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@wordsmith Another question – is you knew you were about to die, what would you be thinking or feeling or saying or doing?
"No matter how much it hurts, how dark it gets, or how hard you fall, you are never out of the fight."
Ah! Interesting… And there are a lot of variables. I can’t say for sure, but I can say what I hope would happen… I think:
If I were going to be burned at the stake… I hope I would sing. It would be painful, and I would probably want to try really hard to escape, but I hope I would just sing… and cry.
If I was just going to die on my bed… I would probably be sad about leaving my loved ones… but it would be back and forth between being sad about leaving, and being really happy about going to heaven. I would cry (hopefully).
If someone was holding a gun to my head one of two things would happen likely happen. Either I would freeze up or do something to disarm them and escape. If I knew there was no hope of coming out alive, at all, I pray I would say something as witness of my faith… maybe sing or pray out loud.
So yeah… maybe that gives you a general idea.
Published author, student in writing, works with HazelGracePress.com
@wordsmith That is super helpful!!!Ā What if you were going to be eaten by lions?
"No matter how much it hurts, how dark it gets, or how hard you fall, you are never out of the fight."
Oh wow… Go ahead and make it impersonal why don’t youš¤£!
Um… I would definitely try to escape, and if I had to kill a lion to do so, I would. Now… I hope I would to it in an at least contained manner and not look totally desperate. But if death was inevitable… I hope I would accept it and pray for a really strong lion.
Published author, student in writing, works with HazelGracePress.com
@wordsmith Or you could just pray for an angel to close the lion’s mouth… š
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This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by
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This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by .
"If a book is well written, I always find it too short."
Yeah… I could do that. Not a bad idea.
Published author, student in writing, works with HazelGracePress.com
This thread has been helpful. *nods*
@wordsmith I have figured out how to get posts back what you wrote if you delete the tab or if it logs you out when you post. But not for if it reloads the page. š
If you delete the tab: Go to History and then Recently Closed Tabs, select the tab you closed. It will open it up with what you wrote.
If it signs you out when you hit post: Open a new tab, sign in. Go back to the first tab, Back Page and hit Submit. It will post.
@ashira “What if you were going to be eaten by lions?” I find this funny because your profile picture is a lion. š (Being eaten lions is not funny, reading that was… if you get what I mean…)When your wings are weak and you feel like you can't fly any farther you're halfway there!
I’m so glad The Close Study of Buddy has been so helpful! And yeah… the page actually reloaded on me so… thank you anyway though!
Published author, student in writing, works with HazelGracePress.com
@wordsmith For me it was… *characters slowly back away* *rubs paws together* Time for some stressful situations…
Well now you know what to do if one of those happen. šWhen your wings are weak and you feel like you can't fly any farther you're halfway there!
Wow, odd question!! That was one I haven’t pondered in a while, that was cool, actually. @wordsmith, I agree with you. If I were being burned, that would be my response, what’s weirder is to ponder what song I’d be singing (which I think I’ve wondered about this before, burning is the worst way I can think of to die). XD My dad tells us, several years ago, he was on an ambulance (he had been stung by a bee, and it was his second near-death sting), and for a few moments, he thought he was dying. He tells us that he began to pray for us, and then began to think about how cool it was that he was about to meet Jesus. That story gives me chills…
I was thinking about what you said last night, about how you learned how to make yourself cry. I have never been in a cult-like situation, but I can relate to how painful those situations are, we were in a church where multiple very painful things happened, and eventually it came to a head where we left with broken hearts. I was completely lost when we left, it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through.
