Girl INTJ, Guy INFP–Help!

Forums Fiction Characters Girl INTJ, Guy INFP–Help!

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    Naiya Dyani

    @kayla-skywriter Oh no! I hope you get better soon! I’ll pray for you <3.

    I’m totally open to more advice on either personality! Even if you have similar responses to the others, it’s still great to see both the major and minor variations in the personality and the patterns it typically follows. So yeah, I’d love to hear your thoughts! (Honestly, I’m pretty excited because it feels like I’ve landed the jackpot here 😀 . How likely is it that I’d end up in a writing community with at least four people with the rarest girl personality when I could really use advice on it?)

    Like I said, I probably also have more questions I just haven’t thought of yet. I’ll probably remember them in the middle of NaNoWriMo when it’s least convenient, too 😀 .

    @overcomer Thanks for your help! And yes, INFPs gone wrong can be a very interesting bear 😀 . Hard to tell which is scarier–villains that believe they’re right or the ones that know they’re not! Also, @karthmin if you have advice on this I’d love to hear it! The more varied input I have, the better (especially from someone who has personal experience)!

    Thanks, everybody!

    Hearts are like matter--they can be beaten down, torn, and burned, but they cannot be destroyed.

    Kayla Skywriter

    @naiya-dyani Thanks. I’m getting much better, but I still have a way to go.

    Now for the questions. *giggles fiendishly*

    1. How is she likely to act under intense pressure (like, life-and-death pressure)?

    While I’ve been in very few life and death pressure situations I’ll do my best.

    First of all, I barely react unless I actually consider it dangerous. For example, last night my dog came in from outside limping. I didn’t freak out, at all. She wasn’t squealing, bleeding, or refusing to walk, so I didn’t even worry. I know from previous experiance that this just sometime happens and with time it will go away.

    That said I do sometimes get the “calm on the outside crazy on the inside” feeling. This usually happens when I don’t know what’s happening. Not like when someone gets upset because of something on phone. When that happens I just wait. But like when my sister’s dog had a seizure. That was when everyone else was freaking but I was calm. I comforted my little sister and then I watched the dog. I got enough information from those few minutes to be able to predict when the dog was going to have a seizure a day in advance.

    So with that a basic sumury is: if I don’t have enough information I panic, but I still remain calm on the outside.

    One last thing before the next question. When I’m in a situation that actually scares me, I get really scared. Like my legs start shaking and everything. Now that’s just me. But the personality part of it is that my mind races. I start logically going through everything to find either a way to get out of it, stop it, or very calmly get through it. All the while I look terrified and my hands are sweating like crazy. And yet, I remain in control. The second anyone else takes control I just wilt, but if I’m in a posistion of authority I will get everyone through it.

    2. How is might she act around people she cares about, and how would she express her love for them?

    When I really care about people you can tell because I open up a lot more. I brainiac as I call it. Which means I’m not afraid to just let it all go. I’m not afraid to show that I think differently. I’m not a genius, thought I’m nowhere near stupid, but when I trust the people I’m with I’m not afraid to guess. And when I allow myself to guess I look a lot smarter because I don’t have to over analyze everything I say. But I don’t know if that’s an INTJ thing.

    As for showing how I care about people, I know them. I learn everything I can about them. How they think, what they like, why they like it, are all things I want to know about them. Then I take that knowledge and use it to bother them as little as possible. Sometimes I intentionally push their buttons, but when I’m trying to show I care I will do everything I can to get them to not even notice me. If  I know their mad I don’t hide to avoid the anger I hide so I don’t bother them. If they’re sad I make them happy, and if they’re happy I’m happy with them. And if they just need someone to talk to I’m there, not that many people take me up on that.

    3. How might she react if someone she cares about talks about things that matter to them or about hard things in their life (both internal and external reactions)?

    I don’t mind when people talk about things that matter. I like it, in fact. Externally I pay very close attention to what they’re saying (I often tip my head to the left a little, but that’s just a personality quirk I intentionally developed). Internally I’m paying attention to, but to different things. I analyze everything. I figure out what I need to do, and what they want me to do. I also store everything away for later recall, not to blackmail them, but to use to help understand them.

