Chloe and Zoe

Forums Fiction General Writing Discussions Chloe and Zoe

Tagged: 

This topic contains 101 replies, has 12 voices, and was last updated by  Andrew Schmidt 1 month, 3 weeks ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 61 through 75 (of 102 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #82749

    E.B. Raulands
    @e-b-raulands

    I really enjoyed the details about the card game! I had a little trouble picking up how it was played at first, but I understood how to play once the game was underway. And I can’t help but think that the Monster King card is an allusion to future events or perhaps the mysterious figure…

    To the glory of God and for the advancement of His kingdom.

    #82751

    Andrew Schmidt
    @andrew

      @e-b-raulands: thanks!

      Yeah… I sort of meant the Monster King to be a source of foreshadowing.

      (ISFP!) Artistic, redheaded, nature-loving, crazy writer. Mine favorite Indiana animal: Red Fox.

      #83101

      Introverted Elf
      @introverted-elf

        @andrewย  Thanks for tagging me! I’ll be sure to read all of it when I get the chance. ๐Ÿ™‚

        Tolkien/Batson book lover, anime fangirl, TLoZ, SW, SC fan, Stirlingite, Owl Citizen, Team Grimmie \|/

        #83134

        Andrew Schmidt
        @andrew

          @introverted-elf: ๐Ÿ˜€

          (ISFP!) Artistic, redheaded, nature-loving, crazy writer. Mine favorite Indiana animal: Red Fox.

          #83233

          E.B. Raulands
          @e-b-raulands

          @andrew
          Haha, I was right! *pops some popcorn for the next installment*
          There is one little thing I would change in Chapter 3. It’s the part where one of the cards is identified as an angel. I don’t think an angel really belongs in a game called the Monster King since angels aren’t monsters but rather holy beings who stand in the presence of God…I hope that makes sense.

          To the glory of God and for the advancement of His kingdom.

          #83394

          Andrew Schmidt
          @andrew

            @e-b-raulands: oh, okay! Thanks for telling me. ๐Ÿ™‚

            If there is any other thing that you’d think I can change in this story, please tell me.

            I might make a list of questions soon so that I can identify the flaws in my story (but if there’s too much questions, you guys don’t have to answer all of them… only if).

            Anyways.. perhaps I’ll change the angel into some other creature; with big beautiful wings, of course.

            (ISFP!) Artistic, redheaded, nature-loving, crazy writer. Mine favorite Indiana animal: Red Fox.

            #83571

            Andrew Schmidt
            @andrew

              @e-b-raulands @kari-karast @nuetrobolt @everyone-else

              Okay… so, if you guys don’t mind answering some of these questions, I’d be happy. ๐Ÿ™‚ But you don’t have to answer every question if you’re not sure about what it is asking or you don’t know the answer

              Questions:

              1. Is there any specific scene, paragraph, etc. that you thought was wordy, confusing, or didn’t care for?

              2. Do the characters come across clearly; do they need development? Also, I’ve been keepin’ thinking about Chloe’s character because she is the MC. Does she seem ‘just okay’ or ‘good’ ?

              3. Do the characters seem to have too much in common; do you think I need more variety?

              4. Do any parts feel a little rushed?

              5. Do the characters behave realistically?

              6. Is the setting ‘just okay’ or ‘good’ ?

              7. I know the story is still going, but are there any suggestions about the plot you have?

              8. Are the emotions played well?

              9. And finally, what do you think of the overall theme? So far, anyway? I’ve planned it to be sort of on the lines like don’t let your hopes carry you away from reality. So, there’s that.

              Thanks for your time!

              -Andrew

              (ISFP!) Artistic, redheaded, nature-loving, crazy writer. Mine favorite Indiana animal: Red Fox.

              #83847

              E.B. Raulands
              @e-b-raulands

              @andrew
              I definitely want to go through these questions; hopefully I can get you some answers this week, if that works. (Do want the answers to cover all three chapters or just Chapter 3?)

              To the glory of God and for the advancement of His kingdom.

              #83915

              Andrew Schmidt
              @andrew

                @e-b-raulands: you don’t have to go through all the questions if you don’t feel like it. I’m not boxing you in. Any time would be great. And yes, I sorta wanted them to cover all three chapters. ๐Ÿ™‚

                (ISFP!) Artistic, redheaded, nature-loving, crazy writer. Mine favorite Indiana animal: Red Fox.

                #83916

                Veraza Winterknight
                @kari-karast

                @andrew

                I’ll try to get to it soon!!

                (ENFP) Even the word hopeless is not entirely devoid of hope.

                #83917

                Andrew Schmidt
                @andrew

                  kari-karast: ๐Ÿ˜€

                  (ISFP!) Artistic, redheaded, nature-loving, crazy writer. Mine favorite Indiana animal: Red Fox.

                  #83918

                  Andrew Schmidt
                  @andrew

                    @kari-karast: ๐Ÿ˜€

                     

                    Alert! Alert! Tag incorrect!

                    (ISFP!) Artistic, redheaded, nature-loving, crazy writer. Mine favorite Indiana animal: Red Fox.

                    #83992

                    @andrew, sorry, I’d love to help you out, but I won’t have time to answer your questions. Sorry!

                    I'm Throne Warden of Emberia or Nuetrobolt. I write with my tiny dragon, Vip.

                    #83994

                    I will say this though, in answer to question 2, I think the characters are clear and Chloe is a good main character.

                    Also, so far I don’t think I’ve seen much on that theme. I wouldn’t have guessed the theme was anything like that if you hadn’t told me, but I guess the story is only just begun.

                    The card game was cool, but it was long and kind of interrupted the story. I’m assuming it is some sort of foreshadowing or is important later on, but if not, I know it is cool, but I think you should have left it out or shortened it. But, that’s only if it isn’t important to the rest of the story.

                    I keep thinking the story is taking too long to get to Creation Day. It seemed like this holiday was coming up really soon, and it seemed like she should meet her sister soon, but of course that doesn’t really matter. I’m sure all these interruptions are important, and you are doing that purposefully. Anyways, that’s all I have to say!

                    Great story!

                    I'm Throne Warden of Emberia or Nuetrobolt. I write with my tiny dragon, Vip.

                    #84038

                    Andrew Schmidt
                    @andrew

                      @nuetrobolt: okay, thank you!

                      I try to make everything have a purpose (including the card game), but if you still happen to think its going too slowly, let me know. I’m planning to have Creation’s Day in Chapter Five. There are still some things I need written in the story before the big, big event of the famous holiday Creation’s Day!

                      Perhaps it might’ve seemed slower because I spent more time in certain times of the story, rather than just skipping several days forward in the story over to Creation’s Day. That clear? Thanks!

                      – Andrew Schmidt

                      (ISFP!) Artistic, redheaded, nature-loving, crazy writer. Mine favorite Indiana animal: Red Fox.

                    Viewing 15 posts - 61 through 75 (of 102 total)

                    You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

                    Learn What Readers Want

                    We compiled and analyzed how 300+ย readersย answered 18 questions about what they want to see in fiction. Get the free e-book and we'll also regularly send you resources to help you grow as a writer.

                    You have Successfully Subscribed!

                    Pin It on Pinterest