Girl INTJ, Guy INFP–Help!

Forums Fiction Characters Girl INTJ, Guy INFP–Help!

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    Naiya Dyani

    Hey all. . . I could use some help! 😀
    So a little while ago I took an MBTI test for the MC of my current WIP (I actually hadn’t developed her very thoroughly and didn’t know her that well). The results were weird (I think it said she was ESFJ or something), and I don’t think it was accurate. I’m thinking she’s closer to an INTJ, but the problem is. . . I don’t really know how to write INTJs well, especially those that are girls. However, I know of several girl INTJs here, so I came hither to beg counsel!
    In addition to her, I have a main secondary character who is a guy INFP. I want to make sure I’m writing him accurately and not just getting caught up in my desire to adopt him and messing things up 😀 . I don’t personally know of any self-proclaimed INFP guys here, but if anyone knows one/is one, please advise me so I don’t ruin him! 😀
    So yeah. I’ve got some specific questions for each one, so if you have advice on any of them, I could use it! I would also welcome any other helpful tidbits you’ve got .
    For the girl INTJ:
    1. How is she likely to act under intense pressure (like, life-and-death pressure)?
    2. How is might she act around people she cares about, and how would she express her love for them?
    3. How might she react if someone she cares about talks about things that matter to them or about hard things in their life (both internal and external reactions)?
    4. How is she likely to react to seeing someone she cares about being bullied (verbally and physically)?

    And for the guy INFP:
    1. Again, how is he likely to act under life-and-death pressure (this time including instances where past trauma jumps up to slap him in the face)?
    2. How is he liable to express both positive and negative emotions? (Important backstory info: he grew up in a tribe that had a strong unspoken “men don’t cry or show much emotion at all” outlook. My current plan is to have him learn to hide what he’s feeling until he’s alone, and after he leaves the tribe, slowly leave that mentality. Would this be accurate, or do you think by the time he left the tribe—at about age thirteen—the mentality would be too firmly set to be reversed like that? Are there other issues I’m not seeing?)
    3. How is he likely to act toward people he cares about (both guys and girls)?
    4. How is he likely to react to being bullied and to watching someone else being bullied?

    That’s all I have for now, but I’ll probably remember something else later. I’ll tag people I think might be able to help (and hope I don’t annoy them ), but anybody can feel free to give any advice they’ve got! @hope-ann @maddiejay @sarah-inkdragon @daeus-lamb
    Thank you!

    Hearts are like matter--they can be beaten down, torn, and burned, but they cannot be destroyed.

    Hope Ann

    Oooo, INTJ stuff. *grins and rubs hands*

    First a disclaimer. Just because this is how I’d react doesn’t mean every INTJ would act like that. But it’s somewhere to start, I suppose.

    1. How is she likely to act under intense pressure (like life-and-death pressure)? Probably very ‘in control’. Inwardly they might be freaking out. Outwardly they act like they know what they are doing. They take charge. They give orders and are constantly calculating and recalculating everything. Feelings will hit with a rush afterward and leave them shaking, but at the moment they are zoned on the action/danger and what needs to happen right NOW.

    2. How is might she act around people she cares about, and how would she express her love for them?

    She expresses her love by taking care of them. INTJs love deeply; they just aren’t the best at showing it in all the outward manners other people use. But they will take care of them. Protect them. Get them things. Tease them but always be there for them when they are hurt. And this probably depends on their love language too, not just personality type.

    3. How might she react if someone she cares about talks about things that matter to them or about hard things in their life (both internal and external reactions)?

    She’ll listen and her gut reaction will be to try to fix the things or at least want to. If it is something they are struggling with, her mind will go to all the ways they could maybe fix it; the ways she could help; what can be done. For them, pain and struggle means something is wrong. And if something is wrong, they want to fix it. They can sit still and just hug them and be with them. But not being able to do anything about it is hard.

    4. How is she likely to react to seeing someone she cares about being bullied (verbally and physically)?

    Internal rage. Not a hot rage that’s going to leap at them and tear their eyes out. But a very icy cold rage that is going to insert itself into the middle, between the friend and whoever is hurting them, glare at them, and get involved verbally. They will probably be controlled enough to not lash out physically, but they’ll probably want to. And if the other shoves them around enough, they will eventually lash out.

