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Fresh Poems!

Forums Poetry Poetry Discussions Fresh Poems!

Viewing 15 posts - 46 through 60 (of 158 total)
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  • #64952
    Hedges
    @h-jones

    @k-a-grey Thank you so much for the feedback. (: I appreciate it, genuinely. Would it make more sense to write “An afternoon outside the walls?” Implying that you’re venturing outside? (When I first wrote it, I imagined it being inside a walled courtyard, if that explains that visual. xD)

    So you think the second stanza works with the last line of the poem? I never thought about that! You’re right! 😮 I was just writing out random words, hahaha xDDD

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by Hedges.

    Married a blacksmith, and now frequently uses his knowledge for writing fantasy.

    #64995
    K. A. Grey
    @k-a-grey

    @h-jones  Hey, sorry if I came off a little strong.  I have a tendency to be really blunt.

    Actually, I got the imagery of being inside a courtyard or something, and there’s nothing wrong with betwixt or inside, whichever word you want to use.  (Perhaps it will give the image that the speaker wishes to stay inside his “comfort zone” so to speak.) What I was trying to get at was that — you begin by saying it’s afternoon, giving the impression that it’s sunny daytime, but in the next couple lines the moon is out.

    "Atticus, he was real nice. . . .”
    “Most people are, Scout, when you finally see them.”

    #64998
    Hedges
    @h-jones

    @k-a-grey Nonono!! No, you didn’t come off strong at all! Don’t worry. (: I was very happy to read all the stuff you had to said and very much appreciate the feedback, friend.

    And oh! I totally see where you’re coming from now. xD Oohhh, that makes a lot of sense. I’ll have to change that. Thank you!

     

    Married a blacksmith, and now frequently uses his knowledge for writing fantasy.

    #65004
    K. A. Grey
    @k-a-grey

    @h-jones  Oh, good!  Whew! Besides being blunt, I also have a tendency to worry too much. XD Oh, boy….  We introverts have issues…

    Anyway, I think your poem has great metaphors and meaning.  It’s kinda inspired a picture in my head that I want to try to draw, but I’m an amateur artist. 🙂

    "Atticus, he was real nice. . . .”
    “Most people are, Scout, when you finally see them.”

    #65011
    Hedges
    @h-jones

    @k-a-grey Hahaha, I totally understand. (: Being an introvert, I experience similar problems. My sympathy goes out to you, friend. xD

    And oh! That’s awesome!! I’m glad it was inspiring to you, that completely makes my day. If you ever to end up drawing it (no worries if you don’t), I would love to see it. (:

    Married a blacksmith, and now frequently uses his knowledge for writing fantasy.

    #65098
    Katherine Baker
    @kb-writer

    @libby, @h-jones, @evelyn @k-a-grey

    Wow! I haven’t gotten on here in way too long! Let me see if I can catch up.

    Libby,

    all the poems you have been posting are beautiful. I particularly “I Took a Walk Among the Forest Pine. The Rhyming was beautiful.

     

    Heather,

    I liked your poem! It was beautiful. Here are a few thoughts

    an afternoon betwixt [outside?] {Maybe do “Within” instead?}the walls,
    a fleeting taste of stolen flight;
    the moon {Maybe do sun?} cascading through the falls
    as i take silent through {Maybe “Waiting for” the night? Otherwise, change afternoon} the night.

    the broken-down, decaying bricks
    and ivies floating ’round like stars
    can play on minds more mystic tricks
    than liquids from the pubs or bars.

    [do I even need that stanza? ^ maybe I should replace it with something different; it seems out of place] {I like it, at least}

    o rain! i pray, fall down on me
    and hide my tears among your drops,
    e’er twinkling through the lowest tree,
    please drip – and drip – and never stop.

    i wonder if the kind of faith
    it takes for you to fall so free
    will save me from myself, a wraith
    of everything i used to be.

    Overall, this poem is beautiful. I don’t feel like you need to force a message, I think you touch on human experience by introducing guilt and sadness in a subtle but effective way, and I don’t think you need to be any more obvious.

    Otherwise, just make the time of day clear. By muddling the examples I got confused, and it took my mind off how beautiful your piece was.

    If I’m missing anything, hopefully, I will get back to it. 🙂

    Always remember you're unique...
    ...Just like everyone else

    #65136
    Katherine Baker
    @kb-writer

    New poem I came up with after struggling to write about a hard time in my life. Hope it means something to you.

    When I’m Ready

    I can’t tell you yet, though I try

    My heart’s too sad and bitter not to cry.

    The glue that’s binding it is still unsteady

    but I will tell you

    when I’m ready. 

    Always remember you're unique...
    ...Just like everyone else

    #65326
    K. A. Grey
    @k-a-grey

    @h-jones

    How good it sounds to hear you call me friend!

    It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside,

    Like sipping a hot cup of sunshine

    With my soul.


    @kb-writer
     I’ve felt that way at times… haven’t we all?  Your poem captures it well.

    "Atticus, he was real nice. . . .”
    “Most people are, Scout, when you finally see them.”

    #65331
    Katherine Baker
    @kb-writer

    @k-a-grey

    That poem is gorgeous! I love it to bits! I got goosebumps reading it. 🙂

    Always remember you're unique...
    ...Just like everyone else

    #65465
    K. A. Grey
    @k-a-grey

    @kb-writer Wow, really?  Thank you so much!  I literally thought it up on a car ride yesterday, thinking how nice the word friend sounds, and looking at the late afternoon sun shining on the fields.

    (It’s kinda funny that a poem that made me feel warm gave you the goosebumps.) 😉

    "Atticus, he was real nice. . . .”
    “Most people are, Scout, when you finally see them.”

    #65626

    @libby@h-jones @k-a-grey Those poems are all so good!!!


    @k-a-grey
    I liked the contrast and flow of your poem.


    @h-jones
    I LOVE THAT POEM! The narrative/free verse style was so beautiful. Please tag me when you are finished with it!


    @libby
    That poem speaks so well… I am praying for you!

     

     

    Spreading God's love until I can see seven billion smiles. 🙂 https://sevenbillionsmiles.home.blog

    #65715
    K. A. Grey
    @k-a-grey

    @emma-starr  Thanks, but may I ask which one?  😅

    "Atticus, he was real nice. . . .”
    “Most people are, Scout, when you finally see them.”

    #66648
    K. A. Grey
    @k-a-grey

    Lament 

    The snow glistens under the moonlight

    Like a sea of diamonds–

    But as I walk, my footprints

    Mar the perfectness. 

    "Atticus, he was real nice. . . .”
    “Most people are, Scout, when you finally see them.”

    #66743
    Evelyn
    @evelyn

    @k-a-grey Gorgeous and so sorrowful!

    I love it. 🙂

    #66948
    Katherine Baker
    @kb-writer

    @k-a-grey

    That’s exactly how I feel when I walk on snow. I love it.

    Always remember you're unique...
    ...Just like everyone else

Viewing 15 posts - 46 through 60 (of 158 total)
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