improve the way I do it.
Oof, yes, same problem here. XD Maybe add more action tags, or facial expressions to get readers to imagine it? Or vary the structure of your sentences (i.e. instead of “he said in a rough voice”, “in a rough voice, he said” or “his voice was rough as he said” etc.) to make it less noticeable)? Not sure
Great tips! Action tags to show it seems to be a common piece of advice, and I’ll work on that, but I…already have a lot of those too. However, that pales in comparison to the amount of showing facial expression through ‘he/she gave a dry/fill in the blank look.’ xD You see my difficultly.
Okay, I’m going to attempt to keep it short. (Ha, I have never once kept anything short but it’s worth trying.)
You? Keep something short? Nonsense. Keep up the long replies, they’re great. 🙂
Yes and no XD Said is invisible and it should be the majority of your writing, but those words specifically (offered, noted, and commented) denote that a character is adding to another character’s thoughts. I use them sparingly.
I don’t mind those words every once in a whil (though for some reason, I really dislike ‘offered’ xD), but the reason I avoid them is because it’s implicit in the fact that the character is speaking that they are commenting on or noting something (same reason for the imfamous ‘reply.’ It shows and tells at the same time). Many famous authors use these a ton, so this is just a pet peeve of mine I guess, but if I replace said, then it’ll be a word that denotes a sound or emotion, like roared, shouted, yelled, hissed, whined, growled, etc..
Connect them to personality, or at least, connect the way they’re described to personality. Pick a general characteristic like sharp, or angry, or crumpled, and connect the description to that.
Here are two examples from my writing that get my point across!
Love those descriptions, and great advice! I love doing this as well, though you appear to be better at it.
This kind of depends. If a character is relatively close to their parents, they usually just call them Father/Mother or some substitute in narration. I mostly just do this because I never think of my parents by their first names. However, one exception is when characters are very distant from their parents. I have a character who is disowned by his (abusive) father and they have an all-around terrible relationship. He usually refers to him by his first name, to the point that he’ll sometimes start and then correct himself. (E.g “My– I mean [Name]”) I find it creates distance between them.
I definitely agree, but as I told Archer,
The reason I use both is to remind the reader of the father’s name–not the most realistic, but somewhat necessary. I’ve read popular fantasy series where the son was on close terms with the father and still referred to him by name in introspection, so it looks like we’re not alone here.
I don’t find that it’s too unrealistic to do, but what are your thoughts?
(Y’all’s measurements are wild though. Twelve inches in a foot? Three feet in a yard? 5280 feet in a mile? Where are those random numbers coming from??? We just use 10, 100 and 1000. Don’t get me started on Fahrenheit.)
I agree, I agree, don’t rip us apart too hard. I think the whole world should use the metric system, and I’m not sure who thought it was a good idea to change it.
Anyway, I almost always do ‘paces’ etc. I just prefer the way it sounds plus it dodges that issue. Metric/imperial often bothers me in historical writing, but not terribly so.
Same. But using ‘pace’ for the space between two people’s faces isn’t that realistic. xD I often used ‘hand’s length’ in situations like that.
We’ve had this conversation before and I haven’t changed my mind XD I don’t like it. In first person it doesn’t make sense and in third person it’s jarring.
First off, yes, in first person it makes no sense to use whatsoever.
Again, I’m torn, but I will at least say that you must find a lot of books jarring. xD I’ve found that most popular third person books–fantasy in particular–use italicized direct thought.
You? Keep something short? Nonsense. Keep up the long replies, they’re great.
Pfff, I’m glad you’re used to it by now XD
I don’t mind those words every once in a whil (though for some reason, I really dislike ‘offered’ xD), but the reason I avoid them is because it’s implicit in the fact that the character is speaking that they are commenting on or noting something (same reason for the imfamous ‘reply.’ It shows and tells at the same time).
That’s a valid point too, but I’m not going to change my mind XD I have no good reason to back it up though, other than that well, I like how it sounds.
