Chloe and Zoe

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  • #82749
    E.B. Raulands
    @e-b-raulands

    I really enjoyed the details about the card game! I had a little trouble picking up how it was played at first, but I understood how to play once the game was underway. And I can’t help but think that the Monster King card is an allusion to future events or perhaps the mysterious figure…

    To the glory of God and for the advancement of His kingdom.

    #82751
    Andrew Schmidt
    @andrew

      @e-b-raulands: thanks!

      Yeah… I sort of meant the Monster King to be a source of foreshadowing.

      "Muhahaha!"- Unknown Villain

      #83101
      Introverted Elf
      @introverted-elf

        @andrew  Thanks for tagging me! I’ll be sure to read all of it when I get the chance. 🙂

        Tolkien/Batson book lover, anime fangirl, TLoZ, SW, SC fan, Stirlingite, Owl Citizen, Team Grimmie \|/

        #83134
        Andrew Schmidt
        @andrew

          @introverted-elf: 😀

          "Muhahaha!"- Unknown Villain

          #83233
          E.B. Raulands
          @e-b-raulands

          @andrew
          Haha, I was right! *pops some popcorn for the next installment*
          There is one little thing I would change in Chapter 3. It’s the part where one of the cards is identified as an angel. I don’t think an angel really belongs in a game called the Monster King since angels aren’t monsters but rather holy beings who stand in the presence of God…I hope that makes sense.

          To the glory of God and for the advancement of His kingdom.

          #83394
          Andrew Schmidt
          @andrew

            @e-b-raulands: oh, okay! Thanks for telling me. 🙂

            If there is any other thing that you’d think I can change in this story, please tell me.

            I might make a list of questions soon so that I can identify the flaws in my story (but if there’s too much questions, you guys don’t have to answer all of them… only if).

            Anyways.. perhaps I’ll change the angel into some other creature; with big beautiful wings, of course.

            "Muhahaha!"- Unknown Villain

            #83571
            Andrew Schmidt
            @andrew

              @e-b-raulands @kari-karast @nuetrobolt @everyone-else

              Okay… so, if you guys don’t mind answering some of these questions, I’d be happy. 🙂 But you don’t have to answer every question if you’re not sure about what it is asking or you don’t know the answer

              Questions:

              1. Is there any specific scene, paragraph, etc. that you thought was wordy, confusing, or didn’t care for?

              2. Do the characters come across clearly; do they need development? Also, I’ve been keepin’ thinking about Chloe’s character because she is the MC. Does she seem ‘just okay’ or ‘good’ ?

              3. Do the characters seem to have too much in common; do you think I need more variety?

              4. Do any parts feel a little rushed?

              5. Do the characters behave realistically?

              6. Is the setting ‘just okay’ or ‘good’ ?

              7. I know the story is still going, but are there any suggestions about the plot you have?

              8. Are the emotions played well?

              9. And finally, what do you think of the overall theme? So far, anyway? I’ve planned it to be sort of on the lines like don’t let your hopes carry you away from reality. So, there’s that.

              Thanks for your time!

              -Andrew

              "Muhahaha!"- Unknown Villain

              #83847
              E.B. Raulands
              @e-b-raulands

              @andrew
              I definitely want to go through these questions; hopefully I can get you some answers this week, if that works. (Do want the answers to cover all three chapters or just Chapter 3?)

              To the glory of God and for the advancement of His kingdom.

              #83915
              Andrew Schmidt
              @andrew

                @e-b-raulands: you don’t have to go through all the questions if you don’t feel like it. I’m not boxing you in. Any time would be great. And yes, I sorta wanted them to cover all three chapters. 🙂

                "Muhahaha!"- Unknown Villain

                #83916
                Veraza Winterknight
                @kari-karast

                @andrew

                I’ll try to get to it soon!!

                "You can dance with my henchman."

                #83917
                Andrew Schmidt
                @andrew

                  kari-karast: 😀

                  "Muhahaha!"- Unknown Villain

                  #83918
                  Andrew Schmidt
                  @andrew

                    @kari-karast: 😀

                     

                    Alert! Alert! Tag incorrect!

                    "Muhahaha!"- Unknown Villain

                    #83992
                    Warden
                    @nuetrobolt

                    @andrew, sorry, I’d love to help you out, but I won’t have time to answer your questions. Sorry!

                    Your story is yours and no one else's. Each sunset is different, depending where you stand. -A. Peterson

                    #83994
                    Warden
                    @nuetrobolt

                    I will say this though, in answer to question 2, I think the characters are clear and Chloe is a good main character.

                    Also, so far I don’t think I’ve seen much on that theme. I wouldn’t have guessed the theme was anything like that if you hadn’t told me, but I guess the story is only just begun.

                    The card game was cool, but it was long and kind of interrupted the story. I’m assuming it is some sort of foreshadowing or is important later on, but if not, I know it is cool, but I think you should have left it out or shortened it. But, that’s only if it isn’t important to the rest of the story.

                    I keep thinking the story is taking too long to get to Creation Day. It seemed like this holiday was coming up really soon, and it seemed like she should meet her sister soon, but of course that doesn’t really matter. I’m sure all these interruptions are important, and you are doing that purposefully. Anyways, that’s all I have to say!

                    Great story!

                    Your story is yours and no one else's. Each sunset is different, depending where you stand. -A. Peterson

                    #84038
                    Andrew Schmidt
                    @andrew

                      @nuetrobolt: okay, thank you!

                      I try to make everything have a purpose (including the card game), but if you still happen to think its going too slowly, let me know. I’m planning to have Creation’s Day in Chapter Five. There are still some things I need written in the story before the big, big event of the famous holiday Creation’s Day!

                      Perhaps it might’ve seemed slower because I spent more time in certain times of the story, rather than just skipping several days forward in the story over to Creation’s Day. That clear? Thanks!

                      – Andrew Schmidt

                      "Muhahaha!"- Unknown Villain

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