Experimental Poems

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This topic contains 18 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Evelyn 2 months, 2 weeks ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 19 total)
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  • #82185

    Katherine Baker
    @kb-writer

    Hello!

    I had a poem I wrote somewhat experimentally, and wanted to get some feedback on it. Feel free to give me feedback, or post your own experimental poems.

    Here’s mine:

    Snap

    What one word has
    the power to
    feel broken in
    tiny pieces. I
    can’t decide how
    to put the
    words together. So
    I keep trying to
    solve the problem. An
    endless stream of
    fragments and
    blunted hope, still
    convoluted by
    my tired brain. How
    can I solve this
    mystery? It
    goes on and on, not
    waiting for me to
    catch my breath. I
    don’t know where to
    start, and I
    don’t know when it
    ends. I just
    know that it will
    have to end at
    some point. That will be
    the moment my
    heart will finally
    snap. 

    Always remember you're unique...
    ...Just like everyone else

    #82242

    Evelyn
    @evelyn

    @kb-writer Wow, I love it! So beautiful. (:

    #83165

    Libby
    @libby

    @kb-writer

    I’m literally trying to catch my breath right now!

    So here are some random thoughts.  I think this is cool idea and I love your thoughts 😀 This was entertaining and relatable and had a quick pace that I super liked.  The one thing I had a hard time with was following you through and understanding what you were saying.  Maybe this was just me, but some of the cuts in the middle of sentences seemed a little too abrupt.  Maybe that’s really what you want.  I don’t know.  These are just some things I struggled with when reading and they just left me breathless and mind boggled for a bit.  At other points, though, your breaks were amazing and really well done.  Is there anything in particular that you were wondering about?

    "Young people, you must pray, for your passions are strong and your wisdom is little."C.H.Spurgeon

    #83269

    Katherine Baker
    @kb-writer

    @libby

    Haha! I’m trying to decide if you catching your breath is a good thing, or a bad thing…

    That’s really helpful. Do you mind telling me which parts felt too abrupt, or what was the difference between the good ones and abrupt ones? I enjoyed writing this, and want to get an idea what a good rule of thumb would be if ever I write something similar. 🙂

    Always remember you're unique...
    ...Just like everyone else

    #88456

    Libby
    @libby

    @kb-writer SO SORRY I’ve neglected to respond!!!  Life is extremely busy right now, prepping for NITOC, last minute decisions, and right now building a new room in our house. So…yeah.  Life is crazy.  But, I’m so sorry anyways.  I should’ve let you know I couldn’t respond for a bit.

    Okay,  so here are my thoughts.  I have some suggestions here that you can take or leave 😉

    What one word has
    the power to              Maybe right here, adding the “feel” to the line before.
    feel broken in
    tiny pieces. I          Love this line break!
    can’t decide how
    to put the
    words together. So
    I keep trying to
    solve the problem. An        Maybe give the bolded words their own line.
    endless stream of
    fragments and
    blunted hope, still
    convoluted by
    my tired brain. How
    can I solve this
    mystery? It
    goes on and on, not
    waiting for me to
    catch my breath. I
    don’t know where to
    start, and I
    don’t know when it
    ends. I just
    know that it will
    have to end at                    “have to” is not necessary and sorta breaks the flow
    some point. That will be
    the moment my
    heart will finally
    snap. 

    Please take these with a grain of salt.  These are just my preferences and thoughts.  Forgive me if I come across as too harsh!!  Just to note, I do love this poem a lot–it makes me laugh when I read it and is just wonderful 😀

    "Young people, you must pray, for your passions are strong and your wisdom is little."C.H.Spurgeon

    #88457

    Katherine Baker
    @kb-writer

    @libby

    Not a problem. I’ve been super busy too!

    You’re going to be at NITOC? We have to try and find each other! I’m going up with a team I coach to judge and will be there the first half of the week. What events will you be doing? I’ll keep my eyes peeled for you. 🙂

    All that advice is excellent! I’ll go fix it right away.

    Always remember you're unique...
    ...Just like everyone else

    #88458

    Libby
    @libby

    @kb-writer Yay!!!!  I’m so glad you’re going!  I wasn’t sure, but now… yes, we definitely need to find each other!  I’ll be competing in OI, OO, and Apol.  My name’s actually Elizabeth Powell 😉

    Also, one question I’ve been meaning to ask, do you have a sister named Anna Baker who wrote an article for the Rebelution.com?

    "Young people, you must pray, for your passions are strong and your wisdom is little."C.H.Spurgeon

    #88459

    Katherine Baker
    @kb-writer

    @libby

    Good to know. I’ll seek you out. 🙂

    Nope, that’s not her. That’s really weird, though.

    Always remember you're unique...
    ...Just like everyone else

    #88467

    Evelyn
    @evelyn

    @libby @kb-writer You guys are Stoa peeps??? *gasps*

    #88473

    Katherine Baker
    @kb-writer

    @evelyn, @libby

    No way. Are you too? Will you be at NITOC?

    Always remember you're unique...
    ...Just like everyone else

    #88474

    Evelyn
    @evelyn

    @kb-writer I will be this fall. 😉

    @libby Goodness… your real name sounds so familiar. I can’t get it out of my mind!

    #88574

    Libby
    @libby

    @evelyn Woah!  So cool!  Which club will you be with?  You should come up to Washington for a tournament!  Espresso Cup’s our biggest 😉
    My name?  That’s funny 🙂 Both are relatively common names.

    @kb-writer Yeah, that is weird.  You do have a sister named Anna, though, right?

    "Young people, you must pray, for your passions are strong and your wisdom is little."C.H.Spurgeon

    #88576

    Katherine Baker
    @kb-writer

    @evelyn

    How cool! You’ll love it; Stoa peeps are some of the most supportive people you’ll ever meet.

    @libby

    I do. She’s also around the same age as that girl, which adds to the crazy. 🙂

    Always remember you're unique...
    ...Just like everyone else

    #88600

    Evelyn
    @evelyn

    @libby Sounds like fun!! Unfortunately, I live on the other side of the country, so that probably won’t end up happening. 😜

     

    @kb-writer I plan to love it. 😉

    #89973

    Libby
    @libby

    @kb-writer Haven’t seen you around NITOC yet, but keeping my eyes pealed. 😁

    "Young people, you must pray, for your passions are strong and your wisdom is little."C.H.Spurgeon

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 19 total)

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