Love those descriptions, and great advice! I love doing this as well, though you appear to be better at it.
Thank you! But don’t judge too quickly, those are just my two favorites XD
The reason I use both is to remind the reader of the father’s name–not the most realistic, but somewhat necessary. I’ve read popular fantasy series where the son was on close terms with the father and still referred to him by name in introspection, so it looks like we’re not alone here.
I don’t find that it’s too unrealistic to do, but what are your thoughts?
That’s a good point, I hadn’t thought of that. Admittedly, I have left some of my characters’ parents completely unnamed, even when they’re in the story XD I have at least two parents whose names I haven’t ever used. I may change that in editing, but it works so far.
I agree, I agree, don’t rip us apart too hard. I think the whole world should use the metric system, and I’m not sure who thought it was a good idea to change it.
LOL, sorry, it’s all the pent up rage from when I had to memorize it XD
Same. But using ‘pace’ for the space between two people’s faces isn’t that realistic. xD I often used ‘hand’s length’ in situations like that.
That’s a good point XD I would usually just say “close” and call it a day XD
Again, I’m torn, but I will at least say that you must find a lot of books jarring. xD I’ve found that most popular third person books–fantasy in particular–use italicized direct thought.
Huh, I’ve barely ever seen it. Perhaps it’s just because I read more first-person XD
Without darkness, there is no light. If there was no nighttime, would the stars be as bright?
People seem to nod or roll their eyes a lot more in stories than in real life. xD
True. XD I had to tone back my characters’ eye-rolling habits in this last draft of my book, lol.
The reason I use both is to remind the reader of the father’s name–not the most realistic, but somewhat necessary.
Exactly. I think I refer to parents more often by names in books where they’re referred to by name by other characters, as well. If the MC thinks of them by name on occasion, it creates a clear connection between the “Father/Mother” character and the name that others refer to them by. But I managed to avoid much outside reference to the parents in this book, so it wasn’t as necessary for their names to be familiar.
Speculative fiction author. Mythology nerd. Worldbuilding enthusiast. Singer. Fan of classic literature.
I have no good reason to back it up though, other than that well, I like how it sounds.
That’s fair–and many famous authors do concur.
LOL, sorry, it’s all the pent up rage from when I had to memorize it
I feel ya. xD
That’s a good point XD I would usually just say “close” and call it a day
Now that’s how you do it.🙃
True. XD I had to tone back my characters’ eye-rolling habits in this last draft of my book, lol.
Same here. xD
I think I refer to parents more often by names in books where they’re referred to by name by other characters, as well. If the MC thinks of them by name on occasion, it creates a clear connection between the “Father/Mother” character and the name that others refer to them by.
Yes, that’s precisely it. Well said.
Thanks for tagging me, Noah!
Replacements for look
I usually use “Fernya shot her son a quick glare,” instead of something like “Fernya gave her son an icy look.” Maybe if you rearrange the wording a little bit, you won’t have to keep using “look” in that context?
Thoughts on ‘said’ replacements:
Ahh, my favourite thing to discuss. 😁 I have a villain in my main WIP, and I had a thought while creating him: why don’t I try to make an effort not to use “said” in regard to him? So every time he speaks, it goes something like this:
“Rúan Pyrestone,” he purred, “to what do I owe this pleasure?”
“Good,” Osløn rumbled, his eyes narrowed. “One lesson learned. Now for the next: submission.”
It’s actually quite fun, though challenging to find more sensual words in replacement for “said.”
Facial Features:
Mmm, another of my favourites. I love describing faces. To me, facial descriptions are very important. It’s the main feature of the person, especially if you’re first meeting them. And since the description of the person’s face will vary, like how a mother sees her son versus how a bully sees him.
An example from my WIP, from my MC’s mother’s point of view:
Rúan’s eyebrows met in a long, reddish furrow, his lips pulled tight into a taut line. His sea green eyes — normally twinkling with an impish mischief — were shadowed but burning, the smouldering embers in the pit of a silent fire.