I was struck with an odd thought though, in regards to crying. Crying is usually only helpful/relieving for me if somebody else is there to help me get through it. When I cry (over something worth crying about), it usually means something is indeed quite wrong (at the root of it). When I cry, if somebody isn’t there, or won’t give me their shoulder to cry on and help me calm down, it pretty much just makes things worse, it does not help. When I’m crying, I’m showing that I’m weak and want nothing more than for somebody to understand what is making me weak, and help me by being stronger. My mind simply gets more worked up, which after this thread, I wonder if it isn’t related to the fact that my brain is not sorting through solutions, it is a whirl of very confused and painful thoughts that spin around and around. I actually was crying last night… Maybe that’s why this is fresh on my mind. After thinking about it, I think I’ve figured out that making music/listening to music is more helpful than crying. I think that because I often cannot make people feel what I’m feeling, and have nobody to talk to/am alone, whatever, making music helps me to vent the way tears do for other people. If I can play/sing something that puts what I am feeling into song, it calms me down, and helps me to feel that I have shared my heart, and even if I wasn’t understood, I conveyed what I was feeling. If you were to hear me playing the piano for tension relief, you might here extremely strong notes, showing how strong the emotions are, but then softer, unexpected notes that express how I feel alone, and if you will, am crying through music.
Listening to music can change my whole mood. Oddly enough, listening to my own voice (recordings of it) especially works medicinally on me, not really sure why it helps me so much. It calms me down, can move me past wanting to cry. This happened today actually. Some music makes me feel worse. Play country, jazz or rap (and a lot of other music) and I will try to jump out the window. Now that I think about it, I should have understood this all before, because the character in my book who is most like myself never cries without ending up feeling more dismal than before she started. She always feels better when she can channel what she feels into music, which is exactly how I feel.
This is my number one help and relief when upset, but secondly writing can work the same way, helping me to put my thoughts into words that are understandable on a page is very, very helpful.
Wow, I never thought about all this before in this light, but guess I’ve learned something new about myself. XD
@ashira and @wordsmith, I’ve also wanted to learn some sort of self defense/martial arts for several years, 1. because I want to be able to defend myself XD, 2. Man would it help in writing! 3. It is really cool. But right now cello is first and foremost!!Tek an ohta! Tek an cala!
@ericawordsmith @ashira @wordsmith –
*breathless panting* I’m back! *collapses* *revives* Wow, you people sure make the most of a day when I’m gone. š
@wordsmith – I actually found out your name and I wasn’t even trying? It was… highly recommended to me. But it’s cool! I love it. I have a heightened appreciation of unique names because mine last name is rather commonplace. Boring you could call it, but I always count myself lucky when I remember that my dad knew a girl in high school who grew up to be a nurse… and her last name was Slaughter. O.OWhat person? I mean mutual friend? Hope, or one of her siblings? Cause I have only played foosball with… like six different people.
Yeah, a camera really doesn’t describe anybody’s mind that well, really. Any mind, even if it’s a simple one, is going to be more complex than one picture at a time, just because of the amount of information we take in from sight, other senses, and thoughts about what things we register from those senses. It’s honestly stupefying to think about how complex the mind is.
Oh. Another thing that makes me cry. When people show that they have genuine care about another person’s life and making them feel better. Yes, I did cry reading all of your guy’s posts. It’s just… before we came to our current church and before I joined KP and SE, I didn’t… have friends. I mean, I had my siblings, but beyond that, not really anybody. We went to a church that wasn’t very cross-age mixing, and there was no one my age, so I wandered around a lot on my own. And then because I was between two boys in our family, there were times when, like young boys do, they just wanted ‘no girls’, so I was on my own again. I was alone for a while. My oldest younger sister wasn’t born until I was six, and even then I couldn’t really play with her, her being a baby.
Finding our new church and a place like this, where people care about each other, where teenagers have great relationship with seniors and and play big sibling to all the little kids around church, where you can be honest to your friends and get honest answers and help, has been one of the biggest blessings God has sent me. You guys are all amazing. @ericawordsmith @ashira @catwing @wordsmith *gives you all hugs*
I’m so sorry about what happened to you and your family before. Thank God He brought you out of it! It makes me so sad to see or hear about people that are caught in such horrible lifestyles, where they live on lies that they can’t seem to recognize and they don’t cry out to God because they don’t think they need saving. But almost sadder is the ones who want to get out, but are trapped for some reason or another. Who could leave it in their hearts, but have to remain in that lifestyle for whatever reason, maybe against their will.