    I hope that helps. 😉


    Victory in the march. Hope in the destination.

    Sarah Inkdragon

    *appears in cloud of smoke*

    I have been summoned.

    Anyhow. Also a disclaimer like Hope said, not every INTJ will react this way. But ye, here’s mine.

    1. How is she likely to act under intense pressure (like, life-and-death pressure)?

    Under life and death type-pressure, calm on the outside and probably crazy on the inside. We’re masters of planning ahead, for the most part, so likely we’ve already thought of what we should do in an emergency and try to act upon that to the best of our abilities. I also should note – INTJ’s like to know things. I know some basic CPR and first aid not only because I’ve worked as a lifeguard, but also because I just like to know that sort of thing. I also know how the bio-mechanics of a horse’s movement work in a pretty specific way and how to pitch a softball or how to create good villain. I don’t know if it applies to all INTJ’s, but I know for one that I will soak up any and all information to hold onto for later use or just thought. So combine that with how much I like to plan – and I’ll likely have a pretty decent plan for any probable disaster.

    2. How is might she act around people she cares about, and how would she express her love for them?

    We are not outwardly caring people. Or at least I’m not. I will not be the person that runs up to you as soon as I see you and shouts your name and hugs you, or the person that offers you comfort and a shoulder to cry on if something happens. I’m the person you make inside jokes with, the person that will always listen but not really ever know what to say unless it’s something I really know anything about. I’m not the person to offer emotional advice, but I will sit with you and cry and binge watch movies together or have a serious conversation about life. I try to complement my friends as often as I can, like after a game or rehearsal, or after a test. I’ll help you study, or teach you how to do things, but I won’t really be the best person to come crying too over something that hurt your feelings. I’m more likely to analyze the problem and then tell you your best course of action than comfort you. And if you’re my friend and I think you’re making dumb choices – well, I’ll tell you so. But I like sarcasm, inside jokes, good debates, and long discussions about anything under the sun(except emotions XD).

    3. How might she react if someone she cares about talks about things that matter to them or about hard things in their life (both internal and external reactions)?

    It depends on the thing. If it’s something truly troubling, I’ll want to fix it, but I won’t always know what to say or what to do. I can plan for things, but I can’t predict emotions 100% of the time and that throws me for a look. So if I can’t predict it… I might be hesitant and not know what to do. I might let other people take my place in helping or point you towards someone who’s better with things like that in the kindest way possible. I would like to clarify – we do care a lot about our friends, we just don’t always know what to say. And that’s not fun for us, because we like to always know exactly what we’re supposed to do. We can offer good advice on what you should do to fix a problem like, say, getting out of a bad habit or coping with people teasing you a lot, but we don’t always know what to do with more emotional problems that can’t be fixed with an outward action, I’d say. Internally, we want to help – but externally we don’t really know what to do.

    4. How is she likely to react to seeing someone she cares about being bullied (verbally and physically)?

    Probably get right in the middle of things and start verbally advancing on the bully. We don’t like to cause scenes, because that’s troublesome and annoying, but we will fiercely protect our friends. And if it comes to the point where we get mad enough – well, I have enough of a temper to punch someone if I get that provoked. We like to be right – and if someone is challenging us or challenging our friends – we get mad. Outwardly, we try to remain calm looking since it gives us an advantage, but inwardly we are mad. It takes a lot of provocation, however, to get us physically angry in a place outside out home.

    Anyhow, hope that help. 😉

    "A hard heart is no infallible protection against a soft head."

    - C. S. Lewis

    Maddie Morrow

    This sounds interesting! Ok here are my answers. Not sure if they’ll be helpful or not. I haven’t studied INTJ enough to know if this is stereotype behavior or just me.