I think facial features are super important, but it’s also important to bear in mind who is describing them. 🙂
Parents:
Like someone said already, it’s important to note the relationship between the character and his parents. My main character has a close bondage with his mother, but he doesn’t have too much respect for his elders in general, so in his mind, his mother is both “Mother” and “Fernya.” 😅
She said vs said she:
I use “she said” over “said she,” though if I’m trying to go for more of a classical feel to the story, I’ll use “said she.”
He gave a tight smile vs he smiled tightly:
I’d have to agree with you on the adverb aversion. It just sounds a little clumsy when said: “he smiled tightly.” But more often than not, I’ll use: “Tightly smiling, he said [insert whatever]” I think it just depends on what sounds better.
Chapter Names:
Okay, so my reason for not using chapter names may sound silly, but … I’m too lazy to come up with a good name for each chapter of my story. 😂 Another thing is that whatever is the main part of the chapter normally determines the chapter name, and sometimes I want to keep that a surprise.
Inches, feet, meters, etc.. in medieval fiction:
Ooh, uhm … hehe, I don’t really have a set list of measurements that I use for my WIP, which is a mishmash of fantasy/dystopian/medieval. When I want to measure the height of a sword, I’ll normally say something a long the lines of this:
The sword was probably twice as long as my forearm, meaning it was easily the largest sword I’d held, seeing that I was about a head taller than the average man.
But if I want to measure distance, I use leagues and miles.
Voice Description
Again, I normally use sensory description to describe a character’s voice, like I did with Osløn. ☺️
Direct (italicized with I’s and me’s) vs indirect thought
So my WIP is set in first person, in the eyes of my main character Rúan. Though occasionally the POV will switch to his mother, his betrothed, or his best friend. I don’t use direct thought for Rúan’s POV, since we’re already in his head, looking at the world through his eyes, but I also occasionally use it for the other POVs.
I hope this helped! 😊
Anxious gremlin coming through
Thanks for the response, Laura. 🙂
I usually use “Fernya shot her son a quick glare,” instead of something like “Fernya gave her son an icy look.” Maybe if you rearrange the wording a little bit, you won’t have to keep using “look” in that context?
Good point, but let’s say a character gave another character a dry look, how would you word that?
Ahh, my favourite thing to discuss. 😁 I have a villain in my main WIP, and I had a thought while creating him: why don’t I try to make an effort not to use “said” in regard to him? So every time he speaks, it goes something like this:
“Rúan Pyrestone,” he purred, “to what do I owe this pleasure?”
“Good,” Osløn rumbled, his eyes narrowed. “One lesson learned. Now for the next: submission.”
It’s actually quite fun, though challenging to find more sensual words in replacement for “said.”
I love that idea. And you know what, I don’t think I’ve ever used ‘purred,’ but it sounds fantastic. How’s your WIP coming along?
I think facial features are super important, but it’s also important to bear in mind who is describing them.
I agree. I suppose it’s just I have a hard time describing people’s faces in words–even if I’m looking at a picture or real life person.
Oh, and btw, that was an excellent description.
Okay, so my reason for not using chapter names may sound silly, but … I’m too lazy to come up with a good name for each chapter of my story. 😂 Another thing is that whatever is the main part of the chapter normally determines the chapter name, and sometimes I want to keep that a surprise.
Same here–on both counts. xD
The sword was probably twice as long as my forearm, meaning it was easily the largest sword I’d held, seeing that I was about a head taller than the average man.
I think descriptions such as those are usually the best–though I do use paces quite often.
So my WIP is set in first person, in the eyes of my main character Rúan. Though occasionally the POV will switch to his mother, his betrothed, or his best friend. I don’t use direct thought for Rúan’s POV, since we’re already in his head, looking at the world through his eyes, but I also occasionally use it for the other POVs.
Alrighty, so you do use it some for third person, but never for first person–for obvious reasons.
Good point, but let’s say a character gave another character a dry look, how would you word that?
… hmm.
You have a point.