I really, really don’t want to bring up bad memories, and if you don’t want to talk about this at all, please don’t feel like you have to, but maybe could you tell me a bit more about what the cult was specifically? Like, what setting was it in, a church or community, and sort of how it ran? I’m writing a short story called Red Sun Rising that’s about a group of young men who are sent to a Sanctuary to keep them same from the bad guy yet to be named in the Outside and to train them to fight against him, but in reality the whole thing is a lie. The outside is the normal world and the ‘bad guy’ is really the Christ figure. The concept of the whole thing is sort of this semi-confusing sounding but really makes sense line –
“It is not wrong to teach what you believe is right, it’s just wrong to give others no option but to believe it. It’s not wrong to present people with what you believe is truth, but it is wrong to present a lie as a truth when you know it is false.”
But seriously, if talking about it wouldn’t be bad, please don’t. I’m praying for you and your family.
So, about what you said in reference to fearing something that hasn’t happened and the part about not being able to do something. That basically is the root of the fear that I have, of things I’ll imagine. One of my greatest struggles in faith is being apart from people I care about. I want all the people in my heart to be with me, close to me. When someone I love is half way across the country, new job, starting her music career, in the Marines, whatever, I’m scared that something will happen that I can’t be there for. I want to be with that person, to help them, to comfort them, and I couldn’t be. It’s hard, but the greatest help in this has been God reminding me one day that He loves them more than I ever could. He’ll be there with them even when I’m not.
I have considered taking some self defense or martial arts, but the problem with things like that is we live out in the country, about forty five minutes away from… everything, I have a lot of siblings, Mom really doesn’t have time to drive me to classes or anything like that, and I can’t drive yet. Plus it would cost money. š I’ve learned a couple of basic self defense moves, and I’d like to learn more, I just haven’t really had an opportunity yet. I suppose I really should look over the bodyguards for hire in my area. š
Thank you for showing you care about this. Like I said, having people that have genuine concern for me is amazing.
@ericawordsmith I am so frustrated with music these days. I do listen to a little CCM, (YAY ANDREW PETERSON!) but I am EXTREMELY picky. I like almost all of For King and Country’s songs and a few random ones I’ve heard, but that’s about it. Classical, hymns, and soundtracks are amazing. Anybody else love Schindler’s List (so beautiful!!) or How To Train Your Dragon? (I hope my future husband likes that because I’d love to have Romantic Flight played at my wedding š )I don’t really like yellow either, it was just in my head for you because of your hair. š I like deep green, deep blue, deep red, black, silver, deep purple, and grey. If you look in my closet, I do not have one piece of pink, yellow, or orange clothing. XD It’s all blue, black, green, brown, and grey.
I do like some chic flicks as long as they’re well done, but mostly, like you, I see the example of older couples around me who love each other still and it’s so amazing! Of course I can’t help but enjoy watching young people fall in love if it’s done in the right way, but seeing a couple with a Godly legacy of many years of happy marriage is wonderful.We actually watched a tv thing about President Bush and his life yesterday and seeing him and his wife together, married during the war and now in their nineties and more in love than when they married, is so amazing!
Chuck the heels, AMEN! I only have one pair of shoes that have about an inch heel. Everybody always tells me to wear heels when I complain about being short, but I’d rather be short than have broken ankles. Some of the girls in our church wear three inches or higher and I just can’t fathom how they do it. And if you actually study it, it’s sooo bad for your foot. It’s so unnatural.
I’m sorry about the way your friends are treating you. I feel a little empathy, sort of. I have cousins who are… much more worldly than I am, and while we can still have a good time hanging out, there’s always this feeling of separation, and even though I’m older than them, it feels like they think of me as weird and immature because of things I don’t do that they’re totally okay with.
I’ve never understood cliques and people who reject others because they’re different. Any time it’s happened in fiction or real life, it’s so totally stupid to me! I wish I could be there for all those people that are being rejected and bullied, to let them know that they are still loved, that being different doesn’t mean you’re a waste or that your life is useless or you should try to change to satisfy other people.