    I always listen, even if it’s just to my sister talking about her favorite Halmark movie that I still think is just like the others. But, I hunger for people to talk about things that really matter, because in my mind everything matters.

    Also I’m not likly to touch them while this is going on, unless I know that they really need it.

    4. How is she likely to react to seeing someone she cares about being bullied (verbally and physically)?

    I know what I do when someone I care about is in physical danger, but not necessesarilly bullied. My little sister was in a pen with me and about four horses when one of them got a little too rowdy with her. I instantly made that horse yeild. I didn’t beat it up, I don’t think I even touched it, but I know a lot about horses and I made it back up, fast.

    As for bullying, I don’t know. I’ve never been around a lot of bullying.  I’ve never been bullied. If I was, I’d stand up to the bully, but I’m too intimidating of a figure for anyone to try.

    Now that I’m thinking about it, there are many times that my sisters or my friends have been picked on, but I can’t remember them. There is something that happens when someone gets bullied, I do something then I forget. I just can’t remember bullies. Sorry, this is weird, I need to think on this.

    How we chose to fight is just as important as what we fight for

    Ariella Newheart

    @naiya-dyani I’m afraid I can’t contribute much here because I’m not an INTJ. I find the conversation here interesting, though. What Daeus said about Kylo Ren being an INFP really caught me off guard because I wouldn’t have expected that. When it comes to movie characters who are INFPs, I believe Hiccup from How to Train Your Dragon would be considered an INFP. You might study his character for some ideas. 🙂

    I also know that @trallion is an INFP.

    Writer, illustrator, Parimi Alcan

    Check out my new blog! https://arbitraryfairy.wordpress.com/

    Naiya Dyani

    @ariella-newheart *gasps* Oh my gosh, I think you’re right. . . I love Hiccup! And Toothless! And all the How to Train Your Dragon movies! (I mean I haven’t seen the third one yet, but still, one of my favorite franchises 🙂 )

    Will have to look more closely. Thanks! 🙂


    Hearts are like matter--they can be beaten down, torn, and burned, but they cannot be destroyed.

    Martin Detwiler

    Hey! I’m a guy INFP, yes! Tagged a few weeks ago and kept forgetting to reply (other than in my head). I thought there were more of us guyNFPs around (lol dad-joke alert), but maybe not. Anyway, I’d be happy to go through and offer my perspective on the initial questions.

    1. How is he likely to act under life-and-death pressure (this time including instances where past trauma jumps up to slap him in the face)?

    It depends how self-aware he is, I think. I’m an INFP, but a 9 on the Enneagram, meaning that it is easy for me to switch off my experience of strong emotions. It would take a lot for me to reach a trauma state, because I can dull a lot of that pretty well. Now, generally I do this kind of dulling in the long-term, but I think it kicks into high gear when in a life and death situation. I am very introspective and self-aware, so it’s almost like I know I will freeze up if I allow the emotion of the moment to sink in. So I don’t.

    In a situation where there is past trauma, I think this would make him more aware of his reactions, and more able to preemptively back away emotionally in order to survive the immediate situation.

    However, I think this could be flipped on the head pretty easily, if he is a strong F and acts out his emotions without much self-awareness. He could easily struggle with a fatal moment of hesitation, uncertainty, or self-doubt.

    Some of this depends on whose life is in danger. If it is someone else’s life, I think he is more likely to act than not to act – even if his timing may be a little delayed. It’s when his own life is concerned that there’s a lot more of the psychological aspects that come into play.

    2. How is he liable to express both positive and negative emotions? (Important backstory info: he grew up in a tribe that had a strong unspoken “men don’t cry or show much emotion at all” outlook. My current plan is to have him learn to hide what he’s feeling until he’s alone, and after he leaves the tribe, slowly leave that mentality. Would this be accurate, or do you think by the time he left the tribe—at about age thirteen—the mentality would be too firmly set to be reversed like that? Are there other issues I’m not seeing?)

    I grew up in a family that did not express strong positive or negative emotions to one another very easily. Anger and annoyance and moderately affectionate goodwill were the most common. Although I probably cried a fair amount, all things considered, I did come to adopt a less-than-healthy relationship with expressing my own emotions. Although this is not as severe as an entire cultural mindset, as in the case of your character, I have learned to outgrow my family atmosphere and now express my emotions quite freely.