    1. Act under intense pressure: For me, I’m typically a buckle down and tackle the issue person. If I’m on a tight deadline and the entire house looks like a war zone and the yard needs mowed, I’m going to prioritize. Tackle the most important and ignore the rest. If the pressure is more situational, that trend still follows. Like when we were in a car wreck and the ambulance took both my parents to the hospital, I was oddly focused. I had to tell grandpa where to drive us, give the doctors all the info they needed, calm my sisters down. Stress makes me prioritize and compartmentalize. If it’s n out important I don’t want to think about it. Deal with the issue at hand. Stay calm.
    2. Act around people cared about, and express love: As far as how I act around people I care about, it depends how close I actually am to them. With my immediate family I’ve got very few reservations. I’ll talk about most anything (other than my own personal feelings) do anything, whatever. Because I know I’m safe with them. With friends or more distant family though, I’ll be more reserved. Still genuine, but more selective. For instance I’m not going to take part in a game or activity I know I’m likely to fail at. I focus on what I’m confident in and stick to topics that aren’t going to land me in a brawl with them. My love language is touch, quality time spent, acts of service—depending who I’m with. I love kisses and hugs with my hubby and little boy. My close family I just want to hang with, or help them out with something. I try and anticipate their needs. Jarod likes a clean house, so I try to at least tidy up before he gets home, etc.
    3. React to talking about hard subjects: If they’re talking about hard subjects in their own life, I have no problem hashing it out with them. I’m very much going to want to problem solve and fix the issue for them, though internally I’m likely to be judge mental of how they got into the situation or how they’ve handled it thus far. If someone is trying to talk to me about hard subjects in my life, that’s another matter entirely. It’s probably not going to go well. If it’s someone I’m close to and care about, it’s probably not going to end in a fight or anything, but I’m not going to able to be completely vulnerable and transparent with them. Just enough to pacify them. If it’s something that’s been truly bothering me, I’m going to desperately want to talk to them, but have no stinking clue how to. With others, it’s easy to problem solve. Dealing with my own emotions is harder because I can’t articulate them very well.
    4. React to seeing a loved one bullied: I’d get right in the middle of whoever is doing the bullying. Yelling, screaming, punch them in the face if need be (that would only happen if they absolutely got belligerent but still-totally not off limits).


    I have an older sister who is an INTJ, and my mom is an INFP. I don’t think I know any guys who are INFPs, but I read Ordeal by Innocence by Agatha Christie that has a character in it that seemed like the male counterpart of my mom. His name is Arthur Calgary. It’s a very good book if you like mysteries, and one of my favorites by that author. If you’re looking for some insight into the INF it might be helpful.

    Word of caution though: Just avoid the miniseries. They completely butchered the story. It’s horrendous.

    I’ll have to talk my sister into joining the forum. I’m sure she’d love to tell you all about INTJs. She really gets into the MBTI system.

    I can tell you a little of what I’ve learned from observing them though.

    My INTJ sister doesn’t show much emotion in public. She keeps a lot of her opinions to herself. Then she unloads them on her family when she gets home. 😉

    For instance, if she has a bad experience in a restaurant, she’s unlikely to say anything to the waitress at the time (although she has gotten a little bolder with speaking out since she reached her twenties), but she’ll tell us how awful it was when she gets home. She has a lot of bad experiences when she goes out. I can’t tell if she’s just incident prone or if her expectations are too high. Probably both. 🙂

    She doesn’t talk a lot unless it’s to us, or someone who interests her.

    When she does socialize she wears out pretty easily and then she needs a lot of time to herself to recharge.

    She’s more comfortable expressing her emotions at home with her family. Her vehemence is actually pretty impressive. She usually rants when exasperated.

    She shows love in thoughtful ways, like thinking of you when she’s out and sees something she knows you’ll like (she’s great at present finding), and scolding–er, giving you a pep talk when you’re down.

    Sometimes when I’m really down she turns on her extraverted personality (which is a lot like an ENFP) and makes me laugh because she’s being so unlike her usual self.

    She also is very generous with her things.

    She’s like a kid when she’s excited about something.

    She avoids most social situations.

    When she sees someone she loves being bullied, she won’t sit still. If confronting the person responsible won’t do any good, she comes up with ways to distract her loved one and cheer them up.