While dealing with mean people like this is hard, I’m sure, just please remember that what they think does not matter. It doesn’t. It definitely hurts, it is definitely hard, so don’t think I’m being callused, but in the end what other people have thought of you won’t matter.
The King of the world thinks you are beautiful and amazing and special. He loves you.
I'm short, I like words, and I love people.
No, I didn't draw my profile pic.@wordsmith Ahh, when I type your tag now I start typing Buddy instead of wordsmith!Ā I wanted to know because I am writing several scenes in my WIP that have Christians eaten by lions… its hard to write emotions during that time.
Why did you say it was impersonal?Ā What was so funny?
Did you know that in Perpetua’s diary (she was martyred in Roman Carthage in the arena) there is this Christian guy named Saturninus who wants to be attacked by every wild beast and suffer all the tortures in the arena he could so that his rewards in heaven would be greater.Ā What do you think of that?
It would be my wish to have a lion who kills me as soon as possible too. š
@catwing š Yeah, I get it.
@ericawordsmith Yeah, burning is terrible.Ā One of the worst ways I can think of to die. You know, I have always felt sorrier for martyrs who were burned at the stake and had thier tongues cut out, partly because that would be so painful but also because they couldn’t sing.Ā Still, I have read about some of them who couldn’t sing raising thier hands or something after everyone thought they were long dead.Ā Truly incredible.Wow.Ā Yeah, that gives my chills too!
I agree, its not helpful is someone wants me to cry, its more helpful if they offer a way to deal with it right then.Ā Unless someone died and they are crying too or something like that would be a bit different.Ā AHH, yes! music!Ā Thats my number one go to in pretty much any emotional situation (and plenty of other situations).Ā It helps me cope, it lessens the pain in a way that almost makes the pain sharper but still calms me, if you know what I mean.Ā Ecpecially if I am the one singing.Ā If I am singing, then I am not crying, even if I have tears running down my face.Ā Acting stuff out is the same way. And writing poetry lines about how I feel.
@anne-of-lothlorien I could NEVER STAND high heels!Ā Yuck and ouch!Ā Why do people even do it?ALL YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING!Ā Like, all my real friends are here!Ā I dont really have any friends that are not here.Ā I LOVE talking about this stuff with you!Ā So many people shy away from topics like this.Ā *tries to imagine my life without SE or KP* (And I probably would be crying a little right now except my family is around and in the room, so I am not. š ) But seriously.
"No matter how much it hurts, how dark it gets, or how hard you fall, you are never out of the fight."
@ericawordsmith… *nods* Wow… I read everything you said… but am afraid my week suddenly got really busy and I can’t reply to everything… just know that I read it all… and no comment seemed necessary, except that I affirm what you’ve said. š
@anne-of-lothlorien… Ah! That’s cool! What do you mean by highly recommended? (and I’m so sorry for that nurse’s last name… yeah) And yes… it was Hope. Please don’t assassinate her for that.COMPLEX… it is the definition of the rational/spiritual/physical creation… made after the image of God. I mean, that alone makes it really complicated.
Awww… well… I didn’t mean to make you cry, but I’m not sure you minded crying either… but being able to speak here with friends has been amazing for myself as well. And I’m so glad you’ve found a great church. Church is really important and can be one of our greatest things… but it can also be the most harmful.
But yes, I’m more than happy to talk about the cult. (please note… when ever I refer to “them” or “they” I’m mostly referring to the pastor and associate pastor) It was a church community, meaning they called themselves a church, and then the church had property on which the members could live. Now… the way they set it up, the church owned the land, and you bought your house. The men there were in construction, so they built the house… and you got to be a part of that. So with that they take cost away… and teach the young men valuable skills… you have your own house… ect… and that’s not the only way they cater. But in all the helpful “community” they create a dependency that makes it extremely hard to live without them.
