Congratulations to Meraki!

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  • #48503
    Buddy J.
    @wordsmith

    @jane-maree

    Congratulations! That story was fantastic. The way you pulled it together in a hilariously clever way, while still being very serious had (at least me) in awe. I am really impressed with Meraki’s work of art.

    Maybe you can point out ways Rillumen can improve in their story!

    Also, good work to all the other guilds!

    One other thing… I have a request for the guild masters. Is there a badge that each guild has? A badge that can be put in the corner of the guild member’s profile, so we can know each other as guilds. That way it’s easy to recognize each other (within a guild) and we can see someone else and know how to relate with them per guild. Maybe it could be similar the to the way you mark Guild Masters and SE Staff.

    Thanks to all, and well done.

     

    @daeus-lamb

    -Wordsmith- Author of short stories, Reader of many books, Student in writing, and Lumenite!

    #48529
    Jane Maree
    @jane-maree

    @wordsmith Thank you! I was actually the judge this time so I leave all the credit up to my guild members. <3

     

    As I mentioned in my editorial comments on your piece, the main thing that was lacking with the Rillumen submission is personality. With Meraki’s story, every single sentence was spoken from the personality of the narrator. The phrasing, the word choice. It was all so unique to that character.

    Using the sword as a POV character made it harder to have that same personality imbuing the prose, but it still could’ve been possible. If you’ve given the sword some personality (it could have been a haunted personality, playful, dark, insane, etc.) that would have naturally slid into the prose and made it instantly more creative.

    While 2nd person was a great attempt, I’ve never seen anyone do 2nd person to a high quality level because it’s so hard. 2nd person is telling, not showing, and that’s just the nature of the tense.

    A 1st person piece from a sword with personality would instantly have been much higher quality and more engaging without much effort at all. While trying to be creative (which is awesome) you did make it harder for yourselves by choosing a narrator and style that aren’t ever going to be easy to write with quality.

     

    Your suggestion about the guild badges was actually brought up at the last guildmaster meeting so it is on our list of things we want to do at some point.

    Writing Heroes ♦ Writing Hope // janemareeauthor.com.au

    #48547
    Buddy J.
    @wordsmith

    @jane-maree

    Oh. Well in that case thank you for judging! 🙂

    Ah! That makes a lot of sense. Okay… *goes back to drawing board*

    Thank you…

    One other question… You say that second person is telling by nature of its tense. What do you mean by that?

    -Wordsmith- Author of short stories, Reader of many books, Student in writing, and Lumenite!

    #48713
    Jane Maree
    @jane-maree

    @wordsmith You’re welcome! 😉

    What I was meaning about that is that 2nd person is almost always telling. It’s telling the reader every action. e.g. “You clap your hands together” Which makes the whole showing vs telling deal a lot harder. Does that make sense?

    Writing Heroes ♦ Writing Hope // janemareeauthor.com.au

    #48732
    Buddy J.
    @wordsmith

    @jane-maree

    Well… kinda… maybe.

    A difference between showing and telling is that in telling I’d be telling you exactly what happened, whereas with showing, I’m showing what transpired because of what happened. Right?

    -Wordsmith- Author of short stories, Reader of many books, Student in writing, and Lumenite!

    #48756
    Jane Maree
    @jane-maree

    @wordsmith

    Here’s my personal definition for you. 😉

    Telling = summarizing. Giving the reader only the bare minimum without going into any detail.

    Showing = expanding into more detail. Giving the reader information about what the character is seeing, tasting, touching, hearing, feeling emotionally, and thinking.

     

    Telling:

    Das fed the pigs as quickly as he could, accidentally spilling some of the slop onto his feet. It was disgusting.

     

    Showing:

    Das sloshed the contents of the bucket over the fence, groaning through his gritted teeth. His hands shook and some of the slop splashed from the trough and onto his ragged trousers, sliding down onto his bare feet. The slime oozed between his toes as he stepped back, dropping the bucket.

     

    While 2nd person is designed to make the reader a part of the story, I find that 1st person actually does that better because the phrasing isn’t as awkward and odd.

    Has that cleared it up for you? (don’t hesitate to say no if it hasn’t. I’m happy to explain anything. 😛 )

    Writing Heroes ♦ Writing Hope // janemareeauthor.com.au

    #48760
    Buddy J.
    @wordsmith

    @jane-maree

    Yes, that does make sense! Thanks. 😀

    And yesterday when my mind was thinking about the difference between showing and telling, I took a look at my story (You Reflect Me) and started seeing immediately where I could have shown a whole lot more.

    This has been really helpful! I’ll definitely keep playing with second person, but when it comes to contests and such I will remember what you’ve said.

    -Wordsmith- Author of short stories, Reader of many books, Student in writing, and Lumenite!

    #49033
    Jane Maree
    @jane-maree

    @wordsmith That’s great! I hope your writing will grow ever more amazing! 😀

    Writing Heroes ♦ Writing Hope // janemareeauthor.com.au

    #49037
    Buddy J.
    @wordsmith

    @jane-maree

    Thanks! And your as well.

    -Wordsmith- Author of short stories, Reader of many books, Student in writing, and Lumenite!

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