    She doesn’t forget the bully, however. She’ll keep coming up with plans to save her loved one from their clutches until she strikes on one she knows will work. She’s very protective.

    Her best friend and closest family member is an ISFJ. They’re like Sherlock and Watson, and they’re inseparable. Sherlock will do anything for Watson, you know. 🙂

    When she’s interested in something she tends to work exclusively on that one project with considerable energy. She’s not much into multitasking.

    She feels socially awkward but most people find her charming and are drawn to her INTJ brilliance. This frankly baffles her because she doesn’t like most people. Like, at all. XD

    She has tremendous insight into personalities and people, but she can be a little harsh sometimes in her judgment, and a little fatalist when she can perceive a bad outcome to something that hasn’t even occurred yet. I sometimes have to remind her that the future is the future, and we can still do something about it. And if we can’t, God can.  🙂

    My Mom’s personality is very different in a lot of ways.

    As an INFP, she’s surprisingly wise and intelligent, with good intuition, though she doesn’t practically read the future like my sister does, or even foresee as far as I tend to do (I’m an ENTP).

    She’s a strong INFP, so unlike an INFP who may have received more shaming, been less resilient to bullying growing up (she was bullied), or who involved themselves in unhealthy relationships (she has a great marriage to my ISTP father) she is more confident in herself, although she still tends to shamelessly underrate herself (which I have to set her straight on a lot by telling her how amazing she is. Being an ENTP, I’m zealous for the truth).

    She is an oldest sibling, and was an only child for a long time, so I think that contributes in part to how strong she is.

    She is very loyal. She always puts her family and her responsibilities first. She’s too good sometimes. That used to frustrate me some before I learned about MBTI and figured out that I couldn’t achieve that INFP goodness even if I tried. XD It’s unmatched.

    I think this is one of the main reasons why they are bullied a lot though. They don’t stand out much, but their sense of justice and inner righteousness can shine and make the people around them envious and hate them.

    She used to be a little harsher in her judgment of others because of how different she was, but since she learned about MBTI she’s grown more understanding as well.

    She loves her home. It is her sanctuary. She really doesn’t feel the need to go out much like I do. She’s a surprisingly content person.

    She’s thoughtful, caring, and has the most comforting presence. She puts others before herself. The comfort of other people is essential to her own.

    She’s careful and detail-oriented in nearly all that she does.

    Most INFPs have at least one thing they’re reckless about though. Something surprising that you wouldn’t expect.

    She hates to feel like she’s been walked on or like her strong sense of responsibility is being abused by others. She won’t take injustice in silence. Not to herself, and not to others.

    If she sees injustice, especially when it involves her family, she can become consumed with righteous anger, and when she speaks out against that person and admonishes and chastises them, it’s like righteous anger from heaven. There is no beating her in times like those. It doesn’t matter if you’re the most eloquent of personalities or the most smooth-tongued narcissist. If you’re not smart enough to be silent and take your medicine you will wish you were.

    It’s like a superpower, but she doesn’t abuse it.

    I feel blessed to have had the opportunity to witness such a marvel on one or two rare occasions.

    I’m not sure how all of this would translate to a guy, but I thought it might be helpful. Sounds like your INFP character was shamed a lot growing up. That will affect his personality. He’ll probably be weaker, less confident, and dependant than someone like my mom. He’ll probably carry around a lot of emotional scars. INFPs don’t forget stuff like that, even if they forgive. They’re very sensitive and precious people. Unfortunately, it seems like they’re often not cherished as much as they should be, at least that’s what I gather from my research on the personality.

    Sometimes the three of us will have deep discussions where we analyze people and their personalities. We’re all pretty fascinated by the things that make people unique.

    My sister and I also engage in pretty intense debates from time to time.

    Anyway, I hope some of that was helpful. Sorry it wasn’t very organized. I just wrote stuff as I thought of it.


    Also, I read those descriptions to my mom and sister before submitting them, just to make sure they were okay with it, and their reactions were pretty much as I anticipated.