Now… have you heard about emotional blackmail? That was a heavy tool they used… and honestly to explain everything in full would be a book+ so I’ll try to sum up. In creating the dependency they have power… and then on top of that they have the “church authority”. So when you have beliefs that are contrary… they have the ability to keep you in line, and make you look like “the bad guy” in front of everyone else. So with that they could get a way with twisting scripture, and then using that to get you to do what they want… and it becomes a whirlpool of control… under the guise of a Reformed Baptist Church.
That’s the best I can do in summing it up… but I think it gives you an idea, and I hope it helps! šĀ And I thank you so much for the prayers.
Now… to your reply to my reply about the fear of imaginary things: That makes sense, and I can understand, as well as relate to a degree. I think the fear that my friends will be taken away makes me sad sometimes… in a passing way. So yeah… I’ll continue to pray for you.
And yes… the distance does make it hard… really hard. Also having so many siblings… and then… money.Ā *nods* I understand.
@ashira… Impersonal in that when dealing with the lions, they aren’t personal beings, with a spirit, whom I can relate with… and it’s funny… because I wasn’t expecting it.Now! That is an interesting idea… and it might be true… but that’s something I trust is in the hands of God. Jesus prayed to God… that God might deliver him… and God actually let Jesus die sooner than normal… so to pray for a less painful death I believe to be biblical.
Thank you all! This convo has been amazing… but I may need to step out for a little while.
P.S. I ditched the heels a long time ago, and I’ve never even bothered since. š
Published author, student in writing, works with HazelGracePress.com
Oh Anne, this made my day. Seriously, this meant a lot.
I went through years of the same thing, and my closest sister is actually six years younger than me as well (and since youāre into AOGG, youāll understand this completely, but her personality is Marillaās and mine is Anneās).
Oh my, I am so sorry to hear that. This year after coming back from music camp, one of the hardest parts about it is knowing that I will never again see some of the people who came to mean so much to me, and the pain of missing them, wishing that I didnāt have to say good bye. I can understand thatā¦ I tend to not worry so much about people dying or getting hurt (which is odd because both of my parents nearly died in the past five years, as in they were either minutes away from it, or was in the ICU in the hospital, really, really sick), but I think Iām more afraid that theyāll leave me, or somehow theyāll leave my life, and Iāll have to go through grieving losing them, which has happened in the past.
I got a kick out of your answer to martial arts/self defense. I could have written that. Every word of it, and it would be utterly true. Skype class maybe?? XD Iām going to be learning cello online until (if God leads me that way) I go to college, then Iāll take lessons there.
Amen and amen. Can I give you the hug that I have am known for? (Basically I nearly knock you over because Iām way to tall and give bear hugs, it’s called a XXXXXX Hug [sorry, not using my real name]. My friend Lydia told me it basically means Iām flat as a board and then collapse, I quite often throw people off balance with it). Once more, I had to agree with just about everything you said. Those are my music types!!! Iām the gal who knows more classical than pop. Swan lakeā¦ OMW!!!!! Give me a good old hymn book any day over a praise and worship song that I canāt sing with because it sounds like a concert, and SOUNDTRACK!!!! Right now, the soundtrack piece that Iām in love with is actually the Peter Hollens version of Now We Are Free from Gladiator. Iāve never seen the movie, but the song is insanely gorgeous, trying to learn how to sing it. HTTYD!!!!! I havenāt seen the movie or heard the whole soundtrack, but the pieces I have heard were soooo helpful in finishing out the rewriting of my bookā¦ The last bit of it I listened to Romantic Flight over and over and over while writing it. The beginning of This Is Berk has me falling out of my seat. If you love AP, then do you love The Wingfeather Saga?? I havenāt read the last book, but I have read all the others twice, and the third one nearly made me cry, which never happens hardly ever in books. I love Yurgenās Tune and My Love Has Gone Across The Sea, oh graciousā¦ I love those songs!!! MLHGATS is one of my current piano/voice things Iām working on. Iād love to make a cover of it someday.