    I only do so predominantly around the people that I feel totally comfortable with (or when I’m by myself, obviously :P).

    So, I think giving him an arc where he learns to outgrow his upbringing is entirely realistic, because it mirrors my own personal growth (though to a greater degree). INFPs are kind of *really* messed up people inside if they don’t learn how to express their emotion in healthy ways, so I think it’s an awesome character arc to explore. 🙂

    3. How is he likely to act toward people he cares about (both guys and girls)?

    There are a few levels, I think, that add up and snowball as you go along:

    1. He will tease people that he comfortable with. He’s likely to use humor as a way to establish ‘good air’ in the relationship. They’re comfortable around one another. They can joke about stuff. With guys, this is usually a bit coarser and harsher. With girls, it’s oftentimes a bit flirty.

    2. He will get real with his people. The ones that he considers inside his circle of trusted people, he will confide much of himself to. This might look the same for both genders, depending on his upbringing, but he’s more likely to hold himself back with female friends. However, speaking from personal experience, that isn’t always the case. I have very close friends of both genders. Also, sometimes he will open up in an atmosphere where he’s comfortable, even if he doesn’t quite know people. This has happened to me and it’s like the missing extroverted version of me takes over. Kinda crazy, actually.

    3. If he truly loves someone (roughly the same circle as in number 2), he will be tempted to become possessive of them. Their choices, if he perceives them as bad ones, will really bother him, and he could get into a pattern of trying to make other people think the way he does, so they won’t make those mistakes.
    On the positive side, if he learns to love freely, he can be very gentle and accepting of a loved one’s choices and even their mistakes.

    4. How is he likely to react to being bullied and to watching someone else being bullied?

    He will care less about himself getting bullied. It may effect him greatly, but he will still care about it less than others getting bullied. He will likely suppress the actual damage to himself, especially if the bullying is not physical. If it is physical he is more likely to flash and fight back.

    If it is someone else being bullied, he will either step in or hate himself for not stepping in. Of course, don’t forget, there’s always potential for an unhealthy INFP to bully others with heavy sarcasm and passive-aggressive manipulation, but they’re unlikely to physically bully.

    If he does get involved when someone else is getting bullied, it’s likely to be kinda out of control. Not very measured. Something just kinda snaps and they go feral for a half-second. Especially if it’s a physical conflict. Might even throw the first punch sort of deal. But if it’s only verbal, he’ll lash out hard.

    Or all of the emotion of needing to protect the other person will hit him so hard he fumbles around and doesn’t do anything very smoothly, but still gets involved and stops the conflict from going any further just by stepping in. Well, hopefully that’s enough to stop the bullying.


    Anyway, a lot of that is very personal to me, but I tried to generalize a couple things, too. It’s hard for me to speak out of anything but personal experience. Hope this helps!

    myths don't die

    Naiya Dyani

    @kayla-skywriter 😀 Many thanks! Your advice on the listening question was helpful, especially as I near a part of the story when I’ll need that! I’ll also definitely have to incorporate some of that “crazy-yet-calm” stuff. *studies fingernails* I may or may not put my characters through a lot of things. . .

    Thank you so much! It took me a few days to get to this, but I may or may not have jumped and squealed (both higher than humans should be able to, lol) when I saw you’d responded. . .
    Kiet (my guyNFP, am stealing the term with no regrets) is my favorite character who stole my focus from my MC enough that I didn’t develop her very thoroughly for a while. . . so yeah, I don’t want to mess him up 😀
    Now, for your answer to #1. . . I’ve looked into Enneagram before, but I didn’t realize that was part of the type 9 personality. In writing Kiet so far, I’ve made him fairly chill and friendly in general, but under high pressure he’s freaked out pretty badly. I hope I’m writing him accurately. . . If it would help and if it isn’t too much trouble I could post a high pressure scene to give you a picture. But only if you want .
    For #4, your answer made me pretty happy since that’s about how I’ve been writing him so far. Like, he gets stony when others bully him, but when the same guy that digs at him goes after one of his friends, he literally smacks him in the face 😀
    So yeah, thank you so much for your help! I greatly appreciate it.


    Hearts are like matter--they can be beaten down, torn, and burned, but they cannot be destroyed.

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