    My Sherlock-like sister thought that I wasn’t nearly flattering enough in my description of her analytical abilities and predictive powers. 😉

    I will attempt to do her justice now. Her INTJ brain is excellent at analyzing (she’ll tear a movie apart piece by piece and pinpoint every error), and very, very good at prediction. She can predict outcomes with accuracy, and she tends to do it years in advance. Like the last election, for example.

    She’s nearly impossible to surprise, and almost as difficult to impress.

    My mom thought that my description was a little too flattering, underrating herself as usual, but that’s what I’m around for. 🙂

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by overcomer.

    One more thing: I don’t know if you’ve read The Hunger Games but my sister loves those books because the main character, Katniss Everdeen, is an INTJ. That might give you some ideas as well. 🙂

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by overcomer.
    Sarah Inkdragon


    Haha, there is nothing to match the power of our predictive and analytical powers. 😉

    "A hard heart is no infallible protection against a soft head."

    - C. S. Lewis

    Naiya Dyani

    @hope-ann @sarah-inkdragon @maddiejay @overcomer Thank you SO MUCH for putting the time into helping me out! It’s great to see several INTJ perspectives so I can (a) notice some general trends of the personality and (b) discover some realistic idiosyncrasies I can use for my character (all of which means that if I eventually put the story up here for beta critiques, you might find that I stole pieces of your personalities. But only if I write it well 😛 ).

    Thanks for the insight into your mom’s experience with the INFP personality! My character is pretty sensitive and, during the story, gets bullied by someone with a (reasonable) vendetta against his tribe. He seems to be a “weaker” INFP than your mom (and, to an extent, me–I’m an INFP too 😀 ) in that he doesn’t typically stand up for himself, but if he sees injustice to others (even from the person who bullies him), he’ll stand up for them. And yes, the poor kid is pretty scarred emotionally due to several things. He didn’t deserve the torment that comes with being one of my favorite characters 😀 .

    Once again, thank you all of you for all your help! I really appreciate it. If you think of any other advice, please feel free to share it because I’d love for my characters to be as believable as possible! Thank you!

    Hearts are like matter--they can be beaten down, torn, and burned, but they cannot be destroyed.

    Daeus Lamb


    is a guy INFP

    I’m also currently writing two male INFP characters, one of them a very main character.

    Keep in mind there are a lot of shades of INFP. Knowing enneagram types might help refine things a little.

    Personally, I suspect that:

    1. This really depends. INFPs are the ultimate take you by surprise type (imho). Even in dramatic situations, they can be very placid, or meek, or go berserk, or take control, or reason intensely, or try to calm things down. Largely, it depends on if their Core Values are at stake. They all have a little council chamber with themselves wherein they are battered by emotions and try to press forward carefully, walking a straight line, keeping to guiding principles or habits. (Oh, Kylo Ren is an INFP)
    2. If he has learned not to cry, he may release his emotions in an unhealthy way on others.
    3. Protectively, probably maintaining a certain mysterious distance. When relaxed, can be nerdy.
    4. For the first part of this question, see my answer to point one. For the second part, he’d probably explode. 😛

    👖 🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢


    I’m glad I was able to help, Naiya! 🙂


    @daeus-lamb , I’m sorry to contradict what you say, but I am afraid that your analysis of the INFP, as well as the example you gave, might be misleading to Naiya.

    First of all, Kylo Ren isn’t a very stable character, personality-wise, so he is difficult to type, but I firmly disagree with the INFP assessment.

    The closest personality to his character I would put as ISFJ.

    By contrast, Luke’s personality is an excellent example of an INFP male character. That incorruptibleness, strong sense of justice and obligation, and seeing the good in his father, etc.

    It’s not that it’s impossible for an INFP to turn evil, but it would take a lot more than some broken trust. The INFP has a natural bent for good and a keen conscience that’s hard for them to ignore. Also, they don’t go in for grudges and revenge like some of the other types do.

    Of course, that’s not the only reason why I disagree with your assessment of Kylo Ren.

    I don’t think that INFPs are as surprising as you give them credit for. My brother is an ISFP, and his reactions can be difficult to predict like how you described. His personality is known for that. They are very sensitive and tend to cling to past wrongs. His is the closest personality to Kylo Ren’s that I am familiar with (not the evil part), but I think Kylo is a J rather than a P.

