Depressing Poetry LOL

[Emberynus The Dragonslayer]

@dakota @esmeralda-gramilton @mayacat @trallion @urwen-starial @naiya-dyani @kayla-skywriter

Hi Peoples!

I started this thread to post some of my depressing poetry that i like to write. Typically it is lyrical poetry. It’s not very good so you will have plenty to call out a critique. If anyone else has any depressing poetry to post you are welcome to join me in this thread. I’ll post a short one to kick things off. It’s horrible I know but hey! I never claimed to be a good poet. LOL!

 

Last Chance

Give me one last

Give me one last chance

I need a little more time tonight

To prove myself to you

I need more time to fight

I know I failed you last time

But I promise you I won’t this time

 

Give me one last

Give me one last chance

I need a little more of you trust

To prove my love to you

Before I turn to dust

I know I am a dirty wreck

But I promise I will do better this time

————-

If you have any questions or suggestions, feel free to comment.

 

 

Sold souls and dead promises

[Urwen Starial]

@emberynus-the-dragonslayer @mayacat @esmeralda-gramilton @dakota @naiya-dyani @kayla-skywriter

I have a short excerpt from a song I wrote around October. Hope you enjoy.

—

I feel like there’s too much space,

Not enough love, not enough grace,

To help me rise from my broken down state.

I’m tired of living, the same old stuff every day,

But I’m afraid to die, so I struggle on anyway,

No one ever seems to hear me when I say,

There’s too much happening around me,

And I’m feeling lonely,

Are my friends here for me,

Or will they leave me?

 

I’m not okay, but I cover it up like a mistake.

All this love of ours does is take,

My face is a mask, and no one knows,

That my mind is in a different place.

I’m afraid of dying,

But if it all faded away, that would be fine.

 

“Tears sparkle like fallen stars, the world at our fingertips, We didn’t know, It wasn't happiness.

[Emberynus The Dragonslayer]

@urwen-starial

Good job! I like it!

Sold souls and dead promises

[Dakota]

@emberynus-the-dragonslayer

Thanks for the tag!! If I come up with something depressing, I’ll chime in.

Psalm 119:11
Your word I have hidden in my heart,
That I might not sin against You.

[Emberynus The Dragonslayer]

@dakota

cool

 

Sold souls and dead promises

[Dakota]

I guess this is kinda depressing. Lonely for sure.

The Road
It’s a lonely road to travel
Paved with stones, a path of gravel
Heart is aching, strengths unravel
With the weight of the load

Seems I’ve walked and walked for decades
Feet are aching, cut on rock blades
Hacked from bitter words cascades
And no one shares the load

Oh this weary road I’ve traveled
I have walked it for years
Yet no friend have I found on it
Not a one to share tears
It’s the cry my heart is screaming
For a friend I’m dreaming
It’s a lonely road to travel
When no one shares the load

A friend’s love would brighten the days
Lift my head and clear all this haze
Clouding my view with dark grays
Yet no one shares the road

If they fall down, I’d help them stand
Be refreshing in burning sand
Strengthen each other as we trek this land
But not one friend I know

Oh this weary road I’ve traveled
I have walked it for years
Yet no friend have I found on it
Not a one to share tears
It’s the cry my heart is screaming
For a friend I’m dreaming
It’s a lonely road to travel
When no one shares the load

It’s a lonely road to travel
When your heart crumbles like gravel
Watching your strength unravel
With the weight of the load

Will the road ahead be barren
Always ring with cry of raven
Will no soul come be my haven
Come walk along the road

Psalm 119:11
Your word I have hidden in my heart,
That I might not sin against You.

[The Inkspiller]

Apologies for necroing this thread, but since it’s here, I too have a depressing poem to share. Also @Anne-of-lothlorien, since you like me also tend to lurk around and comment on things every few months…

 

Heart of Glass

I was born with a heart of glass
Which glitters in the morning
And magnifies my mourning
Bared to wind and woe and weald
Transparently I loved her
I stored up for her my love’s treasure amass’d
I promised her, my love would never yield
And to me she promised in a murmur
She would always stay

But she was not born with a heart of glass
Hers was but a heart of flesh
And hearts of flesh can only love so long
My heart of glass was cracked
My love and joy going the way of winter grass
My hope and happiness like grain threshed
Beaten with guilt and every way wronged

My heart of glass was never a perfect heart
It loved too much, and yielded too little
In its intimacy, it became brittle
And shattered to reveal beneath my fleshy, fallen heart.

 

——

 

I am not a good poet. I have a poor grasp of meter, clumsy rhymes, and no real appreciation for the mechanics.

What I do have is a lot of sadness and pain, which I’ve heard makes for some good poetry. 😛

I’m unfortunately only half kidding around. I always seem to end up coming back to Story Embers whenever life goes flat and loses its flavor as other pursuits turn into dead ends and treasured relationships abruptly end.

 

Anyways.

There is a poem.

I guess I would appreciate critical feedback just as much as sympathy. Craft must always be improved.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by The Inkspiller.

Non nobis Domine, sed nomini, Tuo da gloriam.

[Livi Ryddle]

@emberynus-the-dragonslayer Ooh I really like yours! Lyrical is absolutely right… I was imagining music along with it as I was reading. I may end up writing a few chords into it – If I do, I’ll link the audio file somewhere for you!

I have a contribution as well. (We’ll see if this even posts – I had issues posting on another topic earlier):

Knowing How to be Alone

I got scared, I got unsure
Stretched it out and caused us pain
Broke it off and went my way
Stood outside in pouring rain
Partly healed and partly broken
Not knowing how to be alone
Knowing it’s something I need to learn

Found comfort in another friend
Slowly healed a little more
Realized how much I didn’t know
Learned the past isn’t easy to ignore
And still unsure and hurt
Not knowing how to be alone
Knowing it’s something I’m learning

Slowly, surely, hurting less and smiling more
Thought I was getting there, lesson learned
But he needed something different – that’s ok
We parted on good terms, no bridges burned
It still stings, there’s ups and downs
But I’m slowly learning that
Knowing how to be alone
And wanting to be alone
Are two completely different things

“Enough! Be quiet! I can’t hear myself think! I can’t hear my teeth chatter!"

[Emberynus The Dragonslayer]

@anne_the_noob14

Thank you so much. And that would be great! If you decide to write any chords for it please let me know 🙂

Also yours is  so good!! I love it!!

Sold souls and dead promises

[Livi Ryddle]

@the-inkspiller

I don’t have any critiques – but as I was reading it I was struck by the second and third verses. I like the homophones there! I also like the variation in the length of the lines. I don’t always like poetry like that, I tend to prefer the same number of syllables in each line, but I think this works well here. I also like the imagery in general that’s portrayed.

Also, as far as being a good poet or not, I think good is relative. My music theory professor this last semester said something that I think applies here. He liked to say “the reason you’re learning the rules is so you can break them in striking ways later on.” So I think that even if you don’t have “proper” meter and rhymes and mechanics, whatever those may be “supposed” to look like (and even if you’re not even aware where or when you end up breaking them :P), it works very well here.

“Enough! Be quiet! I can’t hear myself think! I can’t hear my teeth chatter!"

[Livi Ryddle]

@emberynus-the-dragonslayer

Likely I’ll end up doing that instead of math homework xD

And thank you!!

 

“Enough! Be quiet! I can’t hear myself think! I can’t hear my teeth chatter!"

[Emberynus The Dragonslayer]

@anne_the_noob14
lol 😆 sounds wayyyy to familiar! So glad I don’t have homework anymore

Sold souls and dead promises

[Author]

Posts