Maybe something like this? “The stare she gave him was as dry as a desert.”
I’m not sure I can be too helpful in this area, I apologize. 😅
I agree. I suppose it’s just I have a hard time describing people’s faces in words–even if I’m looking at a picture or real life person.
Well, we’re all skilled and inexperienced in different things — I know I struggle with place descriptions. 😅
Oh, and btw, that was an excellent description.
Thank you! 😊
Same here–on both counts. xD
#Lazywritersforthewin
I think descriptions such as those are usually the best–though I do use paces quite often.
Hm, I’ve never thought to use “paces” before … thanks! 😁
Alrighty, so you do use it some for third person, but never for first person–for obvious reasons.
Yep, pretty much.
Anxious gremlin coming through
Hello! Here are my thoughts:
Replacements for look: Depending on the context, intention, and overall personal writing style, you could try:
– more formal: expression, demeanor,
– If the person is looking over at something or someone: glance (e.g., a judgmental, blank, or loving glance)
– You can also play around with things like, “Her face went cold,” or “his eyes softened.” Overall, I think variety is key. Sometimes using adjectives + noun (e.g., “cocky smile”), while other times using phrases/specific actions (e.g., “she furrowed her brow”).
Thoughts on ‘said’ replacements: I like the words you mentioned, such as, “hiss,” “growl,” “cackle,” etc. These words have a lot of strength behind them. I think it’s okay to occasionally use “said,” because using too many replacements can distract from the dialogue.
Facial Features: Parents: When having a character refer to their parent in introspection, do you use ‘his father’ or the father’s actually name? I tend to use both.
She said vs said she: I much prefer the former (the latter sounds like passive voice to me for some reason), but it also has a unique sound and sometimes I do like it. I noticed that older writing uses the latter much more often than newer writings, but what are y’all’s thoughts? Some of my cousins say they like a mix of both.
He gave a tight smile vs he smiled tightly: This is entirely a personal preference, but I like “tight smile” better.
Chapter Names: Again, there’s no strict right or wrong answer; but personally, I prefer to include chapter names because it provides new creative opportunities, so I’m not sure why authors don’t seem to use them nowadays.
Inches, feet, meters, etc.. in medieval fiction: I don’t write medieval fiction, but the words “pace” and “span” have a nice ring to them.
Voice Description: Similar to my answer on “said” replacements, I generally prefer descriptive verbs (such as “hiss,” “growl,” “cackle,” etc.) more than adjectives/adverbs (such as, “he said gruffly”).
Direct (italicized with I’s and me’s) vs indirect thought: Right now, I’m reading a book that uses both of these techniques, and I like the variety.
"May it be mercy I show for it is mercy I've been shown." - Written to Speak
Replacements for look: I’m not referring to the context ‘he looked at the barn,’ I’m referring to the phrase ‘he gave her a flat look.’ Any replacement for that come to mind? I feel like a use it a lot. Stare is an obvious one, but in most contexts that doesn’t work.
Switch to active verbs: “he stared” “he glared” “he squinted” etc. Or for reactions in a conversation, switch to an emotional beat: “He wasn’t going to dignify that one with a reply.” “He continued with his weaving as if he hadn’t heard her.”
If I’m writing badly (pretty common), my drafts will have all kinds of horribly non-specific smiles, nods, raising of eyebrows, eyerolls, etc. I try to root them out mercilessly and substitute something more meaningful to the reader.
Thoughts on ‘said’ replacements: In a lot of books I’ve been reading recently, the authors have replaced said with so many different words that I start to get irritated. It is especially annoying when they replace nearly every said with something like ‘offered’ or ‘asserted’ or ‘replied’ or ‘noted’ or ‘commented.’ I personally try to do this rarely, and I never used any of the words listed above. I used things such as ‘growled’ ‘roared’ or ‘hissed,’ but seeing that ‘said’ is usually invisible to the reader, I prefer that in most cases. What are y’all’s thoughts?