    Both my sister and I spend a lot of time (too much time) studying MBTI, and we both agree with ISFJ as being the closest to Kylo’s personality.

    I think too if you consider Kylo and Luke’s characters side by side the differences become more obvious.

    I’m not looking for a debate (even though I’m an ENTP I prefer in-person debate to online), but free to disagree with me or offer a counter-argument if you have one. 🙂

    Daeus Lamb

    @overcomer Of course, film personalities are hard to get to know deeply, because all you can see are their external actions.

    I think though that Kylo is an INFP because all his decisions seem to filter through internal values (Fi). I don’t see as much concern for external smooth relations as would be seen from the Fe of an ISFJ. He views himself as a loner and doesn’t have an innate grasp of social structures or social dynamics..

    I would have to disagree that Fi = a bent for good. It equals a moral code, but that does not mean it is one’s conscience. It’s a personal value system, which could be good or bad. Kylo is extremely influenced by a mixture of his conscience and twisted values, which is what makes him so unstable.

    Kylo also exhibits a high degree of psychological awareness that would be uncommon for an ISFJ, but very normal for many INFPs.

    (And of course, I wouldn’t say Kylo represent all shades of INFP. Some INFPs for instance, are very even-keel and quirky.)

    👖 🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢


    Inspired by your reply @daeus-lamb, I decided to do some research on INFP villains. Not surprisingly, I couldn’t readily come up with any very good examples of INFP villains.

    I did read a comment, however, where someone mentioned how they often saw INFPs as protagonists and sidekicks, and the reason why INFP villains are so uncommon came to me.

    Most villains are divas, but INFPs hate the spotlight. Period. While they might be compromised or misguided enough to be a sidekick to a villain, be inspired to support a hero as a sidekick, or prompted enough by their sense of responsibility or/and by the need to protect those they care about to become protagonists themselves, INFPs aren’t naturally drawn to power and leadership. (My INFP mom wholeheartedly agrees with me on this. Recognition means loss of privacy!)

    They value the comfort of themselves and others a great deal. The spotlight is like torture to them.

    They would probably take the spotlight as some form of self-sacrifice rather than because of ambition.

    Also, while I could imagine an INFP possibly turning to evil in order to save their family and friends (like how Luke was tempted by the Emperor), or destroying the world in order to save it in some bizarre way, I think they are often far more likely to think about it, maybe even talk about it, rather than actually do it.

    Kylo Ren was motivated by betrayal, desire for revenge, and thirst for power and recognition. After being betrayed just one time by Luke, he hated him and thought Luke was the true evil. He blamed Luke for his own weakness. He held a grudge against him that he never forgot or forgave.

    He justified the evil he did because of his perception of Luke and his behavior. Luke betrayed me first. He had it coming. I had a right to retaliate. It’s his fault for starting it.

    Using someone else’s behavior to justify his own? All of this sounds incredibly ISFP/ISFJ to me. I think if my ISFP brother were an evil villain he would be a lot like Kylo.

    Kylo’s character is rather inconsistent, so I don’t think it can be too deeply analyzed, but still. I don’t think his motivations are like an INFP’s at all.

    You mentioned that Kylo had twisted values. Where did he get those values? Surely his parents didn’t raise him that way, and Luke didn’t train him that way. Yes, he was influenced by Snope, but, especially if he were an INFP, I hardly think that would be enough to undo all of the good influences in his life and the way he was raised.

    Honestly though, regardless of whether I’m right or wrong about his MBTI type, Kylo is a terrible example of an INFP character to give someone for reference because both he and his story are so poorly invented. I would suggest Luke or Frodo first. They’re both pretty awesome characters. 🙂

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by overcomer.
    Kayla Skywriter

    Aw, I get pnemonia and instantly a perfect thread appears. Now I’m too late.

    I am a girl and an INTJ if you are still looking, but you seem to have said you’ve got it covered, so I’ll be quiet for now.

    How we chose to fight is just as important as what we fight for

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