Forums Fiction Characters MC MARY SUE!?

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    My MC, Peter, is a Mary Sue. I hate to admit it. To be honest, in the character development stage, I added flaws, but I can’t seem to make those flaws translate. I need help with discovering some easy to apply character flaws, and more importantly: I’d love any advice on executing those character flaws.

    The big character flaw I gave him, which I never executed on, was ‘He thinks he can do everything himself’.

    Just advice on making a character more than 2D would be nice. THANKS!


    Looking back, I can make a character on paper but execution, again is lacking. Thanks for the help!

    Character’s long-term goals/desires in life: To find love, to be a good king, to pass down a legacy.

    Character’s short-term goals/desires in life: To learn to draw, to continue to train in swordsmanship. Maybe take up archery?

    Secret desires: ย To be understood. He isn’t completely royal, and he isn’t a peasant by any means.

    How self-confident is the character? He is confident in the areas he knows how to do. He will make a wall of confidence/bravado if he is unsure whether he could succeed or not.

    How do they see him/herself? He likes to think of himself as funny, confident, humble and strong.

    How do they believe s/he is perceived by others? He thinks that others see him as a braggart, or strange.

    What is the character most proud of? His wit.

    What does the character like least about themselves? He doesn’t like the stereo types people place him in, and that he can’t ever seem to escape, not even in his own head.

    Is this character generally dominant or submissive? A mixture. He is dominant when is appropriate, and submissive as necessary.

    Patience level: He is extremely patient with servants, and children. But adults and nobles are a little more difficult for him to deal with.

    Does the character seem ruled by emotion or logic or some combination thereof? Combination, but leans towards the emotional side of the spectrum.

    Ill at ease when: Talking to a bunch of spoiled, air-headed nobles who didn’t earn their knight-ship like he did.

    If granted one wish, what would it be? To find a true love, that would understand him.

    Why? He’s a crowned prince, he’s going to HAVE to marry a princess, and she wouldn’t understand his mixed background and his struggles with never fitting in.

    Character/Personality/Mental/Social Strengths: He knows he’s funny and smart and uses it to his advantage. He can usually persuade or talk someone down.

    Character/Personality/Mental/Social Flaws: He has a hard time controlling himself in front of a bully or braggart.

    If they could be described with one of the seven virtues, which would it be? Patience/Diligence

    If they could be described with one of the seven sins, which would it be? Anger/Pride (Anger is hidden inside)

    Biggest Vulnerability (non physical): Not being able to fit in anywhere, having no real friends.

    Optimist or Pessimist: Optimist

    Introvert or extrovert: Extrovert (with some introverted tendencies)

    Greatest Fear: Never finding love.

    Other Fears/Insecurities/Phobias: He’s deathly afraid of the pitch-black, silent darkness. And he’s not too fond of fire.

    Emotional/psychological/social peculiarities: He wants to find a woman who’s smart and interesting.

    Biggest regret: Falling through the blacksmith’s roof. His shoulder will randomly seize up because of the injury.

    Other regrets: Not trying harder in art class.

    Biggest accomplishment: Earning his knight-ship

    Minor accomplishments: Reading and Writing

    Musical talents/instruments: He can sing, and play the lute to some extent.

    Character’s darkest/deepest secret: He’s extremely scared/angry of/at people who try to get close to him and not being his real friend or people who want something from him.

    Wysteria Campion https://headintheclouds913.wordpress.com

    Daeus Lamb

    @wysteriacampion He seems neat. Who/what is his antagonist?

    ๐Ÿ‘– ๐Ÿข๐Ÿข๐Ÿข๐Ÿข๐Ÿข



    His antagonist is Bianca, the princess who set him on this quest. She’s a secret villainย until things start to unravel about chapter eight. Her only goal is power, and she will use as many people (including family) as necessary to get power. She even kills her family for it. Need more details about her?

    Wysteria Campion https://headintheclouds913.wordpress.com


    @wysteriacampion Stumbled across this, and I think I can help a little bit.

    Honestly, this character sounds extremely naive to me. Naive to what others are actually thinking about him, naive to what other people are really like – if he’s so caught up in how he thinks people see him, he isn’t focusing much on their true character (unless, of course, everyone actually does think he’s a braggart and such).

    Also, perhaps self-conscious and low-key judgmental. Expects too much of himself and of other people, and is constantly judging other’s character (or what he perceives of it) and also his own.

    He sounds like a very appealing character over all. I like him a lot. Royalty, is he? Quite intriguing! He has lots of great character in him, too. My interest is piqued.

    Hope this helps. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by Hedges.

    Married a blacksmith, and now frequently uses his knowledge for writing fantasy.


    @wysteriacampion I like the sound of him. When I feel my characters are a little flat, I look for the contradictions in them. If you had to put it in one sentence, what’s a contradiction in Peter? What two sides of his nature sometimes clash with each other? How does he deal with this?

    *shameless self promotion* https://weridasusual.home.blog/

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