Big fan of plain old said, or nothing at all if not needed. Sparing use of alternatives when truly called for.
Facial Features: To what extent to y’all usually describe facial features? Any tips for doing so?
I only describe what is going to be crucial to the story, or if a feature helps us get a better picture of the character’s deeper personality or state in life, or if the POV MC’s perception helps us understand the story. If it doesn’t matter what someone looks like, I leave it to the reader’s imagination.
Sometimes I’ll do a facial feature for a minor character as an alternative to a name, and that becomes the POV MC’s nickname for the character. I will occasionally describe facial expressions as part of the action/reaction of the story.
Honestly I’m just not a great face person.
Parents: When having a character refer to their parent in introspection, do you use ‘his father’ or the father’s actually name? I tend to use both.
I use whatever the POV character would use, or else whatever would be culturally-appropriate to the context. Ie if in that culture first names are normal usage, then I the 3rd person narrator would use a first name; if Grandpa Lastname is the cultural normal, I’ll use that. I’ll use contrasting naming customs to highlight cultural differences within the story world, and also use what that culture considers rude/disrespectful/belittling/envioous/etc. as a way to emphasis the POV character’s mood. I’ll show different POV’s by how characters refer to the same person.
Terms like father, mother, grandmother, aunt, uncle, etc. within the story exposition are mostly-transparent to the reader, though. So: “John’s father reached up and grabbed at the thatch of the roof.” But, entering more tightly into character POV, “John worried his papa was going to pull the whole hut down on them.”
She said vs said she:
She said. I keep the narrator’s voice as transparent as possible in that regard. I’d consider using it within a quoted text or monologue if I wanted to pick up a certain flavor to a character’s poem or speech or letter or what have you. I can think up other exceptions — but it would only be for carefully-chosen special effects, not all the time.
Chapter Names: Are these a thing of the past? I personally don’t use them, but I was just curious.
I’ve used them in at least one manuscript? But often not.
Inches, feet, meters, etc.. in medieval fiction: Do y’all use these terms in fantasy or use the more medieval sounding ‘pace’ or ‘span?’
No metric in pre-metric/non-modern settings. Will use inches/feet as a general concept if it is invisible to the reader (or: historically accurate), but try to favor comparisons that give a little more texture or feeling, or which place characters in relationship to each other. Ie is MC tall compared to others of his nationality? Compared to others from the neighboring country? He might be tall for his origin but short here, etc. I’m good with sprinkling in other historic (or world-specific invented) measurements less familiar to the reader for a little bit of cultural texture, but not so much that it gets clunky and tiresome.
Voice Description: I have a habit of describing voice a lot (telling, I know), but just saying ‘said’ instead of ‘he said in a rough voice’ doesn’t carry the intended purpose. Thoughts?
I’ll describe voice if it helps with visualization of the character or else understanding the emotional tone of the scenario. Usually, though, I skip it in favor of other kinds of action or description. I do lean heavily on voice descriptions if the POV character is visually impaired, but the description will often be more emotional than physical, ie: “Not on your life,” Mark said in in the voice he used when he was half-exasperated and half amused — which meant she stood a decent chance of persuading him? Worth a shot, anyhow.
Direct (italicized with I’s and me’s) vs indirect thought: I was recently watching a lecture by an incredibly famous author, and he says that he likes to use direct/italicized thought that used I’s and me’s to not only make sure the reader is grounded in the introspection, but also to add flavor. I tend to not use it, but now I’m uncertain.
Almost never. Very, very occasionally. Usually I just put the POV’s characters thoughts right into the narration, even in third person. I write very tight POV, only one character’s POV per scene (and most of my writing is single POV through the whole story) and with the narrator’s voice identical to the POV character’s internal voice, so it’s very clear that we are seeing the world through that character’s perspective.
If I were using third-person omniscient and moving through different character’s POV’s within a scene, or if the narrator’s voice were noticeably distinct from the POV character’s voice, then I’d maybe consider doing the italics thing?
Great questions. Pleasure to be here!
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