Once more, I have to agree pretty much. Those are the best colorsā¦ I do occasionally wear soft yellow, but it has to be just the right shade, and often times, it has to be a dress or skirt, but not very often. Redsā¦ Not very often either, pink is a little more common, evidently pink is my other color (not by choice). I get a lot of comments that I should wear it more often, but it has to be spaced outā¦ wearing blacks, blues greens and the rest.
Pride and Prejudice, Anne of Green Gables and a few others of that nature, but never ever make me watch anything like When Calls the Heart. Iād rather go outside and watch the sky from a fencepost.
Yes, that is encouraging to see that too, still, what I really love is seeing people who made it past the starry-eyes season, the middle season, and then made it to the end are, like you said, more in love than at first. I think itās so sweet.
Thank you all you awesome people!!! Heels are evil, despicable things. @wordsmith. What. That. Is. Odd. Youāre the second guy to say he hasnāt worn heels in a while, and Iām sorry but I just have to look at you funny and wonder what on earth? Thatās hilarious!! The last time I wore heelsā¦ They were on the sharing table at churchā¦ And so I put them on and stumbled around to show my family members that I was about six foot.
Thanks so much Anne, this post has seriously made my day, this past week Iāve been pretty down about itā¦ Especially one girl in particular, itās hard because I want to be there for her, but she is acting in ways at certain times around certain people that make it really hard for me to help her. I understand that there are things that are very, very hard for her, and I want to help, but itās hardā¦ I donāt really want to go into the whole thing, but also justā¦ She knows better. Iāve known her for years and sheās changing a lot, which is hard to watchā¦ Then I love a lot of people, know a lot of people, and I know they love me back, but itās hard because I canāt talk about things the way I can here or with one particular friend I have. It seems the friends that I can really open up with and share my heart with I hardly get to see them and be with them. Especially the one that I talk about that I got close to at music campā¦ I call her my nithen, the elvish word for sister. Even with my family, it can be hard to find the time to open up and know how to talk about things. Iām closest to my mom in my family, which Iām so glad about, but sometimes it can be a while before I get the chance to sit down and talk to her. Music helps so much to be able to ātalk it out/cry it outā. Iām not afraid to be different, and Iām actually a hard person to change. Iām not at all worried about myself, Iām confident of who I am and that Christ in my is my worth, but I am saddened when because Iām a little different from the crowd or whatnot gets in the way one way or another and I feel very alone. Thank you so much, I really appreciate everything you said, it means a lot.
Have you ever read Foxeās Book of Martyrs? Oh myā¦ Chilling, chilling book, but so, so good!! I love the stories of martyrs, and actually Perpetua is one of my favorites!! Just wondering, have you ever read Pearl Maiden? Fantastic book, I highly recommend it!!! Just make sure itās the centennial edition. š
Isnāt music the best?? My crying song for yearsā¦ When we left our church, when my horse died, all of it, I would play Hold Me Jesus by Rich Mullins and it was a huge blessing.
No worries, I often go off into weird rabbit trailsā¦ š I hope that whatever is going on it will go well, thanks for answering all the weird questions, and taking part in the ramblings, itās been fun. I just have one odd questionā¦ When you said it all went under the guise of a Reformed Baptist Churchā¦ When I mentioned the church we left, it was actually a Reformed Baptist Church. It wasnāt a cult or community, but it wasā¦ well, first of all there were some problems with the leadership, and finally they made some changes that were against what we believed, and because we couldnāt agree with it, and they did not handle it well, we had to leave. If you donāt want to answer this or donāt have time, itās fine, but I was wondering if you were saying that the community was bad (which I am not questioning at all) or Reformed Baptist theology was bad. I totally understand being hurt by a RBC, it was extremely painful, but I still would be a Reformed Baptist by what I believe in some areas (I promise I am not starting anything, I was just not sure, and even though I havenāt been through a cult, I do understand some of the pain of that, I can feel for you there. I hope that wherever you are now you can look back and say that God is faithful and can be trusted even when it is hard).
Tek an ohta! Tek an cala!
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